Harkham's Case
by Scarlettplay
Summary: AH, OOC. B/E. "If it's not Asperger's, then what is it?" Bella asked. Alice paused before answering, "We don't know what he has. He was the first documented case. For now, he's called Harkham's Case number one." Bella smiled as a tear leaked out. "Okay." But nothing was. This changed everything. Rated M for adult content even though it starts out in high school.
1. Chapter 1

**Chapter 1: Tactile Demands**

"Who's that?" Jessica asked, leaning over Bella's desk toward the new guy standing at the door of biology.

"I don't know, but it looks like he's taken, so you might as well get over him now," Bella answered, shoving her homework away. Jessica could copy off somebody else. Bella was sick of being used this way.

Jessica moved back to her seat, two rows down, but her eyes remained on that student.

The new guy was standing in the doorway, holding hands with a short, black-haired girl. She was whispering something into his ear with urgency, and he looked furious. His hand tightened on hers as she tried to propel him forward. He stubbornly buckled his legs.

It was kind of fun to watch since she was a tiny dark version of a Keebler Elf, and he was a red-haired version of the Jolly Green Giant. From Bella's vantage point at the top of the row, she could see the petite woman sweating with exertion, but it seemed to be more from mental exhaustion, rather than physical, though that looked rough too. He wasn't a mammoth guy really, just tall, but definitely fit like he was a runner or something.

"No. I can't. I won't," he said.

"You can. I'm going to bring you to your seat," his girlfriend told him.

He shook his head and looked about ready to burst into tears.

Suddenly the students near the middle of the aisle, scooted away from him as he was cajoled into moving up the middle of the row for the stadium seating-type of classroom.

But not Bella. She leaned toward them. "He can sit here," she said without thinking as she perched on her seat from the top level.

Bella pulled out the vacant seat next to her, and the struggling woman pointed to their right. "See? That's your seat right there. I bet you'll be able to see great from that spot since you're on the end of the row."

Bella noticed the way the woman talked to him—not like a girlfriend—but more like an authority figure.

It was really strange.

"I can't do this without you," he protested a little louder.

"You can too. It's only a forty minute class."

"Forty two," he corrected her.

"Okay, forty two. And I'll run right over here as soon as I'm done."

His brows scrunched together and his bottom lip trembled. "But who will hold my hand?"

He kept his eyes on the dark-haired woman as she managed to maneuver him into the seat.

She leaned over, kissed his cheek then patted it with her free hand.

"Hold your own hands." She smiled and it was so tender and filled with affection, Bella felt slightly uncomfortable witnessing it.

"How will I take notes then?" he asked as he wobbled in his chair.

Was he going to grab for her and make a bigger scene?

The woman pulled out her iPhone and set it at the outer corner of the table. "I'll record the lecture for you. Then you can transcribe the notes later."

She slipped her hand out of his, but he snatched it right back again.

"I don't like this classroom. It smells like too many numbers." He shivered.

"That's the point. The numbers like you, and they'll keep you happy." She stepped back and wiggled her hand free again. "I'm going now, but I'll be back soon. See how high you can count while I'm gone."

"It's gonna be really high," he said, and there was a small hint of amusement in his tone.

"I can't wait to hear what it is when I get back."

"Alice?" he called after her.

"Yeah?"

"I'll miss you." He folded his hands in his lap.

"I'll miss you too," she said then almost ran out the door.

Was she embarrassed?

The teacher finished writing the homework on the board and then the lecture began.

Bella noticed the iPhone wasn't recording, and his hands were shaking as he held them clasped in his lap.

She leaned forward, moved up and out of her seat to set it right for him.

"What are you doing?" the new guy barked.

"I'm pressing record for you so you don't have to let go of your hands," she explained.

He didn't make it easy as she leaned over him. In fact, her right breast brushed up against his arm twice as she maneuvered her body into awkward angles to get around him.

She finally got the iPhone set up and when she sat back down, he was staring straight at her with a blank expression.

Was he angry at her for touching _his_ Alice's stuff?

When she gazed back, the brightest, purest green eyes startled her. They were soft and grateful.

"I like you," he whispered, but it was a loud, scratchy whisper Bella was sure the whole class heard, including the teacher.

"Thank you," she whispered back, much quieter.

He smiled.

"Do you like me?" he asked.

"Uhhh . . . Sure."

She picked up her pencil and began tapping it. Her gaze went to the teacher, but for several minutes she was sure the boy next to her, seated on the right, was still focused entirely on her.

It was hard to take notes and concentrate with him doing that.

"What's your name?" he asked a few moments later; this time in a softer voice.

"Bella. What's yours?" She kept her eyes on the teacher. Not because she was being a dutiful student, though she usually was, but because this guy was gorgeous and totally disarming.

"Edward. Edward Masen, and I like you. You're nice." His folded hands landed with a soft thud on the their table.

"You're nice too, Edward." She cleared her throat, tucked her head down and her hair fell forward.

She was relieved to have something between them. A barrier helped her breathe.

"Ms. Swan, answer please," the teacher said in a gruff tone.

"It's umm . . ." Had he called her name? How did she miss that?

"It's pi, and the remainder is so tiny, it's not worth looking at," Edward answered for her.

"Well done, Mr. Masen," the teacher said with a smile. His eyes twinkled at the the new student.

Bella's eyes flashed over to her table-mate, expecting a grin. Instead, he was staring at her hands, and he looked as if he'd been doing it the entire time while he had answered the teacher's question relating to the lecture.

"You have nice hands," Edward said. This time he was quiet; she barely heard him.

"I do?" Her voice went up half an octave and her brow furrowed.

"I like it when girls have short nails instead of long fake ones. Alice always keeps her nice and short; neat and trim." He studied her hands further. It looked like he was working something out in his head with the way his eyes squinted and narrowed a little. "Can I hold one of them? Would that bother you?" He extended his left hand.

"No, I don't mind, but how will I take notes?" She realized after she blurted this dopey answer, that she _did_ in fact mind. What was he doing asking this of her when he had a girlfriend?

"We can swap seats since I write with my left hand and then you can write with your dominant one." He smiled in such a cheery way, her mind was wiped clean of objections.

"A-a-alright," she stammered.

They quickly swapped, and he moved with a grace and fluidity that seemed odd for somebody as tall as he was. He had to be over six feet by a few inches.

"There. I'm seated. Give me your hand, please," he said.

Her fingers flexed but she kept her hand steady as she extended it under the table toward him.

He took it with almost a greedy attitude; tucking it into his side, under his arm. His bicep clamped down over their conjoined hands and she wondered if she'd ever see that left hand of hers again.

His unusual handholding was not as baffling as when he angled his body away from her like he didn't want to be anywhere near her. And his chair at some point was scooted farther away as well.

Did she smell bad? Did he think she was ugly to look at?

Question after question flooded her brain through the remainder of the class. When the bell rang, he sprung up from his desk and tightened his hold on her hand.

"It's lunch time," he said.

"Not for me. I have lunch fifth period," she said.

"I'll go get that changed for you." He tugged on her hand, she managed to grab her backpack, and then he started leading her down the large steps.

"I can't change my schedule for you; you have a girlfriend," she finally spoke her concern aloud.

He turned abruptly, swinging around in a wild way and faced her with their noses only two inches apart. "You could be my girlfriend."

"I . . . I, um . . ." She had to look away from his piercing green eyes. It was like looking into a mesmerizing, hypnotic emerald that would hold her spellbound.

He marched her out the door and straight to the office.

Edward bypassed the two students waiting in line to talk to the office secretary.

"I need to see my guidance counselor now. It's an emergency," Edward told her.

"Oh my . . . And you are?"

"I'm new here, and my name's Edward Masen. I need to see Mr. Perez right away." Edward tucked Bella's hand that was almost knotted permanently with his, back under his arm again. It was warm there, but they looked like a couple of nutballs.

The secretary did as he asked and Bella's jaw hung open. How did he do that?

Within moments they were in the guidance counselor's office and Bella was barely able to speak a word, let alone take a solid breath. Edward was like a tornado in the middle of the desert—whipping up a cloud of dust so thick nobody could see and she was definitely disoriented.

"I'm sorry, young man, I can't change her lunch. She's locked in based on her electives," the counselor said.

"But we have to have lunch together. See!" Edward pulled her hand out and when their entwined hands were in front of Mr. Perez's face, Edward took a huge breath and Bella swore she could see his ribs almost reaching out for her hand, begging them to return.

"See what?" Mr. Perez stared and blinked—nothing more.

"I have to hold her hand. I feel safe when people I like hold my hand or touch me. I like her. My sister, Alice, she's sick of doing that for me like I'm a baby. I need Bella to give her a break."

Bella's eyes went wide. _Sister?_ And whoa! Who said anything about her giving his sister a break for anything? This almost sounded like a full-time position he was putting her in.

"I'm not—" she began.

Edward tucked her hand back in again. He'd make an excellent mother hen—enfolding his little chicks under his wings. But that was hardly the point . . .

"I need you," Edward said, shutting her up. "Please, Mr. Perez. I've got a note in my file. It should be in the computer. I have a disorder. And this helps me get through the day here without an episode."

Mr. Perez typed in a few things and then was instantly busy reading. Bella seized the opportunity to ask Edward a few questions.

"Alice is your sister; not your girlfriend?"

Edward smiled and nodded like it was about time she caught on, but there something very child-like and sincere about it. His eyes shimmered with adoration, not condescension. He was being patient with her.

When did _she_ become the lost one here? She had been attending this school for three years now. She was a senior, and as such, she knew how things went around here. So how did Edward make her feel lost within a few moments?

"And you guys hold hands to help you out?" she continued.

He nodded once more.

"How does it help you?"

"I get agitated and nervous. Skin-to-skin contact soothes the nervous system, quieting my responses so I feel safe and can concentrate. I tested your hand. It works. It's a nice one. I'd like to hold it more. And lunch time would be good, because I get really jittery in large cafeterias filled with girls staring at me."

Bella shook her head. "I bet they stare. What about guys? It doesn't bother you if they stare?"

"No. They don't like me. They only give me nasty looks if their girlfriend is looking at me. I ignore those ones though." He turned toward Mr. Perez like he was done answering her questions.

Had her time expired?

And what was this disorder? It sounded almost made up.

"Oh, I see. Yeah, um . . . Let me just . . ." Mr. Perez said while typing away. A moment later his eyes rose to meet Edward's. Then he continued on in a more coherent way, "I'm changing your schedule, not hers. You have more flexibility. Of course, it means you'll be in less of your sister's classes but in more of Bella's."

"Show me," Edward said.

Mr. Perez seemed fine with Edward's curt, demanding tone, and printed out the schedule then placed it in Edward's free hand.

Bella could barely make out there were some notes the counselor had added at the bottom of the printed out schedule change for any teacher Edward gave this list to.

"These are a step down intellectual-wise, but it'll be good for me," Edward said, approving. "Thank you. My father might call you with a few words, but I'm sure I can convince him this is for the best. Lunch hour is the most important for me." And a second later, Edward strung her out the door behind him and walked at a pace no mortal teenage girl could match.

She stumbled along behind him until they bumped into a crying Alice.

"Edward! Where were you? I was so worried. I was looking for you everywhere! I was about to call Dad!" Alice pulled him into a tight hug and seemed oblivious to Edward and Bella's conjoined hand up against his side.

It seemed Bella was going to be chained to this boy whether she wanted to or not.

**A/N:**

**Here's your warning. I let my imigination get away with me on this one, so if you're gonna read this one, you might want to have an open mind... Also, there are no hardcore lemons. This story isn't about that. There are limes, but that's it; hope that doesn't disappoint.**

**Thank you so much!**

**Scarlett**


	2. Chapter 2

**Chapter 2: Seating Arrangements**

"So?" Alice asked after releasing him from the tight hug.

"I'm going to class now," Edward said.

"Where were you?" Alice asked again.

"I was at the office. I changed my schedule so I could be at lunch with Bella. So right now, even though I'm really hungry, I'm not going to complain and I'm going with her to English class." He held out the updated schedule to Alice.

"Why did you do this?" Alice cried. "How am I supposed to look out for you if you're not in any of my classes anymore?"

"We still have two classes together." He took the paper back.

Bella was impressed with how he managed to do all sorts of things with her hand glued to his side. He almost acted like it was natural—like it had always been there.

The really odd part? It felt normal to her too.

"We'll talk about this tonight at dinner. You see how it goes today, but if you need me, you have my number," Alice said, shooting Bella a nasty look, then left.

Edward turned to Bella and shock clouded his eyes like he wasn't expecting a body to be attached to the hand.

"Do you hate me already?" he asked, his shoulders rolled forward and he hunched down. They were almost face-to-face.

"No, I . . ." She bit her bottom lip, swiped her bangs out of her eyes. "I'm trying to figure out what's going on, that's all."

"I'm not good at explaining stuff. All you need to know is I need to touch a person I trust, then things are fine. If you're okay with that then we should get to class. I don't like being late. It makes me see those numbers."

"What num—"

"Class?" he asked, cutting her off.

"Will you explain to me later?"

"Probably not. But you can ask Alice. She likes to talk—a lot. And especially about me to anybody who will listen." His legs took off again and Bella barely kept up once more. It would probably benefit her if she got some of those shoes with the wheels on the bottom of them—then he could drag her more easily since that seemed to be his goal.

She should have been incensed he was treating her like a dog on a leash, but she kind of found it endearing. Those lines in his brow, the scowl he gave people that got in his way, and the way he kind of surrounded her like a protective bubble, made her heart race.

He was adorable, though a little too intense. She was used to calm, laid back, eccentric people; not people with a way of aligning the planets to their specification because it made them more comfortable.

Edward was by far the most interesting person she'd ever met. If you could even call what happened in biology "meeting." It was more of a quick nod, a grunting of words and then a whirlwind of activity she was kind of dragged into with no say.

He pulled her into their honors Senior English class, and without asking her where she normally sat since the school was now into the third week of school, he picked a spot at the back that was as secluded as possible.

Her chair was pulled out and he tried to set her in it. He had actually let go of her hand and placed his hands on her arms so he could manipulate her at will.

This was when her blood finally burst to full roiling, and it thrust her into action. "I don't think so. I'm not sitting here, and you are not going to put me in my seat like we're living in the Middle Ages. I'm not your little woman to command." Her eyes narrowed and her lips sealed shut as her fists landed on her hips.

"Oh no! Did I hurt you? I don't know my own strength sometimes," he replied and tried once more, albeit more gently, to put her in her seat.

"Stop it!" she said, pulling out of his grip.

His eyes went wide and his back curved like he was shrinking in on himself. This tall guy was disappearing before her eyes.

The next second he was chanting math equations over and over.

"Bella, what's wrong? Is this guy touching you?" one of her classmates, Mike, asked. He approached them, and the second he contacted Edward by lightly shoving him out of the way, Edward erupted in a series of shrieking math numbers.

"Pi multiplied by—" Edward howled even louder as Mike reached out to ouch him again.

Bella smacked Mike's arm away. "Don't touch him! Only his sister and I can do that!" she screamed at Mike then turned to the emotionally crippled guy in front of her. His bronze hair was all she could see since his whole chin was now tucked into his chest and his arms were wrapped around his torso while he took on a protective stance.

"Edward, it's me . . . Bella. I'm gonna touch you now. Don't yell, okay?"

He kept chanting with a wild, piercing edge to his voice.

The minute her hand landed on his shoulder, he sunk into a squat and curled his whole body into a ball. His caterwauling subsided into murmurs, but the numbers were still being spoken.

She squatted down next to him and rubbed his back. He started rocking back and forth to the rhythm of her strokes.

"Please, what can I do? Can you look at me and tell me? I want to help," she whispered.

He shook his head no.

Bella glanced up at Mike. "Can you go find his sister, Alice. She'll know what to do," she told him.

He nodded.

The teacher stepped into the room and seemed oblivious to the ball of a man huddled in the back corner with Bella trying to coax him back to life.

"No!" Edward hollered and suddenly scrambled to his seat like his life would end if Alice joined them. "Don't do that. Just go away!"

Mike shrugged and went back to his seat.

Bella was unsure if Edward was talking to both her and Mike or only Mike. She took a tentative step toward the seat next to Edward and asked, "Can I sit here next to you?"

He sat motionless and absolutely quiet. It reminded her of a sentinel, guarding something.

Maybe he was. Maybe he was guarding his heart and his emotions. He seemed to have a surplus of them at times.

Bella took his lack of response to mean she could sit there.

Her bottom lip tucked into her teeth as she went about trying to make sense of it all and acting like everything was back to normal.

It wasn't. Nothing was normal. Not anymore—not since Edward had crashed his way into her life.

As a gesture of goodwill and charity, she extended her hand out on their table with her palm up.

With lightning speed, he took it and placed it right back in that spot he had it stuck to before she protested.

Her heart swelled, knowing he still wanted her to help him.

The teacher maneuvered his way over to them. "I think you two need to go to the office," he said.

"Why?" Bella asked. She wore a blank expression as if nothing amiss happened at all.

"I don't allow outbursts like that, and I have no idea who this student is," he answered and pointed at Edward.

"He got his schedule changed." Bella leaned over and grabbed the paper Edward had at some point settled on the desk in front of the spot where he wanted to be and now sat. "Everything's in order, and we're behaving now. We simply had a moment of adjustment, that's all." She smiled but it felt false to her and probably resembled more of a grimace.

The teacher read the schedule and the note at the bottom from the counselor, explaining the reason for the change.

"If this is your boyfriend, and you're planning to sit by him, I have to remind you—hand-holding is fine, but I don't want to see any funny business back here between you two." The teacher glared at Edward.

"He's not my boyfriend," she blurted.

"But I want to be," Edward added.

Her head slowly cranked in his direction and she looked at him with wide eyes and an opened jaw. What. Did. He. Say?

The things that came out of his mouth . . .

"Fine. Behave and we'll all get along just fine," the teacher pronounced and went back to the front of the classroom.

"I liked sitting in the front. This is my favorite class," Bella mumbled to herself.

"The lights at the front are too blinding. They've brightened throughout the day, and the megahertz are—"

"Okay, I get it. We need to sit here. It's fine. But I do plan to participate even from back here in our cave," she informed him.

"I don't like CFL's," he tacked on at the end of their conversation.

Bella sunk into her chair and figured taking notes was superfluous for this class anyway. She knew the literature since she was a bookworm and studied the classics for fun.

They were reading Jane Eyre, and it was doubtful this teacher could provide any kind of decent insight she didn't already know since she'd read it three times.

The rest of the class, Edward was silent but there were a few times she felt his fingers kind of caressing and he even patted the back of her hand and then gently squeezed it. Those actions made her fingers tingle and she would inadvertently wind up kneading his side and ribs. It certainly was warm and cozy—that spot he intended to keep their hands.

And he smelled terrific, so it wasn't likely her hand was going to stink like a sweaty teenage boy's armpit or something if she ever got it back.

When the bell rang, Edward remained sitting with a stoic look on his face.

"It's lunch time," she reminded him.

"I know."

"Are we going then?"

"No."

She nudged his leg. "Why not? Aren't you hungry?"

"You'll ditch me." His head sagged forward but he looked up at her through his lashes. "You're already sick of me. I'm trying your patience."

"It's fine. I don't mind that you have some preferences," she said. She offered a kind smile.

"You really don't mind?"

"No. It's nice to be needed sometimes." She nudged his leg once more and stood up.

He rose slowly after her but his head stayed down.

"Why don't I lead the way this time? But I'll let you pick where we sit, okay?" she offered.

"You really won't leave me alone in there? Cafeterias are vile places," he said, and his lips trembled.

She took his other hand and faced him straight on. This hand was ice-cold. "Why would I leave my good friend, Edward, that likes to be with me? I don't have a ton of friends, so I'm always happy to have more."

He swallowed and gave a brief hint of a nod.

She let go of his hand and reached for her backpack she had barely been able to secure the last few times he took off.

"I'll carry that for you from now on. It's the least I could do since I'm such a social cripple." He snatched it out of her hands.

"I've got it," she said, reaching for it to take it back.

He swung it behind him and a look of utter devastation crossed his eyes. "I want to help you too. And if this is all I can offer you, then you're going to let me!"

"Oh . . . If you . . . Okay." She had no idea what to do or say around him. She swallowed and her breathing shallowed. He looked dangerous all at once.

It was like a strange cross though between a man ingrained with manners, ready to cut down anybody that acted unseemly, but the chivalry ended there, because he bossed like he didn't care about anybody else's opinions but his own.

It was a dichotomy that fascinated her: her protector and simultaneous persecutor.

Was this what it was like in the renaissance? A man there to defend her, but who also made her every choice for her? It was freeing in a way, but also burdensome. She was an independent girl, and she needed to be able to do some things for herself.

She was going to have to speak up about this soon before it got even more out of hand . . .


	3. Chapter 3

**Chapter 3: Food Discrepancies**

"We're sitting by that window. I need the natural light. When it's cooler outside in a month, we'll sit outside," Edward said.

Bella chuckled. "You're certainly good at expressing your feelings about things. Most guys're unable to do that."

He beamed at her. "Really? I'm good at that?"

"You are," she said, her smile growing wider.

An urge to kiss his cheek hit her, but she turned away and pulled him into a small line to get some food.

"This is healthy stuff," he intoned.

"Yeah? So? It's the salad bar," she said.

"I'm not vegetarian. I need protein to build muscles and keep my energy levels up, otherwise I can't focus," he said, pulling away and taking her with him.

She stopped him by yanking back. "Well, I eat a salad for lunch. I'm not necessarily vegetarian, but the meat dishes here are swimming in unhealthy fats and they have unnecessary sugar." She leaned back and locked her knees so he couldn't haul her off. "I can't eat that crap."

"Why not? It tastes good." He stared at her like she was a monster.

"I don't like to talk about it." She frowned. "Why don't you let go of my hand, go get what you want to eat, and then we'll meet back at the table you picked out."

His hand shook in hers. "I don't wanna let go."

"You can do it. It'll be for five minutes or less. I promise, I'll go straight to our table after I get my salad and drink."

She was able to take her hand back in a slow, gentle way so she wouldn't startle or offend him.

He started to mumble the twelves multiplication table to himself under his breath.

"Edward," she reached out and stroked his cheek with the back of her hand, "I don't abandon my friends—and you are my friend. Trust me. You can do this." She smiled and he reciprocated with a frightened, but genuine smile as well, but he angled the lower half of his body away from her. "Go."

Was she scaring him? He seemed torn with the way his body was all twisted in half.

"Alice says I need friends and it's okay to trust them."

"Alice is as smart as she is pretty."

He stepped back. "You think another girl is pretty? Are you homosexual?"

She laughed. "Not the last time I checked. But I can admit when another person of the same sex is attractive without it meaning I want to . . . Never mind."

She cut herself off because his whole face scrunched in confusion.

"It's not a big deal. I'll meet you at the table in five minutes." She shooed him away with her hand.

"I'll be counting the seconds," he said.

And she realized that statement was a fact, not a rhetorical type of musing, so she hustled to get her food. There were things she needed to take care of before he was at her side again.

When she sat down, he wasn't nearby. She sighed with relief as she slipped out her homemade salad dressing from her bag and added a little bit of chicken to her dish that she brought from home. The chunks were pushed down to the bottom of her bowl so he wouldn't see them and make a fuss about it, which would result in asked questions she was uncomfortable answering.

Normally, she would have already started eating as she waited for one of her few friends, Angela, to join her, but today, it seemed wise to wait for him. No telling how he'd react if she began without him.

He might spout off new equations that related on how to break the sound barrier. And knowing him, he would be louder in this room that carried acoustics as he would have been able to if he had total control of the PA system.

Edward sat down next to her with one swift move and grappled her hand back into his.

This time he had her right hand, so she would have to eat left-handed.

Oh well. It was fine—if it kept him happy and at ease, then she'd do it without insisting he give her the freedom she needed to do what _she_ was comfortable with.

He began eating with zeal. It seemed he liked Mexican food, because he was demolishing his taco salad with frightening speed.

She always liked Mexican food too. In fact, she loved those greasy taco salads with the flour tortilla bowl shaped shell, but she knew what it would do to her.

"Hiya," Angela said and joined them at their table.

"Hi," Bella answered. "Angela, this is Edward. He's a new student here. This is his first day."

Edward ignored Angela and continued to eat like he could never get enough food in his gut.

Angela eyed the disappearance of Bella's hand under Edward's arm.

"Don't ask," Bella mouthed the words to her friend.

"So, how was English today? Mine was a bitch! Our teacher's making us study Hamlet. I hate that story!" Angela said. "It's so confusing, not to mention depressing as hell."

"Hamlet's a metaphor for any age. It's told with brilliance. If you don't get Hamlet and Ophelia's plight, then you really don't get the way this world works," Edward piped in.

Angela chuckled and relaxed into her chair. "Yeah, that's what my dad says too. Sounds like you two are drinking the same water."

"Does he have an RO system rigged into the sink in your kitchen? That's what my dad installed in our house, and I'm only allowed to drink that. He won't let me drink soda, and it's not really fair since Alice and Emmett drink it all the time."

Angela blinked and her mouth popped open slightly. "Bummer."

Bella took a deep breath and changed the subject. "Edward's a math whiz. Anytime we need help with our calculus studies, I'm sure he'd be happy to tutor us." She really had no idea if this was true or not, but it seemed a logical assumption since he liked to ramble numbers when he was agitated.

She nudged his arm, hinting he should agree.

He was oblivious and kept eating.

This boy was gonna be the reason she had a breakdown before the end of the school day. She just knew it. Her stomach was clenched in knots.

"Sounds great. I always need help with my math. I'm determined to pass it so I can get the college credit for it," Angela said.

"Who's the hotty?" a female voice traveled from behind Bella.

She glanced over her shoulder. "Oh, hi, Jessica."

Jessica joined them at their table, and that was unusual for her. Usually she sat with Mike and his dough-head jock friends.

Bella's entire insides tightened worse when she saw the way Jessica was leering at him from across the table.

"Her name's Bella. And I think she's hot too," Edward answered.

Bella hiccuped a laugh. "She was talking about you."

"I thought you said girls could think other people of the same sex are attractive. Isn't that what she's doing—observing how pretty you are?" He blinked twice and then peered deep in Bella's eyes like he was searching for answers that eluded him.

"Jess knows who I am. We've known each other for years. You're the new one here. And yes, she can think another girl is pretty, but that's not what she was doing. She wanted to know who _you_ are." Bella scratched her chin on her shoulder since he still had her hand soldered to his ribs. "Edward, this is Jessica. Jess, this is Edward." She turned back to her lunch.

"Well, which is it?" he asked.

"Which is what?" Jessica's brow crinkled.

"Your name? Is it Jessica or Jess? I want to know so when I address you, I get it right. I don't like being embarrassed in social situations," he clarified.

Jessica's spine stiffened in her seat and she leaned back a little as a V in her brow deepened. Her eyebrows almost looked Vulcan. "Are you for real? Nobody talks like this."

"Like what? With manners and using correct grammar. Just because I'm a teenager doesn't mean I should slaughter the English language," he came back at her.

Jessica snorted a laugh. "Oh my God, you are too cute for words! Bella, he's smart and gorgeous. I want some of that." She reached her hand over the table. "You can hold my hand instead."

Edward ignored her offer. "I need one hand free to eat, and Bella's hand fits my requirements."

"And mine don't?" Jessica asked, her voice going up in pitch.

"No. You have long painted nails, you wear a lot of scratchy rings, and I don't think you really like me." He took a hefty bite.

"I can take my rings off. And I do like you." Her eyes turned fearful.

He refused to answer until he'd chewed his food thoroughly and swallowed. Then he said, "Long nails."

"They're fake. I can get rid of them tonight."

"I detest fake nails. Do you know what that toxic glue does to your nail bed, and not to mention, what it does to your brain cells?"

_What brain cells?_ Bella thought and giggled to herself. Jessica wasn't known for her smarts. She was known as the girl who could get any guy in the school she wanted. Her tight revealing clothes were a part of that equation.

"Does it matter? I'm stopping tonight. You'll see. Tomorrow, I'll be ready for you." Jessica smiled but her eyes held a different emotion—pure hunger, and not for food.

"So far, you only have one class with me. Bella's in five of my classes, and my sister's in two, so my hand holding schedule-card is full." He took another forkful and lifted it to his lips. "But maybe at a sporting even I might consider it."

"Wonderful!" Jessica burst with joy. "I'll hold you to that, and I'll look for you at the next football game in the bleachers."

"If I attend. Those are almost as bad as cafeterias," he said so quietly Bella wasn't sure Jess heard it.

Not like she'd listen to him anyway. Once that girl had her mind set to have a guy, she didn't rest 'til she won.

And right now, it looked like Jessica was already formulating plans in her head.

.

.

Edward stepped out of the locker room into the gymnasium, tugging at his ridiculously tiny shorts for his PE uniform.

Alice waved him over.

"How was lunch?"

"It was good. Bella's hands are soft and pliable," he said.

"I think she likes you, Edward." She smiled at her brother with approval.

"She said I'm her friend, and she doesn't mind if I hold her hand like that."

"I mean, I think she's got a crush on you, and I knew that would happen, what with your looks and height and everything. Just watch out, okay. She seems nice enough, but you never know . . . I don't want you to get hurt." She glanced around at the room, probably gauging the girl's stares in his direction.

"Another girl wants to hold my hand. Her name is Jessica and Jess."

The other students began stretching, preparing for basketball warm-ups. Nobody paid any attention to them.

She laughed. "_Who?_"

"Hey, handsome, you should be perfect for this . . . With how tall you are," Jessica said, wandering over to them.

"Hi, Jessica and Jess," he greeted her.

"You _are_ an odd duck, but eccentric can be good," Jessica purred. "Call me anything you like. Most guys call me baby. I don't mind."

"Edward's _not_ most guys." Alice turned to him. "You'll call her Jessica and nothing else." She took hold of his hand with a defiant look in her eyes.

Jessica stepped around them to his other side and when she reached for his other hand, his whole body swung away from her.

The next thing he knew . . . Alice was on the ground and Jessica was lurching after him. He tried to get away, but he was worried he'd trample his sister.

So, instead, he froze and chanted formulas for the volumes of the different types of triangles. The numbers exploded in his head when a hand slipped into his.

They took over, all of them, and he yelled each one to get them out of his brain.

The hand squeezed tighter, and his voice grew bolder.

He went from formulas to quadratic equations within moments.

" . . . Stop it . . . Won't let you . . ." He heard bits and pieces of Alice trying to get whoever was touching him to quit doing it.

It didn't work.

The hand was firmly gripped inside his and the other hand of the person was cupped over their joined hands while some opposing force tried to pull it from him.

His voice escalated to piercing pitch and the numbers spewed out of him while his body shook. His vision blurred.

A moment later he was curling in on himself.

"No, no, no! Get off him, you stupid bitch!" Alice screeched.

The flesh contacting his was finally yanked away, and Alice stood in front of him begging him to do something, but he couldn't understand what she was saying. Her voice was drowned out by the numbers.

He closed his eyes and wrapped his arms around his torso so he could breathe.

The tighter his arms held him, the quieter the numbers were, but they still superseded everything else around him.

Feet shuffled around him and voices echoed in the corners of his ears, but they were indecipherable.

As he slipped into that state where there was nothing but numbers, out of nowhere, a soothing voice called out to him. "If I take your hand and stay with you, you have to behave, Edward. I'm here for you, but you need to calm down."

He glanced up. She was here!

The numbers flashed before his eyes, but grew to a whisper in his head.

He blinked to clear them away completely.

"Are you Bella?"

She smiled. "I am. And you're Edward, my friend."

"I don't have any friends." His heart froze. She didn't really like him. The only reason Bella was here was because he had gotten so bad Alice needed help, and she must not have been able to find Emmett.

But when Bella took his hand, it beat again, and the numbers dissolved completely.

"You do now, because we both like each other, so that makes us friends." Bella's voice was softer than her hand.

The coach stood behind Bella and the rest of the students were backed up against the walls with Jessica gloating to some friends about something.

"He's okay now," Alice said.

"Should he sit out the games?" the coached asked.

"No. He likes basketball, and he's pretty good at it. Once he gets going, he won't even remember what happened. We just need to make sure nobody touches him outside of regular contact through the game," she said.

The coach agreed but looked reluctant.

"I think maybe I should stay," Bella said.

Edward's hand was detached from his body—had to be, because the rest of him was warm, but her hand was fire, melting ice. It was magic the way her soul melted through his skin, seeped into his veins and she became a part of him.

"He's fine now. You can go," Alice told Bella.

"I need her to stay," Edward spoke up.

"You'll need both hands to play ball," Alice argued, stepping into his view.

He stared only at Bella though. The way her big beautiful brown eyes glimmered in the horrific gym lighting was nothing short of amazing. "I'm gonna sit out with Bella. She's going to talk to me, because that's what friends do." He blinked quickly so as not to miss a moment of her riveting gaze.

There was something there he'd never seen before. A true desire to be with him. There was a lack of judgment there. She was a good soul, and he needed that in his life. He never knew how much until now. It was surfacing from his blood to his skin, warming him from the inside out.

"I'll stay. Can you make sure my History teacher knows?" Bella asked the coach.

"I'll see to it." Coach called for Jessica to come over, and Edward immediately scuttled back behind Bella and shrank about three inches.

"She's not gonna touch you," Alice reassured him.

"But she's looking at me _that_ way," he said, cowering behind both Bella and Alice.

"I have an idea," Bella said. Her eyes were bright and luminous when she turned around to face him.

"Yes, let's do it," he agreed before even hearing what it was.

"You don't even know what it—" Alice began but stopped because right then, Bella moved to kiss Edward's cheek.

He turned at the last moment and made sure that kiss didn't land on his cheek—but on his mouth.

It was short and nothing to really throw a parade over for most people, but two things resulted from that small, seemingly insignificant action.

One—Jessica was no longer smirking. She was downright glaring at Bella with her hands in fists, stiff at her sides. The attention was off him, and on her.

Two—Edward's sore spot on his body, tripled in intensity, and he was glad it did. It would give him something to concentrate on other than keeping the numbers at bay.

Although . . . Running was gonna be difficult with how sore he was already . . . Because now he was determined to play ball so she could see he could be normal. He could function and be like other ordinary high school guys.

This was twice today he got sore. Biology, kind of at lunch when she touched his cheek, but the kiss was by far the strongest.

What did it mean?

He'd ask Emmett tonight.


	4. Chapter 4

**Chapter 4: Timelines**

When the school day ended, Bella wondered how she'd gotten through it. It was like she ran a marathon without ever preparing in advance, only this one had hurdles made of four-inch-thick brick walls. When she hit those, and it was only a matter of time before she did, it was gonna sting like a mother.

She dragged herself out to the old decrepit red Jeep, and before she hopped in, she took a minute to light up.

Nobody would notice or care if she smoked a quick one before she got in and left.

The parking lot was crowded with tons of students, and the faculty rarely paid attention because at this point, they were dying to be free of these angst-ridden teens.

"Bella!" some female voice shouted.

Bella stuffed the cigarette back in her bag, unlit.

Damn it. She really needed one, and if she smoked in the Jeep her mom would kill her.

"Wait up! Can I get a ride home?" Alice called after her.

Bella turned to find Alice all alone.

"Where's Edward?" Bella's pulse took off like a rocket was fueling it. Was he okay? Who was looking after him? Did he have another episode? Oh my God! They took him away to the hospital, didn't they? Her eyes stung with unshed tears.

But why? She barely knew him, and he made her day crazy, although she couldn't deny it was interesting.

"He's with Emmett, our brother. They're lifting weights and they'll go to football practice after." Alice slowed from a jog to a light skip until she reached her.

Alice's face radiated relief and goodness. It was obvious she cared about her brother, but cherished the moments she had without him.

For some asinine reason, Bella envied her.

"So, how about it? Can I get a lift?"

"Sure," Bella answered without thinking. "And maybe you can explain some of what went on today."

"I'd love to," she tinkled like wind-chimes—her voice like a song in the breeze.

Bella wrenched the sticky passenger door open and let Alice get in before she shoved it closed using all of her weight. All one-hundred forty-five pounds of her weight. _Twenty-five to go_ . . .

"First, can you tell me how he did in your English class? He said it was fine, which means it's probably not. I want to hear it from you," Alice started.

Bella turned over the engine and backed out of her parking spot before she began recounting the events.

"Well, similar to what I saw of him in he gym, except . . . It wasn't because a girl touched him, it was a because a guy did. It was Mike."

"Mike who?"

Bella scratched her chin. "Mike, you know, the big guy on the varsity football team. I can't think of his last name. He tries to talk to me sometimes, but it's only to make Jessica Stanley jealous."

"Oh, I know who you're talking about. He's an idiot," Alice said with a chuckle. "Emmett hates that guy. He said he's the worst quarterback ever." Alice paused, cocked her head. "That bastard! He's picking on Edward to get to Emmett!"

"I really don't think that's what it wa—"

"I'm gonna put a dead pig in his bed, since he's one himself!" Alice mumbled a few choice expletives that Bella ignored.

"Do you want to hear my version of things or not?" Bella interrupted her mini-tirade.

"Yeah." Alice's eyes flew open for a fraction of a second and her neck kinked back then righted itself.

She was shocked somebody was being assertive? What did she expect when her mouth was going a mile a minute and she was rude enough to give Bella anything but the answers she deserved?

"Well, I was trying to help Edward out because you forgot to press record on the iPhone." Alice's hand flew to her mouth. "Don't worry. It was taken care of, and he's got it in his pocket. Or at least that's where he put it after class between all the chaos that took place." Bella sucked at explaining this. It was kind of a jumbled up mess in her memory after all she went through today.

"What happened?" She punctuated each word like Bella was telling her the scariest story ever.

"I guess it was my fault. He asked if he could hold my hand, and I said he could." What to tell her now? "We had to switch seats, and I don't know, some time in there, Mike asked if Edward was touching me and bothering me, but before I could answer, he kind of tossed Edward out of the way."

"He did not!"

"Mmhmm, but after that I made sure nobody touched him. He started saying some math formulas and stuff and then he balled himself up, but I—"

"This is worse than I thought!" Alice's hands flew up in the air. "I told Dad he wasn't ready for this. This is the third time. Three times and he's out. I told him. Give him another month, then enroll him. But does anybody in this stupid family listen to me? No!"

"Alice, what the hell is wrong with him?"

Alice turned and glared with so much malice, Bella actually shrank and pressed her back up against her door.

"You better rephrase that," Alice gritted.

"Sorry, but I know he's got some . . ." she paused to phrase it better this time ". . . disabilities. I saw Mr. Perez wrote some kind of notes at the bottom of his new schedule for the teachers. I just want to know—what did it say?"

"You think he's stupid. Already, you're putting him in with kids that have mental handicaps," Alice said with a snort. "Why do I bother with you people?" She shook her head.

"I am not! Look! I've got a lot of problems too; God knows I'm not a saint, but I don't think anything like that of him. He's crazy brilliant—anybody can see that. But there's some kind of disconnect going on. Does he have some form of Asperger's?" She felt stupid asking that. All she knew of Asperger's was from her sad tiny stint of reading Nicholas Spark's novels. _Dear John_ was not a source to quote on this sensitive topic. Alice would probably kick her ass if she mentioned Channing Tatum.

"No. Nothing like that." Alice stared out the front window, her gaze transfixed.

Was she seeing something Bella didn't?

Bella squinted but all looked normal. "Well, if it's not Asperger's, then what is it?"

Alice paused before answering and gripped the door handle. "We don't know what he has. He was the first documented case. For now, he's called Harkham's Case number one."

Bella smiled as a tear leaked out. "Okay." But nothing was. This changed everything. He really wasn't normal.

"He needs you, Bella; I'm not sure why or how he even decided that was the case. It took years before he'd let Dad touch him."

Bella pulled over on the side of the road. "Years? His own father?" She pulled out her cigarette. Damn her mom and these stupid smoking rules. Without giving a damn how Alice felt about it, she rolled down the window and lit up.

"Carlisle's not his biological father. It's complicated," Alice said, turning her head to look out her side window.

Maybe the cigarette offended her. Tough! She was going to answer.

"Okay, it's complicated. Whose family isn't?"

"Ours is more than the Brady Bunch. There's no laughs when somebody breaks their nose from a football, because Edward can be taken away from us, and we're all he has left."

Bella took a long drag and tossed the rest of the cigarette out the window then put the window back up. She gripped Alice's arm. "Tell me. He's dragged me into this—I need to know."

Alice turned back to her, tears in her eyes. Bella released her arm. "Edward's three years older than me. We share the same mom. When he was twelve she walked out on him and never returned. He doesn't remember that day, but I do. Even though I was nine—I remember like it happened yesterday. He was a mess. We have no idea where she went. My dad had already been discussing adoption of Edward, but after she left he was unsure if he should proceed or not. He contacted Edward's father, but that man couldn't take him back. His real dad didn't even know him anymore. His parents divorced when he was a toddler. Apparently it was too much for Anthony Masen—Edward was a difficult child to deal with."

Bella snorted a laugh.

"You think he's clingy now? He insisted on being held in-arms at all time in public until he was six!"

Bella's face fell. "How did your family cope?"

"I already told you how his dad bailed. Mom was really patient with him, but then at the age of twelve, she snapped. He seemed to stop progressing emotionally. Intellectually, he was smarter than her. Smarter than all of us, but he was hard to reason with. That's what you're dealing with now. A twelve-year-old trapped in a rocket scientist's mind and in a teenage boy's body, pumped full of hormones. When he gets upset, it triggers, and he can only think in terms of absolutes."

"Math."

"Math," Alice confirmed with a nod.

"Makes sense I suppose. If he feels unsure of himself, he turns to facts he knows are concrete." She pulled the car back out on the road and started driving again. "Let me make sure I understand this—your mom carried him around all the time in public until he was six since he wouldn't allow your dad to touch him?"

"Yep." She popped her P. "I think you can imagine we didn't take him out much."

Bella ignored the last statement. "And does he allow your brother to touch him?"

"Yeah. He asks for it at times but Emmett dislikes it in public. He puts up with it though because it beats the alternative of Edward exploding."

Alice gave her some quick directions on how to get to her home.

The rest of the ride Bella spent in silence. Her mind was traveling faster than the car.

"Just so you know . . . When he's curled up in a ball, it's usually too late. You must be special or a natural to be able to get him out of that."

"Too late for what?" Bella parked the car in front of a lavish, expansive house.

It was easily twice the size of Bella's home.

"Too late for what comes next. After he crashes and caves in on himself, then he trashes the place. He's been known to set fire to things too." Alice opened the car door and hopped out. "I hope you're not afraid of him though. He never intentionally hurts anybody. He's never left a mark on me, and I'm so dumb I get between him and danger all the time." She smiled. "Bye!"

"Wait!" She sucked in a deep breath. "Alice, you've gotta give me your phone number. I'm sure I'll have more questions, and there might be times I get stuck and don't know how to help him."

Alice's grin spread. "So you'll try to keep helping him then?"

"Of course. Why wouldn't I?"

"Because he's got a serious crush on you. That kind of freaks girls out."

Bella laughed as she thought about Jessica. "I heard you came from a small town. Somebody told me that in passing in the hallway when Edward wasn't with me. Welcome to Phoenix—land of the heat-induced, brain-dead crazies. I've lived here all my life. Believe me when I say . . . I've seen it all. And most of that is due to my mother and her psycho friends."

Alice held out her hand for Bella's phone, which she gladly handed over. She typed in her phone number then passed it back.

"I really hope you realize his friendship is an amazing gift."

"I think I do," Bella said then bit her lip, worried she was already screwing this up. What did she know about him? Not much. Alice gave her his past, but not other symptoms. What if this was only the first three items on his list of one-hundred issues?

"Oh, and one more thing . . ."

"Yeah?" Bella leaned toward her.

"If you touch him in any way other than sisterly—I'll break both your hands off!" And with that, Alice shut the door and wore a nasty smile that had "Killer!" written all over it.

A chill raced down Bella's back and she left before she could see what else Alice might do.

What the hell had she agreed to?


	5. Chapter 5

**Chapter 5: Sore Spots**

Sometimes I think he's regressed to less than 12.

That was it. That was all it said on Alice's phone, but Edward figured out pretty quickly who she said it to and what it meant.

Bella must have been texting Alice. A sick crawling feeling crept up his arms and made the hairs at the back of his neck prickle.

Edward charged straight into her room, shaking her phone in his fist.

"Why did you do this?"

"Do what?" Her eyes closed slowly like she was tired then opened again, but she barely focused on him.

He opened his palm in front of her face with those words glaring at her. Now could she see what he meant?

"You're determined to ruin any chance I have of having a friend. And not just a friend, but a girlfriend! She likes me. Or did until you went and ruined it!" He fled her space since tears were welling in his eyes.

No—no tears this time. He'd cried too much the last few weeks as he begged and pleaded to go to school and start at the beginning of the year with his siblings. He knew he could conquer high school and get that diploma.

Alice had argued against it and said a GED would suffice. Not for him. For once he wanted to do things the correct way—the normal way. No more breaking rules.

Yes, he got pulled the last two times he tried to finish his senior year, and things got out of hand with the blood and all, but this was different. They were in a new city, a new state, and he'd already made a ton of progress on his first day. An actual friend. And one he could touch. This was a miracle! How could his sister not see this?

Well, Emmett would understand.

He pushed open his brother's door to find him perusing a magazine while lying on his bed with a blanket thrown over his lap.

"What's that?" Edward asked. His palms moistened.

The last time he asked his brother what he was doing when there was a blanket over his lap, he had him sit down and watch a movie with a lot of naked people making noises like cats fighting in the backyard.

He was never the same after that night, and he was really sore for days. Walking became a chore, and his dad lectured them both on how it was rude to be so blatant about an erection in public.

Edward disliked that word. It made the numbers really strong. But he was careful to turn away from people if there was soreness present.

"Come'ere. I'll show you," Emmett said. He motioned for Edward to sit on the edge of the bed.

He turned the magazine to face Edward and the pages were covered with naked women.

"Are these ladies homeless?" Edward asked. Money must have been so scarce they chose food over clothing.

"I hope so. Then maybe they'd let me take them home." Emmett cracked up laughing.

"Maybe Alice could share some of her clothes with them," Edward said. "She has lots."

Emmett stopped in the middle of his cackling. "Are you serious? You live with me and you don't know what porn is? Sacrilege!" He smiled and motioned for Edward to turn the page. He didn't though. Something told him he should stop looking at this.

"I've heard that word before. Dad said it was evil and to avoid it. Is it like soda, where you and Alice get to have some, but I don't?"

"It's a bit more complicated than that." Emmett sighed.

"Nobody in this house will ever explain anything to me, except Dad, and he brings out books I don't wanna see," Edward complained. He gripped the back of his neck and squeezed. Sometimes it helped keep the numbers away.

"Nobody wants to see that sh—I mean garbage. Medical textbooks are the worst way to explain sex to somebody," Emmett said, shaking his head and sighing with a laugh at the end. "I hate those talks he gives. But they're great to make fun of later with my friends."

"And nobody curses around me either. I'm not a child anymore. Everybody here needs to figure that out!

"Okay, fine. What do you want to know?" Emmett looked up at him but there was a touch of worry in his eyes.

"I won't tell Dad; I want to know what to do about this girl."

"Get her naked. Next question?"

"I get sore when she touches me, and a little when she looks at me or talks to me too."

Emmett groaned, hopped up off the bed and started pacing. It looked like Emmett was sore right now.

"Is a blanket the way to hide it? Should I bring one to school?" Edward asked.

"Nooooh," Emmett drawled and rolled his eyes. He threw his head back and stared at the ceiling. "That's a bad idea. You need to whack it in the bathroom."

"Whack what?"

"Rub one out. You know . . ."

"Rub what? My penis?"

Emmett groaned even louder. "Why do you have to call it that? Nobody says that word except doctors."

"Oh." Edward rubbed the back of his neck since he wasn't sure what else he was supposed to rub; his brother had yet to answer the first question. And now Edward wondered what he was supposed to call his penis.

"It got really sore today. She kissed me," Edward admitted.

"Whoa! No way! Tell me about it—tongue? Did she suck on your lower lip? Any groping?"

"Tongue? What does that have to do with it?"

"Good Lord . . . I'm sending you some Internet clips so you can get edumecated Emmett style. And since I'm not into giving lessons on how to jack-off, consider these links a late birthday gift." He tapped his temple and raised his eyebrows. "And when you're done with that, could you do a remix of these?" He handed Edward a sticky with two songs listed on it.

Edward said he could and left the room. When would Emmett figure out he was smart. Smarter than he let on?

It was sad his brother thought himself good for nothing but being good-looking and fun to be around.

.

.

Edward watched the links several times his brother sent him. The most disturbing part was when some whitish fluid came out of the end of some man's penis after the man pumped himself several times. Was it supposed to really look like that? In Dad's textbooks, it was always dripping, not spraying.

And it seemed clear, not pearly in color.

Was that man ill in the video footage?

The only way Edward would find out was if he performed those actions on himself. He was definitely in good health. But he was unsure if he could actually do that.

Edward was stuck with these thoughts the next day when he entered his first class he shared with Bella.

She smiled at him and waved.

So far he was fine—no numbers and no soreness.

Alice stood out in the hallway, and he waved her away. There was no need for her to be there. He was doing well.

And he wanted Alice to stay far away from Bella.

He walked right up those stairs, sat down next to his partner, and without him even asking, she held her hand out for him.

"Thank you," he said; a corkscrew smile settled in his lips.

Something about her was safe—she controlled the numbers.

There was only one other thing in his life that did that, but Dad disapproved.

Bella would probably be on Dad's list of okay things for Edward to be involved with even though she was sweet like sugar.

"You're welcome," Bella answered. "I hope my hand's not too sweaty. It's hot out today."

"It's perfect and warm; like you." He smiled bigger. This time his cheeks were so tight, it was hard to keep his eyes fully open to see her as much as possible. His goal was to see as much of her as he could today. Without the soreness if possible.

Maybe she could give him a ride home after school rather than Alice.

Soon he hoped to have his own car back and drive her around himself. If she could only see him as a responsible adult, things would be different.

Edward cleared his throat. His whole chest was moist and he was shaking inside. How did normal people have conversations?

"The weather seems decent today, doesn't it?" he began, hoping this was an ordinary way to start one. She said it was hot, but hot could be pleasant.

"The weather here sucks Schweaty Balls, or at least for half the year, but it doesn't matter. As soon as I graduate in nine months, I'm outta here." She smiled like a memory took her away someplace better.

"Where do you want to go?" And can I come with you?

"Probably L.A. or a suburb nearby. I like the water. I love swimming in the ocean. I've only done it a few times, gone cliff diving once when I visited my dad, and I loved it. I want to be somewhere that isn't blazing sunshine every freaking day. I need some rain once in a while. It's unnatural how we have to artificially water everything here. Green's my favorite color, but not when it's fake like it is here." She huffed.

His eyes twitched. Green was her favorite? Green was on him—in his eyes. Had she noticed? "I have to mow the lawn at our house, and the green in our yard isn't fake. Maybe you could come sit on the lawn with me when you need some real green?" His voice shook, but he hoped she didn't notice.

She smiled and turned her head. "How is it watered? With sprinklers?"

"With irrigation. It smells sometimes and there are fish I like to try to catch in that water when Dad's not looking. We even had ducks in our yard once in that water."

"Irrigation is better for plants because it has trace minerals in it."

He smiled. She wasn't mocking him. They were honestly enjoying speaking to each other, and it didn't involve any of his oddities. "It rains here—"

Right as he was about to impress her with his local knowledge of how much rain Phoenix got, they were interrupted.

"Oh, God, you're talking to chubster here about the weather? Are you serious? And I thought she couldn't get any more pathetic than eating a salad every day as if that was going to magically transform her into somebody attractive," a very thin, dark-haired girl said.

"We are discussing things we both enjoy. And weather and plants happen to be on our list. And why would you call her chubster?" Edward asked.

Bella flinched on the final word of his sentence.

The dark-haired girl rolled her eyes.

"Edward, this is Lauren. She's Jessica's cousin."

Now Edward flinched.

"You, my friend," Lauren said to Edward directly, "are invited this Friday to join Jessica and me after school for some pizza and beer before the football game. You're also going to discuss the Homecoming Dance next week. We both want you to take us, so you'll have to choose." Lauren batted her lashes and her sparkling blue eyes reminded him of blueberries.

"Your eyes look like fruit, and when I squish fruit, the insides are never nice. Plus, you're too childish to drink alcohol." He scooted closer to Bella. Lauren's look changed from friendly to scary in a flash. This was more than the normal looks girls gave him. It looked like she wanted to hurt him. Take away anything that was normal about him.

"Sorry, Lauren, but he's lactose intolerant and thinks beer tastes like piss. He's coming with me to get some Mediterranean food after school Friday. His sister and brother are joining us," Bella spoke up.

Edward huddled up against Bella now and though his breathing was easier, he couldn't fully relax with that Lauren person looming over him like that.

"I'm sorry if I stepped on some toes, fruit of the loon boy. Can I shake hands to apologize?" Lauren smiled but her eyes remained untouched. They still spoke of danger, mist and smoke.

"You don't have to touch anybody you don't want to," Bella whispered in his ear.

But she was wrong. He needed to do this—too prove to Bella he was like everybody else. That a handshake would be fine and not unman him.

"That's a good way to apologize. Better than a hug," he said, convincing himself this was the way to handle it.

He extended his hand, and not only did Lauren grab it too fast, but she pulled it up to her mouth and kissed the back of it.

A shiver overtook him when her tongue touched his skin and numbers exploded like a supernova in his brain.

He mouthed the thirteens times tables, but kept quiet. His eyes scrunched shut and his shoulders were up around his ears.

When he opened his eyes, Lauren wore a nasty smirk as she stared right at Bella.

She dropped his hand as if an unspoken challenge was answered and then pranced away after another boy.

A boy with dark hair, dark eyes, and a bulky build welcomed her into the empty chair beside him.

"There's something wrong with her. She licked me," Edward whispered into Bella's ear before settling back down in his chair.

"She's a disgusting slut. Ignore her." Bella's head fell forward and her hair covered her profile.

This was worse than not knowing what to do talk about earlier. Now he couldn't see her, and his goal might not be met today.

With a shaking hand, he reached out and tucked it behind her ear. Her cheek was wet, but Bella promptly dried it with her fingers.

"I'm really proud of you for handling that so well. She makes me want to murder furniture," she admitted.

"Alice says you smoke. I could show you how to light Lauren's desk on fire using your lighter without her noticing," he suggested.

Bella erupted in a fit of giggles after that point, but something was off. Her happiness seemed manufactured, like it was there to cover something else up.

"I'm sure you could, but let's just say it's already burning hot today, and I don't want to add to the heat." Bella's words and actions failed to fit together because at that point, she reached into her backpack and pulled out a light sweater.

It was then he noticed she had been wearing a tank top, and her lovely arms were now covered up, along with some of her cleavage. Oh, why hadn't he looked at her breasts more closely when he got the chance?

Tomorrow that was going to be the first place he looked at her before he even said hello in case she decided to put on a trench coat for possible inclement weather.

Well, he couldn't fault her for being prepared. Tomorrow he'd also be prepared in case a micro-burst happened to come their way. He'd be her hero when he could protect her from the elements. All girls wanted to make sure their hair was protected from rain, right?

Yes, yes, he'd have a windbreaker for both of them, an oversized umbrella and a towel to dry off any splash-back from aggressive slanting sheets of rain.

He pulled out a piece of paper, his pencil, and wrote it all down so he'd have a note for himself. This he would remember—it was important.

Almost as important as her hand tucked up against his side that was in that moment lightly scratching his ribs.

He purred. He stretched and hummed. He smiled and hoped he would someday make her as warm as she made him, and then a sweater would be obsolete.


	6. Chapter 6

**Chapter 6: Joy Ride**

Edward hardly saw any numbers that day. After the run-in with Lauren, he decided maybe it was best to have Bella speak to anybody that approached them first.

He washed his hand that had been licked by that girl every chance he got. What if Bella was afraid of germs and wouldn't let him hold her hand with that infected one? It bothered him to know his choices were limited now.

He'd disinfect it properly when he got home.

PE was good today. Nobody talked to him, and the coach let him choose if he would play basketball or not.

Yesterday basketball went well. He scored several points, and stole the ball enough times to help his team win. It was good for both Alice and Bella to witness it, though neither of them congratulated him on it. Only the coach did.

It seemed strange Bella didn't mention it. She was the only one around him who praised him when he did things well. His family only paid any attention to the things he did wrong, or pointed out anything they thought was related to his deficiencies.

California sounded like a terrific place to escape to after he got his diploma. They'd see—he could make it on his own.

Alice found him after the final bell rang. She was out of breath.

"Edward . . . I'm gonna call dad to send us a cab so we don't have to wait for Emmett," she said.

"That's okay. I have plans. You can find a ride home for yourself with anybody but Bella. She's off limits for you." He smiled a cheesy, kid grin.

She ruffled his hair, told him he was cute and left.

He sighed. Wow. That was easier than he thought.

First time she didn't lecture and barrage him with questions about what his plans could possibly be, who was going to give him the physical contact he needed, and how he'd survive without going into a number trance.

She must've had a good dream last night. Those were his favorite Alice days.

_Bella. She's probably leaving. Go find her!_

His brain dumped all numbers hovering around, and his legs pumped hard as he ran through the school corridor and he bursted out into the parking lot. Finally his brain was alerting him of useful things to do like finding his friend before it was too late.

But he was unaware of what her car looked like, and what if she was giving another friend a ride home? How would he cope if they shoved him in the backseat? Would she be able to drive one-handed while reaching back to hold his hand? Would she be ashamed to do such a thing in front of others?

His chest constricted and his jaw tightened as his teeth clamped shut, but . . . The numbers. Where were they?

He couldn't find them.

Instead of panicking, he started singing a song he heard once about stars bursting in the sky because a woman was too beautiful to look at.

That was Bella.

_His_ Bella. She was his bursting star. She scattered the numbers and banished them.

A plume of smoke wafted behind a red Jeep, and he hoped it was her.

He raced over in that direction and when he was five feet away, he could smell her trail. She smelled like California sunshine after a good soaking rain on the beach.

It was all he could do to not start singing songs about waves and maybe surfing.

He circled around to the back of the Jeep, and there she was. And oh _Gawwwwd_! She was sweater-less, all tank-topness, and round in good places.

He sidled up to her, ignoring the smell of the smoke. His hips were polite and angled away from her, since he was sore already.

"Friends offer a ride home," he hinted.

"Friends also tell the fat girl to stop smoking—it's not going to help with her problems." She chuckled but it was low and dark sounding as the corner of her lips poked up.

"It's not my job to tell you what to put in your body. I hope you'll tell me to eat as much junk food at school as I can, and to drink soda when nobody's looking, because friends want each other to be happy. Those things make me happy. And donuts. I love donuts, but those are strictly forbidden. Why can't I have a goddamn donut?" His heart raced and pounded in his ears; his breathing was erratic and fierce. It was wonderful to tell her these deep dark secrets he hid from people and to curse too.

"Donuts are pretty awesome. Come on. I'll give you a lift, and you can tell me what else makes you happy." She stubbed out her cigarette on the asphalt, and then grabbed his hand.

But he pulled on hers to stop her. His heart squeezed so tight his knees nearly buckled. "You . . . You make me so happy—happier than any beverage or sugary dessert. Because you keep me safe. You're the reason the numbers stay away and the reason I know I can do this. I can finally graduate this time."

Her face remained steady and calm—not what he expected. He expected a look of disgust there.

She took his hand and placed it over her heart. He backed up, because the soreness was reaching epic heights and pressure he'd never experienced before.

"You can do this because you're special. You can do this because you're amazing. It has nothing to do with me or your family. You can do this because you want it and there's a fire inside of you that won't let you quit. That's what I adore about you. That's who I wish I was. Not a quitter, or somebody that tries to cheat and take the easy way out." She dropped his hand but then all of a sudden, leaned in and kissed the corner of his mouth. "Sorry for the smoke smell. I hope nobody can smell it on you." She rubbed the spot where she'd just kissed him with the pad of her thumb while cupping his jaw.

His legs instinctively carried him closer to her. And that soreness doubled, but now it pulsed and his hips jutted forward. He smiled down at her but his eyelids were half closed, were heavy and though his body had never been more alert, he was kind of sluggish. It felt similar to when the dentist drugged him up once and his response times were hampered.

"Bella . . ."

"Hmm?" She looked over her shoulder then back at him.

"If you kiss me, I won't tell anybody, and nobody will know. Most of the students are gone. And I think . . . I think it will make you feel better, since you kind of have some sadness in your eyes." His right leg shook. This was a lie. He never lied. That was unjust. But he needed this more than any hand holding, more than a donut or soda. He'd fold in half and die if she refused. Now his other leg shook. "Please . . ."

"No tongue though, okay?" The right half of her lips quirked up and there was some playfulness in her eyes.

The joy inside him was pounding its way into that sore spot but also doubling his heart-rate as well.

"One, fat, sloppy kiss coming up," she said.

"Sloppy? But I—"

There was no time for rebuttals, because her lips were on his, but it was unsatisfying because she refrained from touching him anywhere else.

With one big step, he was smooshed up against her. He wrapped his arms around her and squeezed her even closer.

This was much better than a handshake. Was this why his mom and dad used to hug and kiss each other all the time? This reflected those odd, unnameable feelings he had when Emmett showed him that video with naked people in it. They all made sounds.

Oh no. He was making those sounds right now, and his hips were moving.

His hips were in control, not the numbers.

In his next breath, he had her up against the back of her Jeep. He pinned her with his entire body. But she hugged him back. Was this okay?

He broke the kiss. Talking was necessary.

"It hurts, Bella. It's really, really sore. It's sore, and I know what I'm supposed to do to end it, but I can't do that in front of you, but I don't think I'll make it 'til I get home. Can you help me?"

"Sore here?" She placed her hand over his heart and smiled.

Was she teasing him?

"Please. It really hurts," he begged, placing his forehead against hers and rubbing their heads together.

He moved his hips up once more so she could feel where he was sore.

It twitched in his pants.

"Being a teenager always hurts. It's something you'll get used to," she said then the sadness in her eyes was back.

But he wasn't a teenager. Hadn't been in a few years. Unlike Lauren, he was old enough to consume alcohol, but chose not too.

Bella frowned.

"What's wrong? Oh no!" He jumped back. He was hurting her. He was too strong for her frame to handle, and he forgot to be careful about hurting her. Using his body weight was wrong. That's how he hurt his mom before, and she wound up leaving because of it.

"I'm sorry. I'm _soooo_ sorry. I . . . I'm heavy, and strong, and that was wrong. Don't . . . I won't do it again." He wrapped his arms around his torso, refused to look at her and dropped into a crouch.

She dropped down with him; patted his back. "There's nothing to be sorry for. I'm the one that should apologize. I lost my head for a minute. It's not fair of me to let things get out of hand like that. It's just that you're so . . . God! This is unfair." She huffed, and the faint trace of smoke was residual in the air.

It made his heart tingle, because it was Bella. She was the only smoker he knew.

It meant she was special.

He tilted his chin up toward her, but kept his gaze down at her feet.

"I don't know what you mean, but I have to know—are you mad at me?" he whimpered.

"Why would I be mad at _you_? You asked me to kiss you, and I made a choice. It's not like you tried to molest me against my will. Oh wait . . . That was _me_." She chuckled for a second then stopped. "Oh, never mind me and my warped sense of humor. I'll take you home. And you can decide if we hold hands or not, okay?

He looked up, and there was sincerity in her warm brown eyes. They were like the unfamiliar desert here. Nobody ever looked at him like that—like he mattered and was worth really knowing well.

"I like you."

"You've mentioned that before, but it's good you like to be thorough and repeat important information." She patted his back again and then stood up. She extended her hand, but then a second later changed her mind and put it at her side.

He grimaced. "Do you still like me?"

"I only kiss people I like, and I kissed you, didn't I?"

"You did. You kissed me real good. It was better than a donut." He stood up next to her. "But it made me more sore."

She laughed, tipped her head back and shut her eyes. "Oh, God, Edward, what am I going to do about us? We both need some serious help."

She walked over to the driver's door and looked at him strangely. Was it because he was following too closely?

"What? You wanna drive?"

He squealed. "Yes, please." He never thought . . . It wasn't why he was there behind her. It was an automatic response to go wherever she did. But this was wonderful!

She handed him the keys and asked, "You do have a license, right?"

"Yes. I'm a safe driver, and I drive the safest car possible when I can. It's a Volvo. It's nice. I want you to be in it some time."

She watched him slide into the driver's seat, and knowing her eyes were on him, made him smile big.

The door shut and she walked around the front of the Jeep where he could watch her too, and then she got in on the passenger's side. Manners would dictate he should have walked her over there, opened the door for her, helped her in, and shut the door, but this damn soreness was making walking a hideous experience.

"Take yourself home," she said relaxing into her seat. She shut the door and then her head kind of lulled back and forth on the headrest.

"This is the best day ever!" he sang.

"The day's not over yet." She snorted a little and buckled herself in. "But driving is always a relief. It means getting away."

"Getting away . . . I want to do that with you." He sighed, started the Jeep and drove off.

**A/N:**

**Okay, a few things from previous reviews . . . **

**Somebody asked me to stop pulling stories, and they said it in a delightful way. I loved it! And I feel your pain. I know it's hard when an author pulls stories, and I hate doing it, but there are so many factors that go into it. Mine were varied. Sometimes I pulled because frankly I was embarrassed by how unrefined my writing was. It was kind of juvenile (the mechanics of it), and it would have taken way too long to fix. Since it no longer reflected my writing level, I took them down. Others I took down because there were members of my family who were not thrilled with graphic stuff I wrote and would've disowned me. And I'm not exaggerating. They're still lurking about, so I have to be careful, but I've found a better balance now. I'm more aware of what I can get away with and what I can't.**

**Also, another warning: I rarely write my characters canon anymore, so it would probably be best if you're new to my stories to get those mental expectations out of your head or stop reading now. I like to take a few of their key character traits and amp them up. Other times I ignore their key character traits completely and invent my own characters but give them that name and matching physical description. This is why I started writing outside fan fiction. I felt bad when people were offended by my creation of new characters with these beloved names. It was too restrictive. So why did I choose to write fan fiction again? Honestly, this story came to me, and I couldn't see publishing it but had to write it. I didn't think it was quite enough to sink a reader's teeth into and fill a novel.**

**My intent is never to offend, but to entertain. So, if you are open minded, like to try new stories that are different and the characters and fresh and unique then this might be the place for you to be. Yes, I'm a fruit of the loon . . . That's why I write. Anymore questions? Hee hee!**

**Scarlett**


	7. Chapter 7

**Chapter 7: Simple Pleasures**

Edward drove as safe as he could. In fact, he drove a little under the speed limit. He could never be too cautious. It would be awful if he got another speeding ticket and in Bella's Jeep, so he clenched his jaw and white-knuckled that steering wheel to keep himself from letting loose.

Bella was great at being a passenger too. She didn't grab the "death handle" as Alice called the handle above the window. Bella was so relaxed it almost looked like she was falling asleep.

"Bella . . . I don't wanna go home yet. I was a little vague with Alice after school, and she'll want me to explain. If I have to tell her one more time—"

"Mmm . . ." Bella smiled with her eyes closed as her head jostled back and forth. "Do you wanna come over to my house? It's not the cleanest mansion on the planet, but we're not slobs or anything."

"Can I sit with you on your couch?"

Her smile exploded and she laughed a little. "Edward . . ." she opened her eyes ". . . you can do any damn thing you wish. I'm not your mother." She swallowed then tacked on, "Or your sister. Thank God!"

It was said quietly, and when people said things in that way, he understood it wasn't meant for him to hear, though he was glad he did.

His hands roamed all around the steering wheel. It was something Bella touched all the time, and the interior of the vehicle smelled like her. He took a deep whiff.

"What do you usually do after school?" she asked.

He paused. "Nobody's ever asked me that before."

"Why not?"

"Nobody ever wants to listen to me. I make them uncomfortable. Emmett says I'm about as predictable as monkeys in a canon. You never where they'll land and when they do, you don't know if they'll . . . Well, it's a rude saying, so I should probably stop now."

"If it makes you feel better . . . I like that you're unpredictable. I also love how you say exactly what you think and feel."

"You love that?" His voice rose and goose bumps broke out on his arms, probably on his sore spot too, because it was tingling like crazy.

"Teenage boys—well, not you, obviously—but most of them only tell girls what they have to so they can have sex with them. Since I don't do that, they either try harder and lie more, or they avoid me. I prefer the latter. But with you, I know that's not your intention so I don't have to worry you've got a hidden agenda." She turned up the music a little.

Did this mean she was done talking about this? Or was he boring her?

"You listen to me." He waited for a response but none came. "I don't understand you."

"You shouldn't try. It's a waste of time. And you have too many other things you should spend your time doing." She turned her head and looked at him with so much clarity his breathing stopped. "Somebody as talented as you is meant for great things. I can't wait to see your potential unlocked. And I'll be the first to say I knew you when you first came to Phoenix."

"Can you tell me where you live? I only need the address," he said, unsure of how to address the things she said. Some emotion was overwhelming him, swelling in his chest and manifesting itself in his eyes. She believed in him, and thought he was talented. But what was he good at, other than counting stuff?

"Can you tell me what you want to do when you graduate?"

"I . . . I can do that, if you tell me where to drive." Numbers. They were back. He was tense. This whole conversation was so new to him.

He kicked off his shoes really fast.

"Make yourself comfortable," she said, chuckling while looking at his feet.

"Sorry. If I can count on my toes while you're talking to me, it'll be better."

"You can do both at the same time? I'm impressed. I can barely cook and listen to music at the same time." She chuckled. "I burn rice every single time, so salads have become a better way to go . . ."

"They have those—"

"I know, I know . . . Don't ask. It's a sensitive topic in my house."

His face dropped; his hands were clammy. "I want to make sure to say the right things in your house so I'm welcome there."

She grinned. "If you avoid the topic of food, you'll be fine."

"What if I get hungry? Can I ask for something to eat? Or what if I get thirsty?" He squeezed the steering wheel and fisted back and forth, making the wheel creek a little.

"What is rule number one?"

"I can do any damn thing I want at your house."

"Yes! Exactly. Open the fridge, find something to munch on. I don't care." She settled her hands on her thighs, and it was really distracting. Bella sighed then said, "Might as well make yourself at home. Every other man that comes into the house does."

"Bella, I need your hand."

She offered it without a word.

He squeezed it and in that moment, he was able to let go of the numbers he had shoved into his toes.

"Thank you for your hand." He released a breath and his back relaxed into his seat.

"Thank you for listening. You're not the only one that no one listens to."

Edward found her house easily. He pulled into the driveway and followed her instructions implicitly of where to park, how to leave the car, and where to wait while she checked something inside first.

He heard her hollering for her mom and then she came out a few minutes later.

"C'mon. It's empty." She waved him in.

He ran. It was amazing he was able to avoid knocking her over when he flew through the door.

Her house smelled like heaven. There were earthy notes in the air. A little patchouli and cedar maybe? It was nice.

"Go anywhere you want. I'm gonna go put my stuff away and change then I'm gonna get something to eat," she told him.

She left the room. Ordinarily that would send him into a tornado of numbers, but Bella told him exactly where she'd be and what she was doing. There were plans, and even though he was ignorant of where her room was, the house was small enough he was certain he could find it with ease.

Edward opened her fridge, hoping to find soda. Nope. A bunch of bottled waters, some leftovers, condiments, lots of fresh produce in the crispers, but nothing with sugar in it. Not even any juice.

There was however some jelly, so he managed to put together a peanut and butter jelly.

Kid food. Oh well. He was eating _here_, not at home—Bella would never tease him about that.

He almost swallowed it whole before she joined him.

"Good for you. I'm glad you found something you like," she said as she stepped around him.

He looked her up and down slowly. She was wearing another tank top, some loose cotton shorts, and her hair was slung back in a ponytail.

Soreness?

Uhhh . . . How was he going to keep this hidden if she sat by him on the couch?

Was there a blanket on her furniture he could borrow?

He took the last few remnants of his food, grabbed a bottle water while she was in the fridge assembling something for herself and raced to the couch before she saw.

Once on the cushions, he decided to lay on the couch on his stomach. The last of his sandwich was crammed in his mouth.

"I hope you don't mind scifi, because I usually watch something like Dr. Who or Torchwood when I get home if my mom's not here. She hates those shows, so I have to do it when she's gone." Bella picked up his legs with one hand, sat down and set them on her lap.

The movement and friction made him sorer than ever. But it was fine—it was hidden.

Her couch was upholstered in really soft suede. He ran his hand back and forth over it, creating fun patterns and enjoying the texture.

She turned on the TV with a big remote and turned on the DVD player.

"Torchwood it is," she mumbled. Her mouth was full of an orange slice.

The episode took all of his concentration, relieving his soreness. There was a man named Captain Jack being covered with concrete. He screamed as this happened to him, but Bella seemed unconcerned as it played out.

She was engrossed in the show almost as much as he was. It was harder to focus now because she was done eating, and her hands drew lazy circles on the backs of his calves and ankles.

The soreness returned in moments, his gut was so tight he could feel bile backed up in his throat. His legs were covered in flashes of warmth from the heat of her hands, followed by icy goose bumps, prickling his skin.

This was definitely the best day of his life. Nobody ever touched him down there or this much. He wanted to make her promise to touch him like this everyday.

Instead, he kept his eyes glued to the TV.

A big construction machine was hauling a large slab of concrete on the show. Seconds later, the slab was dropped over the side of a huge cliff. Edward realized that man, Captain Jack, had been encased in the concrete. He gasped when it exploded on impact.

Some of Captain Jack's friends who were trying to free him, jumped into a car and raced down to the bottom of the cliff. Captain Jack inhaled with a scary high squeal and then was breathing.

Bella grabbed Edward's leg and squeezed. He gasped again.

The woman in the car raced over to Captain Jack and even though he was undressed, she spoke to him.

"That man's naked," Edward observed.

"Yes, he is," Bella sighed.

"Is that okay? Should she be near him?"

"It's more than okay," Bella answered.

And in that moment, it was like time stopped. His father wasn't here to turn this show off since nudity was wrong in their house. Edward was never allowed to roam around the house without clothes, and he wanted to. Or at least shirtless when it got really hot.

Bella didn't seem offended—acted like it was natural for this man and woman to talk when he was undressed.

Images of Edward in the nude, speaking to Bella, flooded his mind.

A pained sound ground out of his chest as he got really sore. What would it be like to have Bella look at him without clothes on?

What would it feel like to have her warm hands touch his chest, his abs, his sore spot?

He groaned, and she started scratching his legs in the most beautiful way imaginable. Long grazing strokes that stole his breath away.

"I can turn this off," she offered, "if it's bothering you."

"No! And keep touching me that way."

"You sure?"

"I'm surer than I could ever be. I really like it."

Edward rolled onto his side. She'd see his predicament, but if she was okay seeing that naked man on TV, maybe she wouldn't be offended.

"I can tell," she said, but it was soft, kind.

Dad was wrong. It wasn't rude to have an erection. Bella was fine with it. He rolled over onto his back.

"You make me really sore all the time, Bella. Is that gross to you?"

She glanced down at his legs on her lap. She stroked and massaged them now as she stared at them.

"Gross? Why would it be gross?" She chuckled then let her head dangle. "I'm seriously in need of some intense therapy." Her hands stopped and stayed still where they were—right by his ankles. He wanted them higher.

She took a deep breath and turned to him with a look of fire in her eyes.

"Why? You're normal, not like me." His brow furrowed.

"Normal isn't my problem. Being screwed up is, and I want things I shouldn't." She moved his legs to spread out on each side of her so she was sandwiched between them. Her next move was to get up on her knees.

A look of apology swept over her face.

"If you kiss me again, it might make you feel better like before," he lied again. He couldn't help it. Nothing could be better than kissing her. She probably didn't need it—but he did! And since she was fine with his state, he refused to feel guilty.

"It might. But what will that say to you? I know you're a guy and you seem to be hard a lot around me. I don't mind, because well . . . God!" she groaned like she was sore too.

"If it hurts, I can maybe help you." His eyes grew big, pleading. "I want to help. Please. We can need each other to feel better. It's okay to do that. We don't have to suffer alone."

"Forgive me," she said as if talking to someone else, crawled over and laid right on top of him.

His head flung back as his lower back arched. He wasn't sure why his body did that, but it was enticing the way it smashed up into hers. The best part? She was on top, so he couldn't hurt her with his body weight.

Her fingertips grazed up his neck. "Such a beautiful, pure soul. You should run from me while you can," she whispered.

He tipped his head back down. This was scary sounding talk. "I will never run from you—never!"

"Then you'll be damned, just like me." A breath pounded into his neck and was followed by her lips.

"Ohhhhhh God!" he murmured.

His entire body was shaking like the numbers she controlled were trying to break free. He tried to breathe them out, but it failed.

"I have to grab you—keep me safe," he warned and wrapped his arms around her so tight his chest could barely move with his next inhale. It was scattered anyway—his breathing. So where his thoughts. Lost in the sensations from her mouth and fingertips. He'd never felt anything like this ever before.

She kissed his neck, licked under his jaw and blew on it.

Tongue? Emmett mentioned it with a kiss.

And when Lauren's tongue touched, he wanted to disappear, turn to dust so he could get rid of the foul feelings it created.

But this—Bella's tongue—he wanted to keep it on him.

With a growl, he managed to roll them over. Without thinking about what this could mean in terms of damage to her health, he lowered his full weight on top of her. He cupped her jaw, controlled her mouth by making it open and he placed his tongue gently inside the second their lips touched.

What was he supposed to do now?

"Mmmhhhhngh," she moaned as her tongue wetted his lips, stroked his tongue and her hands dug into his shoulders. Her body moved with urgency.

It sounded like him when he chugged a soda and couldn't get it down fast enough or ever have his fill.

"Oh God, oh _gawwwwwwd_. It's sore, Bella, too sore," he chanted a few times. "I like it though—it's sore for you." He started to roll his hips into her and she sucked in some air.

"This is so wrong," she muttered and shook her head slowly from side to side.

"Not wrong. That man was naked with that woman on that show, and it was okay." He moved to pull off his shirt, but at the last minute before he had it over his head, her hands landed on the hem, stopping him.

"We can't do this," she said.

He pulled his shirt harder, trying to yank it off.

"We can. I'm twenty-one."

"Oh, great! Don't tell me that!" she said and somehow she managed to roll out from under him until she was free from the him and couch; she was now on the ground.

He had his shirt off finally, and she looked upset. Why? He was pleased to be partially naked in front of her.

Was he ugly?

"You think I'm too skinny? I'm not as thick as Captain Jack is in the chest, but I—"

She fell on her knees in front of him, and his pants poked out with a giant twitch.

Her mouth was by the sore area.

What if . . .

"Edward, it's not. You're . . . Do I even need to say it?" She huffed. "And I'm all wrong for you. You deserve somebody who's infinitely kind, hasn't already blown their life to hell and back. If I ever hurt you, I'd never forgive myself—and I already have way too much baggage in that closet."

He blinked. "I don't understand. Did I kiss you wrong? Was the tongue yucky?"

Her eyes shimmered like light on water and a few tears rolled down. His eyes grew wide and he burst into tears.

"I hurt you. I promised I wouldn't do that again, and I did it so soon after. I'm sorry. I'll leave now," he cried, reaching for his shirt.

"Edward—stop." She brushed her tears away with the backs of her hands then did the same for him.

He leaned into her touch.

"What did I do wrong?" His voice cracked.

"Nothing. You did everything perfectly, angelic-ly right. I know it's hard to understand—but I'm protecting you from me. All of you, every inch, is good. I want to keep you that way, because it's what makes you so powerful." She sniffed and tears were forming in her eyes again. "It's what makes you special."

He shook his head; didn't like this.

She cupped his face with both hands. It was warm and soft like her velvety couch. He closed his eyes.

"Would you ever hurt somebody on purpose?"

"No," he answered right away.

"Well, I did once. And it was really bad. So bad a lot of people's lives changed forever. I can never atone for that. But being around you—I don't know . . . it," she licked her lips and paused, "it makes me forget those things, and I feel normal again, like I can be good someday. Like it will all heal in time. I never believed that before you."

"You're scaring me." His stomach knotted.

"Being scared is the right emotion—I want you to fear me—because then you'll keep your distance." She stood up and her hands that were on his face drifted into his hair. "I'll hold your hand whenever you need; be your friend. Hugs are good too—we can do that. But this . . ." she motioned between the two of them with her chin ". . . this can't happen. I care about your soul too much."

A door in the house opened in another room and a female's voice called out, "Baby, you smoked in the Jeep. I told you to knock that off!"

Bella grabbed his hand and her face went stony. "Wanna meet my mom, or do you want to leave now? Your choice."

He took a deep breath, slid off the couch to standing and numbers swam in his head.

_No! No numbers. I'm with Bella!_


	8. Chapter 8

**Chapter 8: Haggles**

Edward's jaw clenched. Bella stroked the taut muscles back there.

"You don't have to touch her. In fact, you don't have to stand close enough for her to breathe on you."

He stood so still she wondered if he was breathing. "What if she doesn't like me?"

"She will. She likes everybody, and you're the most likable person I know, aside from your brother," she teased. She'd never met him.

He shifted around and a pained look crossed his face.

Was he jealous?

She had a hard time not smiling since he was so damn adorable right now.

He blinked hard.

"Will you hold my hand while she talks to me?" he asked.

This would mean she'd have to explain to her mom why he wasn't her boyfriend but their hands were interlaced.

"I'll do anything you ever need to make you comfortable." She moved her face right in front of his and gazed up in his eyes. "I'll always keep you safe."

There was some apprehension there, but he smiled and agreed.

They walked hand-in-hand into the kitchen. Her mom was unloading a bag of groceries.

"Mom, I have a friend here I want you to meet," Bella said.

Mom turned around and scowled. "Who's he?"

"He's Edward—my _friend_," she answered.

"_Friend_? Then why's he—"

"I want to be her boyfriend," Edward said. "But Bella's helping me."

"Helping you _what_? What she could help anybody with besides gaining an ulcer is beyond me." Mom went back to putting away the food she brought home.

"If you know what I can do so I can date her, ma'am, I'd be only too happy to listen," Edward said, taking tiny steps closer to her mom.

"All I can say is, good luck with that. My daughter doesn't date—and it's probably a good thing." Mom finished the last of what she was doing.

A pit settled in Bella's stomach; mostly because she knew her mom was right and wished she wasn't.

"Take him home. I don't have enough food to feed a ravenous teenage guy," her mom said.

"I'm not a teenager. I'm twenty-one," Edward corrected her.

"Oh, that's perfect." She turned to Bella. "What are you _thinking_? Take him home, _now_."

"I'm thinking we both needed a friend, and it works. Why the hell do you care?" Bella's voice rose.

"I don't. Get this man out of my house. We need to talk about this in private," Mom said and leaned up against the counter with her arms folded over her chest.

Edward stepped back with an uncomfortable slant to his body like he was trying to get away. He mouthed a few numbers.

Bella took his hand and when she got him to the car, he started hyperventilating.

"She hates me," he said.

"She does not. She probably likes you more than me since you were so honest. She's sick of having a lying-sack for a daughter. You're reading her wrong." She patted his back as he hunched over. "I should have warned you that she and I don't always get along. And I'm such a snot, I talk back all the time."

"I was kind of afraid of what you might do." He took in a few gasping breaths.

"What did I promise you? I'll keep you safe," she reminded him.

He stood tall and mumbled an acceptance of her statement.

"I think I'm ready to leave now." His face was grim.

She wenched open the sticky passenger's door. "I'm gonna drive this time, okay?"

"I think that's best. I need time to think about some things." He got inside the car and kept his gaze off her.

Guilt swept through her. This was good though. He really did need to stay away from her, and she obviously had no self control with him. Something about him was irresistible; she was insatiable when it came to his innocence and unassuming charm.

He was quiet the entire drive home. It was very unlike him. She grew more tense with each passing, silent moment.

He was pulling away. Good.

So why the hell did this hurt so bad?

They arrived at his home, and before he got out, she said, "I'll see you tomorrow."

"Promise?"

He turned to look her in the eye. Her throat constricted and her stomach was churning bile like crazy because of the sad, almost defeated look in his eyes she had put there.

"I do." She smiled but it was forced.

"all right." He slipped out the door, closed it much easier than she could've, and he disappeared into his house.

She sighed, pulled out and headed to her favorite place in the whole world.

In ten minutes she was in the parking lot, texted her mom real quick and grabbed her gym bag she always had stuffed under her seat.

She went inside, checked in at the Y and had her iPhone blasting in her ears as she worked out harder than ever.

With each stretch of her legs as she ran on the treadmill, she chanted in her head, "Fat ass, fat ass, move that fat ass!" It helped her get past that wall she hit. Normally she ran for thirty minutes straight, but this time she pulled out forty.

When she was sweating profusely and her legs were like limp noodles, she got on the elliptical and put in another thirty minutes. She was barely able to get through it.

Her thoughts burned with Edward and what tomorrow might be like.

Legs flexed, arms strained, she poured her heart into each moment.

If nothing else, she could at least try to look less ridiculous as a cow holding this gorgeous man's hand. If she could lose those twenty-five pounds, she'd stand out less. Really, she'd like to lose thirty-five to get back to where she once was before her whole life was ruined, but that seemed unattainable and completely unrealistic.

After her cardio, she put in thirty minutes of weights and ab work, continuing to struggle the whole time.

In the end, she could barely feel her body. It was all numb and she was so relaxed, she'd probably go home, shower and then crash in bed. Forget Mom and dinner.

When Bella got home, her mom was on her the second she was out of the jeep. "Smoking in the jeep? Lying to me again by pretending you were at the gym?"

Bella moved past her and snickered. For once, she didn't lie to her mom about where she was going, and this time Mom didn't believe her. It was too funny. Mom followed her inside into the kitchen.

Bella grabbed a cold water bottle out of the fridge and took a few gulps.

Mom continued to glare and wait for an explanation.

"I know you were with him!

"Yeah, Mom, I wore this outfit to entice him as I made out with him and smoked some more in your jeep." Bella leaned back against the fridge and looked far off out the kitchen window. What would it be like to be away from here? To do what she wanted without somebody constantly on her back about it?

She looked back at mom.

"Shut up." Mom rolled her eyes. "You think you're some kind of bad-ass, but you're not. You're just some messed up idiot kid" She slammed her drink down on the counter. "What do you honestly think you're going to do to help that guy? I can tell he's not all there. You can't help somebody when you have nothing to give. You need more help than he does."

"He chose me!" Bella said.

"Probably because you're such a wide expanse of train-wreckage, he couldn't help himself. Stay away from him, or I'll send you to go live with your dad. I'm not gonna have this guy on my conscience. It's bad enough what happened to you before. I can't take anymore of your drama."

Mom put away her cup and rubbed her hands on her eyes like she was dead tired then braced her hands on the edge of the kitchen sink as she leaned forward with her shoulders hunched and her elbows straight.

"If you smoke in the jeep again, you'll be back to riding your bike to school. The jeep's a privilege I allow you because you've continued to be clean, but I'm not gonna allow you to make my car smell like a disgusting ashtray."

"Fine."

"And one more thing . . . Your dad called."

"Ugh!" Bella threw her head back and closed her eyes tight. She banged the back of her head repeatedly up against the surface.

"You're going to visit him for your entire fall break. You owe him that much after what he did for you with that kid. Goodnight." Mom left the room.

The only thing Bella came away with after that lopsided conversation was that she was never going to have a parent that understood or listened.

.

.

Edward walked slowly inside. So many things to consider.

Bella's mom . . . Was she a mean-spirited person, or was Bella right? Was her mom just angry with her, and he kind of stepped in the middle of it?

No, Bella didn't lie to him. He had seen her lie—she told Jessica he was lactose intolerant, but it was done to help him, so it was good.

"Where have you _been_?" Alice shrieked as she all but fell on him.

"Leave your brother alone. He's allowed to go out with friends," Dad said as he sauntered into the room.

"Hi," Edward greeted him.

"Hi there. Have some fun? You sure caused a stir here at home," Dad said with a humorous twinkle in his eyes.

"I did, but then I didn't." He scratched at his stubbled jaw. "But I was with Bella."

"Her _again_?" Alice groaned. Her shoulders flopped forward. "They've got a thing for each other." Alice spoke only to Dad, not to him. "I thought it was cute at first, and good for him, but you know she's jerking him around."

It made a wave of hideous feelings coat his stomach. "Bella's not like that. She's the nicest person I've ever met!"

"She lies. I've seen her do it," Alice said.

"I don't care. She only does it when it helps somebody else." Edward breathed hard and his chest puffed out.

"Yeah, like herself!" Alice spat.

"All right, all right—Alice, why don't you get to your homework. Edward and I are going to talk some more on our own," Dad said.

"When's it going to stop? You didn't do anything about him changing his schedule. Indulging him never ends well." Alice frowned.

"You're not my mother!" Edward screamed.

Alice turned and left, tears in her eyes.

The door slammed upstairs when Alice was inside her room.

"Tell me more about Bella." Dad's eyes were soft.

Edward held his breath then released it in a burst. "Puuuhhhh." He paused. Where to start? "She likes me for me. She treats me like a person. She's my friend. I told you already she makes the numbers go away. I want to be around her all the time."

"That's great, but what does she get out of it?" Dad's eyes hardened with scrutiny and Edward felt small as could be.

"I . . . I don't . . ."

"What happens if you get closer and then she ends it when she gets interested in somebody else?" Dad's lips were tight together.

"I haven't—"

"And what do you do when she graduates and moves on, maybe even leaves this state? Do you plan to follow her?" His voice rose at the end.

Edward's gaze shifted to the floor. "Yes."

"How are you going to do that? You'll need to have more funds than what you have now." Dad moved over to the couch, sat down and patted the spot where he wanted Edward to join him.

"I'll get a job."

"Doing what?" Dad's blue eyes were ice cold. "Think this all through."

"I'm trying to but you're . . . You're confusing me!" Numbers circled in his head.

"What does she want to do when she graduates? College?" Dad's hand rested on the spot where he wanted Edward to sit.

"Don't know."

Dad huffed. "Why would you choose to follow somebody you know nothing about?"

"What about you?" Edward gritted, eyes narrowed. "How well did you know Mom, 'cause you were shocked when she left."

"You watch it, young man," he warned.

"Watch what? Watch my family get in the way of me being with the one person that accepts me as I am? She doesn't forbid me to do things, or tell me what to do."

Dad groaned and pulled at his face. "Of course she doesn't. Why would she? She doesn't love you like we do. She barely knows you. It's not her problem if you eat something bad for you and have a terrible reaction. Why should she care if you're yanked away from us?"

"That's not gonna happen. I'm behaving, and everything's fine."

"For now . . ." Dad's hands went lax and fell in his lap. "I only want you to be happy," he whispered.

"Then stop getting in the way. _She_ makes me so happy I get almost dizzy with joy." Edward stood up and towered over his dad. "And I want my car back. I've served my time."

"I heard she smokes."

Edward nodded.

"I don't want her smoking around you, and especially not in your car."

"Do I own this car?" he asked.

"You do," Dad agreed.

"Then if she wants to smoke in it and I want to let her, it's none of your concern."

Edward got up and left the room.

Alice slipped out of her room and into the hallway right before Edward stepped into his.

"Are you really happy? _Really_? Because you've had more meltdowns in the last week than you've had in months." She slammed into him and hugged him as she cried.

"I'm fine. I _am_ happy. With Bella, I can be normal. That's all I've ever wanted," he said. He remembered how Bella patted his back when he was upset. He did the same for Alice now. "Be happy for me; that's all I ask."

"I'm trying," she rasped, fisting his shirt. "It's hard to let go. It's even harder to know you don't really need me that much anymore."

He smiled. "That's a good thing. You can't always protect me, and someday you're gonna meet somebody and move away with him. I'll be an uncle and buy them soda." He chuckled.

"I already have met somebody."

"You have?" His voice spiked.

"Mmhmm . . . It's the reason I feel so guilty. I've been less than on top of what you're doing because I can't stop thinking about him every second of every day."

He gripped her by the upper-arms, created some distance between them and looked her straight in the eye. "That's exactly how I feel about her. Would you like it if I sabotaged what you've got with this guy?"

"No!"

"Then stop it. Stop worrying. I have to do this my own way."

"But I'm not gonna stop answering her questions about you," she warned.

"That's fine, as long as you're doing it to help, not to be a stumbling block." He smiled and pulled her back into a hug.

"I love you." She sniffled.

"I love you too, and even kind of like that it's making you a little crazy that I want to be Bella more than I do with you."

She smacked his chest playfully. "No more of that talk."

"Just know I'll burn your phone if you talk bad about me through texts," he said.

She laughed, let go, wiped away the tears and offered a parting smile.

"Sweet dreams, big brother."

"Sweet dreams, little nugget," he replied and he stepped inside his room then shut the door.

As soon as the house was quiet, he plugged his earbuds into his iPhone and listened to some music. He was breaking more rules, but they wouldn't know.

Maybe he could be honest most of the time, and sometimes do stuff he wanted.

.

.

The next morning at school, he was dragging with exhaustion. Numbers were hounding his brain once the music had ended, waking him up all night long.

He dreamed at one point he was decorating Bella's naked body with numbers and making sure they were angled precisely right so he could see them at any angle he chose.

Her body shined and glittered like a star. She smiled, cooed at him and when he asked her to, she kissed him on demand.

It was a good dream, but he was sore a lot!

Edward stepped into their first class together, and Bella was unaware of his presence.

He walked with heavy steps so she'd look up, but she kept her head down. She was reading something on her phone.

He slammed himself down into his seat to make more noise and get her attention. "Hi."

"Morning," she mumbled, her eyes still downcast.

"Bella, I think I need a hug right now." His tone was anything but friendly, but the numbers were cracking inside him.

"Oh, sorry," she shoved her phone into her pocket., "c'mere."

He slumped up against her, wrapped his arms around her, sliding them under her arms, high up on her ribs.

She scratched his back and told him about her night last night. Her story involved a lot of exercising, doing homework late into the night, but there was no mention of her mom.

"There you are!" Jessica exploded into their space. "That idiot cousin of mine thinks you're taking her to the homecoming dance, but I already told you're taken."

"I am. I'm going with Bella," he said.

Bella tugged on the tail of his hair strands then gripped the back of his neck.

"I'm not going to the dance. I'm not gonna be in town," Bella said.

"Good. Go with me," Jessica told him.

"I think that would be a bad choice." Edward melted further into Bella.

She held out her hands, showed him the lack of fake nails and scratchy rings.

"You still don't really like me," he said and hugged Bella tighter.

She stroked patterns of numbers on his back with her short fingernails. It was a message for him, and his insides were erupting with warmth and goodness.

"Is this cow telling you that? Because everybody knows she lies. I like you, Edward—so much I turned Mike down when he asked me to the dance." Jessica glared at Bella.

"You can undo it. Tell him you were only joking, and you wanted to see what he did," Bella suggested.

Jessica flipped her off and made a mean, ugly face.

"You should go now," Edward told her in a gruff tone.

"Why? So she can keep manipulating you, and making you believe she's the woman for you?" Jessica's eyes roamed up and down their fused bodies. Her mouth tightened into a hard line and her left eye twitched.

"Don't you have some hand-job to attend to? I'm sure your customers are waiting for you," Bella said.

Jessica gave a little screech of fury and left so fast, her nauseating perfume was left behind to permeate the air and saturate the inside of his nose. It was like his nose-hairs were burning.

Edward buried his face in Bella's shirt to replace that smell with something good. "She really doesn't like me," he said, muffled by her clothing.

"She doesn't like anybody but herself. It's a deficiency she was born with and runs in her family." Bella rested her chin on his head and placed a small kiss on his crown.

He looked up at her, beaming all the while. "I like you."

"I like you too," she said with a humorous hint of a chuckle.

"More than anybody," he added.

She ran her fingers over his forehead and pushed his bangs back. "There's no end to your goodness, is there?"

"No." He paused and pursed his lips a little, hoping she'd kiss him. "And I like to share it with you."

"That's pissing it away. Spend it somewhere it can do some real damage." She ran her fingers through his hair, starting at his forehead.

"I'm not supposed to cause damage." He frowned.

"There you go—being all perfect like an angel again."

The teacher stepped into the room.

Bella let him continue to cling to her, but she took her hands and stilled them on his back as her attention went to the lecture.

A few times the teacher gave them puzzled looks, but Edward was fine with it as long as he could keep holding her like this.

He probably looked like a marsupial baby, hiding away on his mama's body, but he liked it here.

The smell was as good as the softness and warmth.

Each time she breathed—he felt it deep down in his loins, making the soreness excruciating.

It stirred him, and as soon as class was over, he did something rash.

"If you'll excuse me." He jumped out of his seat.

"Oh, you've got somewhere to go?" she asked.

"The restroom. I need to . . . I need to um . . ."

She smiled, stood up and patted his shoulder then squeezed it. "It's fine. I'll see you in the next class."

He rocketed out of that room and headed straight for the first stall he could find with a working lock.

His pants were down. This time, he was going to work out this soreness before he was in her presence again.

Enough of this!


	9. Chapter 9

**Chapter 9: Hangin' Out**

Bella bit her lip so hard it was probably about to break skin. Where was he? He was never late, and class had been going on for more than fifteen minutes.

She raised her hand and was excused by the teacher to go to the ladies room.

Bella stopped abruptly when she saw a glowing Edward in the hallway, talking to Lauren.

That skank was touching him, and Bella recognized that type of look on his face.

It was the same one Phil, Mom's current boyfriend, wore after he'd stayed over and they'd gone at it all night long.

Had they just stepped out of the bathroom? They were hovering in front of the door.

Edward wore a lazy grin, his hair was royally mussed, and his clothes rumpled around his midsection.

Bella sank against the wall. Well, what did she expect?

He was the most gorgeous man on two legs in this entire state.

_And you're hideously fat . . ._

She snuck back into the classroom and tossed her bag onto his seat. Her next move was to pull out her spiral notebook and pretend to take notes as she doodled pictures of a gory death where Lauren was burned at the stake.

Five minutes later, Edward stepped into the classroom with a late slip and tromped over to her side.

"Hi," he said, removing her bag off his chair.

"Mmnn," she hummed in response. She set her arms on her desk, crossed them in front of her and settled her head on top of them. The teacher went on and on, and she closed her eyes, once more imagining how she could force-feed Lauren her cousin, Jessica's, fake nails that had been removed. It might be fun to watch her choke and gag before she strangled the slut herself.

Edward patted her back like she usually did for him. The more he touched her, the more stiff she got.

The silence between them spoke volumes of how hurt and pissed she actually was.

He was oblivious, playing with her hair, saying a few things here and there.

The rest of their classes continued on like that.

It wasn't until the end of the day he reminded her of what she had kind of promised him.

"So, tomorrow's Friday. You said we would get some Mediterranean food, but I'd like to go without Alice and Emmett. You know, like a date . . ." His boyish, cherubic grin made her stomach drop.

"I was just saying that to help you get out of pizza and beer with Jess. It's fine if we skip it. I'm sure Lauren and Jess would still take you out and feed you whatever you want. Soda'd probably be on the menu too." She smiled and it felt like chewing sand—gritty and dirty.

"I don't wanna be with people that don't like me. I wanna be with you." He grabbed her hand. "She tried to touch me in the hallway before I came here to class. I didn't like it; after she did it a few times, I told her no." He looked at Bella with a questioning gaze. "Will you eat with me tomorrow? I want to . . . With you."

She gently took her hand back, trying to regroup after her own misunderstanding of the events she saw. "I . . . Do you really want to go? Eating with me's a chore." A hint of a smile was pulling at the corners of her lips. Her whole chest began to warm, thinking he might actually want to be with her more than the other thin, beautiful girls throwing themselves at him.

"I eat lunch with you everyday, and it's the best part of my day," he replied.

The tension that had made her spine feel like it had a rod in its place, broke, because she took a breath and her whole body lurched toward him. "It is?" _He wasn't with Lauren like that so stop moping. Only you would think of something that low and repulsive. He's got morals, unlike you . . ._

"Yep." He sparkled with enthusiasm and those white, straight teeth were asking her to bite him to make sure he was real.

"Okay. We'll go get something to eat, then I'll drop you off at the game."

He shook his head. "I'm gonna drive. I've got my car back now, and you're going to join me at the game. I want you there."

"No, I—"

"I've got some money. I'll pay. And all you have to do is be with me." He waved goodbye and left.

She was left wondering if she'd ever figure out how to navigate her way with him.

.

.

Friday had her tense as ever. She wished the day would end already.

Edward coasted about as if on wings. It was infectious, or would be if she wasn't full of boulders in her gut, crashing together.

A date? She didn't do dates, and here she was.

She waited for him out in the parking lot, stood next to her Jeep and chained smoked to calm herself down.

He'd have to ignore the horrid scent. At least she had stopped smoking before school so she could smell good for him during their classes together. That was the best she could do.

Her hands shook as she took another drag.

Why did he even want to be around her?

Edward coasted out into the parking lot with a smug-looking Jessica walking next to him, albeit, giving him a generous berth.

Bella rolled her eyes. Would that stupid girl ever get over Mike? This was no longer ridiculous; it was borderline psychotic. And using Edward to annoy Bella wasn't going to get Jessica anywhere.

That girl needed to quit listening to Mike. He was a terrible liar, and she was gullible. God, they made a pair.

And Lauren was spiteful for no other than reason than she probably found it fun.

Jessica spotted Bella, grimaced, exchanged a few hushed words with Edward, smiled at him in the phoniest way imaginable and then left him.

"I'm starving," he said when he reached Bella. "But I'll try not overfill my stomach. I have to stop doing that or I'm gonna stop fitting my pants." He tugged on the waistband of his jeans.

She chuckled. If he had an ounce of fat on him anywhere she'd never know it. His whole body was lean and muscular.

"Did you want to try Mediterranean or would you rather have Mexican?" She preferred the former because it was easier to avoid the foods she missed like tacos and tamales. She was hooked to those not so long ago. She didn't even mind the frozen kinds. They were all yummy.

He had told her at lunch once before though he'd never had Mediterranean. Was this going to be a disaster?

"I want to eat whatever you like, and I'm happy to try something new." He took her hand and brought her over to her car door. "I think you should driver after-all since I'm a little worried and jittery." His hand shook when he unlocked her door, opened it for her and let her in.

"Sure, I can drive, but are you okay? Should we cancel?" she asked.

His eyes went wide and he took a step back. "It'll be fine; I won't be nervous once we start eating," he said with a slight smile. "We're going no matter what."

She smiled so big her cheeks were practically glued to her brows. "Why are you nervous?" _Why are you? You're the one that was chain smoking and shaking worse than him._

"I've never been on a real date before." His eyes were a soft moss-green; inviting.

She exhaled and brushed the back of her fingers on his hand resting on the door. "Me either—so that means we're equal here. No expectations. We'll eat, talk like we always do and then head back here for some god-awful football game."

"God doesn't think football's awful." He smirked.

"Are you learning to crack jokes and tease me?" She swallowed; he had her mouth watering. So damn cute.

"Maybe . . ." His smile turned shy and he ducked his head.

"Good start. I may have to write that joke down. Very clever," she said.

He looked up real fast, smiled brighter and then shut the door.

She watched in fascination as he zoomed around the front of the Jeep, leaning toward her at all times like a string was connecting them. Had he always done that and she never noticed before?

He heaved open the passenger's door, slipped in and before he was even seated, had her hand in his.

"You'll help me figure out what to order, right?" He shut his door and managed to buckle his seatbelt one-handed.

"If that's what you want."

He blinked. "Should I want something else other than you?"

She chuckled. "I have no idea, Edward. This is all about you—not me. If it weren't for you, I'd be at home right now scrounging together some lettuce for a pitiful salad."

"Well, I don't know what I'll want to eat, but I think it doesn't matter because you'll be with me." He gazed out the window as if waiting for her to figure things out and take them somewhere.

She shook her head and grinned. Edward, Edward, Edward . . . Always with something heartwarming to say.

She started the car and drove them to one of her new favorite spots to eat. It was a little more pricey than some of the others she frequented, but they had this amazing creamy tomato soup they made with no sugar in it.

As soon as she parked, he jumped out of the car, slammed his door shut and rocketed over to her side. He opened her door, helped her out and kissed her cheek.

"You smell like a lot of smoke," he said.

"Oh, I . . . Uh, sorry." She hunched her shoulders and sniffed at her shirt. She positively reeked.

"I think you should probably quit," he said.

She sighed. "I know I should but I need it like you need your numbers."

"They're both bad," he said, his eyes filled with torment.

"They have their uses too, though. And until I can figure out something to replace the cigarettes so I'm relaxed, they have to stay in my life." She shrugged an apology. Ugh, that sounded whiny and pathetic, but it was the truth.

"You could replace them with me. I'm learning to do that with you and my numbers, and I never want to trade them back. You're much better than any number ever was," he said, beaming.

She reached up and cupped his jaw off to one side. "I wish I was as smart as you so I could figure out how to do that."

"I don't make you happy?" His eyes dropped.

She firmed her hold on his jaw and lifted his head to encourage him to look her in the eye. He cooperated. "Never think that, because that would be the biggest lie ever. And I never said that. I only said I don't know how to relax without smoking."

His eyes lit up. "_I_ know! I could massage you whenever you're tense. You do that for me sometimes during class and it helps me so much!"

She took a deep inhale and her chest rounded as it slowly expelled the excess air out. "I'll think about it . . ."

"You will?"

She started walking toward the restaurant. He startled, lunged forward and caught up quickly with those long strides of his.

"You're gonna do it for me, right? Because I'm really right about this one. I know I am. Cigarettes are unhealthy, and you like to put healthy food in your body. You hate sugar and—"

She turned her head in his direction. "I never said I hate sugar either, but it's necessary for me to avoid it."

"I'm supposed to do that too, but I guess I have a hard time saying no to it."

"It may be a vice for you, but I'm addicted to cigarettes. It's not the same thing." She squeezed his hand and when they got to the door, he opened it for her.

"I know what an addiction is," he said once they were inside.

"And how would you know about that?" She rose an eyebrow and pursed her lips.

"Because I know you."

"Yeah, I get it. I'm a walking case of a person addicted to substances and all sorts of junk she doesn't need to be involved wi—"

"No, no," he waved his hand, "I mean I'm addicted to you. Emmett says I am, because I only talk about you, I count down the minutes 'til I'll see you again, and I'm edgy when you're gone."

A tidal wave of putrid guilt engulfed her. She was going to be leaving in the near future for an entire week to be with her dad, and she still hadn't told Edward about it. Her stomach squeezed and her neck was stiff.

"Addictions are a bad thing. What can we do to wean you off me?" She pointed to the hostess so he'd understand she had to attend to this for a moment.

"Two please, and we want a window seat with as much natural lighting as possible," he said, stepping forward.

The hostess looked him up and down and smiled at what she saw.

"And away from the kitchen if at all possible," Bella spoke up.

The hostess gave Bella a wrinkled brow like she couldn't possibly be with this guy.

Bella shook her head slightly and pushed her lips together so she could keep from telling-off this moron.

Once seated, the waitress was there almost right away, taking their drink orders.

Bella kept quiet to see if he'd order a soda. He asked for a water. Was it because of their conversation a few moments ago? Was he trying to prove he had some self control, and therefore, she could quit smoking too?

She flashed a smile at him before ordering herself a water as well with some lemon.

"What's the lemon for?" he asked her after the waitress was gone.

"For my salad. I use it as dressing." She tried to push down that sudden lump in her throat by swallowing hard, hoping it would go back into her gut, because, dammit, she was broaching the topic of food. It was coming—she could feel it. He was going to ask question after question and would be relentless until she satisfied his curiosity.

"Are their dressings gross?" His soft green eyes were melting that lump right out of her.

"No, they're fine. I'm just . . . Most dressings have sugar in them, and since I don't want to raise too much of a fuss with my picky eating habits, I figured I could make things easy on them. A lot of people order lemon with their water. I'll use it on my salad instead."

The water arrived and she could see the burning questions in his eyes.

"Do you think you have to be skinny like a model?" he asked, moving his water over a little from where it was set.

It had been obstructing the path for his hand he now had extended out on the table.

She took it, gratefully. If she had been him, had been brave enough, she would've asked for a hug right then, because vulnerable didn't quite explain how she felt. More like trapped and skinned alive as wolves circled.

"I don't care about that really," she wet her lips—they were so dry, "I'm foolishly trying to get back to what I once was. I guess I'm thinking if I look like that girl I used to be then maybe I can start acting like her too and trick others to believe I'm good again." She tucked her hair behind her ears with her uncommitted hand.

"I don't like telling you what to do, but I'm gonna this time. More than the smoking, this has to stop."

Her eyes went wide and she extended her neck back then focused her gaze more intently on him. It was a snap impulse, because this wasn't the Edward she knew.

"Why would you say that?" Her insides were shredded, more so than that skinned-alive on the outside feeling.

"Because you're beautiful as you are." She started to protest but he cut in, "It's more than that though." He leaned forward, his eyes ablaze with power. "I get out of control—you already know this—and when I do, I use all of my body weight. That's not normal. Dr. Harkham says people will use some restraint automatically; it's ingrained in them. I don't. If you get smaller, how will you be able to stop me or cushion the blow if I accidentally ram into you, knock you down or fall on you?"

Her mouth popped open and her eyes were drying out from the lack of blinking. Where did this come from?

"My mom was little like Alice. When I knocked her down, she went flying. Same with Alice. I want better for you. I'll try to never hurt you, but it's probably not a promise I can keep, because I can be dangerous at times." He stroked the outside of her hand with his thumb. "I like you too much to want to see you get hurt badly. Please, for me . . . We need to be together and you need to be safe."

"But I'm supposed to keep _you_ safe," she said in the tiniest voice possible.

"I want to share that responsibility and protect you too. Let's watch out for each other. That's what best friends do." His eyes twinkled like brilliant flashes of light.

Her whole insides dissolved into her seat. "I . . . I don't know if I can do that. There's a history of morbid obesity in my family, and I used to weigh over—"

He dug his thumb into her wrist, making her flinch. She looked down and when he saw it, his mouth opened and he released the pressure. "Sorry, I . . . The numbers were there . . . Shouting so loud I could barely hear you; I was making sure you were really here with me . . . I didn't realize how hard I was pressing."

"It's okay." She took a drink. Had he heard the part about what impacted her eating decisions? She hoped not. Maybe they could change the subject and move on.

The waiter returned to take their order. She realized they were both so engrossed with their conversation they forgot to look at their menus.

"What's the special for today?"

The waitress rambled off some fish and lamb dishes.

Edward winced a few times at the mention of both.

In the end, she ordered a big platter of chicken kabobs cooked in various spices, jasmine rice with almonds and seasonings, salads on the side, pita bread and hummus.

This way he could pick what he liked and she'd eat whatever he was uncomfortable with.

"Please stay the way you are. No more trying to lose weight. Just stay like this—it's perfect." He blinked, his eyes scrunched and he wore a giddy smile as he shifted a little in his seat. "It's really hot too—the way you're round in places I like to look at."

She burst into a chuckle. "Emmett told you my boobs would shrink if I kept losing weight, didn't he?"

He nodded and hid his quirky grin.

She grabbed her fork and said, "I may have to stab him in the nuts for that."

His smile dropped. "_No_! That could hurt him bad! He won't know I told you, and he won't tell anybody else, and I won't mention it ag—"

"Relax. I'm only kidding. I may be a lot of things, but I'm not a fork-killer. I leave that to the truly devoted wackos." She put the utensil down. "Now a spoon . . . _Maybe_ . . ." She laughed.

He sighed and uncurled in his chair.

"Your mom's not fat," he said out of nowhere.

"Huh?" Her eyes scrunched.

"You said there was morbid obesity in your family; I heard that part." His eyes shifted down to the table. "I saw your mom—she looked fine to me." He glanced up and eyed her fork.

She smiled at him. "No, she's in good shape. It's other members of my family."

"Your dad?"

She tensed and answered, "Yeah." It sucked telling the truth sometimes, but she had to start answering his questions if she wanted him to answer hers.

She changed the subject quick. "When you were a kid, what did you want to be when you grew up?" _Besides devastatingly gorgeous? _Her eyes roamed his body a little. She rarely did that—it was too painful—and only when he wasn't looking. It was probably a nuisance to him to be ogled all the time and have women hit on him merely for his looks. She never complimented him on his appearance. Partly due to her fear he might reciprocate. No—they had so many other points they could dwell on when it came to each other.

But did he have to be so stunning and ooze masculinity without even realizing it? He was a walking turn-on any time he was near. He had no idea what he did to her. And it was getting harder to ignore now that they were so physically comfortable around each other—constantly touching.

"Why are you looking at me like that?" he asked.

She coughed. "Like what?"

"Like I'm a piece of a plump donut?"

She laughed hard, rocking the table a little. "Maybe you are. Maybe you're the sugar I crave and can't have." No question—he was exactly that.

Their food came and she was able to avoid discussing the unguarded look she gave him.

Once through with their meal, and adequately stuffed, she paid even though he insisted on doing it. He frowned as they left. It made her smile.

Pouting Edward was even more endearing.

He promised to have so much cash with him next time, she'd have no choice but to let him pay for it.

She assured him she didn't mind, and it wasn't his job to take care of the bill, but he seemed torn up inside over it.

His manners were probably kicking him in the sack, telling him he was supposed to be manly and provide the funds for this date.

He brooded in the car on the way back to the school.

Their timing was excellent. They took so long at their meal, caught up in their conversation, that by the time they got back to the school, the Varsity game was just starting.

She let go of his hand to pay their entrance fee. This time he didn't bother to argue, just wore a glum expression instead. There was a nagging feeling she should let him get this one, but what was the point? It wasn't like they were really dating, and she didn't want it to feel like they were. They were friends and nothing more, and as his friend, she was happy to take care of expenses.

He wandered a few feet and peered over the half fence. It was a nice view of the football field. Emmett was probably out there, starting the game off.

She felt him before she saw him return as she was handed her change. His hand slipped into the one at her side.

"I wish I could play football, but remember how I told you about using too much of my body weight?" he said quietly in her ear.

She turned and they walked toward the bleachers.

"Yeah . . ."

"Well, I hurt Emmett too many times playing it with him. I made him pull all sorts of muscles, even his groin. He was mad about that one."

She rubbed his arm of the hand she was holding with her other hand. "I'll bet he was."

"Not at me, though. He's too nice to get mad at me. He was mostly mad it hurt so much."

They clomped up the metal ramp leading to the bleachers.

Their eyes swept up to find an open spot.

It was fairly crowded and the only areas she could see available all contained people she wanted to avoid.

Great.

Most of them were people she had to cut off after her last relapse, to keep from becoming a full-fledged addict again.

"There's my woman," Mike's voice rang from over her right shoulder.

Please, no! Her whole body froze, and her heart iced over.

She dragged Edward toward an aisle so they could escape him.

Mike pulled on her hair, yanking her back.

She swung around and smacked his hand off her.

"Don't touch her," Edward growled.

"Or what?" Mike smirked. "I only wanted to talk to you for a minute," he said to her directly.

"No." Bella glared.

"Aw, come on . . . For old time's sake." Mike's eyes were filled with confidence.

"Whatever!" She rolled her eyes. "You're old news to me, and there's nothing here to reminisce about." She edged closer to Edward. "What are you doing in the crowd anyway? Why aren't you playing tonight?" What kind of quarterback sat out their game against the school's rival team?

"Hurt my ankle at practice yesterday." He wiggled it around to show her.

She kicked it with the toe of her shoe. "Sounds like a lame-ass excuse to me."

"It is. How else am I supposed to get you alone when you act in class like you don't know me?" He licked his lips.

"She said no—that means no talking to you," Edward said. He pulled her arm back to move her away.

Mike followed. "Let me give you a tip, Ace—get her high before you do it. She's more loose that way, and gives better head. And make sure her fingers are—"

"Ten minutes. That's all you get!" she snapped, her finger stabbing in Mike's chest. "And after, you don't say a word to Edward about anything at all. Got it?"

Mike gave a curt nod.

"No, don't go," Edward whimpered in her ear.

"Meet me by the boy's locker room in two minutes," Bella told Mike.

He took off in that direction without another snide word.

She turned back to Edward—his eyes were shut tight and he was mumbling advanced calculus formulas.

Her hands were immediately cupping his neck and kneading a little. "Shhh . . . It's all right. I'm gonna tell him I'm with you and for him to back off. That's all. Then I'll come right back here to you."

"You can do that with me at your side. I need to protect you. He's huge." His eyes stayed closed.

"He's gonna say some mean things first. They won't hurt me, because you've already filled me up with so many nice words tonight at dinner." She used the most soothing voice she could.

A tear gathered at the corner of his left eye. "I don't want him to say mean things to you. That's disrespectful, and it's not okay to treat women that way."

She leaned in and kissed his ear. "It's okay. I'm gonna be right back." She turned his head with her hand, he opened his eyes then she pointed at the bleachers. "I see Alice up there at the top with a friend of hers. Go sit with her. That way I'll know where to find you when I get back."

"Will you come back with a soda?"

"Sure." She inhaled deeply. He smelled better than any man should be allowed. Goosebumps ran down her neck.

"Then I'll make sure to be good . . . But if he hurts you—"

"He won't. He's a marshmallow, and I roast those and eat 'em for dessert."

"When you're not sugar-free?" He rubbed his cheek against hers.

"I'm not sugar-free starting now. Just for you, my best friend."

His stiff shoulders softened and he took his first step toward the top. She waited for a second to make sure he wasn't going to change his mind and bolt after her.

His hands clasped together in front of him, and she heard him count each step he took.

She waved at Alice to get her attention and motioned over to Edward so she'd see him.

Alice popped up out of her spot and raced over to him.

Bella knew he'd be in his comfort zone now, so she took off after that brain-dead jock.

When she rounded the corner to the deserted boy's locker room, he was smoking.

"You're not my dealer anymore," she said right away.

He propped a foot up on the wall and his smug, disgusting lips rubbed together. "Who _is_? I'll cut you a better deal than they do."

"No one. I don't have a dealer because I don't make deals anymore. Period. I had those two relapses and that's it. Been clean ever since." She kept her distance. "I'm sure you're not hurting for clients."

"I'm not." He pushed himself off the wall with his foot and propelled himself straight at her. "But nobody paid me the way you did." He pulled several hundred dollar bills out of his pocket and wadded it into her hand. "In fact, _I'll_ pay _you_."

She pulled up her hand and tossed it in his face. "I'm not a hooker."

"You sucked me like one. What other girl your age knows how to do the things you did to me?"

"I'm leaving," she said, turning to go.

He grabbed her right arm and yanked it up sharply behind her back then pushed her up against the brick wall.

Her arm groaned in protest but her cheek was worrying her more. If she bruised there, Edward would go ballistic.

"What. Do. You. Want?" she gritted, trying to see him over her shoulder.

His legs were spreading hers from behind. "You know what I want. I want my whore back who sucks it like a goddamn black hole and milks that spot inside." He licked the back of her neck. "And puts her mouth and fingers where no other girl will put them." She heard him unzipping. "I made sure not to shower today so it's nice and raunchy down there, just the way you like it."

"I'd rather eat your soiled jockstrap—it's cleaner." She chuckled but it was strained since she couldn't take in enough breath.

The second he had his body pressed up against hers, she dropped all her weight and spun so her arm would slip from his grip. Once on the ground, she ducked down, jabbed him between the legs with all her force and then she rolled backward. Being free of him, and having him disoriented, sucking in gasps of ragged air to divert the pain, making it so he couldn't react, she seized the moment and kicked him in the ass, pounding him into the wall in the exact spot she'd just been in.

As soon as he was there, she jumped to her feet and rammed her body into his, her knee wedged in his lower back. She took a hard bite of his neck. He yelped.

"You know I like this," he hissed, taunting.

"Oh, I know. Tomorrow you won't be liking it so much when you can't turn your head and piss. Now, stop coming around, propositioning me. I don't have sex with anybody, least of all you!" She bit him again, harder this time, and in the same spot. As he cursed, she grabbed his hand that was reaching back for her and snapped his right pinky, breaking it.

"Owwww! Goddammit, stop it!"

"This is your warning. A small one. You stay away from Edward, his entire family and me. Otherwise, next time I'm gonna break an entirely different appendage—one that will hurt way more than this one." She shoved off him, making sure her knee dug in before it broke contact.

He turned to her, cradled his hand with the wounded digit and said, "I've already been warned by your stupid little body-guard."

She leaned her head to the side and looked at him from the corner of her eye. "What are you talking about?"

"Too good to do it yourself anymore? Need a little dark haired munchkin to pull a knife for you?"

"Alice?" Couldn't be.

"Yeah, that psycho took a knife to my equipment. She said the same exact things you just did," he huffed, trying to catch his breath; his thighs were pressed securely together. He hunched over like he was about to lash out at her.

She crossed her arms over her chest and stayed where she was. "Alice Cullen pulled a knife on you? Where did she do this?"

"After practice two nights ago. I figured you were high when you sent her after me, and whatever the hell she's on, it makes her rage like a pit-bull. She slashed my jeans on the crotch and ruined them. She owes me seventy bucks for them. They're were new!"

"Oh, I see, so you dragged me over to exact payment tonight, is that it?"

"No, I . . . I wanted to . . . I figured you needed a hit, and I wanted to give it to you, because I knew what I'd get in return." He smiled.

Her stomach retched. She had to fight off the impending episode threatening to break free. No vomiting! This would explode her in face if that happened.

"Tell Jessica to up her game. It's not hard. All she has to do is stop breathing for a while so she won't smell or taste any of your vile—"

_Whhhhhaaaaack!_

He kicked her in the gut, and she went flying backward.

"Uuuuuummgggg," she groaned.

He staggered toward her, hobbling because of where she'd punched him.

"You self-righteous bitch; you'll be begging for it, and when you do, I'm gonna make you do it until you can't even remember your own name! And then, maybe I'll give you my cheap stuff—the garbage nobody wants to inject in their veins. The stuff that makes you see monsters coming out of the cracks of the walls."

"They look like you, right?" she managed to choke out.

She rolled to her side then pushed herself up to standing.

He leaned toward her and extended his neck as far as it would go. He whispered through his teeth, "I was gonna give you the best I had. You would've been high all night long, and all it would've taken was you giving me oral and your fingers shoved in my a—"

"Goodbye, Mike. I'm through here." She took off, walking much faster than he'd ever be able to.

Her stomach felt flayed open, gutted with a machete, but she straightened her spine and told herself Edward would see how Mike had messed her up. And there was no way she'd do that to him—not her sweet, innocent Edward.

She paid for a soda on the way back to the bleachers, and when she got there, Jessica was at his side, blowing on his neck.

She exhaled in a rush. How many people was she going to have to try to sterilize with a crotch-jab tonight? Her fist was gonna be more sore tomorrow than her stomach.

She spit out several coarse words under her breath as she approached victim number two.

**A/N:**

**I've been asked several times if this story will be an HEA. I can answer that question right now and say, yes, absolutely. There will be some angst here and there, but mostly it's a sweet love story of friends, helping each other out and growing as individuals and as a couple. **

**Somebody reviewed as a guest and brought up a good question from chapter 2: **Alice didn't even introduce herself or notice that Edward had Bella's hand in his possession?

**Sorry, if I didn't explain this. I want this story to move fast and I expect my readers to read between the lines. Maybe that's not fair of me. So, here's my answer on this: Alice did notice, but she was too focused on Edward. She figured this handholding with a strange girl was a one-time deal, like a fluke that would fade and take care of itself, so it wasn't worth her acknowledging. The introduction between Alice and Bella (the formal one) happened while they were in the gym, sitting together and Edward was trying to impress her with his basketball skills. Didn't want to slow the story down with that little mundane introduction. Hope that helps…**

**Thank you to those of you who've rec'd this story out. I apologize if I'm unaware of any one else pimping it out that I haven't already thanked; just know I'm appreciative since I don't have the time and can't really do it myself anyway on my facebook and twitter account since there are real life family and friends I'd rather didn't read my stuff. Trust me—it's caused me problems before with some serious backlash and it was hideous.**

**Scarlett**


	10. Chapter 10

**Chapter 10: Cocooned**

"Oh, hi, Bella," Jessica said, smirking and weaving her head back and forth as a taunt.

The skank wiggled her fingers that were on the seat right next to Edward's thigh, sans fake nails, nail polish and rings.

"Mmm," Bella grunted and tipped her chin up in slight acknowledgment of Jess. "You're in my seat."

"You took too long to claim it. Edward promised he'd hold my hand at a sporting event, so here we are." Jess stretched her neck and leaned in Edward's direction.

He inched away. "I'm not ready for that, and I never really meant to do this. I didn't think I'd ever be here at a game," he admitted. He turned his head to Jess but kept as far away as possible as he glued himself up against Alice. "It wasn't a lie though, because I said I 'might,' not 'will,' so I don't have to do it."

"Don't be like that, Edward. Ignore whatever stuff Bella's told you about me."

His eyes narrowed at her. "Bella doesn't talk about you. She doesn't talk about anybody."

"Yeah, not worth it," Bella murmured under her breath.

"Excuse me? You mean to tell me you're scared of me on your _own_?" She slid over until her thigh was flush up against his. Her mottled bare leg looked macabre, like a zombie virus was inside her. It was unseasonably chilly tonight—the bleachers were frosty, and this girl wore a miniskirt, heels, and tank top.

"I'm not scared, I just don't like you," Edward blurted. He looped his arm through Alice's.

"Enough of this, Jessica. He's not used to people being this forward. You're freaking him out and we don't need him to trip out on us up here. Please leave." Alice flicked her head toward the steps leading to the bottom of the bleachers.

"No. He's my friend, and it's cold. I'm gonna warm him up," she insisted. Her hand reached out, and Edward closed his eyes and whimpered.

Bella's hand flew out and her hands surrounded that tiny wrist. "No means no. There's such a thing as female rapists, Jess. Do you know what happens to them?"

"Nothing, because they don't exist." Jessica clawed at Bella's vice grip on her.

Alice got up, went to the other side of Jessica and yanked her by the arm until she was standing.

Jess yelped and her eyes went wide as her face drained of color.

Alice got right in her face. "That's right they don't, because I make sure they get destroyed." Her jaw tightened. "I don't allow anyone to harm my brother," she gritted through her teeth.

Shivers broke through Bella and she stepped back.

Alice gave a slight push on Jessica's shoulder. "Bye, bye."

Jess tripped down a few stairs and found her cousin, Lauren, a few seats away. She joined her; pointed in Bella's direction, whispered, glared and made a general ass of herself.

Bella sat down in the spot Jess had left warm. It was difficult to stay in that spot, knowing who had been there, but Bella took a few deep breaths and talked herself into staying.

"Crisis averted," Bella told him.

"I was rude. I told her I don't like her." Edward wrapped himself around her, hugging with a grip bordering on painful.

"Was it true?" She stroked her hand up and down, from his head to his waist, over and over.

His body shook. "Yes. I hate her."

_Hate?_ Edward never used strong words like that. "Why?"

"She creeps me out, and she's like somebody else I once knew . . ."

Alice stood as a sentinel at the end of the row like she was making sure no other whore came near him. It was far enough away she'd be oblivious to anything Bella said to him.

"Who? Who does she remind you of?"

"At my last school, the last time I tried to complete my senior year, a girl acted like she loved me. I believed her, and I thought I was supposed to have a girlfriend. She took me into the girls' bathroom and told me to get naked. So I did. She pulled a camera out of her backpack. She said it would be fun to pose for pictures, so I bent over for her, but I made sure she could see my face, because she said that was important." Bella stopped breathing. Her gut weighed about a hundred pounds and was sinking through her body. Her arms grew stiff as the instinct to pound this girl into oblivion took over. She continued to stroke him, and he went on, "Alice was looking for me, and she found us. She made me get dressed, kicked me out of the bathroom then she took care of the girl."

"Fooooohhhh," she exhaled with controlled increments. _Calm, Bella. You don't know this girl . . . _Her hands flexed and she shut her eyes while she took a steadying breath. She opened them and he was staring at her with questioning eyes. "Take care how?"

"I don't know, but the camera was missing after that, and the girl looked like she was going to cry the when she came out of the bathroom and saw me." He shuttered for a moment. "When she came near me to talk, there was a lot of blood."

"_Blood_?" She had to fight off the overwhelming urge to jump up and hunt this twisted bitch down that had him posing as if for a photo shoot.

"I don't know what happened. The numbers took me, but when I came back around, she had blood all over her face and Alice was being dragged away." He wrapped his leg over hers. "I got kicked out of school after that."

"My God . . ." She worked her fingers into his hair, stared at his huddled up form draped around her and swore this type of thing would never happen to him again as long as they were both at the same school.

Bella glanced over at Alice and . . . _nothing_. All numb.

There was no gratitude there. More a sense of impending danger, the most menacing kind in Edward's life.

A sheet of ice ran down her back, or that's what it felt like when she realized Alice knew a lot more about the trouble Edward had experienced than she'd ever tell.

Edward had told her to ask Alice whenever she had questions about him.

Screw that. There was something really wrong here . . .

.

.

One week later, Edward was stuck; had no idea what to do. Bella was gone, and the Homecoming dance was tonight. Alice said she didn't know where Bella had gone either; he didn't believe her.

Not that it really mattered. It wasn't like Bella ever said she'd go with him, but he'd hoped he could convince her to go tonight when he showed up at her door in a suit.

So, he did the only thing he could—stole his sister's phone, read her texts and emails that involved Bella, found out where she was, and for the first time, lied to his dad.

Alice had already lied to him—she knew exactly where Bella had gone, so one more lie in the family would be acceptable.

Besides, he had no choice. It wasn't like he could call Bella's mom and ask where she went—that woman disliked him more than he detested most vegetables.

He told his family he was going to the Homecoming Dance on his own. They all believed him, and Alice didn't even question him as she ran around getting ready. She seemed distracted but said she'd look for him at the dance and make sure he was okay.

After dressing in his nicest suit, he packed a change of clothes in his backpack and shoved it in the backseat of the Volvo.

He drove north for two straight hours until he arrived in Flagstaff and was careful not to speed even though his foot tapped at the gas pedal several times in a twitchy way.

The numbers would come and go, but he kept Bella at the forefront of his thoughts to keep himself present and under control.

His music playing loudly helped as well.

He drove around the city until he found where she was.

The address was easy enough to find—she, however, was not.

There was a sea of people in a long line wrapping around a block. Why was she out at night, waiting in line for some rock concert tickets? Why didn't she buy them online?

He scanned the crowd, starting at the back and moving toward the front of the gargantuan line.

A few people were wrapped up in blankets and sleeping bags. He stared at them carefully in case she was one of them.

As he got closer to the front his heart pounded. What if she wasn't here?

"Thanks," he heard a familiar sweet voice say.

Edward's legs almost gave out on him, but they got smart and broke into a run instead, straight toward that glorious sound.

She was in a sleeping bag, sitting on the pavement, blowing at a hot drink in her hand.

There was a man sitting in front of her on a camping chair, handing her something she must've dropped.

A tightness in Edward's chest overwhelmed him as his heart constricted violently.

"Bella!" he yelled to snatch her attention away.

Outside of Mike, he'd never seen her talk to any other guy besides himself.

He didn't like it.

Her head snapped in his direction and when she saw him, her whole face lit up as she sat up taller. It disappeared as quick as a fading shooting star, but it was there, and he wrapped his heart around it so he'd never forget that look.

He trotted over to her, stopped abruptly and dropped down onto the cool sidewalk so he could be with her.

"This is nice," he said.

"_I _think so," she replied. "This is where I belong."

He folded his arms over his chest. The night air was chilly. "Then I belong here too." He grinned.

"Edward . . . What are you doing here? Does your family know where you are?"

"I wanted to find you." He smiled bigger, hoping to distract her from asking about his family again.

"And where do they think you are?"

"At the dance."

She looked at her cell phone and turned it on. "Which is ending now. So, they're probably panicking and you'll be getting a ton of irate calls really soon." She chuckled. "This isn't good. I'm already a horrible influence on you. Now you're lying like me." She shook her head but still laughed in an amused way.

"I don't care if they think I've run away and joined the circus," he said. He looked deep in her eyes and then examined her whole face. "Bella, I would give everything that I am, give up everything I own, to know _all_ of you. I can't ever have enough. And if it means I get in trouble, it's worth it." He'd sell his car if he had to . . .

She swallowed, her eyes brightened and grew a little wide then she sighed. "Good God . . ." she murmured. Her body slumped after that.

He shivered. They were up in the mountains, so it was a good twenty to thirty degrees cooler here than in Phoenix. So back home where he was fine in a tee shirt and jeans, here, he was gonna freeze. It was amazing how quickly he'd adapted to the heat.

"Where's your jacket?" she asked, her eyes really troubled.

"I . . . Uh . . . I sort of forgot to bring one," he answered sheepishly. "But that's okay. You'll keep me warm by letting me be near you."

She opened up her sleeping bag. "Get in."

His smile broke so hard his jaw felt like it might pop. "I won't take up too much room—I swear." He pulled off his shoes and crawled in where it was nice and warm and smelled like Bella's home. Like heaven.

He snuggled into her side and she laid down, taking him with her. She shoved a backpack under her head and wrapped her arms around him. He laid his head on her upper chest, tucked right under her chin, and his arms wound under her thick jacket.

"You're warm and you smell like something delicious," he told her.

She chuckled, making his head bounce. "That's how you smell, you sweet man." Her top hand ghosted up his spine and she stroked back and forth across the tops of his shoulders. He purred and wiggled deeper into her hold. She hummed, and every now and then, her fingers would drift up the nape of his neck, making his whole back explode in chills. When she'd twirl the ends of his hair around her fingers, whimpers would escape him, and he'd get awfully sore.

Back and forth she'd go. He was a mess—so relaxed he wanted to sleep, but too wound up with heat flooding particular parts of his body.

"I really like you," he said.

"I really like you too. Probably too much for your own good." She chuckled again, but this time it sounded dark and remorseful. "Go to sleep. We've got hours on this hard ground before the line's gonna go anywhere."

"When they find me, you won't let them take me away will you?" His voice shook.

"I wish I had that much control over your life, but unfortunately—"

He lifted his head to look her in the eye. "But you do, Bella, you do! You're becoming my numbers. You're all I see in my head most of the time. But with you—it's safe. I have more control."

Her eyes grew round for a second, then she pulled his head back down to her chest and played with his hair, scratched at his scalp and remained quiet.

"I really, really like you. I want to be with you more than I get to," he reiterated.

"Shhhh . . . Sleep, or I'm calling Alice to come get you."

He nodded and nuzzled into her neck. For a second, he thought about what it might be like to have her like this in his bed at home.

But that thought left as his lips touched her neck. He kissed her, but one wasn't enough. The smell there at her pulse drew him in.

So he landed several more, and before he knew it, he was kissing her mouth, inviting his tongue inside and she was humming again, but this time it wasn't a song.

She pulled the sleeping bag up over their head and the kisses grew needier, heavier.

Her hands roamed over his back, his hips, and she even grabbed the back of his thighs a few times, making his hips flex forward on their own. She made a tormented sound when he'd do that, and then she'd kiss him harder.

He didn't know what to do, so he followed her lead.

If she groaned, it sparked a fire that would ripple through his belly and run straight down and end mid-thighs. That whole area was pulsing with vibrant heat. He loved the way she was making him feel, so he did it again.

She made that same tiny sound, overwhelming his senses. His hands tugged at her hips to get her closer where he needed the friction. One of her legs suddenly wrapped up around his hip, and her ankle tucked between his legs from behind. She was really open . . . _right there_.

His body moved up and down, his tongue moved the same way his soreness did, and moans emanated out of him.

He stopped for a second to catch his breath. "This is how it's supposed to be, isn't it? This good feeling in my whole body—it's how a man can feel with a woman. Nobody ever told me this part." He nipped at her jaw.

She yelped then chuckled. "It's not always like this, because it depends on who you're with and how you feel about them."

"How do you feel about me? Does this feel as good to you as it does to me—because I can't imagine ever feeling better than this—ever!" He stilled his hips to silence his body. Every cell of him had to hear her response.

"That's a complicated question; one I'm not sure I can answer." He started to protest, to beg for more of a complete answer, but she shushed him by putting a finger over his lips. He kissed that finger. "All I can say is, in the short time I've known you, you've come to mean more to me than anybody I know."

The corners of his mouth dragged upward and he smooshed his lips hard into her fingers. He wagged his head back and forth playfully, kissing as he went.

"Now, go to sleep before we get thrown into jail for something lame like indecent exposure." She pulled the top of the sleeping bag off their heads so they could get some air.

He looked to see if the guy next to her that had been talking to her when Edward had arrived was watching them. He wasn't.

Good. None of his damn business. All he needed to know was she was unavailable.

Edward knew he'd have good dreams as she tickled and stroked his back as all the while he would remain soldered up against her side with his arms wrapped around her.

She yawned but seemed nowhere near sleep.

He drifted off, yet was acutely aware her hands never stopped exploring his body in a heady way.

What seemed like hours later, he awoke to find her eating a small orange she was drizzling with some kind of oil.

She was sitting up, but still had her body up against his. He was almost draped over her lap.

"There he is," his brother's voice lilted. "Sleep good?"

"Go away," Edward told him, refusing to look his direction.

"Hungry?" she asked Edward and offered him a slice.

"Very. What's the oil stuff you're putting on it?"

"I won't put it on yours if you don't want." She smiled and gave him a small kiss on the top of his head.

His whole chest burned. Emmett saw her do that.

"No, it's okay. I want to try it. But what is it?" he asked again.

"Coconut oil. Do you like coconut?"

"I love it," he said, his voice brightening.

Emmett remained quiet as she drizzled some oil and fed it to Edward. A fusion of tropical flavors exploded in his mouth. This was marvelously delicious.

"More," he growled.

She placed two into his mouth and he dragged his tongue along the underside of her fingers as she pulled her hand back. Her smile was infectious, because when Edward finally glanced over at his brother, he wore the broadest grin ever.

"I see why you chased her here. So this is the girl you were talking about. I get it now," Emmett said, nodding. He squatted next to them. "Dad wanted me to bring you directly home, but I think I'll go get something to eat, come back here and hang out with you two for a little bit."

"Do whatever you want. I'm staying with Bella," Edward replied.

"I can see that," his brother said then smacked Edward on the back in a playful, sportsmanship kind of way.

The force of the blow almost made him choke on the oranges he was eating, but he managed to swallow them down safely and follow it up with a glare at Emmett.

"Be back in a little bit. You two get into as much trouble as you can while I'm gone." Emmett winked at him.

"Stop talking," Edward groaned.

Emmett left a moment later and Bella continued to feed Edward, and she interspersed it with some open-mouthed kisses.

He digested her, more than food, and it was yummy.

"I want to do this every weekend with you for the rest of forever," he said.

She pecked at his lips and smiled as she patted his cheek. Her hand slid down his jaw. "Let's take it one weekend at a time, okay?"

They continued to eat, but most of what she brought was fruits, and it was going straight past his stomach, because he never felt full.

It was hard to stop eating. He knew he should refrain from gobbling it all down—this was her food. She only brought enough for one person, but he needed more. He was famished.

Emmett returned all too soon with a McDonald's bag in tow.

"I love those," Edward said when Emmett unwrapped an Egg McMuffin and started chowing down. "Did you bring me one?"

"Uwf coufe," Emmett said, mouth full, shoving the bag toward them. "Bewwa can haf some too." His mouth was so crammed with food it was hard for him to talk.

Edward took two, handed her one and began tearing into his.

"These are the best!" Edward moaned.

Bella unwrapped the food and ate everything except the breading. Without asking, Edward snatched at what she left behind and gulped it down practically whole.

"Good thing I know the Heimlich," she commented.

Emmett laughed. "I've got him covered if he chokes himself."

"So, you're a rock-n-roll groupie, huh?" Emmett asked her.

She took a sip from her nearby hot drink and said, "Groupie's a little strong. I'm not that bad."

"Who else camps out overnight for Pearl Jam tickets? I mean, come on. They're old." Emmett moved around Edward and sat on the other side of Bella on the sidewalk. She angled herself so she could talk to him better.

Edward grabbed some hash-browns out of the McDonald's bag and started devouring those. He listened intently between bites and swallows.

"Somebody who owes her life to music." She took another drink.

"Tell me about it. What does music do for you?" Emmett stared at her intently.

She sighed, looked down at her lap and said in a quiet voice, "It's what got me outta rehab. It's what kept me going. The music got me through, because I felt like somebody understood. I met a girl there who introduced me to several rock groups."

"No kidding? What other groups do you like?" Emmett's face was like a man catching hold of a star on the move.

Edward's ribs were tight because his heart was racing and his lungs were struggling to take in enough air. Did Emmett like her the way Edward did? _Already_?

Well, then again, Edward liked her right away too. She did that to people.

Emmett and Bella talked animatedly about several rock bands and even debated over a few they disagreed on about their greatness and legendary status.

They laughed and had a good time. All without Edward.

His insides felt ready to burst, with his heart being the first one to explode.

"Stop talking," Edward blurted.

But they didn't hear him because they kept going, so Edward snuggled up behind Bella and pulled her back down to lying flat.

He pulled the blanket up around them and she propped herself onto her side as she faced his brother and kept blabbing.

Edward's hands pulled at her possessively. He kissed up and down the back of her neck, nipped at her ear and rocked himself into her with his hips and sore spot.

She ignored it, so he ran his hands up and down her hips and thighs, and when that got no reaction, he started groping her backside.

So many curves and such wonderful roundness. His hands dug deep into the denim and even wandered between her thighs she now held tightly together.

Still, she kept going on and on with his brother. And she was letting Edward have the freedom to touch how he wanted. She had yet to stop him.

He slipped his hand under her jeans to get a better feel for her rear-end, but this time, she reached around behind herself and pulled his hand back out.

"Just a minute," she told Emmett. "This guy's trying to tell me something." She turned around, rolled over Edward so he could snuggle into her from the front. She was still facing Emmett so she could keep talking to him, but now Edward was holding her.

She pulled the sleeping back up so it was around their shoulders, and she did it while still talking.

A wave of fire rushed through his head. _Emmett's more important!_

His hands fisted. _Her_ hands were soft; they caressed up and down his back. But her attention was still divided.

Edward licked his lips and kissed her neck. When she was laughing with Emmett, Edward managed to open a few buttons on her flannel shirt, reach inside and touch a bra-covered breast.

Oh, so warm and soft. He'd never felt anything more wonderful.

Her body recoiled, probably because his hands were a little cooler than her skin in that spot, but she didn't remove his hands like she did when he got inside her jeans.

That meant this was okay!

His fingertip swiped back and forth at her erect nipple. He swallowed hard and ignored how swollen and sore he was from this small little protruding piece of flesh on her that he liked more than anything. He explored by tweaking it a little with his thumb and forefinger—twisting slightly and tugging. She was oblivious, and feelings of inadequacy flooded him. She liked his brother. She was talking to Emmett about things Edward was clueless about. She said at one point rock music was her salvation.

Edward wanted to be that for her. His chest ached in so many unnameable spots he thought he might pass out. _He_ needed her, _not_ his brother. And why had she never told him music meant so much to her? It did to him too, only not rock.

He wanted to scream at Emmett to leave her alone—that she was _his_—Edward's, and nobody else's.

Edward bit into the flesh surrounding her collarbone as he squeezed her breast with his entire hand. A groan escaped him. Oh wow, the feel of it—more of it—it was all in his palm and it was incredible. He squeezed harder; he'd never let go.

"What. Are. You. Doing?" She had stopped talking to Emmett, and was now staring down at what had been the top of his head but was now his guilty grin.

He was looking up through his lashes and his hair flopping in his eyes. "Nothing," he answered, displaying a boyish grin instead of one that said he was caught doing something that got him in trouble.

"So naughty." She reached inside the sleeping bag, pulled his hands around her into a hug. "If you want to go back home, Emmett, I'll take care of him. I'll make sure he gets back safely. The box-office opens in less than an hour. I'll get my tickets and head home," she told him like Edward was invisible again—like he didn't exist.

"Yeah . . . I don't need a babysitter," Edward added. He grabbed her rear-end to keep her with him and to get her attention. "And you shouldn't talk about me like I'm not here. It's rude!"

"I agree. And just so you know, big brother—this is by far the best thing you've ever done. She's really cool, and I can see why you're so into her." Emmett got up, dusted himself off. "Make sure you bring the Volvo back without getting any speeding tickets," he warned.

"It's not your concern how I get home," Edward huffed.

"Whatever," Emmett said with a chuckle. "It's your life, man, and if you want to do it this way, who am I to argue?"

Emmett left and Edward redoubled his efforts from earlier to feel more of her and to see how far he could get inside her clothes.

But now that she wasn't distracted by his brother's big mouth, she wouldn't let him touch her at all. Nope, nothing but strict hugging.

_Damn it! Emmett, come back!_

**A/N:**

**Good news for you amazing reader/reviewers! I've got a beta now on this story, so from here on out, there will be a lot less mistakes. SunflowerFran3759 has a great eye for catching all the little stuff. **

**Scarlett**


	11. Chapter 11

**Chapter 11: Finding the Way Home**

Edward stepped with Bella up to the window. He shoved his hands in his pockets and palmed his wallet in his right.

"I need two tickets, please," Bella told the woman behind the box office booth.

"She needs four," Edward corrected, and before Bella could balk, he had his credit card out and the woman had swiped it.

"What are you doing?" Bella hissed.

"Getting you tickets. I'm coming too, and I'll probably have to bring Emmett," he sighed and rolled his eyes.

"I . . . Will I ever get used to this?" Her arms flailed out to the side for a moment and then landed at her sides.

The woman gave him the receipt and the tickets; he tucked them and his credit card away while he smiled at Bella as she pulled him out of line.

"I really like the way your hair has some red in it in the light. Kind of like mine. I hardly get to see it in bright, natural light like this. It's pretty." He reached out to touch it. It was like the smoothest, softest feathers ever. He touched a bird once when he was little; his mom let him pet it since it belonged to a friend of hers. He never forgot that wondrous feel. This was better. "I like you hair a lot. Our kids would have the most beautiful hair ever."

She got a little teary eyed, her face paled and she grabbed his hand, pulling it off her hair. "I'm sure they would, but I'm never having kids, so I'd rather not talk about this."

She started walking briskly away from the booth. As she was going about gathering her sleeping bag and backpack she'd set aside while she was paying, he swooped in and grabbed it for her.

"I'll carry all of it," he said. "That's my job." A heavy weight felt like it had settled on his chest, rather than his shoulder where the backpack now rested. "How come you don't wanna have kids?"

"'Cause I'd probably kill 'em." She shrugged and turned away from him.

It looked like she was wiping her eyes. Was she tired?

"C'mon. You deserve a treat after paying for those overpriced tickets." She waved for him to follow but barely looked at him.

They wound up at her jeep. She helped stow all the gear away.

"Let's have a real breakfast. I'm starving! And there's this great little ma and pa shop I love coming to whenever I'm here." She pulled out her own wallet. "This time I'm paying, and no arguments from you." She opened the rusted, creaky passenger's side door and he hopped in. Before closing it, she said, "Thanks for joining me, Edward. You have no idea how you brighten everything around you, including the bleak dark thoughts of a crazy girl, waiting on a cold sidewalk." She swallowed back some emotions Edward couldn't name, so he reached for her.

She yelped when he pulled her into his lap. "You can cuddle with me whenever you're sad," he told her. "It feels nice for both of us."

"I don't know that it will help," she said, muffled, because she had her face smooshed into his chest and her palm rested right on his abs.

It made him squirm for a minute because the sore spot was really close to that hand. But she was sad, so he ignored it.

"It will make it better. It _does_. I know, because that's why I hold your hand and need hugs from you. It always makes it better. I want to do that for you too."

"O-kay," she said, sounding childlike and out of breath.

His heart swelled. She was accepting his help, letting herself need him.

He sunk his nose into her hair. It smelled wonderful. There was a faint trace of smoke, but it was so light, he was able to get past it.

She shivered.

"Are you cold?" he asked.

"Always. I live in the dark."

His brow furrowed. "You live in the land of the sun. That's not possible."

She patted his tummy. "Not when you're around, it's not." She sighed and sat up. "Thank you." She kissed his lips so fast he didn't have time to react.

She slid off his lap with a weak smile, was about to shut the door when he grabbed her arm and halted her. "When you do that—you kiss me because you want to or need to—it makes the whole world better. I want you to know that." He let go of her arm, touched his lips softly with his fingertips and almost went into a trance-state. She was every particle air of he'd ever need to be okay.

Bella tucked her head down, shut the door as quietly as she could and walked around the back of the jeep.

He barely noticed when she started the car and drove off.

She played some serene music, adding to the ebb and flow of his mood. Had he ever been this calm and relaxed?

"Bella . . . ?" He turned his head to gaze on her.

"Hmmm?" She looked lost in her own thoughts.

"My favorite part of last night—well, there were lots—but the part I'll always remember is being so close to you I could hear your every heartbeat and breath. It made me . . ." she stiffened in her seat ". . . well, it helped me feel I was at a new home I've never known. And I like this new one much better than one I've already got." He was so happy he could barely feel his feet wiggling.

She smiled but kept silent. The drive was peaceful and he almost fell asleep.

Several minutes later, she parked in front of a little cafe and a tear swelled at the corner of her right eye. Her eyes closed and stayed that way for a moment as she took a deep breath. She rubbed that eye, opened both her eyes and it looked like a new solid thought was behind her. "It's time to feed you."

They got out and walked with linked hands inside the restaurant.

Bella took care of everything. She found them a great place to sit, and it was close to the all the pastries, muffins, and donuts. They were freshly baked, that was obvious, because the fresh-baked smell lingered in the air. Could this morning be any brighter and more beautiful?

"I like this place," he said, rocking side to side with a shift of his hips as he gripped the edge of his seat. "It's like a day of music!"

She smiled, placed an elbow on the table and rested her right cheek in her right hand as she sat still and observed him. "What's it like in that head of yours? What do the numbers feel like?" Her tone was so soft, so melodic, he leaned forward and stopped wiggling with excitement. Instead, he stroked her arm she had propped up.

"It's kind of like a gentle breeze at first. It's comforting and something I know. I don't even notice it when it's like that. But then the breeze can quickly become a nasty storm. There're micro-bursts here in Phoenix in the summer. I was caught in one once—in the car with Emmett. He had to pull over the car and hug me until it went away. It came so fast I didn't have time to prepare. It's kind of like that. I can't see anymore, all I hear is howling, and it scares every bit of me." Her eyes sunk like she was about to go to sleep. She licked her lips and he leaned forward a little more and caressed her bottom lip with his thumb. "But now I have you. You're like that car and Emmett. When the storms hits, I know you're there, and you'll keep me safe. You won't open the door to the car until it's all gone. That's why I trust you."

"If I could take the numbers from you—but only when they scare you—I would. It would only be fair that somebody like me takes them on. But maybe . . ." she looked around the room, deep in thought, then swished her head from side to side ". . . maybe, it would destroy me, because I'm not as strong as you are."

"But I'm a man. I'm supposed to be stronger than you," he argued. It made him hurt inside when she looked and talked like that.

"I'm not talking about your physical strength, although I'm sure you could kick my ass in the gym any day; I'm talking about your spirit—your soul. I swear you're the best person I've ever known because you . . ." she faded out then looked away from him. A look of anger crossed her eyes. A few minutes later, after their drinks arrived, her eyes were back on him. "You know, Edward, you ask me sometimes if I like you."

"Do you? Do you still like me?" His head picked up nice and straight and he gripped the sides of the small cafe table. "Or do you like Emmett more?"

"No . . . I don't like him more—not even close. And with you—it's more than _like_. I can't even begin to describe the level it's at. But no matter what I do, no matter how hard I try, I can't kid myself. I'm never gonna be good enough to be anywhere near you."

"Don't talk like that," he said. He extended his arm out and gripped her hand then squeezed.

"I find that I wish more and more I was like you—exactly like you."

"No, you don't want to be this," he said, looking down at his body. "_This_ is broken."

"But it's not." She scooted her chair closer and leaned over the table like she had a secret to share. "Don't you ever let anybody say you're broken. They have no idea what they're talking about. You hear and see numbers? So what? If you had any idea of the horrors I hear and see, you'd know better . . . Keep the numbers if they help you. I would never want you to change, because you're perfect to me," she said it all in a buried hushed tone. Her hand was out of his, she sat up straight and mumbled a few things under her breath. He thought he heard some profanities in there.

He dragged both hands across the back of his neck then clamped down on the tops of his shoulders. "I don't understand why you think you're bad. Nobody's nicer than you—nobody! And my family is really nice to me most of the time. Stop talking like this. It hurts my ears," he dragged his left hand down and put it on his heart, "and this too. If you're bad, then I want to be bad too."

"I'll never let you," she said, shaking her head, followed by a sip of her water.

Their food arrived, and Edward stared at his plate of scrambled eggs with turkey and avocado in it. "None of this means anything to me without you." His entire chest hurt—to think she didn't like herself. "Do you still like me?"

"More than ever," she said, taking a bite directly after.

"Then if you like me a lot—and I'm glad you do—then you need to like yourself too. Because I don't like bad people."

"That's only because you don't really kno—"

His hand hit the table, making her jump and cutting her off. "_Not_ bad! _Bella's_ not _bad_. She's _good_. And I do know you! So don't say that." His eyes stung with tears that were stuck inside.

She smiled for a second then took a bigger bite and chewed in silence.

"Thank you for ordering me these eggs. They're very good, and I hope it didn't cost a lot." He watched her shoulders smooth down and her eyes soften along with her mouth.

"You're welcome. You deserve it." She smiled and tucked her hair behind her ears before finishing the rest of her fruit plate.

"You do too. And before I forget, I like to watch you eat. It's a lot of fun."

She choked on her bite as she started laughing; her shoulders rounded up by her ears and her chest curled as she rounded over her plate. Her hand went over her mouth to keep her food inside.

She grabbed a napkin, wiped her mouth and waved for the waitress to come over.

Bella gave him a curious glance, a sort of mischievous smirk. "This man right here loves donuts more than the stars in the sky. Can you hook him up?"

"Boston cream!" Edward almost shouted and bounced out of his seat.

"Give him two," Bella said. "He deserves it."

After the waitress left, Bella put her fingers over her lips to tell him to keep it quiet.

He zipped his lips with his fingers, kind of bobbed up and down in his seat until he had those gems bagged and in his hand.

"Oh, good. You ate most of your eggs. This should work out fine," Bella said.

They went to the front, she paid for the breakfast and drove him back to his Volvo.

Before they parted ways, she hugged him. "Okay, you eat those donuts now. Don't wait. And get rid of the evidence when you stop to fill up for gas. If somebody in your family asks where you got them, tell them I gave them to you. Okay?"

"Okay, but I—"

She covered his mouth with her palm. "No buts. I don't want you to get in trouble for any of this. I want to take all the blame. Tell them I invited you to the concert but you didn't realize you didn't have to be with me to buy the tickets." Her hand feel away, freeing his lips.

"That's kind of a fib," he said, his foot scraping on the asphalt. He looked down.

"Okay, then tell them the truth. But make sure they know I didn't send you home right away when I could've." She kissed the corner of his mouth, cupped his chin, stared at the spot where she kissed him and rubbed the remainder of the moistness away with the pad of her thumb.

"I'll see you at school on Monday." Her hand fell to her side, but at the last minute she grabbed his hand and caressed it. "Be good like you always are."

"I will. I'll be so good, Bella. All for you!" He beamed at her as she got in her jeep and drove away.

He couldn't let her get too far ahead, so he jammed a donut in his mouth, almost choked on it, and hopped in the car so he could chase after her. A few minutes in, he remembered the other donut. This one he savored—he'd already gotten right up on her tail, so no more worries.

.

.

When Bella's mom finished lecturing her after she found out where her daughter had been, they left each other in sulking, bad moods.

Bella didn't bother to tell her mom where she was going yet again. This time it was local though.

She pulled up at the gym. Sunday afternoon meant the place was dead.

As soon as she was on the elliptical, she wished she had skipped the salad at lunch. Her stomach wasn't reacting well to even a little bit of food in it, and she was sluggish, but she powered through. Sweat was pouring off her, but her music was blasting, and for a few short minutes, she was able to think of something other than Edward.

In this moment, right now, all she could think of was her dad: what he was probably doing, surrounded by his mountains of junk. Her chest ached to think what it was going to be like when she went for her visit. It had been two years since her last stay there. And that last one, she ran out of time, and wasn't able to get through as many of his massive piles. He needed help, and she was the only one he would let in the door of that house.

Images of his monstrous belly heaped in front of him as he sat and watched hours and hours of sports in his recliner, assaulted her.

_Move that fat ass, move that fat ass, move it!_ she brainwashed herself with each pounding beat. She dwelled instead on what it would take to never become her father.

When her thirty minutes were up, she hit the treadmill so she could run for twenty more and repeat that same mantra to herself again. She looked over, and her unofficial workout buddy, Jorge, was at her right.

"How's it goin'?" he asked with a grin.

"Great. I lost another five pounds this last month." She hadn't seem him in a while. They liked to keep each other on track. "How about you?"

"Eight . . . Six-pack abs, here I come!" He smacked his abs, powered the treadmill on and took off at a quick walk.

She went straight into a run. Her muscles were already warmed up. Besides, in a few minutes he'd be running full-out, and she'd have to battle feelings of inner turmoil over how she'd never be able to keep up with him. That's when she was stuffing her earbuds back in to distract herself from her petty thoughts.

"Hi," a chipper, tenor rang out on her left.

Her eyes flew open wide and she turned to her left. "Edward—what are you doing here?"

"I missed you," he said really loud.

"I missed you too, but you can't just show up here. How did you even know where I was?" She gripped the bar on the treadmill.

"Alice told me you were texting her earlier to find out if I was okay and if I got in trouble from leaving to find you in Flagstaff."

"I'm glad you didn't get busted," she said.

"Me too; she told me you were busy today, though—had to go to the Y. We figured that meant you'd be here, and we were right." He wore a huge grin; one of a man that had accomplished something fabulous.

Her heart pounded so hard it was hard to breathe. "Are you here alone?"

"No. Emmett's here." He jerked his head over his shoulder. Emmett was sitting over on a bench by the free weights, talking on his cell.

She whispered, "Did they find out about the donuts I gave you?"

"No," he whispered and giggled. "And they won't. I did what you said, and it was all fine! I played my music real loud, the numbers stayed away while I drove, and you kept me from getting a speeding ticket." He started up his treadmill.

Looked like she was going to have a new workout buddy today.

"This should be fun. I only ever exercise with Emmett, and he gets mean sometimes. He makes me lift more weights than I want to." Edward walked like he was dancing—his hips moving more than necessary and his head too.

She looked his body up and down. God, she should shoot Emmett, because Edward was absolutely a sculptured piece of art. If she wanted him anymore than she already did, she might implode and be sucked up by her vagina. It would at least be a little satisfied to have some attention. She grunted, since she had so many lurid thoughts floating in her head right now she absolutely couldn't share. All of them involved him being stripped bare and her . . . _Stop thinking like that. You like that he's innocent!_

She shoved her earbuds back in, turned the music down a notch in case he tried to say something to her, and she got the treadmill going at her usual speed.

"This a friend of yours?" Jorge asked.

She almost lost her balance and had to grip the handles. It took a second to remove her earbud closest to him. "Yeah—this is Edward." She looked at Edward next. "Edward, this is Jorge."

Jorge leaned forward and waved. Edward scowled but waved back.

"I want her to be my girlfriend," Edward told him so loud most of the room probably heard.

"Get in line," Jorge teased.

Edward turned up the speed on his treadmill and stopped looking in Bella and Jorge's direction.

Her heart clenched. She should've introduced Edward as her boyfriend so that conversation wouldn't have happened. He was probably seeing numbers now. Was that safe while being on a treadmill?

Nobody was talking, everybody was huffing as they ran, so she let it go. Edward at some point pulled out his phone and plugged in his own earbuds so he could listen to some music.

Bella was sandwiched between two gorgeous guys, almost battling for the most prowess evidenced by their speed. She was dumb enough to try to keep up.

Her legs ached, her lungs were about to explode, but she matched them stride for stride even though they were both much taller than she was.

After a half hour of absolute insanity, she hit the free weights and machines.

Edward hovered around her and was real jumpy. His energy was like nothing she'd seen before.

He zinged from equipment to equipment, lifted large amounts of weights like they were nothing. But what really had her aching with not only stabs of sharp jealousy, but more so with a desire so thick and hot it ate at her veins, was when he climbed up the middle of the corner nautilus machine. He placed a strap on the center, had one foot anchored in it, grabbed the pull-up bar at the top, and did some kind of inverted, slanted, pull-up. It was the exact opposite of a push-up. His whole body was in a tight, slanted plank, and he managed to move his body up and down, performing about fifteen of them.

Her jaw hung open and she had to step away, far back, because when he got down, she was ready to take all of his innocence—every last bit.

Edward approached her. Emmett did too. "Hey, guys, I'm gonna go take the rest of this call in the car." Emmett waved and left. He hadn't worked-out at all, and by the looks of the way he was walking, it was a woman he was talking to.

Edward pulled his earbuds out and put them in his pocket.

"What else do you like to do when you workout?" Edward asked, exuberant as ever.

"Well, I . . . I sometimes go do the stair-stepper?"

"I'll join you!" He grabbed her hand and pulled her along.

They got on, and she was cursing herself. What was she thinking? She was already wiped out.

But Edward was as ready to move that perfect body of his as when he first arrived.

They worked-out side-by-side, listening to their own music.

Twenty minutes in, all of a sudden, she stopped the machine, jumped off and excused herself.

She bolted down the hall and barreled her way into the ladies' locker room.

Her stomach barely let her make it to the toilet in time.

"Stupid! So stupid!" she berated herself as she began to vomit profusely. She could feel it coming. Her ab workout was more extreme—everything was done in a harsher way because he was here, and she wanted to at least feel like she could keep up with him in some way. She'd never really be pretty, but she could force her body to be thin.

Tears gushed out. "Anything but this! No! _No_, goddammit!" She pounded a fist into the ground as she braced herself with her other hand on the stall's wall. Her stomach contracted violently and another round came. She blinked but saw nothing in front of her anymore. Her head stung and pounded as horrifying images of dead people covered with vomit, consumed her mind.

When she finished emptying out her stomach, the vision slowly dissipated. She slumped on the ground, cried harder than ever and slammed her palms on the floor. Her head had been a blanket of nasty images. Each worse than the next—all involving her horrific past. Some moments morphed into what could've been.

Vomiting always triggered these episodes—she knew this. And she also knew if she worked-out way too hard, this could happen.

Dammit, she had to be more careful!

She heaved in as many deep lungfuls as she could.

There was a tap at the locker room door. "Bella, are you in here?" Edward's sweet voice rang through the crack.

"Yeah—using the restroom. Be right out," she managed to sputter through bile covering her mouth.

She pushed herself up to sitting, wiped her mouth off with some toilet paper, cleaned up herself and the rim of the seat then flushed it down.

Thankfully she was alone when she left the stall. Most likely people heard and smelled some one throwing up and vacated as quick as they could.

She gargled some water, washed her hands, spit and dried all up.

"Stop this! He's out there waiting," she told herself, refusing to look at her reflection. "You can do this."

She stumbled a little as she dragged herself back out into the hallway.

Edward hugged her the second she was near him. "I was worried about you."

"I'm fine," she said, her arms stiff as she patted his back.

"Are we done working-out?"

"Yeah." She pulled away, kept her gaze down and retrieved her bag from one of the lockers. He probably smelled the residual puke on her.

_You disgust him . . ._

He kept at her side.

"What music did you listen to?" he asked.

"Oh, it's a weird mix I made," she said, sniffing back the tears. Would she ever get over how wonderful he was?

"I like to make remixes, too. Emmett asks me to make some for him because he likes them so much." He hopped next to her and turned it into a slight skip for a moment.

"Oh, um . . . Mine aren't remixes. Just a random selection of music I chose to put on a playlist," she clarified.

They stepped out into the parking lot, and in an instant, her stomach buckled again.

This time there were few places to release it. She dashed over to a section of gravel between some spaced apart bushes, and the second she was doubled over, vomiting, she was screaming, crying and rocking back and forth.

_Not now . . . Not when Edward's here!_

It was too late. Those flashes of death and putrid smells were back. This time, she only saw the one person—the very real one—she didn't want to see. It made her stomach clamp down worse.

There were two male voices behind her, somebody patted her back, but she was too far gone.

Right there—in the crib. She never saw it, but she heard how awful it was. That little sweet angel Bella destroyed.

Tears poured out of her eyes and a high pitched whiny sound came rushing out of her chest. She clutched at her heart—it was so filled with needles and pain.

_Make it stop! Make it go away!_

Every filthy word she kept tucked inside when Edward was around her, spewed out of her mouth between her indecipherable wails and her vomiting. Her vile words were thicker and hotter than the grotesque contents exiting her body.

When it stopped, she stayed where she was. It would never go away. She would always be stuck, imaging what that dead child looked like because of what she did. Her hands clawed at the dirt; she grabbed handfuls of slime covered rocks and chucked them as she screamed herself hoarse. The louder she was, the easier it was to forget she was uglier and more pathetic than her bile on the ground.

Somebody scooped her up.

"No, I'm gonna carry her. Only _I_ can touch her!" Edward barked at somebody.

"Edward . . . ?" she whimpered.

"The numbers can't have you—you're with me," he said.

Her clouded eyesight cleared, and he smiled at her as he carried her over to her car.

"She looks pretty awful. Maybe she's badly dehydrated?" Emmett said.

"Take me home," she mewled.

"I'll drive," Emmett said.

"I can handle it. Go home." Edward's arms tightened around her.

"I'll follow you. Otherwise you won't have a way to get home," Emmett replied.

Bella was placed in her jeep on the passenger's side.

"Take her phone. I want to make her happy, so I'm gonna give her some of my remixes." Edward patted her hair.

"That always makes my day," Emmett said, gave Edward a hug and turned to get in his own car.

"I'll make it all better. You'll see," Edward told Bella and shut the door.


	12. Chapter 12

**Chapter 12: Forming Fires**

Edward glanced over every few seconds at Bella as he drove her Jeep to her home.

She was shaking. Maybe it was shivers from being cold? A few times after working out, if the fans were directed on him, he'd tremble after.

"Are you cold? You're shaking?" he asked her.

She shook her head, but barely.

"I'm gonna stay with you, okay?"

"You c-cant. You'll get in trouble," she said, her teeth chattering a little.

"Are you seeing numbers?" he asked, ignoring her last statement. Emmett could make something up for him—find a way to explain his absence at dinner.

"Really bad ones. Dead eyes, baby eyes," she mumbled.

"You're having nightmares while you're awake?"

She curled into a tight ball on the seat and tucked her head against her knees.

He put on some soothing music for her.

When they got to her home, he rummaged through her bad and found her keys. He jumped out of the Jeep, unlocked her front door and left it open. His heart hammered as he raced back to get her.

She was a little chilly to the touch when he picked her up and carried her inside. He found her room, set her down on her bed, pulled her socks and shoes off then laid her down.

"I'm gonna find you a blanket," he said.

"'Kay."

He went into the hallway, found a few soft blankets in a closet and grabbed the biggest one he could find.

"Should I find your mom?" he asked her when he laid her down.

"You can see if she's here, but she's probably gone," Bella said with a yawn.

She turned on her side, tucked her hands up under her chin.

"You should probably drink something," he suggested.

"I've got some homemade sports drink in the fridge. Can you get it?"

He nodded and was out of the room, at her fridge in no time.

It was in the door of the fridge. He noticed while he was in there, a six pack of tiny sodas. The cans were half the size of the normal ones. Why were these here?

Bella never drank soda. It seemed like she was allergic to sugar or something. How sad. He only ever saw her eating fresh fruits and vegetables all the time. Maybe it was her moms?

He grabbed the drink and a soda, just in case he was wrong and headed back to her.

Her eyes were glazed over and they were watery. She was on her back now with her hands gripping the covers at her chest.

"I killed her. I can't ever take that back," she said with a dead, tinny voice. She closed her eyes slowly and tears were pushed out by the weight of her eyelids.

"Drink this," he said. He sat next to her, slid her into his lap and opened the bottle. He tipped it to her lips and smiled as she took a few sips.

"I never meant to. You've got to believe me. It was an accident. I was a . . . I was a . . ."

"Shhh . . . It's okay. You can tell me later." He fed her another mouthful.

She gulped it down. "I was babysitting. Just a goddamn babysitter!" Her whole body turned in his lap and she fisted his moist shirt as she sobbed into his chest. "You should hate me. I'm repulsive."

"I'll never hate you. I can't. It's not in the numbers." He rocked her, stroked her head and kept kissing her every few seconds.

When she stopped crying, he rolled her under the covers of her bed. He stayed on top of them since she didn't invite him in like she did with the sleeping bag.

She hiccuped and stared unseeing at his chest. He placed an arm around her and caressed her back while he would place a velvet, medicine kiss on her face every time she jostled from a hiccup.

"I hate hiccups, but the good news is, they make your diaphragm tighter. That muscle needs exercise too." He smiled and kissed her nose.

"You have a way of seeing something good in even the small, hideous things." She shook with what looked like a silent chuckle. "Thank you."

"You're welcome, Bella, my best friend." He tucked her up into his chest, held his arm tight around her and listened for her breathing and felt her heartbeat. "I'll always help you like you help me."

Her lower lip stuck out a little and quivered. "I really wanna smoke." Her eyes were heavy.

"Not right now." Dad had been telling how bad cigarettes were for Bella. He wasn't quite ready to talk to her about it yet.

"Can you give my teddy bear?" Her hand pointed with a shaking finger at a stuffed animal set in a chair over in the corner.

"Sure."

He popped up and gave it to her. She slipped it under her arm.

"This was for her. I bought it to put in her casket, but then they didn't want me at the funeral or the burial." Her eyes closed again, but this time they didn't open back up.

A few minutes later, she was asleep.

Edward laid there, staring at her for several more minutes and finally left.

Bella was beautiful. She was hurt inside. And he wanted to find a way to stop that.

.

.

Bella woke up hyperventilating. Those dead eyes bore into her soul. That baby—its soul demanded retribution.

Her dream was so disgusting with how real it felt. Chills still covered her arms like they had in her dreams as she watched that baby eat her father alive. He was so heavy now he couldn't move from his chair. Trapped by his own morbid obesity.

And Bella . . . She was trapped by her own fear, her own dread.

She flung herself out of her bed and searched for her phone.

"Where is it?" she cried.

She needed it. How would she know what her calorie count was today if she didn't have it?

Bella found her laptop and vaguely remembered speaking to Edward about what kind of music she listened to while working out. Did he take it after that?

Why would he do that?

She emailed Alice, something they'd been doing more lately since Edward seemed to be able to find tricky ways to get a hold of his sister's phone and check her text messages.

There were a few panicked emails from Alice in Bella's inbox.

Oh no!

Bella shoved her laptop aside. She did that?

Her fists tightened as she picked it back up.

Bella had thrown up in the parking lot, freaked out like an absolute lunatic and Edward had taken her home. That's all Alice knew, and she was worried Bella was in some kind of shock, and maybe at the hospital now?

She replied to the most hysterical sounding one, made up some lame lie and asked if Edward took her phone.

A few minutes later, after Bella had run to take a quick shower, there was a message waiting.

Yes. Edward had her phone.

But why?

She sighed, created a new spreadsheet real quick on Excel.

"Why do I even try?"

She stared at the screen. Fifteen-hundred calories today. How was that possible? She was trying so hard to keep it below twelve-hundred. She subtracted the calories she burned at the gym according to the elliptical and treadmill then suddenly sat up straight and gasped.

Edward had her phone!

Oh God! He was going to see her obsessive charts she had on her weight gain and losses, her daily eating habits, calorie counting and pictures of herself when she weighed two-hundred ten pounds two years ago!

She flopped back on the bed and slung an arm over her eyes.

Did this really matter? Her being fat and ugly was one thing, but him finding out what a monster she was inside would be much worse.

She already kind of hinted several times about how hideous a person she was, but he never seemed to care.

What was she going to do?

_Scare him away—for his own good._

Time to separate with the boyfriend she never had.

Bella stepped into her first class she had with Edward and Alice was standing behind Bella's chair where she usually sat. Edward was missing.

Alice was glaring at her.

As soon as Bella was to the stop of the risers . . .

_Smaaaaack!_

Bella toppled over a little and braced herself on the desk. That little elf knew how to slap someone hard! Bella's cheek stung and pulsed like it was scratched.

"You bitch! You gave him soda? Do you know what we had to deal with last night?" Alice howled.

"No," Bella answered and glanced up from her bent over position.

"He took my phone. He doused in some crazy concoction he made himself and burned it to a crisp!"

Bella smiled and shook her head. Only Edward would use his own mixture. If this wasn't so sad, because it most definitely was her own fault, she'd be laughing hysterically. He was a crazy bad ass in his own way.

"You think this is funny?"

The classroom that had been empty with the exception of Alice when Bella arrived now held a few students, gawking at them.

"Not a bit." Bella stood up and rubbed her cheek. It was definitely skinned. "Listen—you need to keep him away from me outside of school. I can be his hand-holding buddy here, but other than that—"

"And how am I supposed to do that? He obsesses over you. You're all he ever talks about. Each night at dinner, we have to listen to a recounting every little thing you did that day."

"I'm sorry about that . . . I'll try to be civil but distant with him from now on." Bella pulled her chair back and it made an awful screeching sound on the tile.

"It's too late for that. You think he's gonna stop now? He already told me he's put some kind of tracking device on your Jeep."

"He _what_?" Bella hollered.

Alice pulled out Bella's phone and handed it to her.

"He made you several new remixes based on the songs you already had on your playlists. Not that you deserve it," Alice said with a huff as she plunked it down on the table.

"So where is he today?"

"Home. He's sick as a dog. Have you ever had sugar after months of avoiding it?" Alice's jaw snapped shut after she ended her sentence.

"Yeah, as a matter of fact I have. It sucks. I've had sugar-shakes bad—but it wasn't as hard as going through rehab and—"

Alice's eyes went wide and she held up a hand. "That's enough! I don't wanna know how hard your pitiful life is. You've hurt my brother on purpose. You knew he wasn't supposed to have a sugar. He's an emotional wreck right now. He's crying one minute, raging the next, and then begging for you on the following breath. It's a nightmare. I had a headache this morning from all his screaming for you."

Bella sat down and folded her hands on the desk. "I hope he feels better soon," she said quietly with her gaze straight ahead on the chalk board.

"Go ta hell," Alice snapped, swept Bella's phone off the desk with her arm. It went flying across the back of the room and hit the floorboards.

Bella cranked her head over her shoulder and angled it up at her. "I'm already there. But glad to know I'm where you want me."

"Stay away from him!"

"I'm trying," Bella answered and went back to pretending like she was a model student: forward facing, hands folded on he desk, attention directed where it should be.

Once Alice was gone, Mike scrambled out of his chair, ran over and retrieved her phone for her.

"Thanks," Bella gritted.

He sat on the corner of her desk and settled her cell in her lap, grazing her thigh with his pink finger.

"You're welcome. Anything for you," he purred.

She looked up at him without moving an inch and through her taut mouth she said, "Not happening. It's in the past. Get over it."

"Once more, and I'll get you what you really want." He stroked a finger down her cheek. "All I want in return is fifteen minutes—you, me, boys bathroom, and you do what I want with that mouth and those hands I love."

He pulled out a tiny bag from a pocket in his jeans with his other hand and dangled the white powder in front of his chest where nobody else could see but her.

"Then you obviously have no idea what I want—'cause that's not it." She ground her teeth together and shoved his grubby finger off her face. "And if you don't get off my desk and out of my face, I'm gonna make sure that powder is shoved in every orifice of your body until it burns the message into your head."

He slid it back in his pocket, rolled his eyes and slunk away.

Jessica was glowering at her for the rest of the class.

Bella ignored it. What else was new? Who else hated her?

She took notes, doodled, and kept wondering how much she'd hurt second she missed him more, and every second she vowed to keep away.

_Please recover soon . . ._

Edward paced from room to room, bored out of his head.

He was in big trouble.

Alice told on him.

He hid a smile. Burning her phone was fun.

Almost as fun as being with Bella.

She deserved it. He read the texts she sent to Bella while he was at her home in her bed with her—taking care of her when she was ill.

The worst one was when Alice told her in a text if she ever tried to have sex with Edward she'd stab her eyes out with a pencil and then cut her heart out with a pair of scissors.

It was brief, but he screamed at Alice. He cried after that, and begged to see Bella so he could check if she was okay.

Nobody listened.

Dad was furious there had been a fire in the bathtub. He sided with Alice—Dad usually did.

His punishment was to miss school today.

Oh yeah . . . Alice found the empty soda can hidden in his laundry basket. Why she had been digging through his dirty clothes he'd never understand. Especially when he had his sweaty, stinky gym clothes lying on the top.

She blamed it all on the sugar.

Edward had begged so hard he started shaking.

Alice found a way to turn it into proof of a reaction to the sugar. It wasn't!

He'd eaten those two donuts from Bella and was fine.

Not to mention, he sometimes snuck at school and bought a candy bar from the vending machines when he was alone. It was rare, but he was finding excuses to not hold hands between classes so he could do that.

Edward had written down Bella's phone number before destroying his sister's cell.

He called her every twenty minutes even though he knew she was in school right now.

Was she okay? Did she have bad dreams?

Would she listen to his songs he made for her so she could cheer up?

"Give it a rest," Emmett called from the couch as he played on the Wii. "We'll say we're going to work out tonight and go see her."

"That's lying," Edward responded. His gut tightened a little worse.

"I don't care. They're being douches. You love her, she loves you—end of story. I'm getting you over there to see her. And I'll push her mom down and step over her if I have to so you can get inside," Emmett said.

"_Love_?" Edward's voice cracked.

"That's what it's called when you burn your sister's phone because she was trying to tell the girl you're into that she could never have sex with you." Emmett paused his game and looked at him. "Unless this just about sex. But, hey . . . I get that too." He grinned.

"Bella won't have sex with me, at least not now, because I'm not her boyfriend, and she says I need to stay away because she killed a little girl."

"No way!" Emmett sat up straight. "You're kidding me."

"No. She told me last night when I was helping her feel better. She says it was an accident. She was babysitting and a little girl died. I think it gives her nightmares."

"Dad's gonna forbid you to see her if you tell him this." Emmett rested his face in his hands; dragged his fingers down and landed them on his knees. "You can't tell him."

"Why not? I tell Dad everything." Edward shuffled his feet. This sounded like a bad plan.

"I'm telling you—if you want to be with her, this has to keep quiet. He's already upset she smokes around you." Emmett turned his attention back to the game and un-paused it.

Edward walked over and sat down next to him. "Do you think she's a bad person?"

"Hell no. She's great to you—and an evil person would treat you like you're messed up." He threw his hand in the air as he tried to avoid dying on his game. The controller was being whipped around by his brother's big hands. "Plus, anybody that's as into music as she is, can't be all bad."

"Is that a joke? You're teasing, right?" Edward grabbed his brother's massive bicep and pushed and pulled to wiggle him until he answered.

"Yeah . . . See, you're getting it. You've learned a lot from being around her. Like I said—I think she's cool. She's good for you. And it sounds like you're good for her too. Keep talking to her, tell Dad less and everything will be fine. She'll be your girlfriend some day."

"But when? I don't know how much longer I can stand it. I'm still sore around her all the time. I took care of myself one day at school in the bathroom, but it took forever and I was way late for class. Plus, a girl I can't stand stopped me in the hallway right after and propositioned me. I had to tell her to her face I didn't find her attractive and I wished she'd stop talking to me."

"Really? Holy crap; I need to hang out with you more at school. You have all the fun." Emmett laughed.

"I also had to tell her she wore too much makeup. But I smiled and said it in a polite way." Edward rubbed his knees. He wanted to hold his brother's hand, but Emmett kind of discouraged it sometimes.

"Good for you. Let the bitches know what you think." His game ended. "Who was this girl? Do I know her?"

Edward shrugged. "Her name's Lauren. I try to avoid her. Bella doesn't like her either."

"I know her. She's always riding Mike; trying to get him to sleep with her after the football games."

"That's smart. He's probably tired after running so much," Edward answered.

"Bud, sleeping with somebody means sex."

"Oh."

Emmett set the controller aside. "I'm glad you stayed away from that skank. She's nasty."

Edward was unsure of what to say to that, so he kept quiet.

"How much do you miss Bella?"

Edward shrugged and his shoulders were tight, knotted up. "More than anything. More than missing Mom."

"Whoa. That's a big deal." Emmett rested his forearms on his knees and hung his head. "I've never met a girl that makes me feel that way. I can't even imagine."

"You know how you felt last summer when you pulled a groin muscle and I had to help you go to the bathroom for the next few days?"

"No," Emmett groaned, "I've blocked that out for the rest of my days."

"You do too remember." Edward nudged his leg like Bella had the first day he met her to convince him to go to lunch. "Remember how miserable you were. And how you hated how much pain you were in down there?"

Emmett nodded.

"That's how I feel every second I"m not with her, but worse, because I worry she's . . ."

"What?"

"I worry she's not happy without me either."

Emmett slapped his thighs with both hands. "That's it! We are going over there tonight. You're going to tell her all this."

Edward's eyes went big and he gulped. "I . . . Um, I can't."

"You can, and if you don't do it then I'm gonna tell her you read all her emails and texts on her phone."

Edward sunk back into the couch cushions. "Okay—I'll tell her."

Had he stopped breathing? Because his whole body felt numb.

He reached over and held Emmett's hand.

Emmett looked at him with an uplifted brow, questioning why he was doing that.

"I need to. You've made me worry," Edward said.

"Makes sense." Emmett relaxed back into the cushions, changed the TV channel so they could watch something together until Alice got home.

It was nice to sit together and be comfortable this way. He missed his brother. Emmett had been so busy lately with all sorts of afterschool things, Edward really only saw him when they worked out together, he went to practice with him or when they ate dinner. That was it. And at practice Edward could tell it bothered Emmett to hold his hand when they were sitting on the bench together.

He was always on the phone these days.

Dinner was quiet and tense. Dad asked how everybody's day went, and only Alice answered. What was Edward and Emmett supposed to say? Edward paced, mixed some music and kept calling Bella. Emmett mostly played video games and did a little bit of homework.

At the end of the simple dinner Dad had brought home, Emmett announced that since they missed their gym workout at school today, he and Edward were going to the gym tonight.

Dad approved with a wave of his hand.

Edward was shaking so hard inside it was hard to pack his gym bag with clothes he wasn't going to be using.

He avoided his dad and sister so he didn't have to lie to them.

On the drive over to Bella's house the numbers appeared and got stronger and stronger the closer they got.

"It's okay . . . Take a few deep breaths. She probably already knows how you feel," Emmett told him before he put the car in park.

"But that doesn't mean she wants to hear about it. If I don't say it, she can keep pretending to be fine with me. She already told me we can only be friends."

"Things change. I'm telling you—she's interested." Emmett shoved his arm to get him to leave the car.

Edward got out, chanted some new formulas he'd been working on as he ambled toward her front door. He tapped a few times timidly.

The door opened and her mother stood there with a confused look on her face.

"Why are you here? I told her to leave you alone," she said.

"Oh, I didn't know." He cleared his throat as quiet as he could so he could remain in her good graces with his manners. "I wanted to see how she's doing after last night."

"Last night? Oh yeah, she told me she lost her phone at the gym and was upset about it. She drove back there today and got it back. She still should've sent me a text before she started her workout. I swear she never tells me where she is; acts like she's eighteen already."

Edward's eyes went wide. Bella lied to her mom again, and what this about eighteen.

"Pardon me, but do you mind telling me when her birthday is so I'll be prepared to celebrate it with her?"

She leaned into the door jamb with a smirk. "Her birthday's next week on the thirteenth. But don't bother. She hates even acknowledging it."

His face dropped. "Why? Birthday's are the best day after after Christmas."

She chuckled. "Who the hell knows."

"You're her mother; how come you don't know?" His eyes were big and he kept from blinking.

She exhaled loudly. "You think she tells me anything?" Her left leg swung back and the tip of her toe balanced on the ground with her heel waggling back and forth like she had an abundance of time to stand here and talk to him. There was an amused quirk to her lips. "And when she does choose to say something, half the time she's making stuff up."

"If you don't mind my asking, what happened to her? She seems so sad at times."

She rolled her eyes and stretched her neck. "_Oh_ no. It's not my job to tell you. She made her choices, and now she has to deal with them by telling new people she meets."

"She won't tell me," he said, his voice dropping a little in case Bella was behind the door hearing this.

"And what? I should encourage her to drag you into her screwed up life? Not happening. You're a sweet kid—she thinks so too. She knows she's bad for you." She reached for the door to shut it.

"Wait! Can I see her? I want to make sure she's okay."

"Sorry, kiddo. I told her you're not allowed over here anymore."

His chest constricted and his breath caught in his throat. "Please . . . She's important to me."

"I'm sure she is—but it's to protect you. Go home, Edward, and I won't tell her you came here."

"B-but—"

"Night." The door was closed.

He stood there with his head sinking down toward his chest. What was he supposed to do now?

Would Emmett really bully his way inside her home? He couldn't allow that. Somebody could get hurt, and Bella might hate him if that happened.

He ignored the numbers getting loud once more in his head and when he got in the car, he did what he knew Bella would.

"She wasn't home," he lied.

"Lame. Oh well. We'll catch her tomorrow." Emmett started the car back up and they left.

Edward clutched at the seam on his pants. How many more would he tell?

How ever many it took to have her.


	13. Chapter 13

**Chapter 13: Flying**

Edward kept trying to find a way to tell Bella how he felt. Every night Emmett would ask him if he'd done it yet. He'd make a threat to tell her for him, but never did it.

Today was her special day, and the numbers were pounding inside him. Her mom said Bella ignored her birthday.

But there was no way he could do that. Not when she meant so much to him. He'd celebrate her birth every day if he could.

Once his dad found out he'd paid for those expensive concert tickets with his credit card, it was taken away. Well, that was fine. He figured out a free way to celebrate today in a way he thought she might approve of.

Everything was in place. Hopefully she'd cooperate.

He stepped into biology, and he had to stifle a giggle when he thought of his secret plans.

"Hi," he said, tucking his head down to hide his explosive smile.

"Edward, you're giddy. What's going on?"

He shrugged and sat down. A second later, he snagged her hand and put it in its proper place.

"My mom said you stopped by last week in the evening. Why didn't you tell me?"

The bubbly, laughing feeling inside quieted. "She was unhappy I was there. She said she told you to stay away. But you've ignored her. I'm glad you did; is that wrong?"

She shook her head and bit her lip through a smile. Her lip popped out of her teeth's hold. "It's not wrong. You've got a bit of a naughty streak in you, and I love it at times." She pulled her hand back and leaned back in her chair, tipped it a little and chuckled.

"I should be bad? That makes you happy?" His head and eyes both followed her as she leaned back further then rocked back and forth on a chair that was supposed to be stationary.

"You don't have to be anything but you." She dropped the chair with a slight thud sound. "Speaking of which, I have something for you for having to deal with my dragon of a mom." She opened her backpack up and showed him two of those half sized cans of soda.

"I can have those?"

She nodded. "But . . . I want you to always eat a full meal beforehand with lots of protein in it. Then you can have only one. So spread these two out over two days. If you do it the way I'm telling you, there should be less of a shock to your system. Sip it—no chugging. And this time, I hope you'll figure out a way to get rid of the evidence before your sister finds it."

"I could chuck it out the window and into the pool. Sometimes homeless people wander through our alley and toss stuff into our pool."

"No. They might ask you about it, and you're no good at lying."

"Am to!"

She chuckled and went on, "Where's some place you go your family doesn't in your house?"

"The piano. Nobody touches it. They hate it."

She bobbed her head several times in increments. "That sounds perfect. And then maybe on the day the recycling's being emptied, you can find a way to stuff it down into the bin where nobody can see."

"I can do that. I can, Bella! You're the best!" He lurched forward and hugged her tight.

"Not the best really—just know how to be a dealer." She snickered.

He let go of her and tuned into the beginning of the lecture, but before long he wanted to be closer to her.

The lights went out for a slide show.

Edward scooted near her without a sound.

Bella paid no heed.

He pushed her hair over her shoulder, and still she was paying attention to the lesson.

This was perfect. Her birthday should be awash in clever, clandestine kisses. He leaned in, kissed from her ear to her collar bone. It was done so slowly, with such precision, no one could have heard it.

That was until Bella moaned softly.

He covered her mouth with his hand, slid his hand between her legs and kneaded at her thighs.

She began to weave around in her seat like she was losing her balance and might fall off.

So, he slung a leg over her lap to keep her in place.

He nipped, sucked at her collar bone, continued to play between her legs, getting dangerously higher and higher.

She tilted her head away from him, making the area easier to access.

When the lights went on, he didn't care. He slowly pulled away and reveled in the way her eyelids were half closed and she wore a lazy smile.

"At lunch time, I want you to come with me somewhere."

Her eyebrows rose.

"It's on campus—I promise." He crossed his heart and grinned.

"Okay."

He could barely sit still after she agreed. The class finished up and they dutifully attended English.

He found ways to touch her in secret places some more but it was harder to do with the lights on.

It didn't matter though. He was having fun making her feel good on her birthday.

The best part was she had no idea why he was doing this to her.

When the bell ran, he dragged her behind him.

"Where're we going?" she asked.

"You'll see . . ." He breathed hard, the numbers were edging their way into his mind. His nerves jumped about. What if she hated this and thought it was immature?

"My arm may fall off if you keep up this pace," she teased.

He giggled like a kid. "It won't. I need you to have both arms for what we're gonna do."

"What're we gonna do?" Her voice rose.

"Hmm . . . Looks like rain," he said.

He could feel her behind him, angling her body to look up at the sky. "It's sunny as usual," she disagreed.

"No, definitely." He held out his other hand, palm up like drops were landing on it. "It's gonna rain. And that's good—you told me in the first week I came here you liked to have rain. You also said you liked real green grass." He smothered another giggle with his free hand.

"Edward . . . What's going on?" She pulled back on his arm, but it did nothing to deter him.

"We don't have much time to enjoy it, so you should walk faster."

They stopped behind the fenced off playground for the preschool kids they had here.

Edward signaled to his brother hiding behind a bush with a hose.

There was an umbrella, two rain slickers and a medium sized plastic shoe box with a lid on it, sitting on a bench.

Edward grabbed them. He helped her put the slicker on, and as soon as it was secured, the fake rain began.

She mentioned fake green grass, but said nothing about disliking fake rain. So, he brought her the weather she wanted.

Bella turned to him in awe as he placed the umbrella over her head.

"You did this for me?" Her eyes were so big and brown, they were like inviting chocolate, melting candies.

"Yeah. It's your birthday, and I love you." He blinked and looked down but kept the umbrella steady.

She grabbed the umbrella out of his hand, tossed it to the ground. They were both being sprinkled on, but he was good with it because she threw herself at him and wrapped him up with her body.

"Thank you," she whispered, rocking him back and forth.

He squeezed her with one arm and tugged on the ends of her long, now damp hair with his other hand. It was fun to do that.

"I usually hate my birthdays," she admitted.

He knew that, but kept it to himself.

She let go, put her palms out and walked in a slow, turning circle, experiencing the false rain from every angle.

He picked up the shoe box on the ground and grabbed a handful, then tossed it at her.

Grass clippings from his lawn that was always irrigated were sticking to her slicker. "You've never come over to sit on my lawn with me, so I brought it to you."

She burst into giggles and he was uncertain if tears were on her cheeks since there was hose water on her head, dripping down.

"You are too good to be real." She pulled the rain slicker off and the hose stopped.

Good. Emmett's instructions were to keep her clothes dry if he could.

"Sorry your hair got wet. But I'm prepared." Emmett came out of the bushes, handed him a green towel and left.

She waved at him with a big, goofy grin and then turned to Edward.

"You wanna dry my hair for me?"

"I . . . I don't know how," he choked on his words. He extended the towel out to her.

"It's not like you mess this rats nest up. I don't do anything with it. And if it's wet, people will think I was at PE or something. Nobody's gonna notice."

"O-okay," he stammered.

She turned around, he slipped one hand under her hair. It was much darker while wet, but he liked that too. It was a shade darker than her eyes, and so lovely.

He sandwiched her hair between the towel, rubbed, but only enough to space out the strands; not hard enough to pull or hurt her.

After he was done, he set the green towel down. "Was this enough for a birthday gift? I didn't know what else to get you. I don't have any access to money right now."

She turned around to face him. "You already bought me concert tickets, you've changed my days so they're like walking on clouds with an angel."

He smiled and bit the insides of his cheeks so he could keep from saying something dumb.

"No, not walking. Flying. I think you put me on your back between your wings and then soar as high as you can with my weight burdening you."

He opened his mouth to protest, but she kissed him.

She pulled away after a short moment and said, "Perfect. This was the perfect gift. The best birthday present I've ever had."

And with that comment, he was the one flying. All these weeks he had this umbrella, the rain slickers and towel in his car for inclement weather, was not wasted. He was glad he'd made that note that first time she wore a tank top and covered it up with a sweater.

She was wrong though about one thing—_she_ was the angel—not him. Never him. He had no idea how to fly without her.

.

.

After Bella's birthday, things were different. She found it harder to distance herself from him. He was a new drug, a new addiction. He made her feel better than anything she had ever snorted, shot up, smoked or drank.

He said the most beautiful things to her, making her almost believe she was redeemable. It was nice to live in his dream world for a while. It gave her a sense of peace she hadn't ever really known.

And right now, she was about to hurt him. It couldn't be helped.

She drove up to his house after dinner time and parked in his driveway. Her whole body was shaking with electrified nerves. If only she could stuff him in her suitcase and take her with him.

She sat slumped over her wheel for several minutes trying to give herself a pep talk, but it wasn't working. If anything . . . she was more determined to just skip town and not say a word all to avoid seeing that look of devastation in his eyes that would be inevitable.

She sighed, opened the car door and when she slammed it shut, she jumped from how loud it was.

Her legs dragged as she approached his front door. She barely knocked once when the door was flung open.

"You're here!" he whooped.

He took a huge step forward, picked her up and hugged her so tight she could barely see straight.

"Yeah, I came to see you. I can only have a short visit though."

He set her down and beamed at her with those gleaming perfect white teeth. She could almost see his matching radiant white halo over his head. Why did he have to be so damn perfect? It would be easier to do this if he wasn't.

"Can I come in?" she asked.

"You can always come in my house!" He took her hand but let her lead the way. He was patient with her.

Another trait she envied of him.

When she was inside the living room, his father stepped into the room.

He sighed and a look of disappointment crossed his eyes then settled in his tight jaw. "I know you two are still friends, but I have to say, Bella, I don't really approve. Especially of the cigarettes."

"I know, sir. I wish I could say I was working on quitting but I'm not. It's the least of my problems."

He motioned for her to sit. "Then tell me about these problems. I need to know what my son's gotten himself involved in."

She sat down, heaved a great sigh and looked him straight in the eye. Now was as good a time as it would ever be to give him the basics of how low down and filthy she was. "I know Edward's life got turned around at age twelve—"

"We're not gonna discuss him—I want to hear about who you are. Start telling me, or you're leaving . . ." His eyes were stern, crinkled at the corners, but it made him look wise, not mean.

"I wasn't going to talk about him, just say that was how old I was when things went to hell for me too." He glared at her use of the word hell. "Sorry . . . I'm a little nervous." She swiped at her face a little with her free hand. Edward was seated on her right, holding the hand closest to him tightly to the side of his thigh. "I was babysitting, and there was an accident. The baby girl died. This was during a summer I was visiting my dad in a little town where he lives in Washington State. I'm actually here to say goodbye to Edward because that's where I'm gonna be for all of this next week during fall break."

Edward gasped. "I wanna go too." His shoulders hunched up.

"You can't," both Bella and his dad chanted in unison.

He exhaled loudly as if to protest.

"Before I go, I figure I should tell you the rest of what happened to me. My dad was chief of police, he made sure no charges were pressed and I never got put in juvie or anything like that, but it was definitely my fault. After that, well, I got drunk and high every chance I could get. I traded sex for drugs since I was poor, and I was in rehab at the age of fifteen. I had a relapse shortly after, but, well . . . I've been clean ever since. I don't drink, I don't do drugs, but I'll continue to smoke because other than Edward, it's the only thing I have that keeps me from going ballistic."

"You need therapy, young lady, and lots of it," he said, but it was done in kindness.

"I know I do. I've been therapy off and on for years, but it hasn't seemed to help. Both my parents are a wreck and they've basically given up on me. I've tried to get Edward here to do the same but he won't—"

"I won't ever stop loving you," he interrupted.

"Love's a very strong word," his dad cautioned.

"I know that, and I know how I feel. Emmett helped me to figure it out. I love her, and I want to be with her. I know she's made bad choices, but so have I. We need each other," Edward said. He took her hand and kissed her knuckles.

"There were other things I did along the way I regretted, but I won't bore you with the details. Just know . . . I try to get good grades, and I never curse around your son, because I try to respect your family's rules, but I'm not gonna stop smoking around him. I get tense, and if I want to be able to be there for him emotionally one-hundred percent, then it means I need a smoke now and then. I'll try to keep it at a minimum. In fact . . . I've stopped smoking before school. I only smoke after, so during the day at school, he won't smell it on me."

"Well, that makes everything better then, doesn't it." His father rolled his eyes. "I think this conversation is over. Be friends at school—fine. But other than that, keep away."

"I will." She stood up to go. Edward hugged her from behind.

"I'm not gonna let go," he warned.

She pulled his hands apart he had interlocked around her waist.

"You have to. But come and say goodbye at the door." She turned around and smiled. He was on the verge of tears.

She took his hand and led him to her exit.

Once there, she said, "Don't try and find me. Promise me you won't." She cupped his jaw.

"I have to. I won't promise you that."

"Listen to me . . . Your father cares and wants the best. I do too. And getting some distance from me might be good for you."

"How can it be?" The tears splashed on the carpet now.

"You can call me all you want, text, email. I can keep in touch too, but you can't see me during this next week."

"Why did you wait until today to tell me? I mean, are you leaving right now?"

She nodded. "On my way to the airport when I leave here."

"But I'll miss you."

"I know, 'cause I'll miss you like crazy too. I'm sorry I waited. I didn't want to ruin your week at school and make you stressed out. I thought it'd be better this way." She kissed the corner of his mouth and swiped it away with the pad of her thumb like she always did while cupping his chin.

He grabbed her hand to keep it there. "Someday . . . Bella, I'm gonna have a bed we can share together, but not to sleep together. Emmett told me that means sex, and I know you don't wanna have sex with me." He frowned.

She ran her thumb over his lower lip. It was pouting. She laughed hard. "You have no idea what I want, Edward, and I'm glad you don't. It would dirty your soul."

"Don't go . . ." he whimpered.

"I have to. I don't have a choice." Tears welled in her eyes. Her lips trembled. "Believe me, if I could stay, I would. I'd much rather see you every day than go to that hell hole."

"I can save you. I can keep you here." He took her hand in his and placed it on his heart. "You'd be safe with me."

"I wish that was true for you as well, but it's not." She kissed him, pulled away and left before she did something really stupid.

An hour later she was on a plane flying to Forks, Washington. The town that drizzled constantly because God was pissing on it, to mark it as his official toilet for humanity. That's where her life got flushed away.

She deserved to rot there forever.

The flight was fairly dead; not many people were traveling.

She tried to sleep, but found herself floating in and out of horrific memories of her few summers she had spent in that Podunk town.

Several times she took out a pad of paper and a pen to write a letter to Edward.

In the end, they were all garbage so she tore them up and stuffed them in her carry-on.

She wished she'd left him with a soda at least to cheer him up, but she hadn't been thinking clearly when she stopped by to say her farewell.

It was one in the morning when she arrived. She had no idea if her dad would be there to pick her up, because she refused to talk to him before she left for this excursion. What was there to say? I don't want to see you, I hate that town, and I get sick when I look at you? Better to remain silent.

She moved through the airport, grabbed her bags and when she was ready to call for a cab, she saw him.

Oh hell had already found her and its jaws were gaping after her.

"Why are you here?" she asked by way of greeting.

"Your dad sent me to get you." His eyes raked over her while he smirked. "You look edible, like my next meal. And you know where I like to eat."

"With the pigs in the wallow."

"In my bed with me between your legs."

"Give it a rest, Jake. You know I'm not your girl anymore. I never really was. I used you to party and get high." She walked past him. Waiting for a cab with him yapping in her ear was going to be less than pleasant, but better than being stuck in a car with her.

He ripped her bags out of her arms. "Don't be like that. I'll help you dejunk your dad's house, I'll give you the good stuff, and you'll let me and my buddies do whatever we want to you."

_Slaaaaam!_

She had him by the throat, her forearm wedged tight; he was up against the outside brick wall of the airport. "The only way you'll ever touch me again is when I'm pulling the last breath out of your body like I'm doing now." She jammed her elbow harder into his Adam's apple.

"You always were dramatic . . ." He chuckled and reached out to grab her hip, bringing her closer.

"And you were always a loser. Still are." She pushed off him with a look of pure disgust. "I'll walk."

She grabbed her stuff and took off.

He chased her down. "C'mon. I was only messing around. I'll take you home."

"It's not my home," she gritted.

"Whatever." He had her bags again and was running to his stupid, beat up Rabbit.

He set the bags down, popped the trunk and put her things inside.

She got in the backseat and stretched out.

"So, what's the deal? Got a boyfriend or something? You never tried to choke me before." He laughed. "That was fun."

"You and your nasty-ass fetishes." She shook her head. He was probably into that erotic asphyxiation. It wouldn't surprise her.

"Exactly. My nasty-ass and that's where you belong. You're the only one that could do it right."

"And only when I was high. I'm clean now. Have been for over a year, and it's gonna stay that way." She stared out the window.

"Why?"

"Why what? Why don't you run away and be homeless for a week and then ask me why I don't do that anymore." She popped her knuckles. Her whole body was tense, even her toes.

"So, eating garbage from dumpsters is what snapped you out of it?"

"No, being a step away from selling my body to strangers and realizing I'd probably die of AIDS before I could vote is what did it for me." That and the idea of turning out like her old roommate in rehab, Tori, was what shut her veins off from all that stuff.

Tori had become a Meth addict. Her teeth were black, she was losing her hair and looked like she had escaped from a concentration camp. She was all skin and bones. It was the scariest thing she'd ever seen when Tori found her on the street. It had been a year since she'd seen her friend back in rehab, and she was not the same at all. It was difficult to have a coherent conversation with her. It was even harder to look at her too with all the sores on her face, not to mention she looked to be in her mid-thirties when she had barely turned twenty.

What sent Bella over the edge was seeing her pregnant belly, watching her vomit every hour, sending Bella into her episodes.

Bella ran back home that night. One week on the streets and she was cured of wanting to be a junkie.

She'd never be that again.

"You're not better than me," he huffed.

"The day I'm better than anybody is the day the world stops turning. Just drive, Jacob. I wanna get to bed." She pulled out her phone, plugged in her earbuds and tuned him out.

Edward's mixes were amazing. She had enjoyed working out to the them. Tonight she'd listen to the ballads he did so she could maybe sleep a little.

It was doubtful it would drown out the nightmare she always had when she was here, but she'd try.

After a long, uncomfortable drive, the car stopped. She pulled the earbuds out.

He rested his arm on the back of his seat and turned to look at her. "It wasn't your fault, you know."

"Yeah? Whose was it then? Yours? You were probably there when it happened. Though, I'm sure that's when you were shooting up, so who the hell knows." She opened the car door. He grabbed her by the arm.

"Quil forgives you." He was breathing on her face.

"Why would he do that?"

"He realizes he was only a teenager too. He didn't know what he was doing asking a twelve year to babysit and giving you those stupid instructions. He hates himself, not you." He let go of her arm.

She moved away. "Well, he can hate me instead of himself, because I was stupid enough to follow his instruction."

"You were high, Bella. What do you expect?"

"I was never more sober in my life. You shot up, I didn't. I performed your sexual favors, you left, and somewhere in there she died." She kicked his back wheel.

He opened the trunk, thrust her bags in her hands and spit on her foot. "Fine, be a bitch about it. I'm telling you the tribe has said you can come back."

"You think I want to after what happened? You think I can step on your lands without imagining that one-year old's lifeless eyes as she lay in her bed covered in vomit?" Her stomach roiled just thinking about.

"It was SIDS, Bella. That's all."

"That's not all. I did my homework. SIDS happens to baby's when they're infants. She aspirated on her own throw up because she was crying so loud for me to help her. I ignored it. I probably heard it." She shrugged. "I don't even remember how loud her wails were."

"There's nothing to feel guilty about," he shouted, slammed the trunk shut then punched it hard.

"The fact you have a clean conscience over this is exactly why I can't stand to be around you!" She took off, ran to the front door of the dilapidated house with its peeling light green paint.

It was unlocked as usual. She pushed her way in, dropped her bags and locked the door.

She heard the car speed away and rested her forehead on the door.

After a beat, she turned her head to the side to see the silhouette of roundness reclined in a chair.

"Hi, Dad."

She was greeted with a dying grunt.

This week was going to be exactly what she deserved.

**A/N:**

**I have more great news. I have 3 pre-readers now. Amandac3, Paxson Adkins and Dinia Steel are willing to help out in this way, and I'm so thrilled. A big thank you to my beta, SunflowerFran.**

**Scarlett**


	14. Chapter 14

**Chapter 14: Mounds**

Living with a hoarder was a nightmare, but her dad had always kept her room free of his clutter and prized possessions.

Not anymore. Bella was tucked in bed with boxes, stuffed animals, clothes, shoes, old radios shoved up against her walls and stuff in her closet. There was a wider pathway than in the rest of the house, but it was still claustrophobic.

At least it would give her something to do tomorrow to keep her mind off the horrors her mind wanted to play on a loop for her from past times spent here in this town.

Edward's soft music he'd made for her poured into her ears, lulling her to sleep . . .

_Loud angry music played as she watched Jake insert his needle in his inner elbow. A moment later he sighed with a doped up grin. His cloudy eyes raked over her while he released the restraint on his arm that was making his veins more prominent._

"_C'mere. You know what I want," he said._

_He pulled her by the leg, had her trapped under him. She barely weighed over a hundred pounds, and he was a big muscular guy, three years older than she was._

_His hands were tearing her clothes off. She didn't bother to stop him. The quicker they got this over with, the sooner he'd leave her with the drugs and go._

_He sweated, grunted as he took what he wanted from her body. She reciprocated but didn't have to do much since he was so wasted._

_The needle was left behind along with her portion. This would be her first time trying a syringe. She'd only smoked stuff before now._

_He stumbled out the door of his buddy's home._

_Quil would be home soon. She'd wait and get high in her room._

_She tucked the drugs away in her bag, turned off the music, switched on the TV. She heard the faint bleatings of the baby from her bedroom. With the door closed it was much quieter. Would she ever shut up? She'd been crying for damn near a half hour now!_

_Bella shut her eyes, went to sleep._

_An hour later she was woken up by Quil. He smiled at her in a way she could tell he was remembering the last time he got high with her and they had group sex with Jake and a few of his other friends._

_Claire didn't know, and why tell her? It was in the past, and she probably wouldn't believe a twelve-year old, almost thirteen-year old, would do that. But then he was only seventeen; not much older than she was and he already had a toddler, in the beginning stages of walking._

_Their baby girl was adorable with her curly brown hair, dark inquisitive eyes and chubby legs. Bella adored her._

"_I'll drive you home," he said._

"_Sounds good." She grabbed her bag and tucked it protectively under her arm. He gave her a twenty to pay for babysitting and they waved bye to Claire._

"_Did you let her cry it out?" he asked once they were driving._

"_Yeah."_

"_Good. Claire spoils her rotten. You have to ignore her no matter how hard she cries in her crib. I don't want a brat on my hands because her mom can't stop giving in to her." He turned the music up on the stereo._

"_I always listen to you," she said, beaming at him._

_He was gorgeous, smart, and everything she wanted._

_The night turned from dark to nothing but a blanket of black. His face morphed before her eyes into his small baby's lifeless body lying in ungodly angles in her own filthy vomit and excrement._

_Bella picked up the body and it was floppy and white with demon red eyes._

_Blood poured out of the baby's mouth then she heard it whisper without moving her lips, "You did this. You killed me."_

_Bella dropped the baby and screamed until her own blood turned to ice . . ._

She jolted awake to a massive form hovering over her, shaking her. "Bella, you're having a nightmare."

"Dad . . ." She wiped the sweat off her forehead. "Sorry . . . I . . . I'll try to sleep on my stomach so if I do that again it won't wake you."

She could see the faint outline of a smile, but then he wobbled away, shut the door behind her.

It must have been bad for him to come all the way upstairs. The last she'd heard he slept downstairs now in his recliner. His acid reflux was so bad, lying in a bed made it worse. It also hurt his tender feet to walk up those hard steps.

Bella sat up, took a deep breath and hung over the side of her bed. After a few more lungfuls of stale air, she grabbed her laptop and composed an email for Edward.

_Edward,_

_It's already happening—I'm already having horrible nightmares, flashbacks of that night so long ago. Before I lose the nerve, I'm going to put this in writing and tell you everything that happened. I hope you'll share it with your whole family so they can talk some sense into you . . ._

She went ahead and told every detail of her dream since that's exactly what happened that night with the exception of the baby turning into a ghoul at the end.

The message ended with another warning. She hit send with tears in her eyes.

Bella went back to bed and this time she woke before the baby turned demon because her ringing cell woke her up.

"Yeah?" she answered it.

"I miss you already. Can't you come back home?" Edward pleaded.

She smiled and sat up. His voice was more comforting than she deserved.

Some light peeked in through the old dusty blinds, but his words were already making the room aglow with warmth and goodness.

"What? You mean you haven't figured out a way to sneak yourself up here yet?" She chuckled.

"Do you want me there?"

"You know I do, but it wouldn't be good for you." She paused. "I'm gonna take a picture so you can see what I'm living in. And this is only my room. The rest of the house is worse."

"Whadaya mean?"

"My dad's a hoarder. His house is filled with junk, and today I'm going to watch him bawl his eyes out as I haul all this crud out of my room."

"He'll cry?" His voice shook.

"Yeah. Or he did in the past whenever I chucked his stuff out." She leaned her head back against the wall. "He gets attached to it all. It's like cutting his arm off."

"Did you grow up like that?" Soft music played in the background wherever Edward was. Pianos and violins—it was soothing.

"No. My mom and dad split up when I was about four. He wanted to live here, and she didn't. He was also gaining a lot of weight, and it bothered her. They fought a lot; she left with me and went back to Phoenix where she grew up."

"That's sad. I feel bad for you," he replied softly.

"Don't feel bad for me; I can deal with it. I used to come stay with my dad during the summers until I started getting in trouble here in Forks." Oh God! She said the town's name. Now he'd probably look it up and find a way to get here and find her.

Why couldn't she keep her big mouth shut?

"That's where your dad lives."

"You can't come here, Edward," she repeated.

"Why? I want to be with you. I can help you clean up his messes."

She swallowed. "I know you could, sweetie. You're so wonderful that way, but the numbers would overwhelm you if you were here. My dad's not the only problem I have to face." She took a deep breath and blew it slowly. "Did you get my email."

"Yes, but I didn't read it yet. I wanted to talk to you instead, so I called you. Was that wrong?"

She chuckled. He was the only person she knew that was always checking with her to make sure everything was good between them. "It's fine. Just make sure you read it some time today. How about I tell you a story in an email every day while I'm here."

"I'd like that." She could hear the smile in his voice.

"You might not. I think it's time you got to know who I really am. I'll tell you different sad stories of my life so you'll know why I'm not good for you."

He exhaled. "No matter how many times you tell me that, I'll never believe it. There's goodness in your heart. I can feel it."

"Yeah, just call me Darth Vader. I'll chuck the head bad guy off the side but that doesn't mean I didn't all those other nasty things myself." She picked at the pills on her bedspread.

"I miss your lips."

"Edward, I . . ." This sounded oddly like the beginnings of phone sex.

"When you kiss me, my toes want to dig in the dirt so they can't count numbers."

"Is that good?" What a dumb question, but she had no clue what else to say.

"It's really good. Wanna know something else?"

"Not really." She smiled, knowing he'd tell her anyway.

"I think I found a good way to beat the numbers, besides you. Because I know you can't always be holding my hand, even if I wish you could." He paused and she could hear paper crinkling. "I'm turning the numbers into notes. I've started figuring out how to write songs. When I get upset, I force myself now to see notes instead of numbers."

Her heart rate spiked. "Do you think you could hum some music from your head for me right now?"

"Mmhmm," he hummed then turned it into a song. It was scattered and a little rough, but it was magnificent.

When he was done, she was out of breath. "That was beautiful. Do you have a name for it?"

"Bella's Night of Breaking Stars."

She wagged her head. "Only you could come up with a name like that."

"Is it stupid?"

"It's perfect, like you." She struggled to stop sounding so breathy and enamored of him. "Do you think the next time the numbers are about to storm on you, it could be turned into a song you could hum instead of shouting numbers?"

He didn't answer, but she heard his breath so she knew he was still there.

"Could you do that for me? Your friend?"

"Bella, I don't wanna be friends anymore. It hurts too much. I want you to be my girlfriend. You don't have to have sex with me or anything like that, but I'd like to kiss you a lot."

Guilt rose her in throat along with bile. "I think you should read my email before you say these kinds of things."

"I don't need to read it. I want you all the time. I want the scent of your skin in my nose, I want to taste your lips again, and I want to be in the real rain with you, not the fake stuff. We can be together. And maybe someday you'll let me touch your pretty, round breasts again. I really love them."

"Love, huh?" she teased.

"Yes. I'm going to stop saying like all the time. It's not adequate enough of a word to describe anything I feel about you. Love isn't strong enough either, but it's all I've got."

She sighed. "You think that because you still don't know everything. Let's put these thoughts on hold and wait until the week is done. I want you to know more. I promise I'll tell you everything. No more hiding."

"Are you going to hang up now?"

"Not yet. Tell me what your plans are today . . ." She got up and opened the blinds. It was gray outside.

"I'm going to mow the lawn. Emmett says he might take me to a movie, but I can only have popcorn, no soda."

"Well, maybe you could save me a few of your grass clippings, and don't worry about the soda. I'll find a way to get you another one when I get back. Did anybody find out about any of the other sugary stuff I've given you?"

He giggled. "No. I did what you said. I hid it real good, and I only eat sugared stuff after I eat something else first."

"Good boy. I knew you could handle it."

"How did you know?"

She could imagine his adorable eyes glistening with wonder. "Because after I stopped taking drugs, I gained a lot of weight. In order to lose it, I went on a lot of bad crash diets. I stopped eating sugar and white flour and—"

"Like right now? You don't eat sugar now."

"I didn't do it right though because I still ate things that spiked my blood sugar so I'd still crave sugary foods. I'd go a week maybe ten days then I'd cave and my whole body would shake, I'd get a raging headache and could barely think straight. I'd have to lie in bed until it passed. It was awful."

She could hear him moving on the other end. "I got that; me too!"

"That's what I figured. You probably were on an almost empty stomach, and after not having processed sugar in so long, it was like a narcotic hit to your system and when you crashed from the sugar high, you got emotional and out of control." She leaned against the windowsill. "Alice told me that you went a little nuts that last time I gave you a soda."

"It wasn't so bad."

"Tell me . . . I wanna know exactly what happened."

He told her what happened that day and the next when he had to skip school. "It wasn't as bad as when my mom left though. Not anywhere near as bad as that."

"Do you want to tell me about that?"

"No. I'm not good at telling stories like you are," he said, his voice stiff.

"What if you write your story in an email like I'm doing for you? We can both purge, tell each other the bad stuff we don't want to say out loud?"

"Will it make you hate me?"

"Never, Edward. Never . . ."

.

.

Dad left half way through the day. He couldn't take it anymore. He cried, pleaded for her to stop, but she kept going.

Her room was cleaned out, but now she was tackling the kitchen—the worst spot in the house in terms of trash lying about.

The other rooms were filled with clutter, but this room smelled like rotting food and feces. It was enough to make her vomit, and vomiting would make her trip out—episode again.

She tightened the bandanna around her mouth and dug through the dishes in the sink, setting them on the counter so she could fill the sink with soapy water and start cleaning them.

_Creeeeeeeaaaak . . ._

Her head snapped over her shoulder only to find Jake standing there with work gloves and a bandanna around his neck. "I'm sorry . . . About last night, I don't know what I was thinking. I know it's hard for you to come here. I just . . . I miss you a lot. I was mad you didn't miss me back."

"Do you want me to apologize for not wanting to be here in this sty?"

He gripped the door and leaned into it. "No. But I wish you cared about me at least a little . . ." His head titled down and angled to the side a little as he looked at her, studying her reaction.

"I can't care about anybody here; it only makes it all hurt worse. I have to feel disconnected or I'd never survive coming back here." She opened the cupboard under the sink, found the dish soap and squirted some into the sink. She went about plugging it and filling with water.

"Can I help to make up for being a bastard last night?"

"You can make up for it by not dwelling and forgetting about anything other than helping my dad out. That's all that matters."

He nodded and they went to work, scrubbing and telling lame jokes.

"I tried to get clean for you, you know," he said as they finished putting away the last cleaned dish.

"Why would you do it for me? Do it for yourself."

"I don't care about me. Nobody does. You think my dad gives a rat's ass if I'm falling down drunk on the couch?"

"I suppose not, but you can leave. Get out of this place. Graduate, figure out what you want to do." She nudged him with her shoulder then handed him a garbage bag to start filling.

"I have no idea what I want to do."

"Start a mechanic shop; fix cars. You fix yours all the time," she suggested. She grabbed her own bag and started throwing trash in by the handfuls. She moved toward the table. She was determined Dad would eat there tonight.

"I hate fixing that piece of scrap metal. It sucks. I only do it because I can't afford to pay for a mechanic."

"You do it because you waste your money on drugs. Stop paying for that, and save your money. Come to Phoenix. Go to school there. Open a shop where there are plenty of customers. This is a dying town." She tripped over the corner of a ratty old throw rug. She'd try to wash that thing later and see if it was salvageable.

"What about you?" He shot her a wry look. "What does Princess Bella plan to do after she's done with high school?"

"What I'd really like to do is backpack across Europe. They like women with meat on their bones—they don't expect women to be impossible thin with big boobs."

He laughed and she tossed a tennis shoe at him. His reflexes were good and he dodged it.

"But since I don't have the money for that, I'm hoping to join the peace corps for a few years if they'll have me." She shrugged.

"What happened to wanting to be a teacher? You used to talk about it all the time, how you wanted to teach kindergarten."

Her left eyebrow rose, her lips pursed and hand landed on her hip. "What do you think?"

"Oh, yeah . . . Right. Sorry," he said sheepishly. "But if that . . . incident hadn't happened, would you have become a grade-school teacher?"

She sniffed, moved the bandanna to cover more of her nose since it was slipping. "Probably. I love kids. Always have—always will."

"Maybe someday you wi—"

"No, Jake. That dream's dead. I can't ever be around kids for any length of time on my own. It would kill me."

"I hear ya. And just so you know . . . I do feel guilty. Every damn day, and it's worse when I see Quil or Claire. They look right through me like I'm glass."

"Do they still talk to you?"

He paused and sat on the floor. "Yeah. They try to act like it never happened, like their baby Megan never existed, but I can see it in their eyes. They keep talking about going away to college together, but they don't. I think they worry if they leave, they really will forget their baby girl."

"I doubt anybody will ever forget her. I know I never will . . ."

They went silent and resumed cleaning.

The work went so much faster with Jake there to lift heavy objects and help her clear surfaces.

They were three fourths of the way through the kitchen when Dad came through the door, a gun pointed at his daughter.

"Put that bag down," he gritted. Tears squished into the creases on his rounded face.

"I'm helping you, Dad. That's all I'm doing," she said and carefully stuffed a sock into the bag.

"These are my things. I want to keep them," he said, stepping closer, the gun steady.

"You'd shoot me to protect your stuff?" She shoved in an empty can next. "You'd pick objects over your own flesh and blood?"

"I don't know you anymore. You're a stranger to me. You come here, bully me by kicking me out and then throwing away the treasures I've collected over the years." His hand shook now as his eyes went to slits.

"I didn't kick you out, you left."

Jacob was slowly making his way to stand between her and her father.

She shooed him away with her hand behind her back. This was nothing he needed to be involved with.

"I helped you! I'm the one who made sure they didn't press charges when you murdered that little baby. I'm the one that fed you, clothed you, helped you to get over it all."

"No, Dad. You're the one who tried to medicate me with fatty food like you were doing to yourself. It didn't make me better, it made me worse. I started doing more drugs so I wouldn't gain more weight." She settled the bag on the floor, put her palms up so he could see she stopped. "I was miserable, but I knew it hurt you to see it, so I pretended everything was fine for your benefit. When you weren't looking, I was out partying with my friends, getting hammered." She shifted to the side to block Jake's view. She opened the collar of her flannel shirt so he could see the scar on her chest. "I tried to kill myself. I used a knife, but I missed. Mom never told you. It happened after rehab, after I ran away and came back. I wanted to die, but did it wrong, because I knew I deserved to live in my misery."

He dropped the gun, hunched over as his eyes scrunched tight and he covered his mouth as he sobbed.

Jacob bolted after the gun and ran outside with it.

She refastened her shirt. "It was all worse than you thought." She approached him and stroked his greasy hair. He reeked of BO and had the beginnings of a beard.

"I didn't know . . . I really didn't . . . It was that bad?" he choked out.

"It was so bad I had no idea how to exist without either drugging myself up or hiding." She crouched down next to him. "But I'm better now. That's why I didn't want to come here. Too many bad memories, too many friends here that are still on drugs, wanting me to join them. This place is no good for me. And I wish I could get you out of here too."

"No. This is my life. This is where I was born and raised. I have friends here," he said.

She pushed off her knees to stand up straight. "Who? Who do you hang out with and spend time with? Nobody comes over, because you won't let anybody inside the door. You'll probably die here when your junk avalanches on top of you and you can't move to call for help." It was cruel, but he had to hear it. "I love you, Dad, and I'm sorry you had to watch me self destruct, but I learned that from you. Time to stop doing this to yourself. You've been slowly killing yourself for years."

"You don't know what you're talking about." He strained to get upright, but when she tried to help him, he jerked out of her hold. "I'm fine. I haven't had time to clean lately, that's all."

"Why? Because it's some other sports season you can't escape from? Because your chair has swallowed your ass?"

He shoved a finger in her face. "You're my guest here, and you won't talk to me like that."

"Then you'll let me finish cleaning your kitchen, cook you healthy meals while I'm here, and I won't touch any of your other rooms. I'll even keep quiet about our issues, and we'll go back to pretending like they don't exist, even though they're bigger than mounds of crap in this house."

He gripped her shoulder and leaned forward. "You do that, and tell Jacob I want my gun back."

"No."

"You can have your gun back after I leave." She shrugged his hand off her.

"I have more in the house."

"I know you do, and I can get to them before you do and have them tossed out a window before you can do anything about it." She smiled.

"You've become nothing but a tormenting snob, just like your mother."

"I took the worst traits from both my parents—lucky me." She turned and went outside the side kitchen door to find Jake.

He rejoined her after stashing her dad's gun in his car, and they finishing cleaning the rest of the kitchen over the next hour.

When they were done, he took her grocery shopping.

She cooked them both a healthy meal, they both complained about, and then Jacob left.

It was her job to clean up the mess by herself. Fine by her. She needed time to think.

After the kitchen was clean, Dad was asleep in his chair, she went through the entire house, documenting on her phone how her father lived.

It made her heart crash to her feet to see the stuff he thought was worth spending money on.

Boxes of old magazines nobody cared about were stuff in closets. Old rusted bicycles with missing seats or hand bars were hanging from the ceiling of his bedroom. The windows were cracked in there because he had crates of records and VHS tapes that had at some point collapsed into the panes.

Mountains of useless objects were everywhere. It was amazing he hadn't fallen already and broken a leg.

As she went back out to the living room, she saw for the first time how swollen his feet were. They were covered with red blotches and the skin was all dry and cracking. It looked painful.

She kneeled down and examined closer. There were ingrown hairs that looked infected.

She almost gagged when she smelled that putrid odor.

What was he doing to himself? She got up and walked swiftly to her room.

The minute the door was closed, she had her arms across her torso and shook with each silent sob.

This is what she could have turned into. If the drugs hadn't taken her, then food would've.

She'd rather eat dirt every day of her life than be this.


	15. Chapter 15

**Chapter 15: Messages Received**

Edward refused to believe her first email. Today's would be better.

He opened it and read:

_Edward,_

_I told you I'd share everything, and I will. But first, look at these photos I've sent you. This is my dad's house. There's also a picture of him asleep in his chair. I want you to see what it's like here, and why I don't want you here._

_Once you've done that, pretend you're sipping a soda on a full stomach while I tell you more._

_I told you I missed baby Megan's funeral, and I did. But what I neglected to say was I tried to go to her grave many times, but I never could bring myself to do it. Maybe someday I can be brave like you and find a way to get there._

_For now, I tell myself she's in a good place; one I'll never be in._

_That's okay though—I accepted my fate long ago. Today I realized even though it's too late for me, I can help save other people. I want you tell you about a friend of mine, Jacob._

Edward's gut tightened and he felt sick. He pulled the laptop closer.

_I did a lot of bad things with him. He was my drug dealer, and I as I told your dad, I exchanged drugs for sex. At first it was fun; I felt needed and wanted. Jacob was funny; so were his friends. They didn't treat me like a stupid twelve year old even though he was fifteen when I met him. He let me party with him, and I was hooked. Anything to be away from my dad. It was depressing watch him eat, drink bear and watch sports all the time._

_Dad trusted Jacob and his tribe. Jake lives with his Quileuete tribe on the reservation, and adult supervision is lacking. I could stay up all night, get drunk, smoke pot; no one minded._

_And then I got to know his good friend, Quil. Quil and his girlfriend Claire had a baby when she was sixteen. Their daughter, Megan was rambunctious but so sweet. You actually remind me of her in a lot of ways when you're laughing and carefree. I really loved that little girl, but I loved Quil more. I had been intimate with him a few times when we were high, and I thought he loved me. I thought some day he'd leave me for Claire._

_I was naive. He told me one night when I was babysitting to ignore the baby if she cried after I put her in crib to go to sleep. So I did. I had no idea that she was choking on her vomit._

_I think you've figured out now why I have episodes when I throw up or somebody else around me does. It throws me into a spiral where all I can see is her lifeless body lying in her own mess._

_Well, Jake was with me that night as I told you in my email yesterday. The problem is he feels guilty too. He's trapped himself here, still does drugs and drinks a ton. I want to help him get out of here and have a life. I've told him to come to get his GED and come to Phoenix. He can become an auto mechanic since he's good with his hands that way, and maybe someday he'll open his own shop. I believe he's more than capable of doing these things._

_It's you, though, Edward. You're the reason I want to help him and my Dad. Jacob came here to apologize me today for hurting me the night I arrived. He said some nasty things to me on way from the airport to my father's house._

Tears soaked Edward's shirt and snot dripped onto his lip. He barely wiped it away before continuing on with reading. How dare that guy be mean to her? She'd been through enough! His hands shook as he held onto the laptop.

_I've forgiven him. It doesn't matter. I want him to get better. I want my dad better too._

_Today Jake and I cleaned out my dad's kitchen. It took hours, and I'm exhausted because before that I was cleaning out my bedroom. My dad hates me right now. And before you shake your head and say he doesn't; he held a gun on me. He cried, like I told you he would, and we agreed I wouldn't throw away any more of his stuff if he'd let me keep the kitchen cleared and cook him healthy meals while I'm here._

_He has no desire to change or leave, but I can't stop hoping he'll change his mind when I leave. But then I hoped maybe you'd do the same when I left—change your mind about me. Last time I talked to you, it sounded like that wasn't what had happened. I'm still hoping._

_He needs help. He's probably over three-hundred fifty pounds. I know I'm not one to talk. I'm sure you went through my phone when you had it and saw I used to be over two-hundred myself. At least he had an excuse. Not long after my mom left him he was doing a routine stop for a speeding ticket and when he approached the car on foot, they ran him down, hurting his back. He's had chronic back pain ever since and exercising is excruciating, so he packed on the weight. My only excuse was I felt better when I ate, and I love donuts just like you do. If you haven't figured out I have an addictive personality, and I had a sugar problem like nobody else you've ever met._

_My mom says I'm addicted to exercise now and I push myself too hard. You witnessed that when I barfed all over in the parking lot. I'm sure she's right, but I'd rather be thin and have people at least not have to judge me for being fat on top of all my other issues I keep hidden inside me. She nags me about it each chance she gets; that's why I don't eat dinner with her. She'll glare at me and my salad while she eats a burger she bought at McDonald's. I don't eat with my dad either—not because he lectures me, but because it makes me want to cry when I see what he's putting in his body. He's killing himself slowly, and he doesn't want my help._

_Be happy you have a family you can eat dinner with. I have no idea what that feels like . . ._

_I love that your family does that, and Alice makes it a priority in your house. Thank her for me for doing that._

_Okay, enough for now. I'll save my story of drug, sex and rock and roll for tomorrow if you can handle it._

_Love,_

_Bella_

His heart clenched. Her pain oozed out of her writing. It was crippling to know she was stuck there in that mess. The photos were shocking; especially of her father. He looked half-dead in that chair of his.

Thoughts of Jacob at her side helping her exploding in his head then morphed to singeing, burning numbers. His eyes hurt, his ears stung.

"Naaaaagh!" he howled, picked up his chair at the desk in his room and smashed it into the window. He screamed numbers, threw anything heavy he could find. Glass was flying around him.

There was the faint whisper of something Bella had told him about turning the numbers into notes and humming music. But he didn't want to do that. He wanted to be Jacob—he wanted to be at her side in the mess, elbow deep in sludge and vermin if it meant she was smiling at him, trusting him to get through it with her.

Somebody screamed behind him for him to stop, but he had a baseball bat in his hands and rammed a hole into the wall. Drywall flew past him in chunks. Just as he went to repeat that action, tight arms were around his, and locked onto his chest. He was wrested down onto the bed. "Stop it, man," Emmett said in his ear. "You're gonna hurt yourself."

"I don't care! She's with somebody else—not me!" Edward cried.

"I'm gonna let go, and you're gonna talk to me without destroying anything. I'll even help you clean this mess up before dad gets home, but you have to tell me what's going on. All of it. I'll help you . . ." The arms slowly loosened and Edward scampered off the bed and threw himself into a corner where he contained himself into a little ball and cried until his guts were about to come out.

He could hear Emmett cleaning his room and saying a few comforting things here and there but it didn't help.

"Read her email," Edward finally said and dared to look up.

Emmett was covered in the dust from the drywall debris still floating in the air.

He'd already fixed a shelf on the wall Edward didn't remember busting. The books were all tipped over. The chair was back in place. The window was fine; he hadn't busted that. But his mirror over his dresser his mom had bought him for his tenth birthday was smashed to bits. It looked like Emmett had removed the baseball bat from the premises because it was nowhere to be seen. The bigger shards of mirror were in a pile by the door.

Emmett sat down on the chair and grabbed Edward's laptop. As he read, Edward managed to get up, remove two of his framed posters on the wall and positioned them to cover the holes he'd punctured.

He left the room to retrieve the vacuum and when he returned to his room Emmett sat with his jaw hanging open.

"That's messed up," he said.

"I know! I love her, and she's with somebody else named Jacob. I think she said somewhere in there she'd had sex with before, or if she didn't, she might. And I want to have sex with her, but she won't let me!" Edward's entire body shook. His face heated and his breath came out in hot rushes.

"I'm not talking about him, though I see why you're mad. I'm talking about that house—her dad. Edward, she said before she'd killed a kid, and I didn't believe it. This doesn't sound made up. This sounds real. She's been through a hell of a lot. Are you sure she's worth trying to be with. I mean, I've heard of baggage, but this is insane." He set the laptop down, got up and plugged in the vacuum for Edward.

"Yes, I'm sure. There's nobody like her. I love her. I don't care if she has another head growing out of her back. I want to be with her." He started up the vacuum to drown out this discussion.

Emmett scurried over and removed the big shards of mirror so they wouldn't clog up the machine.

Once the room was cleaned, Emmett took the vacuum to put it away. "How bad do you want to see her?"

"Enough I was willing to bust this window out, find a way to grow wings and fly there . . ." Edward buried his face in his hands so he wouldn't cry.

Suddenly, Emmett pulled him into a bear hug. "Don't cry, big brother. I'm gonna help you—it's gonna mean my ass, but I don't care. I'll get you to her. Just watch me."

He peeked his eyes through his fingers. "Really?"

"Really." Emmett smiled.

"You promise?"

"I don't have to promise. It's already a done deal. You put this vacuum away, make sure the rest of the evidence is gone—straighten your books, and I'll find the quickest flight there."

"You'll let me go alone?"

"Can you handle it?"

Edward nodded and his face exploded with a smile so big it was like an upside down rainbow. "I can handle it for sure!"

"Then you're going." Emmett let go of him.

The loss of pressure was disappointing, but it was fine. He needed to pack!

.

.

_My dearest, beautiful, Bella,_

_I have so much to say to you, but I think I'll wait until the next time I see you. I want to be more bold when I talk to you._

She busted into a laugh. More bold? Edward? Not possible. He spoke his mind all the time.

_You shared some very significant moments in your life, and I need to do the same to make it fair._

_I want to tell you about what happened when my mom left me._

_I loved playing the piano. I practiced all the time. Anytime I could, I was on it. I wasn't very good though because the numbers would get in the way. It was loud and hurt her ears. She got headaches, but I didn't care as long as I could keep playing._

_One day I was being really aggressive on the keys. There were notes in my head (which is what gave me the idea to stop the numbers now with music), and I was trying to get them out. It was like when I shout the numbers to get them out of my throat so they won't choke me, but this time it was in my hands, playing on the keys. I started shouting and banging my head on the piano because it sounded nothing like the notes in my head. I said a lot of bad words, and my mom stayed away._

_Finally, she left the house. She probably went outside to get away from the noise. While she was gone, taking a break, I picked up the piano bench and smashed the entire baby grand to bits. Wood was all I wanted it to be since it wouldn't cooperate with me. When she came in, she yelled at me and smacked my face._

_I don't know what happened, but I snapped. I pushed her down, kind of like in Biology when Mike pushed me aside to get to you, except I used more muscles than he did. She went flying into the pointy pieces of wood. It stabbed at her arms, wrists, hands and legs. There was blood everywhere gushing out of her wounds._

_I panicked, and for the first time ever, I put myself in a little ball so I wouldn't have to see what I did. Mom dragged herself to a phone and dialed for an ambulance. They came and took her away and social services stepped in. They threatened to put me in a home and that's when I was flown from California, where we used to live, to Phoenix to meet Dr. Harkham. She's a specialist with Autism. She put me on a sugar free diet, said I had that outburst that day because my mom had given me a cookie and some soda after lunch._

_When I got back home from my trip, Mom would barely look at me. She flinched every time I hugged her and she barely held my hand. Alice yelled at her once because I was crying for Mom and she ignored me._

_When I read your first email and it talked about you ignoring a crying baby, I thought, who could ignore a crying baby? But my mom ignored me no matter how hard I cried._

_The only way I could get her attention was to push her more and use a lot of my body weight. Emmett tried to stop me, but I was bigger than he was. That's why he works out like he does and has gotten so big. He has to be able to restrain me._

_I hurt my mom too many times, and she finally left without a word. Just gone—vanished. Dad said he didn't know where she went to either. I cried for days, and Emmett let me sleep in his bed with him._

_Alice thinks I don't remember all this because I refuse to talk to her about it. She makes excuses for me. I'm sure you know how that feels when people do that for you. We both know what we did. But, Bella, we've both learned and we've changed. I'm very careful to not hurt people anymore. I'm very aware of my body weight, just as I'm sure you're careful around little children._

_We've both grown. Because of it, we can be together._

_I'll always miss my mom, Elizabeth, and you'll always miss Megan. That's okay. We can miss them together._

_I love you. And I'll see you soon . . ._

_Sorry I didn't call you today; it's been busy here._

_Love,_

_Edward_

He sounded off. Had she finally gotten through to him and convinced him she was rotten, and not worth being around?

Bella spent the day in her room, listening to music.

Jacob called once, but she ignored it and let it go to voicemail.

When it was dinner time, she stepped down the stairs with caution. Her dad was acting like a maniac, moving things around, probably hiding the stuff he thought was most valuable so she wouldn't discard it in the trash.

Probably a good idea, because she'd decided from now on, any time he wasn't looking, she'd find something else to sneak into the garbage. She'd throw out the trash each night after dinner. He'd never know what went missing.

Bella made dinner without any side conversation. Dad watched a game on TV and drank a bear.

He still wore the clothes he did when she arrived two nights ago.

Probably would still be wearing them tomorrow too since he was retired early and had nowhere to be. She wondered how he survived off welfare checks and whatever he got from his retirement fund, but she kept her mouth shut. It was none of her business.

For all she knew, he had bundles of cash tucked away in this house under all his piles of boxes and refuse.

Bella's phone rang in her pocket while she was pulling out some chicken breasts to cook for dinner.

"Hi, Edward. How're you?"

"I'm good. Real good. Do you miss me more than a donut?"

She chuckled. "Oh yeah. Way more than a boston cream."

He gasped. "But those are really, really good." She heard a scratchy noise and then he whispered, "I have a secret."

"What is it?" she whispered back, hunching over to make it more fun. He was so playful, like a puppy.

"I'm eating a donut right now."

"You are? How'd you manage that without me supplying it?"

"I'm in a little shop by myself, and nobody knows except Emmett." The volume on his voice went up a little. "I miss you. I'm gonna see you soon."

"We will. What would you like to do when I get back?"

"I want you to come see me play baseball with Emmett. I'm really good at it," he said, then swallowed.

"But baseball season hasn't started yet, has it?"

"No, but maybe we could go to the batting cages until then . . ."

"I'd like that. Sounds like fun." She got the chicken cooking and started assembling a salad.

"I'm gonna call it a _date_," he said.

She smiled. "You can call it anything you want, and I won't stop you."

"You can't stop me even if you want to, because you're gonna be my girlfriend. I know you want to be. Emmett says we both love each other. He says he can see it. I can see it too. I like it when you look at me, and I want to see that look on your face all the time."

She sighed. "It doesn't matter."

"It does to me."

"What I want and what I can have are planets apart, and I—"

"You're being short-sighted," he interrupted.

She was impressed. His thoughts were clear and he was being incredibly articulate.

"How so?" She got out some dressing and went about setting the table for two. She was going to attempt to eat with her dad tonight. It might not be as bad as she remembered. If only she could get him to bathe first though . . .

"You're only thinking of how things are right now. When we graduate, you can do whatever you want. I won't stop you. In fact, I'll encourage you. And I'll get a good job so I can pay for the rent. I've got it all figured out."

"You do, huh?" She shook her head and smiled bigger.

"Yeah; I'm gonna take care of you and you can be my little woman. Remember when you said that to me?"

She laughed. "I do."

"Well, that's what you're gonna be. I'm gonna figure out how to get along without needing to hold your hand or anybody else's while I'm at work. When I get home, I'll play nice music for you to get rid of the bad thoughts that make you sad. We'll only eat sugar when you say it's okay, and we'll be happy. Oh yeah . . ." He exhaled in a loud burst. "I'm gonna have lots and lots of sex with you, because you're beautiful and I like how sore you make me."

She choked on her laughter, but kept it quiet so it wouldn't hurt his feelings. "These are well thought out plans."

"I know, and the best part is you're going to marry me so we'll always be together until we die. I don't want other men to be near you. I want you all to myself."

"Well, if I'm in school or working, there's bound to be other men around me and I can't he—"

"Oh! I gotta go!"

The line suddenly went dead. It sounded like there was some announcement over a speaker. Was he in a hospital? Maybe he was visiting his dad. He was a doctor, right?

She finished up with dinner, adding the last few finishing touches and called out, "Dinner."

Furniture creaked and there was a mighty groan filled with effort as her dad tried to get out of his chair.

"Want some help?" she called after him.

"No."

She set the food on trivets in the middle of the small square table and waited.

A few moments later he set himself down in a chair and looked at her like she was a pest. "I hate salad."

"So do I, but it grows on ya. You'll see . . ." She loaded up his plate with greens, placed a cooked, seasoned breast of chicken on top and even put the dressing on for him so he wouldn't douse the thing in it.

"This smells weird," he complained.

"It's homemade, and it smells fine," she replied with as pleasant a smile as she could muster.

He took a bite, grimaced, chewed and swallowed.

She did the same, but not because of the taste, because it wasn't the food that smelled bad.

They passed the time at dinner talking about how she was doing in school, how mom was doing.

Bella avoided talking about Mom's newest boyfriend in a string of man. Phil was nice enough, but when he came around, they disappeared in Mom's bedroom and didn't show up again until the next morning. They were always really loud too. It was obnoxious. She wanted to introduce them to a ball-gag.

After dinner was done, Dad went back to his rot-spot, and she cleaned up.

Was this what it would be like if her mom really did try to send her to live with him here permanently?

No way could Bella deal with this daily. She was eighteen now. She'd move out and get a crap job flipping burgers and live in a hole in the wall before she did that.

_Rap, rap, rap . . ._

"Bella, get the door," her dad barked. "Tell them to leave."

She groaned. Who the hell was coming over here when it was already getting dark and it was raining out?


	16. Chapter 16

**Chapter 16: Visitors**

Jake stood in the doorway with a dopey grin.

"Hey, Bells."

"Don't call me that." She was about to slam the door shut but his boot was in the way. "Wanna go out and have some fun."

"With you? Are you serious?"

He barked a laugh. "No, with the Yettie living in the woods behind your house. Of course with me." He pounded his chest with his fist.

She chuckled. "I'd say yes but then you'd think I was giving in. I'm not partying with you."

"I'm not talking about a party, just a movie."

"What movie?" She squinted at him.

"The action kind of course. None of my friends will be there, and I'll keep my hands to myself. I'm gonna try this sober thing out while you're here and see how it works for me," he said.

"Ugh! You know how to try a woman's patience, don't you?"

"Yes, and I know how to," his voice dropped low, "screw her brains out too. That parts optional." He gave the flirty bridging brows.

"Shut up, Jake. You already know I prefer to kill you over that."

"I'm up for anything kinky."

"Always were." She stepped back, ready to shut the door again.

He leaned forward and braced his palm against the door. "C'mon. You haven't been in town since you got here. You're getting boring in your old age."

"Hmm . . . Wonder why I'm hiding out here." She tapped her chin and shifted her eyes from side to side.

"You're gonna make me beg, aren't you?"

She leaned back and told her dad, "Hey, I'm going out with Jake to a movie. Don't wait up."

"Yes!" Jake yipped, grabbed her by the arm and made her run with him to his car to avoid getting soaked.

It failed. They were both sopping for the next two hours as they sat through a loud, bang-'em up movie.

Jake tried to hold her hand a few times, but she always refused. She even bought her own popcorn so they wouldn't have to reach into the same bag and have unintended contact.

When they got back to her dad's house, the rain had stopped. He insisted on walking her up to the steps.

"You can go now," she said at the top of the steps.

"You're gonna send me away without a goodbye kiss?" He batted his lashes and puckered up.

"Yes. I don't kiss morons."

"That's not what I heard. I heard you're dating some brain-dead guy back in Phoenix."

She growled. "Shut the hell up before I kick your ass into the mud."

"Look, I'm sorry; it makes me crazy to think of you with somebody else. You were always my girl." He took two steps forward.

"That was forever ago, and like I told you in the car, I was never yours." She stepped back until the door was against her back.

"I won't bite." He maneuvered himself to be inches away from her. His chest was puffed out and expanding with each breath.

"No, but I will." She opened the door, slipped inside and locked him out like she had that first night he drove here from the airport. Seemed like she had to be always on her toe around him.

Edward almost seemed easy after this. At least he asked for a kiss before pushing himself on her.

Well, wait . . . Jake did too, but it was different. She wasn't sure how, but it felt wrong when Jake did it.

There was no trust, but it seemed more than that. She had goose bumps on her arm like she was like being stalked.

Bella ran upstairs, showered and went straight to bed. Maybe she'd actually sleep without waking up screaming tonight.

Tomorrow she'd wash her linens, clear off Dad's bed and clean his as well. She could tell him the day she was leaving that she touched his bedroom.

Bella fell asleep missing Edward more than ever. She wished he'd called her back. His voice was exactly what she needed right now to get Jake's fierce, determined look out of her head.

.

.

Bella only woke once during the night but it took her well over an hour to get back to sleep. Her groggy head ached as she lifted it from the pillow.

"Hi," a bright voice said.

She jumped and swung to the side to find a wet haired Edward sitting at her desk chair.

"What did you . . . How did . . . ?" She blinked and stared. He might evaporate like a dream.

"I flew in. I didn't get here 'til late last night. Your dad let me in. I told him I'd go get a hotel somewhere, but he could see I was crying, so he let me up here after warning me I wasn't to get in bed with you."

"I told you not to come here," she said, her voice gruff with sleep. She hung her head and rested her elbows on her knees.

At least he came well after she got rid of Jacob. She would've hated for him to have seen that.

"Why can't I be here? Didn't you miss me? Or do you like Jacob more than me now?"

She looked over to see his eyes filled with concern and his lips quivering. Thank God he hadn't seen Jacob last night!

She looked over to see his eyes filled with concern and his lips quivering.

"That could never happen . . ." She got up and went over to him, settled herself in his lap and rested her arms on his shoulders. "I missed you more than green grass. And you know what? The rain here sucks without you."

"It does?" He brightened.

"Yes." She leaned in and kissed him, but this time, Bella didn't care about anything else. No more holding back.

She glanced over to make sure the door was closed. It was, and she'd hear dad if he came upstairs.

She pulled at his shirt as she stood up. He followed while keeping their lips attached.

His jacket slipped off as they approached her bed.

"I can't. Your dad said not to," he said between kisses as she tried to lower him down along with herself.

"Since when do I follow rules? I'm eighteen, you're twenty-one. We're consenting adults."

"I don't want to have sex with you unless you're my girlfriend. Are you my girlfriend now?" He blinked and kept his arms propping him up so he had some distance between their bodies, especially their groin.

She yanked him down on top of her. "You read my emails?"

"Yes."

"Promise me you read all of them," she said.

"I did." He stiffened. "Why?"

"You still want me to be your girlfriend after reading all that?"

"Yeah. Why wouldn't I?"

She bit her lip through a smile then let it go. "You're incredible."

"I am?" His voice escalated.

"Shh . . ." She looked over at the door but didn't hear anything. "Yes."

"Yes, you'll be my girlfriend?" His eyes went wide and he popped his head back. Was he trying to see her better?

"Yes, I'll be your girlfriend, but we can't have sex anyway. I don't have any condoms with me."

"Oh . . ." His face dropped some.

"But don't worry . . . We can still have some fun."

Bella had his shirt off in the next move, had him under her and she was sucking on his chest until he was moaning for her to be okay with him being totally naked.

"All in good time," she cooed.

"Please . . . I want to feel all my skin on yours," he pleaded. His chest rose as he stole another kiss. His whole body kept coming off the bed in waves here and there. His limbs were quick too, wrapping her up before she could react.

"I want that too," she said, smiling all the while her chest inside felt filled with warm, gooey honey. Everything was loose, relaxed and buzzing.

This was what it used to feel like being high—the clouded thoughts and her body ruling everything she did.

But better, because it made somebody else feel good too, and there would be no nasty crash after.

Edward and she would go home in a few days, and everything would be fine. She'd figure out a way to deal with both their parents while they remained together. They were both old enough to control their destiny.

She ripped her shirt off, Edward eyed them and his mouth opened.

"Can I touch them?" he asked, his voice quaking.

"You can do anything you like to them," she said, giggling a little. So damn cute.

"They're really pretty, Bella. And I'm sorer than ever," he said, his hands shaking as he reached out to take them.

Suddenly, his hips were thrusting into her and he was groaning. "I can't . . . C-can't stop it. Oh gawwwwwd!" He crashed his forehead into her shoulder and she watched him fall apart.

Only this was magnificent to behold. He was climaxing in her arms, and they hadn't even done anything other than some kissing.

"I love you," he whimpered as his convulsing slowed down. "I want you to love me too."

"I do . . ." she said in a hushed tone and stroked his back.

"Thank God. Finally," he whispered in triumph as he grabbed her tight in his arms and rocked her back and forth.

"I think God probably wishes it wasn't the case, but I can't keep fighting it. I'm not strong enough to keep away no matter how much our families and the stars wish it wasn't so." She kissed his shoulder and brushed the hair at the nape of his neck with her fingertips. He smelled amazing, like real rain on real green grass, dark as his eyes, while the sun was shining. All impossible circumstances in her world, but she didn't care, because that's how he smelled—like the impossible perfection he was. She buried her nose in his neck.

He chuckled and his chest hairs tickled her.

"What are we gonna do when my dad figures out I'm missing?"

Her heart stopped. "He. Doesn't. Know."

_Stupid, Bella. Of course he doesn't._

Blood rushed into her head and pounded in her ears. Edward was learning a little too quickly to lie and evade to his father. No wonder his dad was opposed to their relationship. She would be too if her honest sweet won started hanging out with a recovering addict, whore with a penchant for lying to her parents.

She rolled off Edward's damp body and put her shirt back on.

What a good question. What were they going to do if he came here after Edward?

She needed to get him home quick before this got really ugly.

Bella told him to stay put while she went and talked to her dad for a minute.

She raced down the stairs and the minute she was in front of her dad, he was gripping the sides of his chair so hard the chair was making popping sounds.

"I see how it is. You're gonna pick some kid you've barely known for a week over your own old man who never gets to see you," Dad said.

She answered with a soft tone, "Not that you care, but I've known him longer than that. And I'm not picking anybody over anybody else. He snuck out of his house and came here without his father's knowledge. I think you'd be pretty upset if I did that to you, so I'm returning him home."

"What kind of kid does that to his father?" His jaw moved from side to side as he thought for a minute. "He should definitely leave then."

She sighed in relief and her shoulders relaxed.

"Without you . . ." he tacked on.

"He doesn't travel well alone," she explained.

"I don't care! He got here by himself, he can go back the same way!" Dad screamed.

"Shhh . . . You want him to hear you acting like a tyrant?" She patted the air up and down to try to get him to shut up or at least turn the volume down.

"This is my house! I'll shout if I want to. You think you can come here and push me around! And now because you've found an excuse to make up, you're gonna leave me! Just like your mom—always leaving and never caring about the damage you leave behind!" Spit was flying out his mouth, landing on her arms in a fine spray.

She stepped back and tried to quiet him down again so Edward wouldn't hear, but it was too late. He was flying down the steps to get to her.

"Sir," Edward said, grinding to an abrupt stop in front of them. He wrapped an arm around her and was catching his breath. "Bella loves you, and I love her, but she's not happy here. With your permission, I'd like to take her home this evening to her mom."

"I haven't seen her in two years, and she's only been here for three whole days. No! She's staying. This was the plan, otherwise her mother's gonna ship her right back here—_permanently_!" Dad's face turned red.

Bella glared at him. "You don't want me here any more than I wanna be here. There's something going on, isn't there?" She leaned toward him. "Are you sick? Are you dying? Is there something I need to know?"

"No; there's nothing wrong." Dad ground his teeth together and looked away. That's what he always did when he lied.

"Fine. Don't tell me. I don't really care about what it is anyway." Bella kissed Edward's cheek. "But you might as well know, this is Edward, my boyfriend. I'm sure he introduced himself last night since he has manner, unlike me, your disobedient daughter, but I want you to know, when I get back home, I intend to live with him after I graduate." She set her palm on Edward's chest and could feel his heart pounding furiously.

He set a hand over hers. "I want marry her so I can be with her forever. I hope she'll say yes when I ask officially."

Bella grimaced, but Edward missed it because he was watching her dad's reactions.

"She's not the marrying kind," Dad said.

"That's because she hadn't met yet. I wasn't the marrying kind before either. Now that we're together, we're inseparable. We're both so wrong that together we're right." Edward radiated with sunshine from his toothy grin.

He stood tall and proud.

Her heart flooded with so much emotion, so much she leaned into him and leaned her head on his shoulder so she wouldn't fall. "I love him. He's a part of my life, and not you or anybody else is gonna take him away. We're leaving today."

"If you do this . . . If you leave, don't you think I'll help you when you land yourself in jail again someday!" Dad snarled.

"I didn't ask for your help last time, and I certainly won't ever ask for it again . . ."

She took Edward upstairs and started packing. He helped her.

"Do you think your dad will forgive you if I get you back there in less than twenty-four hours from when you left?" she asked, glancing over at him.

He was dancing around the room with glee. "I only care I'm with you—nothing else matters. He can take away my car, kick me out of my room, and ground me forever. Doesn't make a difference because you're my girlfriend and you said you're gonna live me with after high school."

She swallowed. Oh, yeah, she did say that didn't she?

"And if you say it, it's like a promise, and I know you don't break promises." He shook his finger at her and grinned.

"No, but you know I lie. How do you know I wasn't saying that simply to get a rise out of him, to rub his face in the filth he put in this house?" she teased.

"Because you love me—you said it, and you won't lie to me. You like me too much and don't want to hurt my pure heart." He tossed her hair brush in her bag that had been on top of her desk. "The next thing I want is your trust."

"You have it." She stared at him with a blank expression. Why did he think she didn't trust him?

"No you don't, or you would have invited me here in the first place and understood I could handle this and could've helped you, instead of Jacob."

His throat constricted on that name, and his eyes were piercing blades of fury.

"You don't like him, do you?"

"No, I don't. He was here with you when I wanted to be." He grabbed a few more of her loose items and packed them in her bag.

"Edward," she approached him and gently turned his face with her hand, then left her hand on his cheek, "I don't trust that lying sack. He wormed his way in. I needed some help, and he was trying to apologize. I didn't really want him here. I missed you and wished it was you the entire time. I wanted to spare you the pain that is my life here in this god-awful town."

He leaned in and kissed her. When he pulled away his eyes were soft. "Will you start treating me like an adult then? No more sheltering? You've been telling me about who you are really are, or who you think you are based on your past. Now, believe I can take it all in and act mature about it."

She blinked and stepped back. Who was this man before her? He was stronger than she ever knew.

"I can do that."

"Good." He zipped her luggage closed. "Have I freaked out on you yet about anything you told me in those emails?"

"Not that I know of."

"One of my family members would've told if you I did." He smiled but it stayed clear of his eyes. "I want you to tell me on the flight back whatever else you have hidden that you would've revealed in emails today, tomorrow, and the next day and the next while you would've been trapped here in Forks."

"Okay."

He hugged her and she sighed.

"Let's arrange a flight and leave. Your dad doesn't like me."

"I'm not gonna lie. It's true. But, hey, he doesn't like anybody, especially people that want to be around me," she said with a smile.

Edward arranged the flight and even called home to tell his dad where he was.

Bella wanted to hide in a corner while he dealt with his dad's anger. Instead, she made sure to do a thorough sweep of her room, packing old books, music, jewelry and an old lavender lap quilt Grammy Swan had made for her as a baby. She might never return, so anything of value, she was going to take with her.

The final thing she snatched was her mom's old wedding ring. Her fingers were bigger than her moms so she slipped it onto her pinky.

"It's not like that. We've already paid for tickets to get back home. You'll see me tomorrow," he told his dad.

She winced when a tear leaked out of the corner of his right eye.

Once again, it was her fault he was breaking rules and disappointing his family.

When he got off the phone, she grilled him about how he got here to Washington and who helped him.

It seemed Emmett was very resourceful and very pro Edward-and-Bella-together-plan.

Worked for her, though she hated his dad was so irate over his disappearance.

A cab pulled up an hour later. Bella stood before the recliner, gave her goodbye and tried to say the rest of the things she usually avoided with her family: mainly her feelings toward them, even the positive ones. But Dad didn't want to hear it—any of it. His face grew red and he threw something at her head.

Edward got in the way, and it smacked him right in the eye.

It was a can of beer, mostly full, and it sloshed all over his clothes.

Bella smacked her dad's face and marched them out the door.

"I'm so sorry!" she said over and over as she tried to wipe some of the fluid off him.

"It's fine." He chuckled. "I poured rain on you at school—now it's my turn."

She smiled. How appropriate. Her version of rain for him was beer.

They got in the cab and were driving away when Edward grabbed her hand, squeezed it and said, "I think you need to say bye to her. You may never come back."

"I can't."

"I'll get the teddy bear back out of your suitcase and you can leave at her grave-site," he suggested.

"She wouldn't want that," she protested.

"Did you ever say sorry to her family?"

"No, but—"

"Sorry makes everything better. If your dad had apologized back there for hurting my feelings by trying to hurt you, then I would have accepted. I would have felt less yucky inside. You should say it." He kissed her cheek real quick.

"Will you hold my hand?"

He smiled with approval. "I _will_—the entire time."

They told the cab driver they were gonna make two stops along the way and before she knew it, she was on her way to the res . . .


	17. Chapter 17

**A/N:**

**WARNING: Abortion is mentioned in this chapter. I know it's a sensitive topic, and I don't mean to offend anybody, but it is a part of the story. If you choose to skip that part, it's halfway in. Stop where it's asked if Megan had grass to play in at home. You can restart reading after you see the dots that separates the next scene. Thank you for your understanding!**

**Chapter 17: The Flipside**

Bella's legs wobbled as she walked up the gravel walkway to the little trailer where Megan once lived. She leaned up against Edward the whole way—the entire ten feet to get there. His strength, his belief in her, would buoy her and keep her legs moving.

Whether her mouth would cooperate or not, was another matter she'd deal with when the time came.

What was she supposed to say? "I'm sorry I suck as a human being and was too lazy to watch your kid. But, hey, life happens?"

She'd rather go back and bury herself next to Megan, than say those cruel words.

Edward knocked on the door for her, before she could catch her breath.

"It's gonna be all right," he told her.

Her head snapped toward him, her eyes flashed with liquid fear as tears began to gush. "_How_?"

"Because Megan will help you know what to say. She wants you to be better, just like I do." He kissed the corner of her mouth and wiped it away with the pad of his thumb, the way she had for him so many times.

The door creaked open, and there stood Quil in some khaki shorts and a wife-beater.

"Be-lla?" His voice was barely able to string her name together; it was so stilted and broken, it sounded like he was falling and begging for help.

"Yeah, I'm . . . I'm here," she said with a shadow of a smile. "And I'm . . ." Edward put his arm around her back, settled his hand on her waist and squeezed. "I'm so sorry for what I did. I wanted you to know that."

"She misses her, and she bought her a teddy bear to give her at the funeral," Edward added.

"Why didn't you come?" Quil's asked Bella, and his face contorted with anguish, his lips trembling. "We waited for you. We waited a whole thirty minutes, but still . . . You didn't come."

Tears ran like raging floods down her cheeks. "You _what_?"

"We waited and waited. We all wanted you there so you could get closure. I was worried sick about you, and then you avoided us all. Were we that horrible to be around? We tried to be there for you," Quil said, then lurched forward, grabbed her into a hug.

Edward joined in. "See? They love you!"

"No . . . I . . . My dad said you had forbidden me to go," she sobbed. "That you couldn't stand the sight of me."

"That was my dad saying that crap. And he didn't mean it. He was so drunk off his ass when your dad visited; he didn't know what he was saying." Quil sighed and laughed through his tears. "All this time you thought we despised you?" He pulled away and cupped her cheeks with her hair between his hands and her face; the strands damp from tears.

"Well, I . . . Yeah," she admitted, biting her lip after.

"Damn, girl. You know it wasn't your fault at all. _I'm_ the _one_. I told you before we left, to ignore her after you put her in the crib. And if I hadn't been so adamant about Meg learning to self-soothe, she'd be alive today." He stepped back and wrapped his arms around his torso. "The ironic thing is, we can't seem to have any more kids. It took a long time before we even wanted to try again, but once we did, nothing occurred. We didn't plan to have Meg—she just _happened_, like a blessing that fell straight out of the sky into our laps. She changed everything in our life. Everything. There were times I resented her—my stolen youth and wildness. Now I'd give anything to relive those twelve months with her, but without the drugs and partying. I'd do more with her, watch her little smile when I made goofy faces at her, watch her giggle when she stole food off my plate. I miss the little sounds she used to make when she'd drink her bottle and fall asleep on me. The few times I let her do that is what I treasure most. I tried to force her to be independent, and she couldn't do that. She wasn't ready, and it was my fault she found my spoon in her crib and choked on it."

"Your what?" Edward asked.

"God, this is sick . . ." Quil groaned and dropped his head. He closed his eyes. "I sometimes hid my drug paraphernalia in her room. I must have dropped it in there. It was a teaspoon and part of the handle had broken off since I'd practically destroyed the thing. She swallowed it. They found it in the autopsy. For some reason, they didn't find a trace of drugs in her system." He cleared his throat with a forced cough. "I should've served some serious jail time, but the tribe found a way to cover things up and get me through it so I could stay with Claire and my family."

Bella grabbed Edward into a sideways hug, clung to him like he usually did for her. Her head was tucked under Edward's chin. "It was still my fault I didn't check on her," she said, her voice wavering.

"You were twelve, and you were being a good babysitter. You followed my instructions." He glanced up at her and then back down. "It sickens me to think of what I used to be like. Did Jake tell you I cleaned up my act after she died?"

"No."

"Well, I did. It was hard; harder than anything I'd ever done. I wanted to get lost and forget the pain more than anything, but Claire was willing to forgive me and help me through the rough days. I still really love her. She's everything to me. Stronger than I'll ever be. She's the reason my life means anything at all," he said so low she could barely hear him.

"Where is she? I want to apologize to her too," Bella said.

He shook his head. "She's not here. Once a year she leaves to go visit her mom for a few weeks. She won't be back until after Thanksgiving." Quil sniffed.

"Can I write her a quick note, then?" Bella offered.

"Sure." Quil turned around, disappeared inside and brought back a little pad of paper and a pen.

Bella scribbled something quickly and gave him a parting hug. She shuffled back to the car while her head pounded and her heart ached.

"He was the only guy I ever loved. And after Megan died, I didn't believe in love anymore." She stared at the ground but didn't see anything.

"The only guy you ever _l-l-loved_?" Edward stuttered. He swallowed with a clicking sound.

"Until you . . ." She clutched him to her chest, kissed him until she thought she'd fall over. So drained . . . "Now, what I felt for him seems like a bad joke in comparison." She smiled.

He opened the car door, sat her on his lap and told the cab driver to take them to the Quileute cemetery.

The bear sat on the other end of the backseat.

He stroked her eyes, her cheeks, her lips; kissed her in those same spots with gentleness and understanding. He placed sweet breaths on her forehead and the top of her head. "See . . . I told you that you were all good; every bit of you."

"I thought I was only capable of being nice, not being good," she intoned. Her whole body was limp like she was dead. Maybe the old Bella had to die in order to come back and be something new and different . . .

He hummed and rocked her, then after a while said, "Not my shining star. She's filled with goodness and light."

The car stopped a few minutes later, and though this part should be easier since Megan was dead and gone, it was more difficult to face.

Edward got out and waited with the door open, ready to help her out.

She folded in half, her head between her legs as she hyperventilated and heard nothing but a baby's dappled cries in another room. Bile rose to the back of her throat as that green, sickly feeling overtook her.

She could almost feel the wind on her face as Quil drove her home with the windows down in his car, and could remember exactly how she'd smiled because she was so damn happy to be alone with him.

She had kissed him goodbye. He let her!

"Dammit! She didn't deserve this!" she screamed, kicked the seat in front of her.

"Hey!" the cab driver yelled and wrenched himself around to glare at her.

Edward yanked her out, held her tight. Bella cursed, screeched, cried harder than ever; beat her fists into his chest even though he made it almost impossible with his crushing grip on her. "I hate myself for this! I hate that she died, and I didn't save her. I didn't know!"

"I know you didn't, sweetie," he said, like she'd called him a few times. "She knows that too."

"She doesn't! Nobody told her!" she cried.

"Let's go tell her right now. Let's make sure she knows what happened that night," he said in a soothing, low voice.

She flopped into his chest, absorbing each of his breaths so she could gain some strength.

He brushed her hair off her face. "I want to tell you a story. There's this beautiful woman—she's even stronger than she ever thought she could be. She told me she's been to hell, but I've seen her climb out on her own." He kissed her mouth with a slow press then withdrew even slower with a smile. "And I'm so proud of her."

"You _are_?" Her chest hiccuped, threatening to break into wails again.

"More than anything." His eyes were filled with compassion and adoration.

"I can do this," she said to herself and nodded her head once. She tried to catch her breath.

"You can." He paused. "And I'm lucky enough, I get to watch."

She smiled but it was lacking in anything more than a little twitch of the lips. "I love you."

"I know you do. I love me too. I love you, and I already love this little girl, Megan, because you love her." He opened the car back up, grabbed the teddy bear and handed it to her. His arm went around her shoulders. Then he moved, his legs not taking their full stride, but instead, keeping a pace that was slow and measured.

It forced her to move with him. She buried her face in his shoulder and depended on him to lead her.

Neither of them had any idea where her gravestone was, but within a few minutes of looking, Edward found it.

"Hi, Megan," he said. "You were a smart little girl with a lot to give your daddy, your mommy, and my girlfriend, Bella. They all love you and miss you. Bella has something for you."

Bella refused to look. She stayed in her safe spot in the curve of his shoulder.

"She wanted you to have this," Edward said and gently pried the stuffed animal out of Bella's hand. He let go of her and a tiny mewl escaped her chest.

She clasped her own hands like Edward had to do in times when he needed somebody and there was nobody available.

When she opened her eyes, she saw uneven ground over a grave with no grass, but a few flowers. It was nothing but dirt.

Edward set the bear at the base of the headstone, but it covered some words about her.

Bella's heart clenched and her breathing stuttered. Her feet marched over, took the bear and found a dip about ten inches from the headstone. It was where Bella imagined her heart to be. She placed the bear there and it fit perfectly like it was mean to sit there for all eternity, on top of her chest.

"I'm really sorry I didn't protect you," Bella strangled out in a garbled plea for forgiveness. "I should've . . . I should've never let you cry back there. For how long did you ask me to come get you?" Tears chased down her cheeks once more. "How long did you choke on that spoon? I could've saved you, but I ignored your sad cries."

Bella stepped back. Edward was like a wall behind her; implacable and unmoving. She rested her back into him. His arms wrapped around her and he kissed her ear.

"Tell me something you miss about her," he said.

She wiped the tears away and took a breath. "I miss how she used to say my name: Bewwah. It was adorable. She would sing it like it was a nursery rhyme. 'Bewwah, Bewwah, _Bewwaaaaah_.'" She exhaled in a whoosh. Saying that small portion brought a moment of peace to her soul. So, she said another thing she missed about her, "The way she'd jump into my lap with a book and stab the cover with her fat, roly-poly finger . . ." She paused and smiled. "She loved to read—just like me."

He nuzzled his nose into her neck; hummed like he agreed and could see it all in his mind. His body swayed her back and forth a little.

Another moment of calm descended on her, and suddenly, the burden she'd been carrying, felt like it lifted. "She liked to push my cheeks together before I'd kiss her so it would be a fish kiss. She giggled every time." Bella giggled herself, for a second. "And when I blew bubbles with her at her one-year old birthday party, she hugged me over and over."

"She was special," he said into her neck.

"She was. I really loved her like I was her aunt." She stared at the bear, almost wishing she could be the one to sit there and protect her little body from this day on, and keep it from ever being disturbed.

"Let go—put all those feelings of how you miss her and love her, into the things you care about now. She'd want you to do that." He squished her up against him.

"I know . . . I know she'd want that, but I don't know if I can. What if I forget about the small things she did I adored?" She turned around to face him, his arms relaxing until they were loosely encircled about her waist.

"You won't. You're going to write it all down, and anytime you think of her, you can read it and it will be fresh in your heart again." His green eyes were soft like a bed of grass—a bed of grass that should have covered her resting spot.

"If I ever have money, I'm gonna make sure the cemetery grounds are better cared for. I want her to have grass to play on."

"Did she have grass where she lived in that trailer? I didn't see any . . ."

"She didn't, but she should have." Something hit her, jolted her even—it was a moment of undeniable clarity. "Just like I should've had a dad that didn't wallow in his house filled with garbage. I should've had a dad that told me he loved me, hugged me, and could go places with me instead of wasting away in his own sorrows." He smiled at her like she was finally getting it. She took a big, cleansing breath and rambled all of the injustices about her upbringing, "I deserved a mom who wasn't a flighty, uncommitted parent, sleeping with any guy that could throw a ball. I hate that she chose her boyfriends over me all the time, and she ignored me whenever I did anything wrong." She paused and stood straighter. "Forget I said that—she ignored me anytime I did anything right. She didn't care what I did as long as I stayed out of her way. I embarrass her because I made dumb choices . . . But what about _her_? I don't throw it in her face she had to get an abortion a few years ago because she got knocked up by some nameless, one-night-stand!" Bella's face heated and her voice grew louder. "I earned my own money, working summer jobs, and I use it to buy my own groceries. She refuses to let me eat how I want. Dad too. And I only wanted to avoid becoming both of them—" she gazed intently into his eyes "—they're miserable. Both of them, and they took it out on me. That's abuse."

"Sounds like it to me." He nodded.

"I'm moving out, Edward. I have to. I'm gonna get a job and find a way to pay rent and finish up school. I'm really smart. Did I ever tell you I skipped a grade in elementary school?"

He shook his head and his eyes were alight with pride and joy.

"But then, when I did rehab, had two relapses after and ran away, I failed that year and had to repeat that grade. I'd have graduated already and could've been independent if I hadn't screwed up so much." She huffed. "I hate that I gave them that much control over me." Her foot scraped back and forth on the ground. Her head spun with so many possibilities of her future. "I can't go back to either of my parents. I'll get a studio. When you graduate, you'll move in. We'll figure this out together."

"Thank you!" he cried, laughed and kissed her.

"No, Edward, thank _you_! You're the one that showed me the way." She turned her eyes back on the grave. "Thank you, Megan. You showed me the way too. I'll try to visit you again someday." And though her heart stopped at the thought of ever returning to Forks, she knew she was telling the truth.

Bella deserved to pay homage to the spot where her life changed forever—the place she finally took control.

.

.

They spent so long speaking to Quil, visiting Megan's graveside and getting Edward to change his clothes so he wouldn't reek of beer when he got home, that they barely made it in time to board the plane. It was a first-come-first-serve situation for the seats.

Edward stood still and his mouth dropped open when he saw the plane was so crowded there were only single seats scattered through the cabin. They wouldn't be together.

He tightened his hold on her hand. "I don't wanna be without you. I didn't like flying alone before."

"But you did it just fine," she said, caressing his arm with her hand. She smiled to give him confidence. "For me?"

"M'uh," he grunted, shaking his head.

"We can't be together. It's not allowed. The spaces are all taken. It'll be fine; it's only a three hour flight," she said.

"I can't—not when I know you're nearby, but I can't touch you," he said.

She stood there, trying to figure a way around this.

He was chanting numbers quietly now in the middle of the aisle, his eyes closed, refusing to move. She kissed his cheek to calm him down. The numbers continued to spill out of him.

"Trust me, Edward. Take your seat. I'll make sure we're together," Bella told him.

She took the ring off her pinky and forced it onto her ring finger. It was tighter than she would've liked, but she could figure out how to get it back off when they got home.

Bella lifted her carry-on to put it in the overhead baggage area, when Edward suddenly barked, "I'll get it. I told you I wanted to carry things for you."

"Oh, I know, honey," she said all sugary, while rubbing her lower abs.

Bella leaned back to check out who was sitting in the spot next to where Edward had been ready to plant himself.

Her stomach immediately dropped and she was in fact queasy. Good. For once she could tell the truth to get what she wanted.

A blonde, curvy goddess, thin, chesty and with the brightest sapphire-blue eyes Bella had ever seen, was sitting next to Edward's seat. Everything about her was perfection.

No way was this woman sitting next to her man!

Bella made sure to flash the ring on her finger as she fanned herself. "God, it's stuffy in here. Is it hot to you?" she asked him. She leaned into him for a hug like she was feeling unwell and needed his support. He rubbed her back.

"I'm fine. Do you need to sit? You look kind of pale," he said.

"I'll be okay in the back. Take your spot. At least I'll be near the bathroom so if I have to throw up from the morning sickness . . ."

The blonde woman stood up. "You two should be together." She waved Bella into her spot and moved aside.

"Thanks . . . You sure you don't mind?" Bella asked her.

"Not at all." She gazed down at Bella's ring finger with a look of regret, swallowed and moved swiftly to the back of the plane to find a new seat.

Bella ushered Edward to sit by the window so she could take the aisle seat.

"Did I put a baby inside you?" he whispered, leaning into her shoulder so his lips were at her ear.

"No. We have to have sex for that to happen, and even then, I'm going to make sure that never happens . . ."

He sat up and looked as grave as he did at the cemetery.

"Something wrong?" she asked him. Now he was the one looking washed-out.

His gaze went to the window. "Nothing."

"Don't lie to me." She scratched his back. "You told me I couldn't do that to _you_. I want the same courtesy in return."

"I think you should reconsider having kids with me. You'd be a great mom, and I want kids," he rasped. Emotions were cutting off the speech in his throat.

She struggled to get him to turn around and face her, but when he did, she placed a gentle, understanding kiss on his lips. "I love you . . . But slow down, okay? I'm not ready to talk about this kind of stuff. It's scary enough to even consider having a boyfriend."

"Then why did you put on a ring and pretend to have my baby inside you?" His eyes implored her to make the charade all true.

The fasten seatbelt light was on and the stewardess gave the usual speech about safety. Bella ignored it and attended to him.

"I was trying to manipulate a situation without making a fuss. I wanted it to be that ladies choice on her own to move. If we started asking people to do what we wanted, they might've refused," she explained.

"So you lied to spare her feeling uncomfortable?"

"Yeah." She smiled.

"But what about _my_ comfort? I don't like thinking about how I want my baby inside you and you don't want it there. I don't like imagining that's my ring on your finger, and you might not really want one there," he said. He reached out and touched the diamond.

"I'm . . . God, I'm sorry . . . I didn't think . . . This was my mom's wedding ring. I grabbed it at the last minute and didn't want it to get lost in my suitcase," she said, staring at the way his fingers fiddled with the gem.

"I want to ask you to marry me, but I worry you'll say no. It was so difficult to get you to even say yes to being my girlfriend. But I want forever with you." His gaze shifted to her face. "And even that won't be enough . . ."

Her entire chest and abdominal cavity felt like it was filled with concrete; heavy and immovable.

"I really screwed this up, didn't I?"

He nodded and sucked his lips into his mouth, probably to keep from saying the wrong thing. The looks he was giving, had her on the verge of tears and close to begging forgiveness at his feet.

She pulled his bottom lip back out with her thumb and kissed him.

"How can I make this up to you?" she asked softly.

He curled over and laid his head on her belly. She draped an arm over him and stroked his hair with the other.

His hand was on her calf, gripping it.

The plane was taxiing down the runway. A moment later they had lifted off and were angled up into the sky where Edward belonged with the other angels.

Once the plane stabilized, flight attendants started handing out drinks and snacks.

Her legs vibrated; he was humming.

Was he that stressed out he was converting numbers into music? Had she done that to him?

"Would you like something to drink?" the flight attendant asked Bella.

"One Sprite and one water, thanks," Bella replied.

Edward's head popped up. "Is the soda for me?"

"No." She gripped his chin softly. "You haven't eaten in a while, and we're in-flight."

His lower lip jutted out. "But you're gonna drink a soda in front of me?"

"How mean do you think I am?" She chuckled. "It's for you to take home. I need to make this up to you somehow." A lame apology seemed lacking, so did a soda, but what else did she have to give?

"You're so good to me!" he squealed and tossed his arms around her.

She hugged him back. "Do you forgive me then?"

"No, not yet, but I do like it when you think about me and how much I want to drink that stuff."

When he sat up, she told him. "Edward . . . I've been thinking."

"About what?" He moved his bangs off his forehead. Was he sweaty?

"I think we need to wait . . . I mean I want to, but let's wait," she went quieter, "to sleep together."

He stiffened. "I'm ready. I'm not a child anymore."

"I know, I know . . ." She patted his knee. "It's just that, I've already had you breaking so many rules. I already worry I've corrupted you, and your purity is one of the things I treasure most about you. If I were to destroy that for my own selfish reasons, then I'd . . ."

His eyes sagged. "You think I'm ugly?"

"God no!" she blurted, then sat back in her seat and made sure to scoot closer to him. "I want you more than any one I've ever wanted in my entire life."

"Then _why_?" he asked in a hushed voice, seemingly more aware of others around them. His eyes were filled with anguish.

She was proud of the way he adapted so fast, regardless of how he might be all twisted up inside. It showed he could focus externally and be self-aware. "I have so many things I struggle to forgive myself for . . . I don't want any more of them to involve you."

He stared, and his brow crinkled. "I think I understand."

"You do?"

"Yeah. You're saying you want me to wait until we're married. That means you've said yes." He took her hand, entwined it with his and settled it in his lap. His whole back loosened and he relaxed into his seat with a dreamy look on his face.

"I have no choice, do I?" She chuckled.

"Nope. You're my Bella, and I can wait to have you if it means you'll be mine forever," he lilted. "We're marrying."

"Sounds like you're stuck with me," she said, her head swimming. She yawned and her whole body was groggy. She could argue with him later about how he shouldn't settle for broken goods.

He pulled her into his chest. "See why we needed to sit together? You need to sleep."

"I _dooo_," she said through a long yawn.

"Your dad told me you had nightmares every night and hadn't slept well at all."

"When did you talk to him?" She slumped more into his body.

He tickled her back, drawing the shapes of numbers through her shirt. It made her smile. "When I first got there. I had to listen to him talk about you before he'd let me go up to your room."

"I didn't realize you had much of a conversation," she mumbled. Her eyelids drooped.

"There are a lot of things you probably don't realize about me, because _I_ am full of surprises," he said.

That was the last thing she heard because sleep finally took hold and didn't let go until they were an hour from home.

When she woke, there were two green eyes on her face.

"I love watching you sleep. When we're married and living together, I'm gonna watch you all the time."

"You're creeping me out," she said, chuckling and wiping the sleep out of her eyes.

There was a tickle at her navel.

She looked down and saw Edward's naughty hand had made its way inside her shirt.

"How long has _that_ been there?" she asked.

"Not long enough." He smirked.

"What else did you do while I was sleeping? Any exploring I should know about?"

"Nothing to talk about," he said, biting back his growing grin. "Besides, I'd rather show you later . . ."

**A/N:**

**Not much to say except you all continue to blow me way with your amazing feedback and positive reviews. Thank you, thank you, thank you.**

**And a million hugs to my beta, SunflowerFran and my pre-readers, Amandac3, Paxson Adkins and Dinia Steel.**

**See ya Friday!**

**Scarlett**


	18. Chapter 18

**Chapter 18: Ringing**

Bella was fun to watch sleep. Sometimes she talked, and if he moved an inch, she whimpered, frowned and grabbed at him. His whole body tingled at how she gripped him so fiercely and would then subsequently calm down right away. It made his heart rush to know she needed him as much as he needed her.

But now she was awake, and though she was holding his hand, she was contemplative and reserved.

"We should take you home first so I can explain to your dad," she sighed.

"No, I'll talk to him. It's not your fault I came after you," he said. He stroked the back of her hand. "Bella . . . ?"

"Yeah?" She turned to him.

"I want to kiss you as much as I can before I go home. I'll probably be in trouble, and Dad will probably try to separate us. I won't let that happen, but it might take some time to figure out how to get past him," he said.

She leaned into him and the slow smoldering kisses began. The plane was circling the airport, almost ready to descend. He wanted to watch out the window, but this was more important.

Bella let him take charge, touch where he wanted, kiss where he wanted, but he was careful to not make a scene. She wore a sweater so it was easy to conceal where his mischievous hands were. A handful of her was better than a soda.

"You're forgiven now," he said, caressing her in places he dreamed about all the time.

Her eyes were heavy and there was heat there, more scorching than the temperature of her body.

"You don't smell like smoke—I like that," he said, smiling then kissing her again. She tasted and smelled clean and very Bella. He kind of missed that cigarette smell a little, but he would never say because she had to stay healthy so they could live a long time together.

She smiled back. "I guess I wasn't thinking about it . . . _Great_—now I am, and I can't have one," she groaned and slid back into her seat, her head tipped back into the cushion.

"You'll forget again . . . I'll make you," he said, and he redoubled his efforts to make her think only about _him_ and feel his touch.

It was hard to be gentle when the plane was landing and jostling them around, but his chest was tight over the thought of parting with her. They'd been together for the longest amount of time, over the last twenty-four hours. They only left each other's sight to go to the restroom. Other than that, they were always entwined in hugs, kisses or holding hands while talking. It was the best time he ever had, even though she had to say goodbye to Megan and apologize to Quil.

The plane pulled up to the terminal and she held him really tight.

Was she okay?

"Edward . . . No matter what happens when we get home, I want you to know something . . ."

He patted her hair. "What? Is there something wrong? What do you think's gonna happen?"

"Shh . . . Just listen. This is gonna be hard to say as it is." She pulled back then settled her forehead on his. "I love you . . ."

His breath caught in his throat. "You're not lying either, I can tell. Your eyes tell the truth," he said, his eyes sparkling with tears.

"I would never lie about something like this. You mean so much to me, and I wanted you to know." She pulled back.

He resisted their parting and tugged her forward for one more kiss. "What's going to happen?"

"I don't know, but it probably won't be good when I tell my mom I'm leaving and that I won't live with her or my dad ever again." She swiped at the corner of her eye. It was moist there.

"Will she be mad?" His voice broke.

"I don't know. I'm hoping she'll be relieved more than anything."

He shook his head. "How could anybody be relieved to see you go? Not possible. I'd cry and beg you to stay."

She smiled and a tear slipped out of her other eye. A sigh released, and she said in a quiet voice, "That's because you see the good in everyone. She doesn't quite get that concept. I've been nothing but trouble. I killed a kid, was hooked on drugs, ran away and then came back with promises of cleaning up, only to have two relapses. She was probably worried next I'd start emptying out her bank accounts and start poisoning her." She chuckled low in her gut and looked away with sharpness to her features. "It never mattered how hard I tried. I never did anything right."

He stroked her cheek. "She's blind. You do everything right, and I'm glad I get to see it." He leaned in and ran the tip of his nose along her jaw then kissed her chin. "So perfect, my Bella."

The plane was almost emptied. She stood up and went to get their carry-on bags, but he managed to get around her and beat her to it.

They were both quiet as they went to get the rest of their luggage.

"I wonder why your parents were ever together. They seem a poor match," he said.

"They were. It was one of those opposites attract kind of things—" she snorted "—kind of like us, I guess."

He frowned and stopped walking, pulled her over to the side. "Wrong! We're exactly alike!"

"Edward, we have almost nothing in common, and we're—" She turned away, but he grabbed her and made her look at him. "What're you doing?"

"I want you to describe your parents to me right now. I'm going to show you how I'm right, and you're dead wrong." His nostrils flared and his pupils dilated.

She'd never seen him so set on something.

"Okay, um . . ." She bit her lip to concentrate. After a breath, she said, "My dad wallows. He builds physical walls around him with his junk to block out what he doesn't want to see and to keep people at a distance." Edward nodded. "My mom loses herself in other men; she gains her self-confidence from them. As soon as they say something about her she doesn't like, she gets rid of them and moves on. She can't take any criticism at all." She leaned against the wall behind her. "When they were together, my dad never complimented her so she got depressed. They didn't really fight—they just kind of disappeared into their own little worlds and eventually they had nothing left . . . Not even me. It was like they didn't know how to be a family. They only knew how to ignore each other, ignore me and most of all, ignore everything around them they didn't want to deal with. Mom left."

"Here's what I see with us," he began. His eyes were stern, his jaw taut. "I'll start with me. I'm outspoken about my emotions because it hurts me too much to hold them in. I know who my real friends are, and I can tell now when somebody really likes me or not because their eyes tell me. I try really hard to be safe around people and keep them from harm, because I've hurt people before." He stepped in front of her and swayed back and forth with his hands in his pockets. His gaze was direct. "Now for you—I see a very strong woman who also protects people around her." Her eyes dropped and she stopped breathing. He placed his palm over her heart. "You're better than me, because you don't talk about people that harm you. You could, you know, but you don't. We both care about how people around us feel."

Her eyes lifted to his, and there was a look of being lost there with a hint of hope. "I do care, but most of the time I think most people around me are idiots and not worth my time."

He rubbed a little over her heart. "That's because you were hurt so much and taught to think that way. It's not who you are though. If you were that mean, you never would have talked to me, allowed me to hold your hand when you didn't even know who I was."

She blinked.

"See?" He took her other hand, kissed it and then clasped their hand together. "We're the same. We're both strong and unbreakable."

She dropped into his chest and hugged him. "I want to believe you."

"Need more proof?" He rocked her. "Music."

"What about it?" She took a stuttering inhale.

"It saves both of us. You said it got you through rehab. I used to love music and playing the piano because the notes would banish the numbers. I tried so hard to be the best I could at playing it, but my mom couldn't stand how I'd insult myself and be torn up over how I couldn't ever do it good enough. I wanted perfection."

"But that's impossible," she breathed.

"I know that now, but at the time, I was a little kid and didn't have much patience." He brushed his fingers through her hair. "We like different kinds of music, but we both get a feeling of belonging from it, because we never really belonged anywhere before." He kissed the top of her head. "Because we belong together."

"I still don't know that we have that much in common," she argued.

He separated from her a little. "How do you think we're different?"

She shrugged. "Okay, so I like music, you do too, but what do you want to do with your life? What kind of career do you want?"

"I don't know yet, but I know I want to help people," he said.

"Me too."

He smiled big. "So, what else is different about us?"

"The fact you're brilliant and pure, and I'm intelligent, sure, but I'm still all black inside. I mean, God, Edward, I used to trade my body for drugs. That's something you could never do." Her eyes were half closed, filled with sadness.

"No? You don't think so?"

She shook her head.

"How about pushing people down and hurting them for a soda or candy? Those were my drugs. My mom used to bribe me with them to get me to behave. It never worked."

Her eyes went wide. "You pushed them on purpose?"

"Yeah." He ran his hands down her arms.

"Would you have given anything to have what you wanted and feel good again?"

He nodded.

Tears almost exploded out of her eyes. They gushed, and she fell back into him again. "Thank you . . ." She hiccuped. "Thank you, thank you, thank you."

"For what?"

"Showing me exactly how right this is. Now I can do this . . . Now I can face what scares me."

His heart stuttered. "What is it?"

"The possibility of being homeless again."

.

.

Bella was insistent she go inside with Edward and not make him face this on his own. He had even picked her up and placed her back in her Jeep.

"Edward, I have to do this!" she said in a raised voice.

"Why?" His stormy green eyes were a moment away from tearing up.

"Remember how miserable you were when I paid for our first date? And how good you felt when you paid for those concert tickets?" She gripped his shoulders to keep him still. He was super jittery.

"Yeah. Paying for those made me feel like a man. A _normal_ man." He blinked.

"Exactly. I haven't felt like a normal, compassionate person in a long time. I've also escaped punishment from my parents over and over because they could never contain me. I want this punishment. I deserve part of it, so I want to be responsible and take it on." She slid out of the driver's seat in the Jeep and maneuvered around the door so she could shut it.

"Okay, but I want to do a lot of the talking," he said, taking his time to get his bags out of the backseat.

"Fine with me."

He let her hold his carry-on bag so they could hold hands.

Once they got inside, Alice shrieked at him and her hands shook.

Bella imagined Alice slapping her face and ripping her hair out. If Edward was out of the room, she might even pull a knife on her.

"I want to talk to Dad," Edward said, his face stoic.

"No! You tell me first what the hell you think you were doing flying alone?" Alice pointed in his face.

He gripped it, but was gentle, as he put her hand back down at her side.

"I don't answer to you. You're my sister, not my guardian," he said.

Odd choice of words. Why did he say "guardian?"

"Dad! I'm home," Edward hollered and put his luggage down.

Bella set his bag she was carrying, on top of the one he'd set down.

His father came running from a back bedroom.

"Edward! Thank God! I've been calling and calling you!" He gripped Edward into a savage hold. "Are you okay?" He pulled away and looked him over.

"I'm great," Edward said, smiling. "I'm better than great."

His dad scowled.

"I love Bella; she loves me. We're gonna get married someday. For now, she's my girlfriend."

His dad pulled him away.

"Stop that!" Edward told his dad and yanked out of his grip.

"I would like to speak to you in private," his dad said.

"Not yet. I have more to say, and Bella does too." Edward walked back over to her side.

She took that as her cue to cut in. "I'm so sorry he came after me, sir." She cleared her throat. Had she ever called anybody sir? Probably not. "I didn't know he was going to do that. If I had known, I would have forbidden him to come."

"How would you have done that? It seems my son has learned a few nasty habits from you." His dad was shaking a little, his face turning red. "Running away without a word, ignoring what his own parent says, spending money on you he doesn't have—to name a few."

She swallowed and dipped her head. "You're right. I have noticed he's taken on some of my less desirable traits, but we've helped each other too."

Edward took her hand and stood tall. "We have," he chimed in. "I only wanted to be with her."

"Well, you certainly accomplished that!" His dad hung his head and shook it in shame. "Her father called here, looking for her. He was worried you two might have run off together to God knows where."

"I wouldn't ever do that to your family," she said. "I respect you and your life together too much. In fact, I'm jealous. I wish I had this. I've never really had a functional family."

"So you try to steal mine, is that it?" his father asked, his tone bitter.

"No. I plan to stay on the outside and make sure your family stays intact." She let go of Edward's hand.

He grabbed it back.

She shook it and let go, whispering to him it was okay. "Sir, can I shake your hand on it? I promise, the second I see I'm breaking up your family, I'll get out of Edward's life."

She extended her trembling hand.

He took it in a blinding flash. His grip was so hard, she could feel her joints rubbing together. "What I can't figure out is what you get out of this relationship with my son." His eyes burrowed into her like an unforgiving drill.

"Peace." She took in a wisp of a breath. "I feel normal and good with him. He helps me to see the good in everything around me." He let go of her hand and she shook her fingers a little to get the blood going again. She lowered her voice because she was sounding a little shrill. "He has an amazing gift. He has this infectious spirit. At first I could only see anything good when he was around, but now it's bleeding over into my life when he's absent as well."

"I want a concrete example," his dad demanded.

She paused. This was gonna sting like the tears that were now threatening to join in on this conversation. "Okay—when I was visiting my dad, an old friend of mine, Jacob, the one that got me hooked on drugs years ago, came back into my life. I was angry he was even anywhere near me. I didn't want to be tempted; I didn't want to fail myself or Edward."

His dad's jaw flexed.

"I didn't want to forgive him or let him anywhere near me. Before Edward, I probably would've disobeyed my dad and flown straight back home. But I didn't. I stayed. I cleaned my dad's house, or the portions he'd allow me to."

"He's got a very messy house—he's a hoarder," Edward blurted.

She stepped back and took Edward's hand. "I helped Jacob see where his life was headed and how he could get out of his rut. He helped me clean my dad's place some, too, and we were able to see past our old life—our mistakes. I can't even begin to tell you how healing it was."

"And now my son is tied up in all your garbage," his dad gritted.

"And I'm tied up in his. It doesn't matter anymore to either of us who has more baggage, or more dirt to clean up. We both have issues and we work on them together."

"I went with her to say goodbye to the little girl she thought she'd killed," Edward said.

His dad dropped his head back and laughed so tight and high pitched, it made a nasty river of ice-cold water run down her whole body. She was filled with bitter defeat, and the hairs on the back of her neck pricked. "Oh, _this_ gets better. I heard you had done some pretty nasty things, but this—"

He cut himself off.

She sighed. He'd never accept her. Never!

"I didn't kill her." she said. "We found out while we were there. It was her father's fault. I was babysitting, and I was only twelve."

"I don't care how old you were." He stared straight at Edward. "No. Edward, this can't happen. This girl is a disaster—she'll destroy you. She's already starting to."

Edward held up Bella's hand and pointed with his other hand at the ring there. "This is what I want with her. I'm gonna marry her."

Edward dropped her hand and stepped toward his dad. "Bella, you can leave now. I'm gonna talk to my dad alone."

She stood absolutely still and gaped with her mouth wide open.

"I said go," Edward said, jerking his head toward the door and giving her an icy look.

She took a breath and walked away.

Alice shut the door behind her.

She shuffled to the car, got inside and slumped over the steering wheel.

That was worse than she thought.

She started the car.

One disapproving parent down. One more to go.

And then what?

Where would she stay tonight?

Tears blurred her vision but she drove anyway. The ring kept blaring at her.

What if they did use this ring? What if they did it—went to Vegas as soon as possible and went ahead and got married?

They could figure out where to go after that. He said he owned his car.

She'd obviously have to give up the Jeep, but they could do with one vehicle.

Oh my God! What a mess.

She drove home and stiffened her spine.

Screw it all. She'd pack and not say a word. Her mom didn't deserve it. After all, she was the one that sent Bella back to that hell-hole without so much as a "Sorry, kiddo. I know you hate it there, but I can't do anything to stop this."

Bella went inside, laid her large duffel bag out on her bed.

She started emptying out drawers and stuffing items in she wanted to keep with her.

It wasn't like she had a whole lot of things anyway, so leaving behind half her stuff wouldn't be a big deal.

"So, you're back. Should I be surprised you left early?" Mom stood in the doorway.

"Shut up," Bella muttered.

"Excuse me?" She sauntered inside. "Who'd you kill now? Your dad?"

"No, but if I had, it would've been in self-defense since he pulled a loaded gun on me," Bella retorted.

Mom laughed. "Oh, Charlie . . ." She wiped away a tear of laugher. "He did that to me the day I was leaving him. Though he actually took a shot at me as I drove away."

Bella stopped packing and turned to her mother in a slow, methodical way. "Are you telling me you knew this about him and never warned me?" The tendons in her neck were standing out, and Bella's whole face heated.

"I knew he would never hurt you. Just like I knew he wouldn't actually hurt me that day. He was out of options. When he gets that way . . ." She shrugged.

Bella stomped over to her.

_Whaaaaack!_

She punched her mom in the face and laid her out.

"You are the shittiest mom ever!" she bellowed. "I hate that you never really took care of me or gave a damn about my welfare."

Her mom strained to get back up and as Bella pulled her arm back to do it again, her mom's hand jutted out and snatched her wrist.

Mom's eyes suddenly went wide and she hissed, "Why are you wearing my ring?"

"You gave it to me, remember? It's mine, and I took it away from dad's house filled with crap, because I'm never going back there again." Bella snapped her wrist back to free it.

Mom let go. "That's mine!"

"It's not yours anymore. You gave it to me when I turned ten. You said to use when I got married to somebody I loved since you never loved Dad."

Mom's eyes went to slits. "I never said that." She backed away.

"No . . . You said, and I quote, 'This ring should go to you and only be worn if you love the man, since God knows, I've never loved anybody.' I may have forgotten a few of the other things you said after that about sex, because, honestly, Mom, it was repulsive. I never wanted to hear about how many guy's you've laid." She went back to packing her bag. "They don't love you either—by the way. They won't ever really make you whole, because you're too broken. Worse than me. You need help." Bella shoved in a book she had been reading then zipped the bag shut.

"Where do you think you're going?"

"I'm leaving. I'm eighteen, and I can't live here anymore." Bella gripped her bag strap tighter.

"Dad won't take you back," she warned.

"Like I'd ever go there for refuge?" Bella snorted. "I'm gonna get a job and live on my own. I have some money saved up." She sighed. "I'm going to graduate, marry Edward and find a way to make a difference in this world by helping people."

"That boy will never marry you. He's way too good for you, and he'll figure that out soon enough." Mom's arms were crossed over her chest. Her cheek was red where her daughter decked her.

Bella heaved her bag up onto her shoulder. "Maybe he will, but until then, he's mine. Don't come looking for me, because I'd rather not see you again until you get yourself sorted out." She stepped past her mom into the hallway, turned for a moment. "I'm serious . . . Get some therapy. If not for me, for you, because you're a mess."

Bella tossed Mom's Jeep key on the couch right before she stepped out.

The fresh air hit her, and instead of breaking down, she walked down the street with steady feet.

How long could they carry her, though?

How long could she be strong?


	19. Chapter 19

**OUTTAKE FROM CHAPTER 18: Edward and Carlisle conversation after Edward returns from Forks**

Bella had left his home at Edward's request. He could see the conversation they'd been having with his father wasn't going well.

Edward walked into the home office and waited for Dad to take his usual spot at his desk where he could either scowl or look at him with a blank expression.

Didn't really matter. Either way, he was going to hear his son out.

Edward closed the door and took a seat in the leather recliner a few feet away from his dad.

"What do you expect me to say?" Dad began.

"Nothing at all. I expect you to listen to a grown man with all the answers. If you'd stop thinking you know everything for a minute, maybe you could learn something."

Dad's fingers drummed on his desk. "Mmm," he grunted and his eyebrows popped up for a moment like he was skeptical.

"I mean it. I have the answers." The numbers swirled, but he could beat them. He knew he could.

"Such as?" Dad's fingers stilled and his jaw snapped shut. "I can't wait to hear this."

Edward ran his sweaty palms down his thighs to absorb the moisture.

"First of all, you need to realize what she means to me. She does things to me," he began.

"Yeah, I've gotten that. Thanks. I've seen _exactly_ what she does to you. Walking around here with your erection larger than life." Dad rolled his eyes. "Anyone can see you're attracted to her."

"Stop it," Edward gritted. "I'm not talking about that with you, and being hard for her is _not_ a bad thing. I won't let you make me feel guilty about it." He slapped his hands on his thighs. "I'm talking about how she makes me feel about myself. I feel normal, I feel good, and I know I can succeed at anything, because she knows I can do it. I'm gonna graduated this year, and it'll be because she was cheering for me."

Dad's jaw tightened.

"Do you know hard it was for me each time I went back to school to think Mom would be disappointed if she found out I was kicked out again?" Edward's left eye twitched.

Dad stared, motionless.

"Edward, she's not keeping tabs on you ki—"

"I wasn't done," Edward said. He rammed his fingers through his hair. "Please, don't interrupt me. You never listen, but this time you're gonna. I have lots to say."

Dad nodded. "Continue . . ." He extended a hand in the air and motioned for him to keep going.

"Thank you." Edward swallowed and closed his eyes to straighten his jumbled thoughts. "Bella's the best person I've ever known, and I . . . I know you can't see it. But let me tell you what her dad told me when I was there."

Dad stood up, shoved off from his desk. "Don't you think for a second I didn't have a lengthy discussion with her dad about she is. I watch out for you. Do you think me stupid? Have you lost all respect for me? That willful girl is disobedient, and she chooses to screw up her life on purpose." Edward's eyes went wide and Dad went on, "No, Edward. You're the one not seeing things clearly. Her parents are fed-up with her. She's caused nothing but trouble since before she even got her period!" Dad's face rushed with redness, and his eyes went black. "Drugs? Killing people? Or even being suspected of it? Selling her body to get high? Come on. Think! I need you to _think_!" He paused with a grimace. "Those are not the actions of somebody that is a 'good person.' There's a difference between somebody that's nice and good. Dammit, son. I thought you understood this by now. I've been working with you for years on this concept, and here you go—getting sucked up into her web of lies because she smiles at you, kisses you and lets you eat sugar." His hands went to the back of his neck as he groaned.

"I do too know the difference between somebody that's good and bad. Do you know how long she's suffered, thinking she hurt a little baby? It wasn't her fault. And everybody blamed her, including her own parents. Nobody ever stopped to comfort her. Of course she took drugs to forget about it all. I would too."

"You don't know what you're saying." Dad shook his head in disbelief.

"I do too. Sugar makes me happy. That's why I went nuts over it so many times. It made me forget in small ways. She had way more problems because no one supported her, so she needed more than sugar." Edward huffed.

"Support is something you get when you've earned it and actually want help. She didn't want help. Her father told me what she did each time she went to rehab." Dad pointed out the window. "She relapsed more than once."

"Yeah, and she learned that wasn't the right thing to do. She's been clean for a long time and without anyone's help! Why can't you give her credit for that?"

"Credit? _Credit_? Are you serious? Listen to yourself. I don't know this girl, and at this point I don't want to. She should be in prison as far as I'm concerned with the kinds of horrific things she's done." Dad walked back to his seat and sat down.

"Dad, she's leaving her Mom's house. She's eighteen. And when she goes, she'll have nowhere to stay. If she leaves, I go with her."

Dad's eyes flashed with a wicked ferocity. "You wouldn't dare."

"You're not my real father! I can do whatever the hell I like. I'm an adult!" Edward said, his voice pinching his throat as it hissed past his windpipe.

"Are you going to start calling me your _guardian_ again? What the hell was that all about?"

"You _know_ what it was about. I know what you are. You never adopted me. And I can report you," Edward said.

"For what?"

"Abuse. You're holding me back, and part of the deal of my staying with you is that you see to my progress." Edward stood up and paced. "We have an extra bedroom here. She's not going to cause any trouble at all. I'll see to it she behaves."

Dad's head cocked. "And what about you? I can barely understand you at all anymore."

"I'm not a child."

"Sure as hell could've fooled me. Running off late at night and convincing your brother to put you on a plane. Those are the actions of a petulant toddler, throwing a tantrum. She was only going to be gone a week." Dad's left arm dropped on the desk and his forearm slid, knocking off a few things.

Edward's brow crinkled. Did he do that on purpose?

Since Dad left it all on the ground, he figured it was calculated when he did it.

"One week too long. My heart breaks when she's gone. Can you understand that?"

"Yes, I can, but you're not the same with her." Dad's glare intensified.

"No, your right. I'm better with her. Watch. Let her stay here. See how much happier I am. How the numbers stay away completely."

Dad's mouth twitched. Edward could tell he was considering it.

"She's amazing. I'm sure you'll see it as well. Give her some time. Watch how she is with me too. She cares about me—all of me. I love how she speaks to me and looks at me like I'm the sun, warming her soul. It's about the . . ." Edward was breathless. "It's like I have a world I belong in. Finally." He was glowing inside and out. Just thinking about her warmed his soul and made his mouth smile so big it almost hurt his face.

"You belong here with us. We love you. We take care of you," Dad said, his face falling.

"I know that's what you want to believe, but I want a wife someday. Maybe even children. I want her. And if you're going to stand in the way, then I'll have to leave. I'm not going to budge on this. I know what I want and what I deserve."

Dad's hands fell in his lap. He stared at them.

"You leave me no choice. I can't let you go. You're my responsibility. Stop calling me your guardian, especially around her, and I'll let her stay here. I'm your father, and you'll treat me with respect."

Edward nodded and smiled even though Dad couldn't see it.

"And you will make sure she's using clean language in my home."

"I will."

"No sex, no nudity. At all." He glanced up at Edward with his head still fastened to his chest. "I mean it."

"I know. We'll keep to the rules."

"She's not staying in your room, so don't even think about it."

"I won't." Edward's tongue clicked. He could barely contain the fireworks going on inside his chest and it had nothing to do with numbers, because they had all disappreared. "You'll love her. I promise!"

"I highly doubt that, but I want you safe." Dad's mouth sagged, but he wasn't quite frowning.

"I am safe—with her."

"We'll see . . ."

"And my music is back in my head. I want to take piano lessons again." Edward leaned forward.

"Okay." Dad's eyes were dull.

"_Okay_?"

"Yeah. It's fine." Dad waved his hand like he didn't care at all.

Edward's chest burst with life. He shoved his hands in his pockets.

"Can I go get her now?"

"You may. But, Edward . . . ?"

"Yeah?" Edward bit his tongue on accident when he pulled his hands free and was galloping off then had to abruptly stop to turn in Dad's direction. His body was a bundle of jumpy nerves.

"I'm giving this a shot to prove I trust and believe you. Do not let me down." Dad gave a stern look.

"You'll be so proud of me, Dad. I love you!"

"I love you, too, son. Go get her."

"Bye!" Edward waved, hopped and raced out the door before Dad could argue and change his mind.

He was in his car and calling her in his next breath.

"Bella, you're gonna love me even more!" he said to himself.

**A/N:**

**This outtake was not beta'd so please forgive the mistakes. Now that the story's completed, I've put the outtakes back into the story in the actual order of the timeline, so if you want to turn it into an epub or something from flagfic and read it on your phone, it'll all be in chronological order.**

**Much love,**

**Scarlett**


	20. Chapter 20

**Chapter 19: Roommates**

Bella walked to Angela's. Maybe she could stay here tonight and then find a homeless shelter for the next few weeks while she found a studio and a job.

"Bella?" Angela's mom asked when the door opened.

"Hi, Mrs. Weber. Angela's home, right?" She slouched a little—exhausted in every way imaginable.

"Yeah, I'll get her." She left the door open and went after her daughter.

"Angie!" her mom hollered and walked upstairs. "Bella's here to see you."

Angela traipsed down the stairs and smiled until she saw the stuffed duffel bag.

"I hope that's not Mike's corpse stuffed in there," she joked.

"I wish . . . Nah, I was just wondering if I could spend the night tonight?" Bella bit her cheeks to keep from spilling all that happened.

"I . . . I kind of have plans tonight. It's fall break and I—"

Bella's face fell. "No, it's fine. Don't worry about it." She turned to go.

"What's going on? Why do you have that huge bag with you?" Angela stepped outside and shut the door. "Are you running away?"

"Not really. I've evicted myself. I can't live with either of my parents anymore, and I'm eighteen. I've left home."

"Where're you gonna go?" Angela's brows shot up.

"I'll check in at a homeless shelter tomorrow. It's too late to get to one today. I guess tonight maybe I'll find a Motel 8 or something." Bella shrugged. "I was hoping to avoid using any money though since I don't have tons of it."

"What if you slept in my car?" she offered.

Bella's stomach shook as the willies took over, shuddering her entire body. When she was homeless, she broke into cars a few times to keep warm while she slept. She got caught once.

"No thanks. I'll be fine." She waved and walked stiffly away before she had to explain anything else.

Angela hollered a goodbye after her. "Call me if you need me!"

Bella waved over her shoulder without looking back.

She walked to the nearest bus-stop and took a seat.

Her phone rang. She pulled it out and smiled.

The smile faded though when she realized he might be in huge trouble.

"Edward, are you okay?" she answered her phone.

"Best day ever!"

"What?" She scrunched her face. Was he kidding?

"Come over," he said.

"I can't." She scuffed her foot on the ground and stared at the bike skid marks. Maybe she could buy a bike tomorrow? She should have taken the one at her mom's house. By now, her mom was probably hauling all her belongings to a thrift store to be sold.

"I'll come get you. Where are you?"

"At a bus-stop," she confessed.

"Why?" She heard his car starting up. "You don't need to ride a bus. You're gonna live with me."

"Edward, we can't do that; we've gotta get through high scho—"

"I told my dad you were leaving your home, and I would leave too if he didn't let you stay with us. We have a spare bedroom that never gets used. None of our relatives ever visit. It's got a comfy bed, some closet space and a dresser. It's not real big, but you're not fat. You'll fit in it well," he said.

She smiled. Could he light up the universe with his exuberance? It sure seemed like it.

"Your dad seriously said I could move in?"

"Yeah," he breathed.

"Have him call me."

"Tell me where you are first," he insisted.

"Are you really coming to get me?" She stretched her neck, pushing her head from shoulder to shoulder. It felt like she'd walked all the way home from her dad's to her mom's. Her whole body ached.

"I am. I'll always save you. That's what I do."

She chuckled. "I'm beginning to believe that's definitely the case."

"Where?" he repeated.

She gave him directions and before he hung up, she instructed him to have his dad call her or she wouldn't get in the Volvo with him.

They ended the call and within seconds her caller ID read, Carlisle Cullen.

"Hello, sir," she said, her voice like an avalanche of feelings.

"Stop pretending to have manners. You're an animal," he said.

"_Ex-cuse_ me?"

"You heard me. You disgust me the way you've constantly manipulated my son. First you get him to buy some expensive rock concert tickets, you talk him into flying out there to Forks to come and get you so you'd have an excuse to leave your father. When does it stop? Oh, yes, having him buy you that ring," he accused.

"It was my mother's. She gave it to me, and I didn't talk him into any of those things. I wanted him to keep his distance, but he won't," she rambled in a rush. "I only ever want him to be happy."

"And he's foolish enough to believe that. I. Am. Not. Convinced." He exhaled loudly into the phone. "So, here's what we're gonna do. You're gonna stay here for a week. We'll say we gave it a try and it didn't work out. I'll help you find a place of your own so you can stay away. You can keep being friends at school, but if I hear talk of marriage again, I'm gonna have to pursue legal action against you."

She balled herself up on her seat. "Yes, sir . . ."

"Do you hear me—_really_ hear me? You may have walked all over your spineless parents, but I'm not them. I have three children, and I take my responsibilities seriously. I don't tolerate them lying to me, and I won't allow it from you either." She heard something click on his end. "And if I ever hear my son refer to me as his _guardian_ again, I'll see to it you have a hard time getting anywhere past having a job flipping burgers."

She tucked her head down into her knees. "If I ever hurt him, I'll see to those things myself."

"You talk a good talk, I'll give you that, but your walk says something entirely different."

"I'm trying to do the best I can and watch out for him," she said.

"I'll believe that when I see it with my very own two eyes. I'll see you within the hour. I expect you to pick up after yourself and keep out of trouble over the next week while you're staying here," he said with a smooth, even voice. "Goodbye."

He hung up.

Her head spun. What was she doing going to that man's house? He hated her worse than either of her parents. How was this going to work out?

She stood up, ready to leave and find a motel somewhere when Edward pulled up.

He parked, jumped out of the car, picked her up and swung her around in a tight hug.

"I love it when you let me save you!" he crooned.

He put her down, opened the car door for her and she crawled in like it was a hole to hide in.

Her bag was set in the trunk and Edward drove off with a giddy grin.

He held her hand and she practically curled her whole damn body around his grip.

Would he ever realize how he really did save her in every way?

Nobody believed she was worth the breaths she took—nobody except him . . .

.

.

Bella was cooking. In his house!

Edward hovered; grabbed her any ingredient she needed.

He hugged her from behind repeatedly and kissed her a few times.

"Stop bugging her," Alice said from the counter. She rolled her eyes at him and thumbed through her magazine.

"I'm not bugging her. She loves me, and that means I can be near her all the time." He poked his tongue out at her.

"You're gonna make her wish she'd stayed with her Neanderthal of a father," Alice said.

Bella halted stirring the food like she had something to say but bit her cheeks and went back to the cooking.

"I love spaghetti!" Edward moaned and rested his chin on her shoulder as he smelled the tempting aroma swirling around in front of him. "And this smells really tasty."

"I hope you'll like it. I make it a little different than most people do," she said. "I do have to admit this one's pretty fattening, but I couldn't resist. You had all the ingredients, and since I'm no longer avoiding sugar . . ." She gave a half shrug.

He grabbed her tush and leaned into her back.

"You are?" Alice's voice rose.

"For me." Edward grabbed a little harder. Bella shook him off and gave a slight chuckle. "She's gonna stay this size so I can't accidentally hurt her if the numbers figure out a way to take me again." He wrapped his arms around Bella's waist. "Good luck to them, I say, because with Bella and now my music, they'll never have a chance. I haven't seen the numbers at all lately."

He kissed her shoulder.

"Wait . . . Your music?" Alice sounded alarmed.

"Yeah. I've started playing again, and Dad said I could pick back up on my lessons. I know it's been a long time since I played, but I'm ready to do it again." He smiled at the thought of getting better and playing something for Bella.

"But you know how frustrated it used to make you," Alice said. She shoved her magazine aside and stood up. "Why are you doing this? If you're getting better, then why take the risk of adding more stress?"

"I was little, Alice. I was like a baby wanting to run before I could even crawl," he told her. "You worry too much. Besides, if I get mad, Bella knows how to talk me out of it."

"No she doesn't. She's gotten lucky a few times, but that's all." Alice rested her hand on the counter and stared at them both like they were clueless.

"Hey, what's that smell?" Emmett asked, charging into the room all sweaty and smelly from football practice. "And, sweet Jesus, is that rock-chick cooking in my kitchen?" He moved his way over to the food and peered inside the spot. "Right on! I love spaghetti!"

"Dad's gonna be mad. It has pasta," Alice said with a sniff like it smelled terrible.

"Dad's not gonna tell me what I can and can't eat anymore. I'm better, and I'm seeing Dr. Harkham tomorrow as part of our deal," Edward said.

Bella spun toward him. "Can I see this doctor with you?"

"Of course." He patted her shoulder like he was comforting her then he chuckled. "I'm sure she'll want to hear from you how nuts I am." He laughed harder.

"No more jokes. I can't keep up with you," Bella said with a smile.

Alice gawked.

Emmett dipped the spoon in and tasted it. "Needs more sugar," he pronounced.

"Don't you dare put that spoon back in," Bella said.

Emmett dropped it in then ran out the room, laughing like a maniac.

"Creep," Bella said quietly.

Edward helped her get the pasta out so she could toss it into the boiling water. He loved grocery shopping with her. She insisted she pay for this meal. He let her.

But that didn't mean she would cook it alone.

He was learning so much about how to make a meal already.

She allowed him to place his hands over hers so he could cut along with her as she sliced onions, mushrooms and garlic. He also got to help her stir the sauce from time to time.

She was careful at explaining everything thoroughly.

"Why don't you make the salad while I whip together the dressing," Bella said.

"Okay!"

In no time at all, he had a nice salad put together and it was really colorful. She bought a lot of stuff to put in it. He was used to boring ones with only lettuce. Maybe that's why he never liked it in the past.

Alice set the table and remained quiet. When she did move, it was robotic. "I usually make dinner," she said. "Or I do when Dad's not here."

"Is he here now?" Bella asked.

Dad had yet to come out and say anything to her.

"Yeah, but he's busy. He's working in his office," Alice said.

"Working on avoiding me," Bella said softly to herself.

Edward put an arm around her shoulders and squeezed. "He'll join us for supper. I'll make sure he does."

"It's his house," Bella said, eyes pleading. "Let him do whatever he wants. I plan to keep out of his way and earn my keep."

"We're a family, and you're part of it now. We try to eat dinner together as much as we can. Alice makes sure we do," Edward said. He gave a loud, smooch on her cheek and left to find Emmett and Dad.

Emmett was showering and Dad was missing.

He returned to the kitchen to find Alice and Bella with their heads down, silent.

"Let's eat. They can't come," Edward announced.

Bella dished up his plate for him. The sight made his insides feel warm and soft above the navel, but but below, he was hard and sore.

Was this supposed to happen from food being put on his plate? He never felt sore when anybody else gave him food.

Images of eating oranges out of Bella's hand in her sleeping bag when they were waiting in line for tickets, assaulted him, and it quickly morphed into visions of eating food from her hands in his bed.

"You're really pretty tonight, Bella," he blurted. His eyes roamed down her body.

"She looks like hell," Alice mumbled.

She served herself her own food, and Bella didn't try to stop her.

When Alice was done, Bella got her own portion of food, barely taking any for herself.

Edward leaned over and slopped a bigger helping onto her plate. "Eat," he told her.

"I'm not very hungry," she countered.

"You will be. You're gonna be with me tonight, and we'll do something fun. Maybe go out back and play basketball." He winked and gave a crooked smile.

Bella tucked her hair behind her ears, ducked her head down and took a bite.

Emmett raced in and took a seat, splattered food everywhere as he helped himself.

"This looks amazing!" Emmett said. "I've missed Italian food."

"Me too," Edward said between bites.

"I'm gonna have to watch it though—I'm gonna have to work out extra if you feed us like this while you're here." Emmett piled on the Parmesan cheese. He stared at his food and before taking a bite, asked, "Why's it this pink color though? The sauce looks different."

"I put cream cheese in it," Bella said.

"It's awesome. Your taste buds will worship her," Edward said, beaming at Bella. He chewed and swallowed, never looking away. "And she always tells me she can't cook, and she burns things. She lied."

She dropped her fork. "I didn't lie. This was one of the few things my dad made and taught me. I wanted your dad to think I wasn't completely useless, so I made the best thing I could," she said. Her hands dropped to her side, and her head sagged.

"Who cares what he thinks? He doesn't know how great you are yet, but he will. He'll see." Edward scooted his chair back; picked her up because she was so sad.

"I'll be back for our food," Edward told his siblings, and he carried her up the stairs to his room. He plopped her on his bed. "I'm coming right back. Stay here." He shut the door and ran down the stairs. A second later, he had her plate and his, in hands, and was racing back to her. He tapped the door with his foot. "Bella, it's me. Can you open the door? My hands are full."

She opened it but refused to look at him. Her body was sluggish, and her eyes looked a little puffy and red.

"Did I make you cry because I left?" he asked, setting their food down gently on the bed in a spot where it wouldn't spill.

"No. I just . . . Thank you for taking me in, but I don't belong here." She sat down on the bed, away from the food and tucked her legs up under her.

"You do belong here, because I'm here," he insisted. He picked up her plate of food and sat in front of her.

"Alice and your dad don't think so. They don't want me here ruining your family." She stared over at his bookshelves.

"They'll get used to having you here. Don't give up. We can do this. Now open," he said, pulling her chin down with a slight pinch of his forefinger and thumb. "I'm gonna feed you and make you happy."

She stared up at him but looked empty. "I love that you believe in them the same way you believe in me."

He smiled. "We're not talking about them and their bad attitudes. We're eating now."

He took the fork and gave her the first bite, but she tried to hold the fork to steady it.

This wasn't what he had in mind. "Let me take care of you. Please? I'm gonna feed you without your help."

She chewed, swallowed and kept quiet. He scooted closer, leaned in and fed her this time with his fingers, leaving the fork on the plate. It was messy, but worth it.

Each drop of food or splat of sauce, he kissed off her.

Her eyes grew heavy and she gave him that donut look again like she had on their date to the Mediterranean restaurant. "That's a hungry look for me, isn't it?"

She nodded and her back curved in a way that made her chest stick out.

He set the food aside, climbed over her. "This is my room."

"I know," she said, breathy.

"I've wanted to have you in this spot for a long time. Now that you're here, it's better than I thought, and you're not even naked," he said, lowering himself closer.

Without looking, his fingers unbuttoned the top of her shirt.

"We can't. Your Dad'll freak," she said, resting her hand on his, but not really stopping him.

"He won't know. I locked the door when I came in," he assured her.

"But I will. I promised I'd be good and keep his rules while staying here." She wiggled under him, and he let his body weight press down, trapping her.

"Don't go," he whimpered.

"I can't stay."

"Then keep your bedroom door unlocked tonight. I'm coming in after you're asleep." He gave the flirty brows, kissed her, took her hand, and made sure they grabbed their food then he took her back downstairs.

This family was never complete without Mom, but it was now.

Bella was here, and things were better than ever!

**A/N:**

**Thanks for the unfailingly kind reviews and encouragement. I'm indebted to all of you, my beta and pre-readers as well. Sunflower Fanfiction does a fantastic job beta'ing for me. And my pre-readers give great feedback.**

**With love,**

**Scarlett**


	21. Chapter 21

**OUTTAKE FROM CHAPTER 19: Bella and Alice conversation in the kitchen after Bella's moved in**

Bella's back froze as she felt Alice's penetrating gaze on her.

Edward was off looking for his Dad and brother. What was she thinking agreeing to come here? A park bench sounded more comfortable at this point than a bed in a house filled with people that hated her.

"He's back to music, huh?" Alice asked.

Bella's neck shrunk about two inches as she ducked her head and tucked her hair behind her ears. She went back to stirring the food briskly. "Yeah."

"And you're encouraging this?" Alice's voice pitched high with disbelief.

"Yeah. Why wouldn't I?"

Alice threw her magazine at Bella, smacking her in the back.

Bella's face crumpled and tears were scratching at the backs of her eyes.

"Don't do that," Bella said through a tense, locked up jaw. She let go of the spoon and turned slowly.

"You're so stupid. The stupidest bitch I've ever met, and for a while, I thought you might be good for him. You've systematically undone every good step Dad and I have made to help him climb his way to success." Alice circled around the kitchen island and stood about three feet away—really close to striking distance.

Bella's fingers flexed, but she purposefully relaxed them so she wouldn't punch her in the face.

"If you talk to Edward, you'll know he's grown. But that's assuming you'll listen to him. He's told me how you don't pay attention to what he's saying." Bella stepped back. The urge to lean in and flatten her was so overwhelming, she had to stop breathing to slow things down. Her arms were twitching.

Alice rolled her eyes. "Puhlease! He's regressed more than ever. Playing the piano again? I suspected he was, but now I know exactly how deluded he is! That damned piano is the reason Mom left. It made him crazy, and he got out of control. I don't even know why Dad bought him another one. Placating him, no doubt."

Bella's eyes misted. "I know this. He already told me what happened when your mother left."

"Yeah, and you don't give a damn. I know! You're giving him soda, donuts, and telling him to go after his music. Do you know how much my father's tried to steer him away from music? He's allowed to do his remixes, but that's it. Music is a dead end for him. He needs to focus on what he's good at: math, science. He should be a doctor—find the cure to his own disease."

"He's not diseased," Bella said, her voice escalating.

"He's diseased worse than anybody I've ever known!" Alice leaned forward, her teeth bared. "Our mother was sick too. He got it from her."

"Then you're sick as well," Bella said.

"I'm the only sane one in this whole stupid family." Alice lunged forward, jammed a finger into Bella's chest. "And if my mother was here, she'd hate you too. Dad and I see what you are. We know a coked-up whore when we see one."

Bella's face went ice-cold. "I've been clean for well-over a year," she whispered.

"Yeah, because you don't have the money. I've checked up on you. You're broke. You're mom's broke. You're dad's almost homeless himself. And they hate you too. Nobody likes you, because smart people know when to stay away from toxic trash."

Bella's lips quivered with pain, and her eyes filled with water.

"You know, I was wrong. He's not the most broken diseased person I know. _You_ are." Alice used her pointy finger in Bella's chest to push herself away from her.

Edward was bounding through the hallway toward them. They could hear him approaching.

"And if you tell him about this conversation, I'll make sure he never sees you again. I'll convince Dad to take our family and run. I'm the reason we moved here to Arizona in the first place. That's the only time he listens to me. I've found a better doctor for Edward in California. I've already been talking to Dad about switching his care over, but he's reluctant, because Dad likes Dr. Harkham."

Bella sniffed.

"_Dad_ . . ." Alice grunted. "Hmph! You're the reason he didn't eat dinner last night. He couldn't stand to be in the same room with you. You disgust him. Doesn't matter what you cook for him; he won't eat it, and I don't blame him."

Bella's hands and feet prickled with icy pins. Her extremities were numb.

Alice mumbled under her breath, "You've already broken this family. You won't make it here long. We won't let you. You should leave now, you selfish bitch."

Bella nodded, and turned back to the food, keeping her head down.

_Head down, mouth shut, fists away from her face, Bella. You can get through this night and then find somewhere else to stay tomorrow. Edward can be convinced . . . You have to go._

Edward entered the room, and the tenseness hanging in the air, tightened to a near-shattering point.

She emptied the pasta into the sieve in the sink, and went about her business. If nothing else, Bella was good at keeping out of the way. She'd lived her whole life that way. This was nothing new.

**A/N:**

**Okay, that's it for now for the outtakes. Can't say when I'll write and post the next outtakes for this story, but I do appreciate all the lovely suggestions and I wrote them all down for future reference. **

**Cheers!**

**Scarlett**


	22. Chapter 22

**Chapter 20: Repeats**

Bella woke to a bare-chested Edward under the covers with her, groping her body unabashed. He was _not_ holding back at all.

This was a first for her, waking up all aroused and moist.

"It's sorer than ever," he moaned. "And you can help me this time."

He pulled her hand down and placed her palm directly on his pulsing erection.

She strained her neck away from him so he wouldn't see the amount of self control she was using to keep from taking away his innocence.

"Oh, please touch it a lot," he begged, his voice breaking as he began to thrust into her hand.

She pulled her hand away. "I can't do that to you."

"I . . . Why's this wrong? I love you, and you said you love me too. It feels right," he said.

She placed her palms on his chest. It was a little damp; he was really worked-up.

"How many things have I done wrong in my life?" she asked.

"But this one's good," he said, excusing what he wanted to do. A little whine escaped him as he continued to rub himself on her.

"I know it feels good, but until we can fully commit and your family is there to witness it, I can't do this to you." She kissed him to temper the blow. "I'm sorry . . . Please, don't see it as a rejection. I want you more than you could possibly know."

"Well, how long 'til you'll marry me, because I don't think I can wait any longer? Can you marry me tomorrow?"

She chuckled. So damn cute. "Not tomorrow, sweetie. We need to graduate first."

"I'll drop out, and so will you. We can both get our GED's and move ou—"

She stilled his mouth with her finger. "Shh . . . We're not gonna do that. I have to prove to your dad I'm good enough. I tried to tell him the truth of how things have happened between us, but he didn't believe me. A part of me thinks this is a horrible time to start telling the truth. I want to lie and admit to the things he thinks I've done so maybe he'll respect me and think I had the guts to tell the truth."

He groaned and rolled next to her onto his side.

"Why does he think you're lying?" He draped his inner arm over his eyes.

"Why wouldn't he? He has no reason to think I'd do anything for your benefit. As far as he's concerned, I've broken out of prison, and I'm using you to provide for me since I'm a homeless drug addict and a killer as far as he's concerned." She turned away from him and curled into a ball.

"Don't lie. We're done with that. We've both tried it, and we're going to stop that now. We have no reason to lie to anybody. We can admit who we are, what we've overcome and where we want to go," he said, tucking in behind her.

He ran his hand up the back of her thigh, making it burst into gooseflesh.

"You don't want me to lie, right?" he cooed in her ear and kissed underneath it then ran his lips gently down her neck.

"And your dad thinks you're so innocent and I convinced you to come after me," she teased. She turned around and ran her hand down his cheek. He leaned into her touch, smiling like a little demon, in heaven, because he was misbehaving.

"That's because he hasn't really seen me around you." He chuckled. "Alice told me after you went to bed, that I'm a pervert. She said I need to quit grabbing your ass while you're cooking. It made her lose her appetite."

"That's not why she wouldn't eat," she corrected him.

"Why didn't she?"

"Because she said exactly what I was worrying about . . ." She bit her lip but her teeth slid off.

"What did she say? Just tell me," he said.

"She told me I was only going to last here a little while, because I was already breaking up your family. She said I was the reason your dad was missing at dinner."

He stroked her cheek and wiped away the tears she hadn't even realized she'd shed.

"How does _she_ know? Maybe he was mad at me; maybe he _was_ really busy," he shot back.

"No, Edward—stop. This may not be something we can fix right away. It's gonna take a lot of time. I've damaged some things here in your home without meaning to. I have to set them right." Her insides tightened over the thought that maybe his dad would never accept her.

"We can do that together, and, anyway, I don't care what he thinks. He can't decide if you're good for me or not," he said. He pulled her closer, into a hug.

It felt panicked, rushed.

"Yes, you do, and you should. You can't ever replace your dad, and you have one that cares. He's not wrong about that . . . He's right to worry and to try and protect you." She looked over to the door. "Maybe you coming in here is a bad idea. If he checks on you or on me, it's gonna make things worse." Her heart crashed at the thought of him leaving this bed. She needed his warmth, this connection so much, especially after all the arguments she went through today. She had put herself out there, really letting it all out and venting all her years worth of pent up emotions on her mom.

She even told Carlisle personal thoughts and feelings she had about herself and her relationship with Edward. Never had she been that vulnerable.

But it all backfired to hell. Neither of these adults gave a damn if she'd seen her past errors and was fixing them as best she could.

It was too late.

"Let me be a pervert for a little bit longer, first. I can touch you, and you don't have to touch me back; so you won't be doing anything wrong," he urged. He kissed her very convincingly. The long slides of his luscious tongue were undoing her. It was hard to think or breathe when his mouth moved that way over hers.

"Guilty by association," she said with a chuckle as his hands slipped under her shirt.

"I won't tell anybody, and when I'm done, I'll go back to my room. I promise." He smiled so big his teeth flashed in the almost non-existent light.

"Why do I listen to you?" she asked, her hands flying in the air then flopping down on the mattress.

"That's a yes!" he cheered quietly and then went about torturing her to madness with his soft mouth and achingly gentle fingers.

Innocent? Could've fooled her, because in their brief time in her bed, he did things to her body nobody else ever had . . .

.

.

Edward was walking around the kitchen in a daze, smiling like he had actually lost his innocence last night. She was the one to lose control, have a number-inducing de-boning climax last night; not him. And afterward—well, hell, she'd never slept better. She still felt all loose and limp this morning.

"Good morning," he sang as she opened the fridge and grabbed a piece of fruit out of the crisper.

"Yeah, it is," she agreed, smiling back.

He grabbed her behind and she giggled then swatted his hand away. How long did he think they could get away with this kind of behavior? His dad would have to pass by them at some point to get to the food in the kitchen. As far as she knew, he never did come out and eat dinner last night.

Maybe he'd avoid her all week while she was here. She'd better find a place quick. Poor Edward would be shattered when she left. He already thought he'd won some kind of victory by getting her in the door and into the spare room.

He had no idea how bad his dad wanted her gone.

She gave him a deep, unguarded kiss because she really couldn't resist his enthusiasm to have her near.

Right as he reached around and picked her up, slinging her legs around his hips, a throat cleared.

Oh, not now. Not when she was being so ridiculous as to have her feet off the ground like a moron teenage girl ruled by hormones.

She slid down his body, tucked her hair behind her ears and ducked her head down. "Sorry," she said to whoever it was they'd offended.

"Hey, you can do what you want, just keep it down and let me get to the fridge—that's all I ask." Emmett laughed. "I think it's about time somebody around here was gettin' some. Dad lives in the dark ages, thinking we should all be celibate because he is. If I could get a girl naked in my bed, I'd be all over that. Good for you—breaking-in your bed properly."

"It was _Bella's_ bed we were naked in," Edward corrected him.

"Ed-ward!" she hissed and elbowed him.

"Ow!" He rubbed the spot. "Well, it _was_ . . . I was only telling the truth," he whispered loudly.

"Just because we're not gonna lie anymore, doesn't mean you have to tell everybody about private, intimate moments. Or those aren't gonna happen anymore." She moved over to the table and sat down with a leg tucked under her. A few bites later into her fruit, and Edward was crouched down in front her, his head in her lap.

"I'm sorry . . . I didn't know it would make you mad if I told Emmett those things. He helps me to know how to please you physically. I want to know how to do that stuff," he said, running his hands down her calf.

She stroked his hair and sighed. "Can you just do it in private when I'm not around and don't tell me about it? I don't wanna know about what you discuss when it comes to sex."

"This is not polite breakfast conversation," his dad said, standing a few steps inside the kitchen from the hallway.

Perfect! How did she have such great timing, and why didn't she let it slide?

"Sorry, sir. You're right. Won't happen again," she said and stood up, making Edward back up.

Once he was off her, she walked quickly to her room to get dressed.

She looked down at what she was wearing. What the hell was she thinking, walking around in her old ratty rock shirt and men's boxers as pajamas?

Oh, even better! Her nipples were poking out. Edward made them hard with all that grabbing and kissing.

She got dressed quickly, grabbed her backpack and left.

Forget waiting for a ride. Carlisle might hand Alice a knife and tell her to go after it if he saw Bella again.

Her pace was steady as she tried to figure out where the closest bus-stop might be.

As she walked down the block, a car slowed and followed next to her.

She turned and stopped, gawking.

"Mom?" Her face scrunched and her nose wrinkled.

The Jeep parked and mom got out.

"Can we talk?"

"How did you even find me?" Bella stepped away as her mom came close.

"I called your dad and got Edward's phone number. He told me you were here," she admitted.

"Son of a bitch!" Why didn't Edward tell her he'd talked to her mom and had said where she was?

"No—daughter of a bitch."

Bella glared and stepped back once more. "Not funny."

"You're right—this isn't funny. I've been a terrible mom to you, but I never wanted kids. You weren't supposed to happen. How am I supposed to know what to do with you when you never listen?"

"Is this your idea of an apology?" Bella's teeth snapped shut and ground together.

Mom extended her hands out wide for a hug.

"This is a sick joke, right? You think I'm gonna hug you after you just insulted me by telling me I was an accident and it's my fault you can't parent worth a damn?" Bella pointed at the Jeep. "Leave! I'm not coming back."

"Bella!" Edward yelled and ran down the street with his dad right behind him.

"See what you've done? His dad already wishes I'd leave, and now you come here and make things worse! I'm trying to straighten my life once and for all!" Bella turned and started walking away.

"Stop, young lady! That's not a request," Carlisle's voice boomed.

She stopped, dropped her head, squared her shoulders and turned back around.

Edward was running after her now, but his dad was in front of her mom, having a few words with her.

Edward slowed as he got close. "Why'd you le—"

"You tell me—what should I have done?" Her voice went up in pitch. "I don't know what your dad told _you_, but during my chat with him, he said I only have a week then I'm out. I have to be on my best behavior while I'm here. I have to be perfect, and no matter how hard I try, I always screw it up."

He tossed his arms around her and crushed her into his chest. "Don't listen to him!"

"Why shouldn't I? It's his house. We can't decide for him if I stay or go," she said, fisting his shirt and yanking on it.

He kissed her, and she was fine with it. Let their parents watch—let them see what they meant to each other.

"Just don't leave me . . . Okay?" Edward whimpered. "I can't take it if you walk out that door. I thought I'd die when you were suddenly gone, and y-you didn't say you were going."

"I was walking to school so your dad didn't have to see me again. I'm keeping clear of him if I can," she said.

He ran the back of his hand down her cheek and then along her hair. Heat flashed through her, and she hoped she could keep from having embarrassing physical reactions their parents could see.

She rested her cheek on his chest. "What should I do? Tell me, and I'll do it, because so far I'm doing it all wrong and making your family upset." Her palm rested on his upper abs; she caressed that spot and inhaled. He smelled wonderful.

"Be yourself. I'll deal with it. He's _my_ dad," he said. His fingers tickled at the back of her neck, under her hair.

"We need to talk," his dad said, approaching them with Mom at his side.

Edward turned to him and held Bella in a protective way. "Dad, there's nothing to discuss. We love each other, and I want to marry her this weekend."

Bella stiffened and her breath hitched. She tried to swallow, but her throat seized up on her.

Both their parents jaws unhinged. "Why is she rushing you?" his dad asked.

"She's _not_. It's me. It's all _me_. Stop blaming her. She wants to wait until we've graduated and until you like her. But I can't wait that long. She won't touch me or have sex with me until we've both fully committed to each other in front of our family. So—marrying as soon as possible is the answer."

Bella's face and neck heated.

"Is this true?" her mom questioned, her eyes wider than Bella'd ever seen.

"Yeah. I love how innocent he is. I don't want to change or ruin him," Bella answered.

Carlisle's eyes scrunched and his arms went across his chest. "I don't care . . . That's not a reason to get married. Sex isn't what makes a marriage."

"What does, then? Love isn't enough for you? Compatibility? Soul-mates? Best friends? A deep concern for each other's welfare and being unable to imagine wanting to ever be with anyone else for the rest of my life? Do any of those things matter and make a marriage to you? Because that's what I have with her!" Edward pulled her in tighter and gave her a peck on the forehead while keeping his eyes on his dad. "You can't tell me no on this one. I'm twenty-one; she's eighteen. We'll leave and make it on our own. It's up to you if you want to help us start out with less difficulty."

His father hung there like he was in stasis, failing to even blink. He released a breath a moment later. "I don't know what you want me to say . . ."

"Say you trust me to follow my heart and to know what I'm doing," Edward said in a rush of a breath.

"I can't say that, because based on your past, you _don't_ know who to trust. You're the king of allowing hurtful people into your life and letting them control you." His dad's arms unwound and his hands tucked into his pockets.

"What has Bella done to earn your distrust?" Edward waited like he had a million years at his disposal.

"She knows what she's done," his dad replied.

"Yeah, and for once, I told the truth, because I respect you. I never lied." She tucked her arm around Edward's waist. It made her feel safe.

"She's a liar," her mom said.

"Not anymore. Edward and I have vowed to never lie again," Bella said, her tone clear, though inside she was breaking apart.

"This weekend—_married_—we're doing it," Edward repeated his stance.

"Don't do this, son," his dad begged.

"No, _you_ don't do this!" Edward growled. "Stop getting in the way of my happiness and my life. If you banish her, I'll never stop looking for her until I find her. We're bound to each other. We have to be together. That's what our love means."

Her mom's face drained of color. "That's what a psychotic relationship is." She turned her gaze on Bella. "You never told me it was like this. I can see now what's happened. He can't do this to you." She reached out again. "Come home. I'll keep you safe from him. We'll switch you to another school; move if we have to. I won't let him stalk you. I'll get a restraining order if we have to!"

"_What_?" Bella cried. She licked her lips. "Mom, this is by far the stupidest thing you've ever thought or said. He hasn't coerced me into anything. I follow him as much as he follows me, because we get each other. Edward's helped me see how right we are for each other. I'm so blessed to have found him. My life would've forever remained in the dark if it wasn't for him. He was the light, shining in my dark cave, helping me find the way out."

Mom chuckled. "You always were overly-dramatic. Give me a break! Light in your cave? Are you a bear that's been hibernating?" She turned to look around, probably making sure nobody else was hearing what she thought amounted to absurdity.

"You think I care if you like my analogy or not? Edward's right . . . I thought we should wait to get married, that things would smooth over, but I was wrong. I can see that now. Neither of you are ever going to accept what we have, and who we are." She moved to her tippy toes and kissed Edward's lips. "We can get married whenever you want, sweetie," she told Edward.

"We _can_?" his voice shook and his eyes twitched, ready to fill with water.

"We can. And we can live wherever you want," she said.

His eyes were so luminous and joyful, it about busted her heart right open. She didn't see how it could be possible to love him more, but she did. In that moment it filled her entire heart, soul and body.

"I love you. You know that, right?" She smiled; her eyes crinkled.

"I do. And I love you. You'll have sex with me now?" His eyes were hopeful.

"Say I do and give me a ring, and, yes, that's exactly what will happen," she said with a humoring chuckle.

He turned back to their parents. "See? You can't stop this." His eyes roamed from his dad to her mom. "Ma'am, I'd love to have your blessing, but if not, then I'll make do without. Do I have your permission to marry your daughter?"

Her mom stiffened. "_Yeeeeesssss_?" She sounded unconvinced and kind of confused.

"Wonderful! Can we use your old wedding ring?" he pressed further.

"I d-don't kn—" Rene's face twisted, but when she saw Bella glaring at her, she said, "I guess so—yeah."

"Even better. Dad, can I have your blessing too?" Edward asked.

"I don't think so. This is such a train wreck, there's no way I can condone any of this," his dad answered.

"Fine. We'll do it all without you. I've got my car, I've got some money. I'm going home right now, I'll pack up and go to school, but I won't be coming home afterward." Edward took Bella's hand and started walking back in the direction of his home.

"Wait . . . Just wait," his dad said, voice faint.

"Why should I?" Edward kept walking, dragging her along.

"You can stay if you wait until at least the spring before marrying. Get closer to the end of school at least. And if you manage to graduate, I'll pay for your honeymoon," his dad offered.

Bella about fell, because the ground had to be shaking—Carlisle was bending a little, and that only happened when the world was ending.

**A/N:**

**Not much to say except this chapter wasn't beta'd, so forgive the mistakes. Thank you to my pre-readers for feedback.**

**Thank you everyone for your amazing encouragement and support through reviews and sharing this story with others. I appreciate it!**

**Scarlett**


	23. Chapter 23

**Chapter 21: Settling**

Bella woke to Edward in her bed, his arms around her. It was suffocating at first because she was alarmed, but once his soft breath pelted her neck, she surrendered into the mattress, and into him.

Today they were going to visit Dr. Harkham.

She had some assurances too from his dad that she could stay longer than their original agreement—a week.

That made her feel a little better, but she still intended to avoid that gruff man and get a job.

Rather than wake Edward up and remove him from her room, she slipped out of his arms, got fully dressed this time, and padded downstairs to the kitchen.

Alice was singing to herself and making something on the stove.

"Whatcha makin'?" Bella asked, her voice gravelly with sleep.

"French toast . . . Want some?" Alice glanced over her shoulder and smiled.

"Sure. Sounds great." After she said it, she realized what she'd accepted—food from Carlisle's wallet, rather than her own food she'd purchased. Not a good way to start the day.

"Good morning, ladies," Carlisle's voice echoed as he stepped into the room.

Bella immediately snapped to attention and shoved herself up against the wall by the table, out of his way.

"Morning, sir," she said.

"Don't call me that. I'm not a drill Sergeant and not that gray," he said, chuckling.

He was laughing? Not at her, was he?

Her mouth went dry. What else could she say?

He turned to her. "Sit. We'll eat together in a minute, but from now on, either call me Carlisle or Dr. C."

"Oooo-_kay_," she whispered to herself and slunk into a chair.

"I've talked to your mother some more since I last met her . . . Interesting lady," he commented as he got himself a cup of coffee.

Had Alice made it for him? Was this how a real family was? They helped each other out without being cajoled or guilted into it?

She watched his every movement and Alice's too with great fascination. How could she find her groove here and fit in?

"Oh no . . . What did she do now?" Bella grumbled.

"She thinks she's entitled to some kind of custody compensation," he said, smiling like it was hilarious.

"What? She's really lost it then," Bella said, smacking her hand on her leg.

"That's kind of what I was thinking. I said, 'Listen, lady, you're not my ex-wife, and she's not my daughter yet. I don't owe you anything. Besides, Bella's eighteen.' Then I listened to her bitch about how Charlie, your dad, never paid child support. She seemed to think I was the answer to her back-pay. It was quite fun to listen to, even if she was serious."

She hung her head and shook it in tiny motions. Her gut roiled. Suddenly, French toast sounded like eating gravel covered in slime.

"I explained to her I had three hungry teenage kids I was feeding, and that wasn't cheap. She snorted; said I was rich and could handle one more, and that you barely ate anything since you're overly concerned about being a waif. I told her she wasn't very well informed, because you'd stopped obsessing about your weight. She called me a nasty name, then said I was a liar and hung up. She might try to take you back again and claim this was all my doing. So, here's your warning." Carlisle stirred in his sugar and cream he'd gotten from the fridge.

"Should I leave? Are you saying I'm burdening you with my imbalanced mother?" Bella choked on her words.

Alice slid a plate of food in front of her. Bella gave a brief acknowledgment with a word of gratitude.

If her mother could see what she was about to eat, she'd have a coronary.

This was exactly the food Bella had avoided for over a year. Sugar, white flour, and oh so delectable with its crunchy goodness.

Suddenly, her stomach snarled, so she cut into it and took a bite. If he kicked her out, at least she'd have a full stomach and be buzzing from sugar.

"It's up to you if you want to leave or not. I said you could stay, and she knows you're welcome here now." Carlisle took a seat across from her.

Alice jumped like he had snapped his fingers and set his food in front him in the next blink.

"Thanks," he said and told her to sit down and join them.

Bella's throat constricted. The two people in the house that regarded her a pariah, were eating with her. She could barely do that with her dad in that one sad occasion during her last visit, and never with her mom.

Swallowing as they watched her was like pushing cut shards of glass down her throat. It stung. She coughed a little, and Alice jumped up, getting her a glass of orange juice.

Bella swallowed it gratefully and realize this was another food item she had blocked out for months.

It tasted like nectar—juicy salvation. She gulped it down, or started to, until she realized Edward had manners. He'd learned them probably from this man before her now. She slowed it down, wiped her mouth with her hand when she set the drink down.

Alice silently handed her a napkin.

"Now . . ." Carlisle began. "We can all be civil, right?"

Bella nodded, and sat straighter, partly to get as much distance from him as she could in case he was tricking her, but also because her legs were bouncing and itching to run away.

"Are you really going to let her stay here indefinitely?" Alice asked.

He set his mug down with a heavy thud. "Why? Are you questioning my competency as your father?"

"No, I . . . I just thought if she's staying for good, you might want to move her to a different room. She's got that adjoining bathroom to Edward's room. Why do you think he was so excited to have her in there? And why do you think he didn't sleep in his bed last night?"

"We didn't have sex," Edward's voice carried from behind them. He dragged himself in, yawned and stretched. "She didn't even realize I was there until she woke up this morning. And then I think she ran away. I didn't like that part much." Edward scratched his chest.

"Yes, a room move is a good idea," Carlisle said and swung around to look at his son. "I'll let you keep your room, but she's trading with Emmett. No more of this midnight sneaking into her bed."

"Why? She won't let me really _sleep_ with her, so what's the problem?" Edward's voice was testy.

"Doesn't mean she won't change her mind," his dad said.

Bella was lacking any kind of coherent response, because he was probably right.

"Fine, but I want to be here for all meals. If she's at the table, then I want to be here too. I have to hear what you guys are saying to her." Edward grabbed himself a plate and filled it with three slices of French toast, slathered them with butter and some special sugar-free syrup, then was at her side.

It did not escape Bella's notice that Alice hadn't served her brother.

Would Bella ever understand how this family functioned?

They ate in silence for the next few minutes. Was she the only one that felt guilty for eating her breakfast with regular syrup while Edward had to settle for artificial stuff? How was that okay? And artificial sweeteners had their own impact on health as well.

When Carlisle's plate was empty, he said, "You two," he motioned to Bella and Edward, "come home straight after school today. No hanging out or anything like that. We're seeing Dr. Harkham today. And don't you forget, son, we moved here specifically to be closer to her. When she moved her practice here, we followed. It's the real reason we're here in this oven, called Phoenix." He frowned, stood up and towered over them for a second. When he was done petrifying Bella, he put his cup and plate in the dishwasher and left.

"Goodbye, Dr. C." Bella tried it on. Didn't quite feel right.

It fit worse than her mother's ring she still couldn't get off—tight and uncomfortable.

"You can call him Dad; that's what he'll be when we get married," Edward suggested.

"Yeah, I'll do that when I want him to nail a dead rodent to my forehead for being a piece of gutter-trash." Bella nudged him with her leg. "Give me a hug?"

"I _thought_ you needed one," he said and swallowed her frame up in his much bigger, much more comforting one.

They left for school with her clinging to him, holding his hand like she would die without it.

It was going to be a long day . . .

.

.

Dr. Harkham looked at Bella like she was waiting for her to say something.

"Is it okay that I'm here, Dr. Harkham?" Bella asked, settling her clasped hands in her lap. She smiled to herself. Reminded her of the first day in class when Alice told him to hold his own hand. Oddly, it _was_ comforting. There was something to the simple little act.

"It's not up to me who Edward brings to his visits. He gets to decide," Harkham replied. She set her glasses aside. "But before we really begin, I want you to call me Esme instead of Dr. It sounds so impersonal, and even Edward, with all his flawless manners doesn't call me that."

Bella made a face. "Really?" She couldn't imagine him being that informal. "Okay . . . Sure, I can call you that."

"Great. Do you mind if explain a few things to you before we get started?" Esme asked.

An unsettled feeling shifted through Bella. "This sounds like the beginnings of an interrogation. Does this mean you're going to share everything I say to his father?" She tightened her fingers together as her stomach churned a little.

"Everything's confidential. I'll only share it with Edward if you give me the okay, but his father doesn't have to know anything we talk about, regardless of how I feel about him." Esme cleared her throat.

What did she say? "I'm sorry, but, 'how you feel about him?' What does that mean?" Bella shifted in her seat.

"I've known Carlisle for years, and we've been good friends. I've helped him with his son as a direct favor to him. My specialty didn't used to be autistic kids, but has shifted in that direction because of my work with Edward," she explained. She fingered the rim of her glasses and stared at them wistfully. "Carlisle's a great man—a man I respect. His wife was a good friend too. I have to say I wasn't sorry to see her go though . . ."

Bella could see this woman had a secret crush on Edward's father, but it was fine. It had no bearing on what she had done with Edward.

"I was told he's not autistic though," Bella said. She scrunched her brow. Had she been misinformed?

"He's not. But there are some similarities. I had a good practice going here, working with children with brain injuries. Carlisle thought maybe Edward had been damaged during his infancy by his father." Bella covered her mouth and her breathing stopped. Esme's eyes were soft as she continued, "Relax. That's not what happened. We even ruled out trauma during his birth. His brain's fine—no injuries whatsoever, but I was already invested. I'd never heard or seen anything like this young child. I was baffled, and after I published a few papers on my findings of him, well, word spread, and I was quickly one of the top specialists with autism. I've had three other cases similar to Edward's come to me, but none of them were as fascinating as Edward."

"Excuse me, but I'm not comfortable with you talking about him merely as a study, or your claim to medical fame. He's not that ill child to me," Bella said. Her hands came apart and rested on her thighs now so they could grip if they had to.

"How do you see him?" Esme's gaze was kind and inquisitive.

It put Bella at ease enough to share without worry of being verbally attacked. "I see him as a brilliant man, stuck, searching for a way out and being frustrated because assistance isn't there. Only rules."

"Stuck how?" Esme scratched at her pad of paper, writing something down.

"I'll tell you if you stop writing," Bella answered. The room felt hot. It was like a spotlight was on her, or like she was under a microscope, being examined for faults.

Esme dropped the pencil and placed her hands flat on her desk, her eyes returning to Bella.

"Sorry, but I've had my share of therapists, and I'm not here for you to study me." Bella took a deep breath. "If you really want to know, he was stuck, but not really because of his family. I don't blame them."

Esme reached for her cup and took a sip. "Go on . . ."

"He was waiting for a reason to leave the situation and be free." Bella's breaths came easy, it was like a weight or restraint had been lessened.

"And you were what he was waiting for?"

"I don't know . . . _Possibly_?" Bella stretched her neck. Even though it was easier to breathe, her head was starting to pound. All this second guessing was taxing her brain. How did Edward deal with this woman? She was friendly, unassuming, but her cross-examination was subtle, and very unnerving.

"Yes or no," Esme urged.

"Okay, yes. He was waiting for me. The only reason I know is because I was doing the same thing," Bella explained. Her shoulders relaxed and she set her hands behind her and leaned back some. "He's helped me to see how much we have in common. I couldn't have admitted that two weeks ago."

"Yes, he told me that worry; that you still might not believe you two are compatible. Is that true, that you think that way?" Esme pinched the bridge of her nose and massaged a little after.

"No, I don't. I guess I should ease his concerns better." Bella glanced at the door. She thought she was getting better at communication with him. Apparently not.

"It would probably help him settle down. I haven't seen him this edgy in a long time," the mild-mannered doctor said.

Bella was sitting upright again. "Really?" She blinked and furrowed her brow. Great! What was she supposed to do with this bit of information?

"Not something to worry about. I think he felt attacked because I was asking him questions about you."

Bella scowled. _You tricky bitch! You could've said that upfront._ "What did you ask him?"

"I'm sorry, but unless he gives me permission, I can't share that with you. You're free to ask him yourself of course, once you're together again. But for now, why don't I ask you a few questions?"

"I'd rather not." Bella stood up. This was over. "Thanks for your time."

"Would it be worth knowing this could actually help your relationship with his father?"

Bella glared. "How? If you can't say anything to him, how on earth would it help?"

"His main concern—and I'm only postulating, mind you—but this is from years of knowing this man and his family . . . He worries most about who will take care of Edward if something happens to him. If he saw you taking the time to work through things with me, his medical caretaker, he'd probably have an enormous amount of respect for you and believe your words more when you say you care deeply for his son. I'm sure they've told you how I've helped his son out," Esme said.

Bella shrugged her shoulders. She wanted to lie and spit in her face, saying they hadn't ever mentioned her, but she promised Edward no lying. "A little, yeah."

"Then take a seat, Miss Swan. I won't keep you more than thirty minutes. That's all I need," she said and motioned with her hand to the seat Bella'd left.

"Yeah, me too," Bella said, sarcastically under her breath. She settled back into the chair, but this time crossed her legs.

A sudden urge to smoke hit her, but Edward would kill her if she lit up in here. She coughed a little to try to relieve the burning in her lungs. It helped, but barely.

"First question—when you both leave Carlisle's house and have your own place together, how do you plan to take care of him?"

"You mean financially?" Bella asked.

"It can mean whatever you want," the doctor answered, her gaze impassive.

"Well, I've been saving over the last two years. Granted, it's not much. My mom made me get a summer job as part of my deal if I wasn't going to go stay with my dad in Washington State for the summer."

Esme grabbed ahold of her drink but only set in front of herself. "And what kind of job did you work?"

"I worked at Whattaburger," Bella said, her stomach heading south.

"That seems a strange place to work when Edward told me you're very conscientious about what you eat. He said when he met you, that you didn't eat sugar or white flour at all. How did that work out—being in a fast-food job?" Esme's brown eyes were soft but there was a stearness there Bella disliked.

"It worked out fine, because it was one of the few greasy burger places where I hated all their food, so I wasn't tempted." Bella scooted back in her chair. This seemed it was going to take a while.

"I see. And is that what you think you'll go back to doing when you're both moved out?" Esme glanced at her pad of paper.

"No. At least I hope not!" Bella blurted. "I hated it there. I reeked of burger grease when I'd get home. That horrid smell would be fused into my hair. It made me want to _puke_," Bella said. She realized she'd said a trigger word and covered her mouth.

"Oh, really? And did you ever?"

Bella dropped her hands slowly. "What?"

"Throw up?"

"No, but it almost happened a few times."

"Bella . . . ?" Esme grabbed her pen back.

"What now?" she snapped and her whole face tightened into a pinch.

"Why does that word make you so uncomfortable? You turned red when you said it and looked about ready to punch through a wall."

"Look, I bet Edward already spilled all my secret confessions, I don't want to—"

"He didn't say anything about vomiting. Why does that bother you?" she repeated.

"Because, dammit! I thought I'd killed a one-year-old baby when I was twelve-years-old, and she'd choked on her throw up and died from it. There! _Happy_?" Bella looked away and crossed her arms over her chest. Her legs tightened together.

"Far from it." Esme scratched something down on her paper. "Can you tell me how you've reacted since that time whenever you threw up?"

"I freaked out—probably worse than Edward has when the numbers get control of him."

"And that's why . . .?" Esme trailed off.

"Why _what_? Why I can understand him when everybody else thinks he's a sick whack-job?" Bella gripped herself tight, her fingers digging in. "Yeah, maybe I can. Maybe Edward's right in that we're almost exactly alike, only I'm much worse than he is!" Her chest was heaving as her breaths pounded out of her.

"I can see why he got so agitated with me." A soft sigh escaped the doctor.

"Yeah, I know—I'm a bad influence on him," Bella said, her voice quieter now.

"That's not it at all." Bella looked at her in amazement. Esme smiled and went on, "He wants to protect you, and he told me it's because you protected him first, and in a way nobody else ever had."

"He said that?" Bella leaned forward.

"Yes, but don't tell him I said that, because I'm not supposed to divulge what my clients say," Esme said softly.

"I won't." Bella swallowed and licked her dry lips. "I try so hard to be there for him."

"You are. I can tell. Within the second you stepped in here, I could see how much you care about him and how you punish yourself."

"_Punish_?" Bella's nose wrinkled, her eyes narrowed and she angled her head back for a second.

"You mentioned that little girl you thought you'd killed. How long did you think you'd been the cause of her passing away?"

"Until about a week ago," Bella said, her voice fading at the end.

"And did you ever serve time for this crime you thought you'd committed?" Esme asked, staring straight in her eyes though she was asking an incredibly sensitive question.

"No, but I should've." Bella's stomach anchored to her knees and was sinking toward the weight there.

"Why? You already served more than your time." Esme stood up and moved around her desk, sat on the edge of it at the front. "You've beaten yourself up way more than anybody else ever could've. Why, Bella? Why would you do that?"

"Because I've never done anything right." Bella's eyes sagged. Tears would be the end of her. If she broke down, she'd never be able to face this woman again, and she wanted that option.

"But you have, can't you see? Edward mentioned this too—your never-ending feeling of not being good enough. He speaks of you like you're an angel."

Bella smiled. "The day I met him, that's how he treated me, but more like I was a queen on procession and he was one of my most loyal followers I'd never known had existed before. It was disarming but also took my breath away. I'd never met a guy like that. He didn't want anything more than to be with me and hold my hand. I had no idea what to do with myself. That had never happened to me—a guy wanting to be around me because he liked me for me, with flaws and all."

"He didn't know the extent of your flaws though," Esme said.

"No, he didn't, but it didn't matter, and I think I felt that before I knew it." Bella released her crossed her arms.

"How so?" Esme glanced at the clock on the wall.

Were they out of time already? How was this possible? Bella was tempted to check the time but refrained. Until she kicked her out, Bella was staying. This was cathartic—more so than any therapist she'd ever seen in all her years. Was this woman working in the wrong profession? She could be an amazing counselor.

"I had this overwhelming feeling of peace and knew deep down inside he'd accept me no matter what, because he was just that pure and good. There's nothing that can replace that feeling—" Bella choked back the tears, but they were gathering strength "—that feeling that washes away all the years of neglect and abandon . . . Oh God." She had to let it out or it would kill her. Her sobs were broken and stilted as she continued to explain. "There was an overriding sense of being valued and accepted." She rubbed at her nose and sniffed.

Esme grabbed a Kleenex from the tissue-box on her desk, leaned forward and handed it to her.

"So, let me ask you once more—how. Do. You. Intend on taking care of him when you leave Carlisle's house?" Esme was soft spoken but clear and focused with power.

"By loving him every goddamn day of my life, and never letting go, because I need him way more than he'll ever need me." Bella's head dropped down, but she looked up through her wet lashes at the good doctor.

"Good answer. I'm satisfied you'll do exactly that, and not that it matters, but you have more than my blessing—you have my endorsement. I'll praise you and your efforts to Carlisle each time I see him. I can see you're being honest with me, and I can't tell you how much that means to me."

"You thought I'd lie? Did his dad say I would?"

She shook her head. "No, but do you know how many people walk through my door and are in so much denial about the person they love that has a brain injury, that half my job is digging past the words they use to cover up what's really going on?"

Bella gripped the tissue and shoved it in her pocket. "What's really going on?"

"Despair."

"Oh . . ." Bella sniffed again.

"I see none of that in you, and that's what I was digging for. Thank you."

"You're welcome?" She eyed Esme. Should she really be thanked for loving a man she couldn't help but resist? It seemed wrong somehow.

Esme chuckled. She stood up, motioned for Bella to come to her.

The moment she was a few paces away, Esme lunged for her and took her into a welcoming hug. "He said you're gonna marry him, and I truly hope you do it soon. I said he was agitated, but it's in a good way. He said he hasn't seen the numbers hardly at all since you've come into his life. He sees music and you."

Bella sighed, giggled and leaked tears. Her emotions were on a teeter totter from this brief interlude with this miracle-working woman. Truly a genius in her own way.

"Is that healthy? Shouldn't there be more than those things . . . More balance?" Bella asked.

"How many things rule your life?"

"Two."

"And they are?"

"Edward and music . . ." And that's when it all came down like an avalanche of dunce rocks falling on her head. Edward was so right. They were exactly the same. Cigarettes didn't rule her anymore. In fact, she hadn't had one in over two days now. She didn't even care that much. She still loved her music and loved him. Nothing else really mattered. She'd get through school of course, because it was the right and smart thing to do, but it wasn't what kept her going—what she lived for. It was amazing how much her priorities had changed in a short amount of time. She marveled at how her weight didn't preoccupy her mind either.

Edward was number one on that list, and she was certain she was number one on his list too. She never thought there would be a day anything would mean more to her than music.

She cried and grabbed Esme into a tighter hug. "I wish I'd known you a long time ago. I'd be less screwed up than I am now."

"No, you wouldn't. You weren't ever really broken . . . Just . . . Stuck." Esme patted her back and let go.

She walked her to the door, and Bella felt like her bones were all Jell-O and her blood drained out of her—gone with her healing tears.

She stumbled out the door. Edward caught her.

"So?" he asked, his eyes round and electrified with worry.

"I love that woman. She's gonna be my maid-of-honor," Bella said, smiling.

He kissed her, and said, "I think that might be awkward since Alice might kill her for that spot."

"No doubt." She moved over to a chair and watched as Carlisle went toward Dr. Harkham's office for his turn.

"She was amazing, Edward." Bella could barely breathe. It was all too much.

He breathed in a carefree way that warmed her chest. "I know."

"We should see her every week."

Bella looked up and Carlisle was standing in the door to the office, staring at them, his mouth rounded, his eyes widened.

"Carlisle?" Esme called after him from inside her office.

"Coming . . ." And he disappeared right after that, his gaze on the happy couple until the last minute.

**A/N:**

**This chapter's not beta'd either, so forgive the mistakes. I do try to catch them all, but I usually miss a few here and there. Thanks for your patience.**

**Scarlett**


	24. Chapter 24

**Chapter 22: Sell-Outs**

Bella had no idea what to do when they got home—back to _Edward's_ home.

Alice was already bustling around the kitchen, starting dinner.

"Can I help?" Bella asked, but kept back a few feet so she wouldn't encroach into Alice's territory.

"I guess." Alice kept her eyes on the food she was chopping like a maniac.

"What are you making?" Bella pushed onto her toes, stretched her neck and peered over Alice's shoulder. It smelled great.

"Stir fry. I always make stir fry after he's had a doctor's visit. He needs the protein and vegetables. And since he won't eat salad—"

"He eats salad with me," Bella blurted.

Alice sniffed and went rigid. "Oh . . ."

Bella stood still, wondering where she could fit here, even though the kitchen was spacious. It felt claustrophobic.

"I'll cut the chicken up if you want," she offered. It looked like the breasts were all browned and done. They were resting in the pan.

"What can I do?" Edward asked, sneaking up behind Alice and giving her a hug.

"You can set the table," she replied.

"But I wanna help make the food like Bella is." He stared into the pan and his eyes lit up.

"You don't know how to cook," Alice told him.

"Neither does Bella, other than spaghetti. Why does she get to help, and I can't?" he asked.

"Oh, all right. You can help me by cutting these mushrooms up. Use the egg slicer," she said, pointing to the drawer.

He pulled it out, opened it up and tried to strum it like it was an instrument.

Both of their energy levels were dizzying. Why did Bella feel like she'd run an emotional marathon while he was bouncing around with energy to spare?

She found herself staring at him in awe several times, rather than cutting the meat into cubes.

He was definitely stronger than she was and more resilient.

Edward was done in no time at all. He sidled up to Bella and began helping her without being asked or told. He whispered in her ear, "They don't like me to chop anything because they don't want me to have a knife in my hands."

It tickled her ear the way his breath blew her hair. She rubbed her ear on her shoulder when he pulled away.

"Why not?" she mouthed.

He shrugged.

Bella's mind raced with all the restrictions they put on him and how some of them seem justified while others were nothing but silly.

"Alice, why does Edward think your family doesn't want him to handle a knife?" Bella put her knife and down and faced her.

"Because he's not careful enough and can cut himself," she explained.

Bella put her hands on her hips. "Just now, while we were cutting, he was more aware than I was. Does that mean I shouldn't be slicing anything in this kitchen as well?" Her hands rested on the counter to keep her from doing something stupid like smacking some sense into his sister.

"No—" Alice's eyes went wide and she turned to them both "—it's for his own good. We never know when the numbers will take over." She went back to finishing up what she was doing.

"When's the last time you were out of it because of the numbers?" Bella asked him.

"It's been a long time, and the last few times were so minor I was able to focus and keep doing whatever I was involved with." He smiled like he wore a badge of pride.

"I think this family underestimates you and your abilities," Bella said under her breath, looking at Edward.

Alice's knife clanked on the counter. "I heard that!"

"Oh goody. Then maybe you can learn to trust your brother's not a kid anymore. Maybe you should ask him more often how in control he feels. Does he seem stressed out to you right now?" Bella's finger's flexed. She took on a wide stance to balance herself in case Alice, the real menace with a knife, according to Mike, decided to do something about this little confrontation.

"Maybe you should shut your mouth," Alice snapped. She tossed the knife in the sink and dumped the chopped veggies into a hot sizzling pan.

The vegetables popped and hissed.

"Let me tell you how impressive Edward is, in case you've missed it." Bella took a deep breath. "We just got run through the mental meat-grinder at Dr. Harkham's. I feel drained, and I'm dragging. He's upbeat, hopping around here like a bunny. He bounces back better than anybody I've ever seen. I'd give _him_ the knife before I'd give it to you," Bella said then put the chicken in with the vegetables that were cooking.

"Is that so?" Alice stepped closer, her eyes gleaming. "And you've known him for what? Three weeks? Oh, that means you know him better than me," she said, sarcasm thick and obnoxious.

"I've known him for five weeks now, and, yes, I _do_ know him better, because I listen to him. I ask him how he feels about everything. I don't know why you don't ask—he's happy to share." Bella stepped forward too. "Maybe you don't really care, or maybe you think you know best. I'm betting on the latter. I don't treat him like a kid, I treat him with respect like an adult man would want."

Alice's hand flung out like a whip. Bella flinched to brace for the impending smack, since she had no intention of dodging it, but suddenly, Edward snatched Bella out of the way, ensuring she wasn't struck.

"Go to your room!" Carlisle's voice carried through the kitchen.

Bella's lungs tightened and her stomach dropped. She was in trouble for helping Edward?

_It wasn't your place to say . . ._

His eyes raged at Alice, making Bella's brow furrow.

How did this happen? He was taking her side, rather than his own child's?

"_What_?" Alice cried. Her face even more wrinkled in confusion than Bella's. "What did I do?"

"I heard and saw exactly what you did. Bella's not just some guest here you can treat like trash. She's living with us now as a part of the family because Edward says she is." His dad pointed to the stairway down the hall.

Alice huffed and turned off the stove. "She barges right in here and acts like she's the authority on everything there is to know about his condition and how our family handles it. What right does she have to—"

"I talked to Dr. Harkham today, and she said Bella's done more for him than any of the rest of us ever have or could, and I believe her." He moved through the kitchen with grace and stood right in front of her, looming by a foot in height. "I'm getting out of their way—you should too."

"But, Dad, she has no idea what it's like to deal with him in the long term," Alice said.

He turned his head over his shoulder and with sharp eyes on Bella asked, "Do you think you could finish up this meal?"

Edward stood straight up and answered for her, "We both can." He beamed.

"Fine. I trust you both. Bella—if you're unsteady right now, maybe you should sit and direct him. I'm sure he'd be happy to get dinner done. I'm gonna go have a chat with my daughter . . ." Carlisle grabbed Alice behind the elbow and led her out of the room.

Bella's head fell forward. An awful sinking sensation swept through her. It was her fault. She should have shut the hell up. But no! She went and belittled her possible future sister-in-law, and right in her own domain. Dinnertime was special to Alice, and Bella splattered it all to pieces because she was being indignant over them treating him like a child; not allowed to use anything but safety scissors.

"I'm sorry," Bella said.

"I'm not. I loved it, and it made me really hard, hearing you defend me like that." He smirked.

She looked his body over and saw he was indeed exactly what he said—extremely turned on.

"Don't you usually say you're sore?" she blurted.

What was with her mouth? Was it that doctor's session? Did it tap into her id and let it free?

"Emmett gave me a book with sexual terms and told me what to call things so I don't sound like a health professional. That's what he says I sound like, and he also told me it's a turnoff to girls. I don't want you to be turned off. I like it when you breathe hard, your nipples stick out, and you have that look in your eyes like you want to eat _me_ for dessert rather than a donut. And I think I'll taste good to you."

"Boston cream?" she teased.

"Exactly." He hugged her, keeping his lower half from touching her.

She wanted to giggle, but after what she'd gone through a moment ago with Alice, it seemed cruel to be laughing and having a good time while Alice was being scolded.

"Let's cook some yummy food," he said.

She smiled, squeezed his arm and let go.

"Unless you need to sit . . . ?" He watched her move like a sloth around the area.

"I think I'm good." She had him start the cooking the rice and turned the burner back on so they could finish cooking the vegetables.

In less than a half hour, dinner was done. The table was set, but they were the only ones in there.

"Should we go tell them it's done?" she asked in a quiet voice. The place seemed so empty.

"I'll get them. But I want you to do something while I'm gone."

"Anything . . ." she breathed and leaned her chest into his with her head tipped back so she could stare into those gorgeous eyes.

"I want us to have peace tonight. There are some candles on the top shelf in the pantry and matches right next to them. Set them out, and I'll play some music so we can all stay calm." He cupped the back of her head, his fingers in her hair and he kissed her like a confident man without fear of anything at all.

"Those numbers don't have a chance," she whispered when his lips detached from hers.

"Not when you're around." His smile was so bright it poured new life into her.

When he left to gather his family, her step had a lift to it, her breathing was lighter.

Bella could live happy in this house forever if she could count on moments like this with him. That little snippet was more rejuvenating than any amount of time she ever spent in the gym, fixating on music or being stoned.

It was easy to find the candles. They emitted a light vanilla fragrance as soon as she lit them. The long tapers cast a warm glow. She noticed they had dimmers in the kitchen so she turned the unnatural lighting down to halfway then took her seat.

Music floated into the room, and it was a beautiful piano piece she didn't recognize.

Edward walked into the room, holding both his dad and Alice's hand with Emmett directly behind them. Emmett's hands were on Edward's shoulders and he was smirking.

"Can you believe this crazy family?" Emmett asked Bella when they were all at the table, taking their seats.

"No, I honestly can't, because I never ate with either of my parents. I can count on one hand how often that happened," she said.

"That's not what I meant," Emmett said, but his eyes softened and his smile faded. "That really sucks. Did you eat at the table alone?"

"Mostly in my room. I'd listen to music or watch something on my phone. Mom wasn't usually around at dinnertime anyway. Either she'd work late or be out with her current boyfriend. I never paid much attention. Besides, she and I didn't see eye-to-eye on food choices, so it kind of happened organically that we ate apart."

"That's so sad," Edward said. He held her hand. "I'd miss eating with my family. That's when we all get to talk about our day."

Bella's eyes flicked over to Alice. Would that change now that Bella was here? Would Alice keep quiet?

"No wonder this meal is so special to your family. I'll try to honor it as best as I can," she said.

"Too late for that," Alice grumbled with her head down and her hands in her lap.

"What _did_ I _say_?" her father said.

"I know what you said; doesn't mean I agree," Alice replied and looked up at him with an expression of bitterness.

"But you'll keep it to yourself," he responded.

She nodded, but barely.

"So, how do we do this? Do you bless it or do we all start eating after Dr. C. does?" Bella winced slightly. It still sounded stiff and wrong to call him that.

"We're not that formal," Emmett answered. He dished food onto his plate and started eating. "Once everybody's ass is in a chair, the food is fair game."

"Carlisle?" Bella tried that one instead, and it felt as forced as the other one. "Can I ask you something?" Her voice was so soft she barely recognized it.

"Of course." He passed the rice to Edward.

Edward set it down and watched them with interest.

"I realized when I was talking to Esme—" she swallowed at her sudden dawning on her lack of manners by referring to his _colleague_? _Friend_? by her first name, "—I haven't had a smoke in two days. Maybe this is a good sign. Maybe it's time I quit?"

"You want my seal of approval? I think that's a given—definitely get rid of that vile habit. You'll be glad you did, and so will I," he said and loaded up his fork with food.

She smiled shyly. "That wasn't exactly what I wanted to ask you . . ." Edward squeezed her hand, still with an empty plate before him. "I was wondering if you could help me—give me some medical advice on how to go about kicking this habit." She started dishing Edward some food to keep her nervousness away. "Like, should I go on the nicotine patch? I know there're other options, but I never paid any attention to them because I didn't have a reason to quit. I finally feel like I don't need them." She gulped. Her stomach was arguing—warning nausea was around the corner.

This would be a bad time to throw up.

She rubbed her abs a little when nobody was looking and sipped some water.

Carlisle's level gaze made her hands shake as she scooped rice onto her plate.

"I can definitely help." His eyes smiled at her even if his mouth did not. "I'm happy to give you some advice, and, Bella . . ."

"Mmm?"

"I can't tell you how pleased I am you came to me with this," his dad said. He took a bite of food, chewed with a thoughtful expression on his face and swallowed. "Now, who has something they want to share about their day?"

"I _do_!" Edward almost shouted. "Dr. Harkham said I'm a bright man with a spectacular future ahead of me."

"That's awesome," Emmett said, his dimples deep and welcoming.

"I thought so . . ." Edward's thumb stroked the outside of Bella's hand. "And she said if I want to have a baby with Bella, I should do a lot of research first. So that's what I'm doing. Emmett gave me a great book."

His father's face froze.

Bella's heart stopped and her hand was made of stone, clasped inside of Edward's.

Emmett snickered. "It is a helluva book," he agreed.

"No porn in it?" his dad inquired.

Emmett laughed harder. "Nope. Just good advice on how to have sex if you've never done it before. It's actually a book Mom gave me a long time ago. It's well-worn, but he didn't seem to mind." He took a hearty bite of his meal.

"Bella doesn't want to have kids though. She already told me. I think that's a bad decision—we'll talk more about it so when we're married we'll already agree." Edward nodded and began eating.

Was this normal dinner conversation?

Bella sat, stunned, barely blinking.

"Children are a big responsibility," Alice finally spoke. "And what if your child has your disability?" Her dark eyes bore into his light, effused ones.

His glowing smile continued on. "I know that's a possibility, but I would be able to teach my son how to deal with it in the right way."

"_Son_?" Bella choked.

"Yeah." He looked at her like she was slow. "It's gonna be a boy. I can feel it. And that book has a section on how to plan the gender of the baby."

"That's not a one-hundred percent guarantee," his dad said.

Nobody was eating anymore. Bella's eyes roamed around the table.

"Is there a problem with girls? Are you saying you'd only love this child if it was a boy?" Alice asked, emotion's cracking her voice.

"No. I'd probably love a girl more, because she'd be like her mom, but something tells my gut it's gonna be a boy." Bella pulled her hand free. "That is after I convince her to have a child with me."

"She seems to be pretty good at saying no to you so far," Emmett said with his fist in front of his mouth, muffling his opinion.

Alice stood up, took her plate over to the garbage, emptied the food inside, rinsed the dish and set in the dishwasher.

She marched back over the table and asked her father, "May I be excused since I'm done eating?"

"Yes, you may, but you're going to clean the bathroom right now as way of apology for being so rude to your new sister who cooked this meal for you since you couldn't manage to do it in a civil manner." Her father flipped his wrist at her like he was shooing her away.

She released a shrill sound as she tromped out of the room.

.

.

Bella and Emmett were busy.

"I can move that," Edward told Bella as she carried Emmett's laundry basket for him.

"I've got it," she said.

He frowned. "Emmett! Quit giving her heavy things. Give those to me," he called out.

Emmett chuckled from in his room. "She's the one grabbing 'em," he hollered.

A moment later all three of them were in Bella's new room. A few of Emmett's football posters were still on the walls, but most of his stuff was already moved.

Edward pouted. They didn't give him much to do, and she kept talking to his brother.

"I hate that group!" she said with a laugh. "They're sell-outs."

"That's what's cool about them," Emmett said with a smirk.

_Sell-outs_? What did that mean?

Edward flopped onto her new bed. It smelled like his brother's cologne. Blick!

He got up and started pulling the blanket off.

Nobody seemed to notice or care.

She stood a foot away from Emmett, smiling and saying in a happy voice, "That doesn't even make sense." She shoved Emmett's shoulder.

Emmett laughed so loud Edward covered his ears.

"Come on; _you_ workout. Use those muscles. Move me out of your space," Emmett challenged.

She grinned with her lips pressed tight together. "Don't even . . ."

"Why? _Afraid_?" Emmett shoved her shoulder back.

Edward sprung between them, but Bella moved him out of the way without even looking at him.

All of his insides were like black, sticky mud—messy and dirty. He wanted to push his brother so hard, Emmett would pull a muscle and have to stay in bed for days.

His eyes watered.

This was wrong! But Bella and Emmett liked each other. They talked a lot and she was doing stuff with him she never did with Edward.

She didn't play rough like this with him.

"I'm warning you—tough guy!" Bella smiled.

"Oh yeah? Warning me how?" Emmett rocked back and forth from side to side.

"I grew up surrounded by Native Americans. I played football with them all the time. They never held back, and neither do I." She bit her lip but her smile was still there.

"Show me. Arm wrestle?" he suggested.

"_No!_ You'll hurt her," Edward protested.

"Leg wrestle. We'll be more even that way," she said.

Emmett sunk to the ground.

She shoved a pair of Emmett's shoes out of the way and then laid down on the floor.

Emmett lay next to her, their hips lined up and their heads by the other's feet.

She giggled. "This is so dumb."

"Cool, huh?" Emmett chuckled. "One . . ."

"Two . . ." She followed.

"Three!" they shouted in unison.

Suddenly their inner legs were in the air, their knees intertwined and within seconds she had Emmett's knee by his ear and he was flipped over.

"How'd you do that?" Edward asked, covering his mouth with a fist.

The other hand shifted his suddenly hard penis, over a bit.

"Practiced with all sorts of guys—most of them bigger than you," she answered, directing her comment at his brother like Emmett had asked instead of him.

Edward growled. "My turn!"

"Nah, it's okay . . . I need to set my stuff up in here," Bella said, getting up.

He offered her his hand but she ignored it and moved herself to standing without him.

A knot tugged at his stomach.

"Before you go," she directed her words to his brother again, "explain real quick what you mean by 'them being sell-outs is what's so great about them.'"

Edward sat back down on the bed.

"Please leave," he told his brother.

Emmett paced over to the doorway, turned around and paused. He looked at Edward briefly, smiling, then his attention went back to her. "Have you ever seen the Matrix movies?"

"Yeah," she said.

"Well, some people don't like it because they say they copied other movies before them and kind of mashed them together. You following me so far?" Emmett ducked down a little like he was trying to see into her eyes.

It was odd because she was standing several feet away.

She chuckled. "Yeah. So you're saying they're paying homage to other popular bands, taking what others do best and combining it into goulash music for our picky eaters?" She laughed loudly at him.

Edward's insides were all mangled inside. His frustration over not understanding what they were talking about, turned into numbers, but he hummed to make it go away.

The problem was it was hard to hear what they were saying.

He fisted the sheet on the bed, took a few deep breaths and rocked back and forth.

" . . . better go," he heard her say at the end of some garbled sentence.

Soft hands cupped around his ears, lips landed on his crown and feminine fingers threaded through his hair.

"Edward . . . ? Sweetie, talk to me," she cooed.

"I like it when you say that," he whispered. His eyes were struggling to focus; his head was foggy.

"What?"

"Sweetie. You've called me that four other times, this is the fifth, and I wish you'd do it more," he said. His body was still moving to a rhythm. "It's nice."

"I . . . I didn't even realize I ever called you that," she said, lowering herself into a crouch. Her hands used his thighs for support to get into that position.

Blood rushed up his thighs.

"Say it again, please, and hug me while you do it. I need you to," his voice went high pitched because of where her hands were caressing, "because you like Emmett better than me." He peered into her eyes and forced his vision to straighten out. His head pounded. It was like the music and the numbers were warring over space.

"Oh, sweetie, I'm sorry . . ." She straightened up some and straddled him, sitting in his lap. "I'm only trying to gain allies so I'm not the enemy in this house." Her lips made steps all along his face in a circular pattern like a clock. He smiled, purred and cupped his hands together.

Would she let him touch her breasts?

"Say it again. I'm your sweetie, right? Not Emmett? You ignore me sometimes when it's just the three of us. I don't like it. It makes me feel my heartbeat in my stomach, and I feel like my muscles are all hard and rough. It makes me want to hurt him; punch him out of the room!"

She chuckled. "Oh, God. Edward . . . I'm sorry, but you have to know, he's not my type." Her nose rubbed his and her eyes were shiny.

"Why do you ignore me then when he's with us? I want you to talk to me that way, joke and push me around." He looked at her, and his tongue felt heavy. What could he say to explain this?

"Sweetie . . ."

His hands trembled, but he touched her _there_. He exhaled in a rush, transfixed as he watched his hands skim over her wonderful round breasts.

"Did he make you jealous?" she asked.

"I . . . I don't know . . . Are you _trying_ to make me jealous?" His fingers flexed, but he kept his touch gentle. He still wanted to punch his brother's face.

"Not on purpose, no." She paused and licked her bottom lip. "I've never had a boyfriend before."

"So? I've never had a girlfriend before, but I don't talk to other girls in front of you like they're all I care about." He blinked hard, and his jaw tensed. His hands were more needy, touching her with more firmness.

"I've hurt you, and I never meant to. I guess a part of me almost wants to see what you'll do. I get a little carried away. And another part—" she looked away and a small smiled appeared but then vanished "—another part of me loves it when you _do_ get jealous. You're sexy as hell when you get like that. I can't even begin to explain how turned on I get, watching you tell him to shut up and get lost."

"Is that all?" He breathed a little better. His fingers rubbed over protruding nipples. It made him smile at the how tight they were from his touch.

"I don't know. I mean, he's fun to talk to. I like your brother as a friend. I don't have a lot of those, so it's great to have one that likes talking about the music I'm into."

He frowned.

"What should I do when he's talking to me? I don't want to hurt you, but I don't want to be rude to him either. I also think you and I need to keep a safe distance while in your house so we're respecting your dad's rules." She kissed his lips in a slow, safe way and brushed his hands off her chest.

"I don't care what he thinks." He frowned. "I don't care what anybody in this house thinks except you."

"You keep saying that, but in here," she settled her hand on his heart, "I think you do."

"No." He thrust his hands back on her breast and squeezed them. "I'll show you how stupid I think Dad's rules are." He slid her shirt up as quick as he could; pulled at her bra, almost snapping it off. Somehow, he managed to get it free.

She gasped and wrangled it out of his hands while covering her bare breasts with her other hand.

"Stop it," she whispered and tried to get off his legs.

He moved his hands to her waist instead and held her tight. "Be bad with me, Bella. I want to be really bad with you. I want you to touch me. Just once . . ." His breath felt like it caught in his stomach.

"No. We're not doing this, especially not now when I've finally earned some kindness from your dad; possibly even respect." She leaned back and when his grip slipped, she lurched forward, making his hands shift down. In the next second, she had flown off his lap.

"Are you okay?"

"Not anymore. You're over there, and I'm over here," he said. His hands lay on his lap, palms up. They were so empty and sad.

"I want you. Waiting isn't okay," he said, his Adam's apple bobbing as he tried to swallow and speak. There were feelings stuck in his throat, making it hard to speak. "Why don't you want me?"

"Oh, God . . ." She groaned. She tipped her head back and her toe propped her foot up behind her. "Truth?"

"I want to know," he insisted.

Her head slowly came back down. "I'm afraid, all right?"

"Of me? Because I've hurt you before?" Both of his eyes twitched. He was about to have tears or else see numbers.

"Nothing like that." She sat down on the floor cross-legged and looked up at him. "I have no idea what I'm doing with you. When I had sex with other guys," he cringed but she continued, "it was only to get something in return. I didn't really want to do it with them. But with you . . . I want to give you nothing but pleasure. Do you know hard it is to resist you? I think my body hates me because I keep denying it of what it wants more than anything." She sighed and picked at the throw rug under her, staring at it now instead of him. "Please stop asking me to touch you. If I do that, I won't be able to stop, and I'll never forgive myself. Your family will hate me, and I'll be no better than that girl that tricked you into getting naked and took pictures of you in the girls' bathroom."

"You're nothing like her, and you'll never be!" He stood up.

"I will. I'd be using you to fill my own lust. It won't be fair." She sniffled. "And it won't be the way I want it—where it's all about you."

"I won't ask you anymore, but if you," he bit his lip for a moment, "but if you ever want to . . . I want you to, just so you know you can . . ." He rubbed his chin. Did that sentence make sense?

"I'll remember that, but I don't think I can go that route no matter how much it kills me to keep from loving on you—_all_ of you."

And . . . He was even harder now, dammit.

He got up and left; a visit to the bathroom was in order.

**A/N:**

**I've had conversations with my husband about bands that he refuses to listen to because he thinks they're sell-outs. I don't give a damn. I listen to them because I like their music and I think they're a fusion of a lot of different styles. Do I have to take a stand on music? Toilet paper, yes. Eating healthy, yes. Music, no. It's art. I enjoy it because my mind and heart tell me I do. I don't argue about it. That's pointless.**

**Enough of my pointless musing… Was in a nostalgic mood, lucky you…**

**Enjoy whatever music you like!**

**Scarlett**


	25. Chapter 25

**Chapter 23: Jack and Jill**

"Bella," a voice purred in her ear.

Warm skin was up against her back.

Her eyes flew open. She had been sleeping well, considering a little dark Keebler Elf slept in the room next door and had a penchant for knives.

"How did you get in here? The window?" He had to, because she knew she locked the door to bathroom she shared with Alice as well as her bedroom door.

"No. That's dangerous."

She turned over, and he smirked.

"I missed you," he said. He gave her a peck on the lips.

"How can you miss me while you're sleeping?"

His face was so angelic. Her heart softened and she wrapped an arm around him.

"I was dreaming about you, and it was a really good dream." He shoved his lower half into her.

"Must've been," she said, chuckling. "Go back to your bed, and you can continue that dream."

"I'm not asking you to touch it; I'm not." He shook his head and grinned. "I only thought . . ."

"That I'd be so tired I'd slip and do it on my own?" She turned her head and yawned. He had no qualms about touching her when she was distracted or out of it. This was merely an extension of that type of thinking, and slyness on his part.

"Is that bad?" He bit his lip at her.

She groaned, pushed him out of the bed gently and walked him to the door. "I'll see you in the morning. We'll kiss, hug, and hold hands a lot at school. I promise, but right now, we both need to sleep."

He pouted, making her shut her eyes. Maybe if she didn't see him she'd stop thinking about how easy it would be to pull his loose pajama bottoms off and give him what he wanted. What she wanted too. He was already bare-chested—the big tease.

Must his body be so tight and toned and mouth-watering good?

"Goodnight," she whispered and opened the door. She gave him a little nudge.

He turned around and his devastated expression had her a second away from walking him back to her bed.

"I'll miss you. Do you promise to miss me?" he asked quietly.

She nodded, blew him a kiss and closed the door as slowly as she could so she could make sure he was dragging his body away from her. He did, but slower than she'd anticipated, making it that much more agonizing for her.

She locked the door again, even though that seemed to be useless as he'd already proved, but still . . .

Should she push some furniture up against the door?

She smiled at the thought, got back in bed and fell back to sleep with ease.

Her pillow smelled like him . . .

.

.

It was odd sharing a conjoining bathroom with Alice. It was spacious, but that girl had tons of products she used.

At her mom's home, they shared, but they both kept most of their private toiletries in their own bedroom.

Alice's stuff was spread out everywhere, a bunch scattered in some kind of insane order on the countertop.

Bella closed the toilet lid and put a few of her own things there since countertop space was limited.

It was humid, and the smell of Alice's perfume filled the air.

Bella had already double checked to make sure her bedroom door was secured tight, and now locked both doors in the bathroom, turned on the shower and brushed her teeth while it warmed up.

The steam was comforting, wafting out of the top of the shower curtain.

She stripped down fast and almost jumped in, moaning on contact when the hot water pelted her. It seemed to penetrate and unwind her muscles right away.

"Uuuuuhhhhhhn." She stood there, eyes closed as it doused her head and the rest of her.

A song came to her mind; she hummed it loudly and ran her fingers over her scalp to make sure the water got down to the roots.

"Hi," a familiar voice said.

She jumped. The curtain was open and a very naked Edward stepped inside, joining her under the spray.

"How did you get in here?"

He smirked and his lips twitched with mischief. "Alice's room."

"Crazy damned Jack and Jill bathrooms and genius boyfriends that pick locks," she muttered.

"You don't want me in here with you?"

She groaned, "That's not what I said." She leaned back and kept her gaze at eye-level. "But how do you think this is better than being in my bed with me? What do you think is going to happen when we're both in here naked together?"

"Nothing, or everything. I don't know, but I wanted to be with you." He grinned and half-shrugged.

"God, if I ever learn to say no to you, check me for a pulse, because it probably means I'm dead." She grabbed the shampoo. "Get over here. I'm gonna wash you."

"You will? That's touching me?"

"Yes, Edward, it involves lots of touching, you evil mastermind, but that's it. I'm gonna soap you, rinse you, and off you go before your dad figures out you're in here."

"No one's home. Dad already left for work, Emmett took Alice to school early because she wanted to see somebody, and he had early practice this morning."

"Good Lord, this is worse than I thought . . . We're alone, naked and you're sexier than should be humanly possible." She angled him into the water. "You're breaking my will, you know that?"

"I hope I do . . ." He chuckled as water ran down his bangs, over his shoulders and much further down. A place she refused to look at.

"Is it okay if I hold you? I'll be gentle," he promised.

Her heart flooded and it overflowed; headed south. She squirmed in place.

"I know you will."

"So, can I?" He reached out and ran the back of his hand down her right cheek. "_Please_?"

"Yes," she sighed.

She went willingly into his arms. "I promise I'm not asking you; I'm not, but I want to touch your," he leaned in and whispered a crude word for her vagina then pulled away, blushing, "is that okay if I want to? You've let me touch you there before in your bed, and you liked it then. But can I . . . Are you mad I called it that?" His face scrunched in concern.

"You can call it whatever you want. I don't care. I've heard it called every name its ever had. I'm just trying to get used to you talking at all while you try to seduce me," she said.

He paled. "Is that bad? Am I turning you off? I don't wanna do that."

"I doubt you could ever do anything that turns me off, Edward. I only said it so you'd know . . . Never mind." She shook her head a little and rested her cheek on his wet chest.

"Know _what_?" He shook her a little. "Tell me. I wanna know."

"All the other guys I was ever with, they never asked me if anything was okay, if they were hurting me or if I even liked what they were doing. They didn't care; so I blew them. It didn't matter—I just wanted to get it over with so I could get my reward." She paused. Her chest expanded as she took a filling breath. The steam was wonderful. It cleared her head. "I didn't want to tell you all this, because no boyfriend wants to hear about his girl's exes."

"But they weren't your boyfriends, right?" His fingertips danced down her spine.

"None of them were anything to me except Quil, and he was already taken."

He kissed her, and it went from sweet and slow, to urgent, as he groaned in pain.

"I'm not supposed to say it's sore, but it's fat and hard. So heavy." He furrowed his brow. "Do you feel pain at all when you want more of my body?"

She smiled and patted his chest. "All the time, crazy man."

"I want to be a man with you."

"You are," she said, her eyes sincere. "More so than any man I've ever met. You're _all_ man. I don't see you as a child at all."

"No, I mean, I wanna do what my body's meant to do," he said, his voice hoarse. "I wanna be inside you."

She ignored the way her throat was tightening and how her heart hammered. "If you regret this tomorrow, the next day, or even twenty minutes from now . . . You tell me, okay?"

His eyes flashed wide and then went heavy as his eyes simmered.

"You'll _touch_ me? And I didn't even ask?" he questioned, his voice squeaky.

"Shut up, or I'll change my mind." She drifted her hand down his chest, played in his curls for a moment.

He breathed so hard and his body began moving around immediately, and she worried he might lose his balance and slip.

She bit the inside of her cheeks and lowered her hand.

It was new to her, even though she'd done this many times before, this was different. She wasn't getting something worth money out of this. All she would receive was gratification over pleasing him and showing him how much she loved him.

Her strokes were long and light in case he needed a slow work up. Odds were, no female had ever touched him down there.

Several times whimpers caught in his throat.

The louder he got, the firmer she touched him.

He was the most sensual man ever, and his innocent charm made him insanely sexy.

She was an inch away from him, and she held her breath. If she smelled him too, she'd beg him to let her end his virginity.

Her eyes closed a second later to keep control. They scrunched in pain; it was torture to touch him like this and not go any further. But he'd already touched her and brought her to ecstasy. It was only fair he have it too.

"Oooohhhh," she moaned, because his hands were on her breasts, and she wasn't expecting him to be able to do anything more than absorb what she was doing to him.

His fingers fumbled a little, but it made it that much hotter.

She leaned in to kiss him, but he backed away.

He was concentrating, probably on being gentle so he wouldn't harm her as he handled her breasts.

Since kissing his mouth wasn't an option, she spread kisses on his shoulder and neck.

The minute her hip brushed against his . . .

"Hhhhuuuuh . . . Huuuuuuuh," he hyperventilated, and twitched, his whole body jerking.

He ripped himself out of her grip.

"I . . . I can't . . . I need a minute," he gasped.

"If it's too much, we can stop. We don't have to continue," she said.

She caressed his shoulder.

He turned away from her completely and she could tell he was holding his shaft, almost protectively.

"What's wrong? Did I embarrass you somehow?"

"No," he said in a brusque tone. His shoulders hunched up and his back rounded.

"Am I allowed to touch your back? I'm afraid the numbers are there," she said in a soothing manner. Her body almost rounded over his like a shell, to keep him safe.

"There are a few numbers, but that's not why . . ." He looked at her over his shoulder. "The fluid was about to come out—I was about to ejaculate—and I hate that word. I didn't think you'd like me to get it on you."

She ran her fingers up the nape of his neck and into his hair. "Oh, sweetie . . . I'd love it you'd get it on me and be messy wi—"

Suddenly she was plastered up against the shower wall, his mouth was on hers and his erection was between her legs.

_No! You can't!_

She wasn't on birth control. Her legs automatically closed, her breath trapped in her throat.

He thrust between her thighs, straight toward the shower wall. His whole body was one tightly coiled muscle straining and moving, pushing hard.

Maybe she should stop this now and say it was a mistake?

He grunted and stopped kissing her. His neck snapped back.

"The pain . . . It's so good, but it hurts. I'm gonna explode—my whole body, Bella," he whimpered.

His pleas from the torture, crushed her heart.

"Push between my legs harder. Give in to what your body's meant to do," she said.

She inhaled at his neck, kissed, suck and licked. Nothing tipped him over the edge until her hands slid back and she squeezed his ass.

"Ohhhhh ga-awww-awwwd!" he rasped, choked on the words and then . . . "Oooohhhhhuuuuuhhhh." His whole body vibrated and convulsed.

He was shooting into the wall behind her. Good. It would wash away before they moved from the water's spray, and he wouldn't have to worry about her seeing it and feeling ashamed.

There were moments like this when she wanted to chain his family up for keeping him in the dark—let them see how it felt to be utterly sheltered—but at the same time, she was so honored to share these firsts with him, to watch him learn about his sexuality—it was spellbinding. She was privileged to be a part of it.

She could feel his breath even out as it wafted over her shoulder, but as he came down from his climax, _she_ stayed overstimulated. Her heart was still racing, her whole body, wires crossing and firing; tripping her body into a frenzy.

Without realizing it, she was playing with his nipples, kissing his chest and rubbing her nose in his chest hairs.

"I love you, and I hope that was . . ." she swallowed hard; the lump in her throat was stuck from witnessing something so beautiful, making it hard to speak ". . . good for you." She stalled a little as she said it into his chest because it was difficult to say things like that. It was so incredibly intimate to ask him if he liked it. She already knew she sucked at this stuff. That's why she was usually high on something before she performed for a guy.

He gripped her by the shoulders, looked her in the eye. "I hope my family leaves early every single morning, because I wanna do that again, but next time without me backing off like a baby."

She kissed his chin, chuckled and said, "Next time I'm gonna watch it come bursting out of you, too."

His cheeks reddened. Hers probably did as well, because her face heated.

Bella grabbed the soap and quickly washed him before the water went cold on them, and before she tried to experiment with the future promises they just made.

.

.

Edward couldn't stop grabbing her every chance he got. His mind replayed what they did in the shower over and over. What would it be like to be touching each other at the same time? If his fingers were inside her while her hand was wrapped around him—would it be even better, if that was possible? He wanted to try that right now, and nobody would know. He'd keep quiet about it this time. No blabbing afterward with Emmett or Dad, or anybody else. He'd learned it was upsetting to Bella when he shared private moments like that.

Jessica kept watching him in class. It was like she knew he'd been touched down there by Bella.

It made him anything but hard or sore or fat to have her eyes on him.

She was ickier than anybody he knew. Lauren was gross too, but she didn't have any classes with him.

Jessica smiled several times and waved.

He'd look away and tightened his hold on Bella's hand.

He snuggled his head onto his fiancé's shoulder. A thrill raced through him at the thought of that word.

_She's gonna marry me! And then I'll have sex with her! I want that. So much!_

He played with the ring on Bella's finger.

"Remember when we were in the shower and you touched me?" he whispered in her ear.

"Yes, Edward. It was this morning," she said, laughing quietly. It was low and deep and made him scoot closer.

"I liked it a lot. When we're married, I'm going to shower with you every day." He rubbed his cheek on her shoulder, settling in even more. She didn't care when fluids came out of him. She said she wanted them on her.

The teacher called on Jessica, and she sat with her mouth open like a dead fish.

"Maybe somebody can help you out," the teacher told her.

Edward's head sprang off Bella's shoulder and he called out the answer.

"That's correct, Mr. Masen, but maybe you could keep a safe distance back there. There are rules for couples in this classroom." He pointed, letting Edward know he needed to move back to his spot.

"I like it here. I'm not moving," Edward said.

"What did you say?" The teacher's brows shot up.

"You know I have problems, and being with Bella keeps me under control," he announced.

"I told you from the start—holding hands is one thing—manhandling, kissing and practically being in her lap, is something else. Separate or I'm sending you to the office." His eyes narrowed. He pushed his glasses up.

The whole classroom was staring at Edward. His insides were crying like a waterfall on a mountainside. If he went to the office, he might get thrown out for talking back to the teacher.

"I'll behave," Edward said, shifting away and inching to his side, where he was supposed to sit. His hand was still in hers. "And I apologize for breaking your rules."

The teacher glared, then turned back to the white-board and went on with the lesson.

"He knows you're horny," Bella whispered. She smiled and kissed the back of his hand.

"Probably everybody knows. I'm not good at hiding it." He smiled sheepishly. "But if it doesn't bother you, then I'm okay with it."

"I love it." She winked.

He brought their clasped hand under the table and pinched her thigh.

She jumped a little, and a moment later, Jessica's hand was in the air.

"They're still doing it, Mr. Mallory. I just saw them kiss, and he was pinching her in inappropriate places."

The teacher sighed and his shoulders pushed back.

"Miss Swan, Mr. Masen . . . Head to the office. Talk to your guidance counselor and don't come back here until you can stay in your own seats, keep your hands to yourself and act like mature, responsible students.

Bella stood up abruptly, yanked him up after her. "We're all those things. And Jessica's lying because she's out to break us apart. She's been obsessed with Edward ever since he came here."

"Whatever, psycho . . . Like you're one to talk," Jessica said and faked a yawn while rolling her eyes.

Bella dragged him along behind her once he grabbed their backpacks.

She tore down the hallway. "I'm gonna tear that bitch a new hole. Then maybe she'll be able to satisfy Mike and they'll both leave us alone," she muttered.

Wait, _what_? His skin prickled on his chest.

He yanked her back so she'd stumble into him. She gasped, and he dropped the bags.

"Bella, I want to know now . . . What did you do with Mike, and how is Jessica a part of all this? Why's she obsessed with me?" He blinked hard and scuffed his shoe on the ground. His veins were jumping around like somebody was tickling him in a yucky way. It was like bugs were on him.

He shivered uncontrollably for a moment.

"I wish you wouldn't ask me this. I know we said we wouldn't lie, but some things you'd be better off not knowing about." She released a tight, stuttered sigh.

"I'm not walking one more step until you tell me, even if it means I get in big trouble and they kick me out of school again."

Her jaw and cheeks tightened as she clenched her teeth together. He ghosted his hand across the taut muscles. They loosened a little bit, but still looked hard.

"Two years ago when I had my first relapse, Mike wanted me to teach Jessica; show her what she was doing wrong while they had sex in front of me. She didn't like what I had to say. She's a lousy lay, and Mike confuses her because he uses her then pushes her away when he gets sick of her. I've been told he compares her to me to her face all the time."

"There's more though, isn't there?" His eyes filled with tears.

"Yeah, there's more. I taught her how to give him a blow job while milking his prostate. She gagged while doing it and then threw up. I flipped out because of the vomit. He shot me full of so many drugs so I could block it all out of my head, thinking he was doing me a favor. I wound up going to the hospital because I was ODing." She looked away, and her voice got tiny. A tear was swiped away. He ran his fingers down her arm. She wrapped her arms around her stomach. "My mom said she was going to send me to my dad, so I cleaned up again. But a few months later I relapsed again. This time, Mike talked us into the reverse. I had sex with him while she watched. She cried the entire time. He didn't notice or care. I felt horrible, so I avoided them both from then on. Mike's pursued me ever since, thinking we could pick back up, and I could continue to teach her or let him use me. Probably both." She quirked her shoulders into a hint of a shrug. Her chin touched her chest. "God, I hate myself."

"Don't . . ." He pulled her into a hug. Her fists were all balled up as her arms were tucked up in between their chests. "It's not your fault. Don't hate yourself. You can regret it, that's all right, but there's nothing to hate."

"I'm disgusting . . ."

"No, you're not," he said. "You're beautiful because you've survived ugly things and they made you stronger." His lips pressed into her hair, and he burrowed his nose inside.

"You don't even smell like smoke anymore."

She shook a little. Was she laughing or crying?

"You have no idea how badly I've wanted a cigarette all day today, but your dad promised he'd have something for me today after school."

"Should we just go home and ditch? Or do we need to head to the office?" He smashed his lips back into her scalp. The smell of her shampoo reminded him once again of their shower. "Or maybe . . . Or maybe we stop going to school. We go ahead and get our GEDs and get married."

"I've created a monster between your legs. All you think about is how fast we can end your virginity." She chuckled in a husky way and coughed at the end.

"We're not breaking anymore rules. We're both going to graduate, and we'll get married after." She wiggled out of his arms, and they went to the office.

Once they were in his counselor's office, Edward declared, "I messed up but it was minor. We're smart—we understand what we did wrong. It won't happen again."

"He's a moody bastard. Ignore Mr. Mallory. Why don't you go hang out in the library until your next class. And don't you dare tell him I called him that," he said with a wink.

Edward shook his hand. Bella cringed but did the same.

"I'm obligated to tell the truth, so I want you to know, you probably saved me from being kicked out again. I'm gonna try really hard to make it through the school year," Edward told him, waved and they left.

Once in the library, Edward broke his word.

He couldn't keep his hands or lips off Bella, and he was so tight in the middle of his jeans, he thought he might be limping by the end of the day. Soreness was becoming something he was used to, even more so than the numbers. It was ever-present.


	26. Chapter 26

**Chapter 24: Pearls of Wisdom**

Bella showered the next morning, wiped down the entire bathroom and removed all traces of herself. Alice would never even know she was sharing a bathroom with another teenage girl.

She grabbed her backpack and unlocked her door. Her phone was still charging. She'd come back up for it after breakfast since she forgot to plug it in before bed last night. Edward had distracted her, reading her a bedtime story, as he called it. Which really meant let's make out until bedtime.

His dad was neutral toward her. Neither upset nor glad she was here. It was like he accepted it the way a man on death row might swallow his fate and stop contesting it.

She opened the door and took a backward step as she scanned the room to make sure she hadn't forgotten anything.

"Mmmnnnhh," a grunt came from the ground as her foot knocked into something solid.

She turned at the hips but kept her feet stationary.

"Edward . . .? What're you—"

He was lying on the ground, asleep in nothing but his pajama pants.

She looked around to make sure nobody else in the family was seeing this.

What the hell was going on?

She crouched down, jostled him, but he didn't wake.

Her next tactic was to grab his arms and drag him into her room.

He was heavy, but it was easier than she thought.

She toed the door shut, slumped down to the ground, sat crossed legged and massaged his back while kissing his temple to wake him up.

"Edward . . . Time to wake up," she said.

He stretched then grabbed blindly for her.

She lay down next to him and spooned. "Why were you asleep in the hallway outside my door?" she asked, stroking the back of his neck.

Goose bumps broke out on him, making her smile and blow in that same spot to keep them there.

"You said not to break into your room in the middle of the night, but I needed to touch you." He reached back, grabbed her hand and wound her arm around him as he settled her hand in his. He placed it on his chest and snuggled into the ground like it was a comfortable place to be.

"But when I didn't live here, you slept alone. What's changed?"

"I wanted to be in a bed with you then, too, but it wasn't an option; now it is." He sighed like he was content to stay here forever.

"I knew this was a bad idea . . . I need to get a job immediately and get my own place," she said and stopped the light touches on his back and neck.

"No!" He flipped over and held her head still with one hand while peering deeply in her eyes. "Stay."

"How can I? Your dad's never gonna allow you to sleep with me every night, and I can't let you sleep in the hallway outside my door." She stroked his bottom lip with her thumb then kissed it.

"I'll convince him, and, besides, we're not sleeping together, because it's not sex."

She grinned. "That's right—this is not about sex at all," she said with a facetious tone.

"This is all about sex, but he doesn't have to know that bit. I'll keep quiet about it this time." Her face dropped. "This isn't lying—I'm not doing that. I'm just making sure I keep private things, private." He smiled like he had it all figured out and he was the smartest man in the world.

He was, but still . . .

"Your dad remembers what it was like to be a horny young guy. He's gonna say no without even considering it." She moved his hand off her head and pushed herself up to sitting.

"How do you know?" He sat up too.

She straightened out her clothes and hair.

"Because, I wouldn't allow it if you were my kid; not under my roof if you weren't married. He has standards and expects you to uphold them." She stood up. They were gonna be late to school.

"That's an ancient way of thinking. We're living in today's world where people have sex without being married." He paused and his shoulders sagged. "And I wanna be part of them."

"Oh, you plan to be promiscuous, huh? I'm sure that'll make Daddy proud."

Edward looked up at her and scowled. "It's not funny. Do you know how much it hurts me that I can't have you when we both want it? What the hell are we waiting for?"

She chuckled. He was so adorable when he was sexually frustrated, and as sexy as any man could be.

"We're waiting because we both know it's the right thing to do. You're not gonna die if you don't ejaculate around the clock."

His lips shook and he grimaced. "I might. It feels like I'm gonna die. I have to have you, Bella." He looked at her with those lost, pleading, animalistic eyes. "It's the reason I even breathe anymore—to be with you and someday be able to show you how much I love you with every part of me." His hands dropped to the floor. "Can't you see how it's killing me?"

She groaned and slid to the floor. "It's only a few more months. You're so strong, sweetie. I know we can do this the right way, and we can both finally be proud that we didn't take shortcuts. We followed the rules and we benefited from it."

"How?"

"Huh?" Her brows came together.

"Benefit, how? I don't see any damn benefit from waiting!" He flung his arms up in the air and his hands smacked down onto his thighs.

She swallowed a chuckle, it landed low in her belly. "Cursing regularly now? I need to watch what I say, because you're sounding too much like me."

"Don't change the subject." He gripped his knees. "And I always thought those words in my head but kept from saying them. Now that I'm allowed to be more _me_ around here, I'll talk as I please."

He cocked his head at her, waiting for her to explain.

"You want me to list benefits?"

"Yes." He adjusted himself, unashamed at his semi.

"Okay, how about this . . . In the future once we're married when we come here for every Thanksgiving and Christmas, your dad won't see me as the girl that trashed her son's innocence."

He rolled his eyes. "You need to come up with something better than that, because I know he wouldn't hold a grudge, and he'd be fine with it in time."

"How about—I never wanted to be married ever. So I need time to adjust to thinking about this. And even though I know I want to be with you forever too, I don't relish the idea of being married in high school."

His eyes dropped. "I embarrass you. That's what this is all about. You're okay with people at school thinking this is temporary, but if they know it's permanent, well, then you look like a fool." He bit his trembling lip and started rocking back and forth.

"No!" she said, scurrying toward him and flinging her arms around him. "I don't give a damn what anyone at school thinks. I hate all those morons!" She hissed a few stronger curse words and somehow balled herself up and found her way into his lap. She cupped his jaw. "It has nothing to do with what anybody thinks outside your family."

"You promise?" He blinked like he was forbidding tears from coming out.

"I promise you on your virginity, I'm not lying."

He grabbed her hand on his face and pushed it into his skin harder like he wanted to tattoo the impression of her palm into his skin. "I still need to know more benefits, because I'm sick of waiting. It's too painful."

She sighed, big and heavy, her chest rounding then concaving. "I didn't want to tell you this, but I've been thinking . . ." She glanced around the room. What if this made him lose it? What if he trashed Emmett's room? How would she contain him? "Don't freak out, hum some music while I tell you this . . ."

He obeyed immediately without asking why.

"I want to find your mom. I want her to be at our small wedding."

His expression was blank.

It was like he saw past her.

"Edward . . .?" She could tell he was breathing and his heart rate seemed normal.

"Shhh . . . Thinking," he said in a terse tone.

She tucked her head into him and played with his chest hairs.

"Okay, but we're gonna be late, and I know you hate that," she whispered.

"It's healthy to ditch now and again," he said woodenly.

This wasn't him.

_Stupid! You should've never brought _her _up. They never talk about their mom. At least not when they're all together. Way to go . . . He's about to go ballistic and it's your fault. Just sleep with the guy now and get it over with. You're too exhausted. You can't keep doing this . . ._

She inhaled deeply, taking in his scent that was stronger after he'd been sleeping.

His arms slowly wrapped around her and he began to rock them. Hums kept going, but she could tell he was crying.

"I'm sorry . . ." She cried too.

For him, for his family, his mom's absence and how much this was hurting him—all of it.

"Okay, we'll wait . . ." he said after a few moments of holding her tightly bound against him. "But I need you to kiss me every day like you mean it—like it's a kiss that's gonna last forever, just like us. And I have to feel it all the way down to my toes, because if I don't, I feel lost. And I don't like feeling that way."

"I can definitely do that, love."

He squeaked. "I can too, sweetie."

She stroked his stomach. "Are you taking my endearment from me?"

"Yeah; you've made a new one, and I think I like this one even better. I hope you'll use it around other people, because they need to know I'm your love."

She looked up at his consuming gaze, and it made her stomach twist, so she practiced right then, giving him a kiss that would douse him from head to toe in overwhelming feelings of pure bliss.

He put her on her back, simulated with their clothes on, what they'd be doing five seconds after they were married, because who needed a reception? Not them.

.

.

They showed up to school late that day, but Edward was unconcerned by it.

He was growing so much; able to adjust to his surroundings easier every day. The whole day went smoothly, and he was in a good mood.

That night at home, Alice was quiet as Dad cooked dinner. She sat at the counter and merely watched as Bella and Edward assisted him.

"Dad, we need to find Mom," Edward blurted while chopping carrots.

His dad swallowed and went rigid. "Why?"

"We want her to be at our wedding, the day after we graduate," Edward explained.

Now Bella was the one gulping and stiffening. They'd never discussed a date. The speed of his brain and how it worked was astounding; there was no objection really to the day after, but where did that come from?

She mused internally over how he probably calculated it down to the second when he could have her in his bed and they could both end their celibate misery.

She had been so close this morning to giving in . . . She certainly wanted to as much as he wanted her to, but it always felt wrong to dirty him like that. He was more than a gorgeous guy and an easy lay. He was everything wonderful and needed to be treated special.

"I have no idea where your mother is; it's not like she left a forwarding address," his dad said then went back to attending to the meal.

"We need to look for her," Edward insisted.

"You don't think I've tried?" his dad's voice shook. It was shocking to hear—he was always measured and in control. "I've hired private investigators and no one can find her. It's like she disappeared off the face of this planet."

"The planet doesn't have a face—not like the moon," Edward corrected.

His dad gave a hint of a smile.

"I think I know what you mean," Edward said and bit the corner of his lip to try to conceal his smirk.

Bella nudged him and grinned widely. "So cute!" she whispered and tweaked his nose.

"Can Bella and I try? Would that be all right?" Edward asked him.

"I honestly don't know why you would even want to," Alice mumbled. "Not after how it ended with her."

Edward stopped and turned to her. "Because it wasn't her fault."

"It was too!" Alice said, sitting up a little straighter, her eyes going black. Her white teeth flashed.

"How? She didn't know I was gonna go berserk. I'm sure she was scared of what I might do next. I don't blame her for leaving. I want to apologize and tell her she can be in our family, with me keeping a respectable distance."

"She's never gonna do it; it's not gonna work," Alice said, shaking her head in disbelief.

"Well, I can try!" Edward said.

His dad set a hand on his shoulder. "You can try—nobody's going to stop you. You have my blessing to invite her to any family functions you wish; just don't expect me to go anywhere near her. I don't want anything to do with her. Not anymore." There was a trace of heavy despair in his eyes, but he went back to finishing the meal like he was no worse off than when they first began.

Only his fist held the spoon much tighter than was needed, and his tendons stood out on his neck.

Bella looked away to give him a moment and to avoid prying.

"The whole family can ignore her if they want, but Bella and I want her there. Who knows if Bella's own mom will show up," Edward said.

Bella's heart sunk.

She hadn't thought of that. He was right. She might not have any friends or family there at all.

Depressing.

Suddenly, she'd rather just go to City Hall this weekend and have a Justice of the Peace do it. Less stressful.

.

.

"Edward, we've gotta go, you maniac," Emmett said, tugging on his shirt.

"Just one more minute . . ." Edward hunched over the computer. "I'm so _close_."

Edward was searching for his mom everywhere, and the Internet was working fast because nobody else in the house was on it.

"You've spent all this time listening to all their songs, and we're gonna miss it if you don't shut the laptop off," Bella said. She stepped behind him and stroked his hair while leaning her hips into his shoulders.

"You can both go get in my car. I'll be right out. I promise," Edward said, his eyes straining. They hurt from looking at the screen so long.

"Promise?" Bella kissed his cheek.

"Promise. Thirty seconds and I'll be there." He waved them off without looking.

He heard their footsteps retreating.

"Get your ass down here, Masen!" Emmett called and chuckled.

_Masen?_

_That's it! _He jumped in his seat. _She probably changed her name back to his biological father's. Or maybe her maiden name._

He closed the laptop, kissed the lid and bounced like a bubble about to burst as he slid down the banister.

His mind was swirling, but not with numbers. They were absent.

He hummed one of Bella's favorite Pearl Jam tunes and ran out to join them.

Alice was right outside the door, talking on her cell.

She acknowledged him with a curt nod and ended her conversation.

He took her hand and walked her to his car.

"Wanna drive?" he asked her.

"Why? So you can make out in the backseat? No thanks," she said.

He chuckled and tried something new—he shoved her playfully like Emmett and Bella sometimes did. His hands were careful not use more than fifteen percent of his strength and power.

She stopped. "Why'd you do that?" she said in a shrill, tight voice.

"I was playing with you—you know, like we have fun together because we like each other?" He grinned like a dope.

"Whatever that's supposed to mean. I like you fine, but you don't have to get physical with me." She straightened her sleeve on her shirt.

He shoved her again. "Come on, Alice, play with me." He hopped around her, prancing from foot to foot and fluffing up her hair, twisting her shirt and sticking his tongue at her as he'd lean in. "Try to get me!" He pushed her with one hand. "Tag, you're it!" he howled and took off running around the car.

Bella and Emmett pasted themselves up against the Volvo and watched wide-eyed as Alice tore after him.

"We don't have time for this," she whined, but smiled and swung after him as her legs carried him faster.

He ducked and swerved away, instincts like a jungle cat.

"You can't get me!" he taunted.

Suddenly, she jumped and knocked him down. She smacked him and laughed. "You're such a jerk, you know that?"

"But a cute jerk. That's what Bella says."

Alice removed herself from him and stuck her tongue at him. "You drive, cute jerk."

"What if I don't want to?" He tossed the keys to Emmett.

"Awww, man, no!" Emmett groaned. "I'm not gonna listen to you two smacking lips in the back while I act like a goddamn chauffeur."

"That's what I said," Alice chimed in.

"I'll drive," Bella said, snatching the keys out of Emmett's palm.

"No! Bella, I . . . No!" Edward said and gripped the hem of her shirt. He bent over and whispered in her ear, "I had plans for us in the back."

"I'm sure you did." She smirked, stepped away from him and unlocked the doors with the fob.

His siblings got in the back and Bella opened the passenger's door for Edward and helped him in like he usually did for her.

He wore a glum expression, and his eyes zeroed right in on her breasts. She had some kind of frosty bra with anti-gravity properties because they were really high and round; plus her nipples were trying to poke through it. He wanted to feel it, in the shadows in the back. At the concert, there'd be too many people around.

"Can't handle a little role reversal?" She waved around inside the car in a grand gesture.

"I don't like this. This night was supposed to be about fun."

"It _is_ fun. I'm enjoying myself a ton," she said. She kissed his cheek, patted the side of his leg and gave him a little shove.

He slipped inside the car and crossed his arms over his chest as he sunk down into the seat.

She shut the car door.

"Quit pouting. It's unattractive," Alice said. She pushed his shoulder.

"I thought you didn't want to play like that?" Emmett said.

"Nuh!" she said, poking her tongue out at him now.

A second later, and they were both play-slapping each other's hands like a girly fighter would.

"You suck," Alice said, giggling and continuing to flail her hands in Emmett's direction.

"Nobody sucks worse than you! I bet you don't even know which concert we're going to." Emmett's laugh reverberated around the car.

Bella got in, snorted and broke into gut busting laughs as she backed out.

Alice had Emmett in a head-lock and was spitting in his ear.

"Gross! Stop, stop!" Emmett howled and his laugh went hoarse.

Alice cackled. "Say I don't suck! Say I'm Queen Alice of the rock world!" She spit again.

"Okay, okay! You're Queen Alice of the rock world." She let go, he sat up and added, "The lame end of the rock world."

She jutted her foot out and started pressing into his stomach as he jammed his self up against the car door and laughed some more.

Bella drove safe, considering there were lunatic hyenas in the backseat.

Edward smiled and brushed his fingers up and down Bella's arm, dreamed about kissing her and touching her where he wanted.

She looked over at him, her eyes bright and she stifled her laughter over his family's antics.

It was a half hour drive, and Emmett and Alice were giddy the entire time.

When they got there, Emmett took off, running inside the concert arena without them. He told them he'd meet them at the car when the concert was over.

Unfortunately, Alice remained at Edward's side and was no longer being silly.

She seemed on edge, walking with a sharpness to her steps.

Her eyes roamed around like she was going to shoot anybody that came near.

"Where are we sitting again?" Alice asked.

"We're on the green in the back. There's no assigned seating. We could've brought a blanket to sit on, but most people wind up standing, singing along and dancing." Bella moved ahead at a faster pace, leading the way to the venue.

"Oh, great. That's the hobo junction section, filled with winos and potheads," Alice complained.

Edward pointed to his fake smile. "Fun? _Remember_?"

"Yeah, whatever." Alice's tiny legs kept up with their frantic pace.

"God, I haven't seen them perform in forever. I can't wait!" Bella said, pulling on his arm as she almost ran.

They got in line and once inside, Bella knew exactly where to go.

Edward beamed at her. She was so happy. Seeing her this way made his stomach feel like birds were flapping around inside it and trying to fly away. His chest was light and his feet were hopping to keep at her side.

"I love being here," he told her.

She kept moving at a brisk speed but looked over her shoulder and grinned. "I'm glad you're here with me. And thanks again for paying for the tickets."

He leaned in and kissed her quick.

A few minutes later and they were at the back of the Cricket Pavillion.

"Oh, Jesus, no. We're on a grassy knoll? Are you kidding me? We paid a hundred bucks a head for this?" Alice dragged her phone out of her pocket and called somebody.

"Spoil sport," Edward said, then clung to Bella, his arms wrapped around her with his head glued to her chest. He wanted to lick her neck, she smelled so good.

Bella made a face with her teeth tight together. It was kind of smile, but more like an _I wanna bite you, you're so cute!_ grin. She swung them back and forth. "I love you!" she said in a funny growl.

"I do too. And if any boy tries to touch you, I might dump them in the garbage," he said.

She chuckled, fisted his hair, rubbed her forehead on his, sighed like she was too happy to breathe and let go.

"All I know is, we're gonna dance our asses off, scream 'til our voices are gone and get sweaty. That's what it's all about." Bella peered around Edward and looked over at Alice. She whispered in his ear, "And maybe make out some. Concerts get my juices going." She kissed his shoulder.

His eyes went wide. "We need to go to more concerts," he squeaked.

They made out when they could but it was never enough. If he could just get rid of Alice . . .

Bella found them a spot to sit while the concert arena filled with people pouring in.

Twenty minutes later, after sitting and snuggling with Bella, kissing her neck absentmindedly and ignoring the pointed looks Alice gave them, the lights dimmed and the crowd erupted into deafening cheers.

The opening act was announced, and Bella whistled with two fingers in her mouth so loud he almost had to cover his ears.

She did it several times and jumped up and down.

The stage lights went on and some band he'd never heard of began playing so loudly he could barely hear Bella when she told him she loved this band.

She thanked him for taking them here several times as song after song played.

Finally, the band left the stage and Bella said, "I'm thirsty from all this yelling. You want me to get you something?"

"A soda?" he mouthed the words and made sure Alice didn't see.

Bella smirked and started to leave him.

His heart almost jumped out of his chest. He was surrounded by strangers, and he did _not_ want to hold Alice's hand right now. He thought people might think it was weird after he'd been kissing and hugging Bella so much for him to shift and hold hands with some other girl. They wouldn't know it was his sister.

_Oh_ . . .

This was why she and Emmett didn't like holding hands with him in public and merely tolerated it.

He did that.

_He_ did. Nobody else.

It wasn't normal. Adults didn't do that. He got it now.

He tripped as he raced after Bella.

She turned a little, smiled and reached out her hand. He took it.

"I wanna go too," he said.

She placed her free hand on his forehead and brushed his sweaty bangs back. "I would've missed you if you didn't."

He turned to see Alice looking miserable and all alone.

"Should I invite Alice to come too?" he asked.

"Nah. She's a big girl. Maybe she'll meet somebody." Bella walked away with his hand in hers, making him leave too.

They ordered two sodas at the concession stand in the back. The place stunk of beer. It made him want to plug his nose, but instead he tucked his nose into her hair that smelled much better.

She ordered two large sodas.

He eyed the cups. They were Styrofoam so Alice couldn't see through the cup and know what they had.

"Dr. Pepper," he peeped at the last moment.

He never drank anything with caffeine. It was time he broke two rules. He giggled as he buried his face back into her hair.

She reached up and patted his cheek, then paid. She'd told him ahead of time she'd be buying anything and everything they wanted once inside the concert arena so he was to come without any cash at all since he paid for the tickets.

He agreed and then groped her unabashed in her bedroom when nobody was around.

Edward's stomach already felt all bubbly inside like it was filled with soda, and his heart thudded as they stepped away and she handed it to him, smiling wide.

"Drink as much of it as you can now before your watchdog sister figures it out," she said.

He nodded, jammed in his straw she handed him, and then gulped down in long pulls.

She stood and watched him, ignoring her drink.

"_Good_?"

He nodded and held his cup with both hands, curling around it and taking a few more frenzied swallows.

"So good," he said between breaths. "It's my favorite."

"I can tell." She chuckled and motioned for him to follow her back.

They walked slowly, until Pearl Jam was announced, the lights went out completely and the stage lit back up.

She started hooting and running. He gripped the back of her shirt and raced after her.

When they got back to their spot, Alice glared.

"What is _that_?" she hollered, pointing to his half empty gargantuan cup.

"A drink," he said, loud enough she could hear.

She rushed right over to him, peeked in through the semi-clear lid and her jaw clamped down, her cheeks rounded and her eyes crinkled at the corners. "I don't think so!"

She snatched it out of his hands, walked right over to the trash can a few steps away and tossed it inside.

"Bella . . . She took it," he whispered, his face dropping.

Bella was at his side. "You can share mine. Just don't let her see." She got on her toes and kissed his ear.

"Okay. But I liked having my own." He hugged her.

Alice rejoined them and asked if they'd seen Emmett. They said they hadn't.

Bella's eyes got a little glassy as she began singing and shaking around to the music, her head nodding along.

Edward took her drink, set it down and got behind her, wrapping his arms around her waist.

They sang together at the top of their lungs.

On the next song, she suddenly turned in his arms and her tongue was in his mouth. She was gripping at the back of his neck, bumping her hips into him.

She pulled him into a thicker section of the crowd, escaping Alice.

His feet moved like they were encased in lead, but he was careful to not trip and fall into her, since he was walking without looking, his lips surrounding hers.

It was hot in the center of this mass of bodies, but he didn't care. Bella's hands were up his shirt, almost clawing at his chest.

It hurt a little, but it made his penis really hard, so he let her do it. The pain was so good. The suffering was wonderful.

She nipped at his neck, panted and even undid the top button on his jeans. A few times he thought she was going to shove her hands down his pants. He questioned himself on whether or not he'd stop her.

It seemed like most of these people were half-drunk and strictly paying attention to the band. They wouldn't notice if Superman landed in front of them.

"God, you're so hot," she groaned and actually pinched one of his nipples.

His body jerked back in response and she nearly jumped on him, but he knocked into somebody behind him.

When he turned around to apologize he was staring at a woman's behind.

She was on a big guy's shoulders, and the hair and clothes of the guy looked familiar.

The blonde woman on his shoulders looked very curvy, so she had to be kind of heavy to hold up there.

"Love this song!" the man shouted.

That's when Edward realized who it was.

He tapped him on the shoulder. "Emmett?"

He turned and smirked. "Hey, man, having fun?"

"Yeah. But who's that?" Edward pointed to woman on top of him.

He shrugged a little. "I have no idea. She's hot though, right?" His eyebrows bounced up and down. The blonde wiggled her seat and it made Emmett smile wider.

Edward stepped back and made a face.

Why would his brother put some strange woman up _there_?

Then he looked at them together. Her private parts were right by his face. He wanted that—with Bella.

He marched over to her, hoisted her up on his shoulders and when she yelped, he bit her right, inner thigh.

She squirmed, but he refused to put her down.

A moment later, she settled, kind of swayed around up there and sang even louder to the music. She pounded her fist to the music and he enjoyed the scent of her womanhood overtaking his senses.

Several times he brushed his lips across the inseam of her tight jeans. Once he even tugged lightly at it with his teeth.

She's tapped his head, signaling she knew he was being naughty.

His hands roamed up and down her legs, and he no longer cared they were in public.

She was _his_. All his, and he was going to touch her all he liked.

He reached around and fondled her backside.

When she tapped his head this time, he jumped, to make her pop off him for a second and make her tush land hard on his shoulders.

She laughed, so he did it again.

The song ended, and a really loud one blared right away.

Edward shouted right along with Bella, and halfway in, he spotted Alice, huddled in a corner, crying on her phone.

He quickly set Bella down and elbowed his way through the crowd to get to his sister.

"No . . . He took off. I don't know where he is!" Alice grabbed at her hair. "I have no idea. And, no, she's not watching him at all. She gave him a soda, Dad!"

Edward stopped in front of her. She saw his shoes and looked up.

"There you are!" She scrambled to her feet and wrangled him into a strangling hug. "He just found me," she said into her phone and hung up.

"It's not like I was lost," he said and pried her hands off him. He stood back and waited for her to calm down.

She swiped her tears away and glared. "You ditched me!"

"I did not. We're all having fun. We can move around and be in a different area if we want to. And I wanted to be alone with Bella a little bit. You don't have to watch us every second, you know." He stepped closer so nobody else would hear. A soft hand touched his back and he knew it was Bella. "I'm a grownup."

"What's that supposed to mean—that you don't need my help anymore?" Her lips quivered and her chin twitched.

"Now you're understanding. I'm a lot better now. I don't want you around all the time."

"Fine. I'll call Dad and have him pick me up, since this hack band is doing nothing but giving me a headache!" Alice looked straight at Bella and her smile was scary, making Edward place Bella behind him so she was hidden from his sister's sight.

They watched Alice go, and once she was out of sight, Bella took him over to a less populated area, sat down with him and they held hands, both too exhausted to celebrate the music anymore.

That's what Alice did to them.

_I guess this makes us even. I embarrassed her in public for years, now she's done it to me._

He dropped his head into Bella's lap and rested his eyes.

Next time he would _not_ buy Alice a ticket, and things would start out great like they did tonight, and end even better than it started.

**A/N:**

**This actually happened to me at a Pearl Jam concert I went to with my husband many, many years ago. His little sister disappeared, and we found her later on top of some dude's shoulders. When we asked her who the guys was, she didn't have a clue. And yes, my libido rages at rock concerts, so I channeled my inner concert slut into Bella. There's something about a bunch of sweaty gyrating people, that gets the juices going. *shrugs***

**Thank you to my beta and pre-readers. I sent this to them yesterday, and Sunflower Fran's so awesome, she had it back to me within a few hours. Wow! They rock even more than Pearl Jam—my husband's favorite band. You don't wanna know what kind of crazy concerts I went to before he started bringing me to ones like this…**

**Scarlett**


	27. Chapter 27

**Chapter 25: Flames**

"Edward, I need to talk to you," Dad said when they got back from the concert.

"Alice is the one," Edward said right away, pointing in the direction of her room since she wasn't around.

"I don't care about that," he answered. He took Edward's hand and left Bella standing in the hallway.

They headed toward his office, and before Edward stepped inside, he looked behind to see Bella's guilty eyes. He waved at her with a sad smile.

She waved back, and then he stepped inside then shut the door behind him.

"I have a few questions," Dad began.

Edward took a seat at the lounger by the window.

Dad usually sat at his desk when he lectured him about stuff, but this time he sat on the edge of the cushion by Edward's legs.

"First, I want to say, Bella really needs to take that ring off. You didn't give it to her, and it's . . ." he turned his head a little and looked at the door, then his voice went down a little in volume ". . . disconcerting."

"It's stuck. We've tried a few times to get it off." Okay, so he was off by a time or two. They only tried once, and Edward begged her to keep it on, because he really liked the way it looked on her finger. She'd smiled, kissed him and left it alone.

"Well, I'll cut it off for her then," Dad offered.

"No! It was her mom's wedding ring. We can't hurt it." Edward wheezed a little, his voice rough from all the singing and screaming at the concert.

"I'll discuss it with her then. I hoped you could talk to her about it, but it's fine. I'll take care of it." Dad looked down at the floor. "The other thing I want to talk to you about is why you were sleeping in the hallway last night. Alice reported it to me this morning. Did Bella ask you to do that?" His icy blues were hiding something.

"Why would she do that?" Edward coughed and cleared his throat. He really needed some water. He got up and walked over to his dad's desk and grabbed his mug sitting there. Before his dad could yell at him that it was coffee and not to drink it, Edward had already taken two big swallows.

"Never do that!" his dad said sternly, though his voice was at a normal level. "Always ask before you drink something of mine. You know that, Son."

"Sorry, I was thirsty, and you want to talk when I just want to get in bed with Bella and go to sleep." Edward's hands flew to his mouth and covered them as his eyes went wide.

_Why did I say that?_

"That's what I thought. She did ask you to get in bed with her while we're all sleeping . . ." Dad stared straight at him.

"No . . . No! I want to sleep with her, and I've broken into her room before and slept next to her, not _with_ her—there's no sex. She won't allow it like I've told you before. She told me to leave once she woke up, but I don't want to, so I'm gonna sleep as close to her as I can get. It means I'll sleep in the hallway in front of her door."

"This is nonsense, Edward!" His dad clucked his tongue and looked away like he was disappointed in his son.

"It's not nonsense. Now that's she's here, I need to be touching her while I sleep. I've been having trouble sleeping, and I worry I'll have nightmares or the numbers will come back. It makes it hard to breathe, and I get sweaty. It's bad, Dad. I need to be with her. Please, can I? Don't say no. Say yes, and be good about it." Edward reached out and took his dad's hand in his.

Dad patted the top of Edward's hand with his other one.

"I can't allow that, and I think you know why . . ."

"Fine . . ."

"_Fine_?" Dad's brows rose. "How are you being so calm about this?"

"Because, it means I'll have to talk Bella into marrying me sooner, and we just won't have a honeymoon provided by you." Edward's lips twitched into a slight smile.

"Why are you doing this to me?" Dad frowned. "Why? I don't get why you're doing this."

"How bad did it hurt you when Mom left?"

"That has nothing to do with this and your current manipulative tendencies," Dad replied.

"It's similar." Edward squeezed his hand. "Remember how empty your bed felt? How it was harder at night to let your mind rest and your body do the same? That's how I feel. I know I should've never gotten in her bed in the first place, because I can't stand to be without it now, but I did. Even if I hadn't though, I think my heart would still hurt for her to be near me. I give you my word—I'll wait until Bella and I marry before having sex with her."

Dad's mouth was open and he acted like he wanted to say something, but he pointed with his other hand instead and his eyes scrunched.

"I'll follow whatever rules you set," Edward said, his eyes pleading.

"I want that door left open, and expect me to check on you both randomly whenever I want in the middle of the night." His finger wavered a little but then straightened out.

"We can do all of that." Edward fought to keep the smile away.

"You keep your shirt on. Alice said you were half naked. That's asking for trouble. In fact, both of you will keep all your clothes on whenever you're _sleeping_. I expect you to leave her room the minute it's time to get up and get ready for school."

"Uh, can I make another request?" Edward squeaked.

"What? Now you want to bathe with her?"

Edward's cheeks heated. "No, um, I was thinking my bed's bigger than hers. Can she sleep in my room? And I'm more comfortable in there, so it seems the better choice."

"Fine," Dad huffed. "She's not moving in though. Her stuff stays in Emmett's room. And I'm not even sure I want you telling Alice or Emmett about this. Then they'll think they can have their love interests in their room all night too."

"Won't they figure it out when my door's open and Bella's in there with me?" Edward sat up a little straighter. He had a warm, happy feeling in his chest. Thoughts of how Bella would react when he told her the good news about Dad giving them permission, flitted through his mind.

"This is how it's gonna be with her here from now on, isn't it? Everything's so complicated . . . Forget it."

"No! It's fine. We won't say anything," Edward said, squirming.

"I mean forget about hiding it. I'll explain to them. Maybe they'll surprise me and be mature about it."

Edward pulled a distasteful face. Alice? Mature? That seemed a silly thing to say.

"What else did you want to ask me about?"

"How's school going? Alice is worried," Dad said.

"It's good. Real good. I had to go to the office—it was a misunderstanding, but we worked it out."

Dad's expression was unreadable.

"Why is this the first time I'm hearing of this?" Dad's lips pressed tight together.

"Because it was small, and I didn't need help with it from you." Edward's chest tightened. Was he in trouble?

"I want you to share anything significant, even the small things. How can I be there for you and help you if I don't know what's going on until there's a big explosion? I care about the things that happen to you. All of them. Please communicate with me, and I'll try to listen better." Dad's eyes softened.

"Am I busted for being sent to the principal?"

"No. I'm actually relieved to hear you handled it yourself. I'm proud of you. You really have grown a lot. I don't know if it's something you're purposefully doing on your own, or if Dr. Harkham's right and it's due to Bella's influence on you." Dad smiled.

"It's Bella. It's all her. She's so beautiful all over—on the inside too—I want to make her happy. I want to be a man in every way so I'm good for her."

"She's lucky to have a man like you interested in her," Dad said. He gripped Edward's shoulder with his free hand and gently squeezed then took his hand back, rested it at his side.

"Nope. I'm the lucky one—I'm the one that found the bravest, strongest woman in the world. She's faced such awful stuff, and she's gotten through all of it. I like hearing about her life. It makes me glad I have a loving family. I want to see her happy all the time to make up for all the sad times she had in her life."

Dad sighed. "Okay; I think it's late. Thank you for your honesty. It's good to know you'll trust me enough to ask for what you want, even if you think I'll say no." Dad paused and looked deep into Edward's eyes. "You did think I'd say no, right? About this sleeping arrangements?"

Edward nodded. "She said there was no way you'd say yes, and she agreed with you. She wants to follow all your house rules and earn your respect."

Dad let go of Edward's hand and stood up. "She's certainly getting there."

"I think so too, and I'd like to tell her that if it's okay with you? I don't keep secrets from her if possible." He stepped toward the door and Dad walked next to him.

"You can tell her anything you like." Dad patted his back, opened the door and let him out.

He stayed in his office and shut himself inside.

Edward ran through the house, took the stairs two at a time.

Bella's door was locked. He pounded on it.

She opened the door and looked half-dead.

"Come with me," he said, taking her hand and tugging her behind him.

"Wha . . . I'm tired. I was in bed; ready to go ta sleep," she said, her voice like sandpaper.

"You are. You're sleeping in my bedroom with me. Dad said we could. The rules are: we leave the door open, he can check on us whenever he wants, we keep clothes on and behave. Got it?" He smiled so big his teeth hurt.

"No way!" she whispered.

"I'm not lying." She must have been tired. He picked her up and threw her over his shoulder.

She gasped, but before she could say anything, he'd jogged them into his room, tossed her on the bed.

The door remained open.

"Dad didn't say anything about me getting undressed and into my pajamas in front of you though." He ripped his shirt off and started to strip the rest of the way.

Bella got in his bed, pulled the covers up so it was over half of her face, but her eyes were open real big and directly on him.

He was slow, because his skin tingled wherever he found her eyes. If she looked at his chest, it goose bumped. If she stared at his legs, they prickled and the hairs were on end.

There was no way to explain how sore he got when she looked at the lump tucked into his underwear.

Once he was dressed, he climbed into bed.

He lay on the pillow and stared at her with his top arm draped over her waist.

"He didn't say I couldn't touch you," he whispered.

She giggled. "I think that falls under the 'behave' rule."

His fingers crept under the waistband of her loose sleep shorts. He danced the tips along the edge of her underwear. "I really like those little white panties you wear, Bella. I think a lot about having them balled up in my hand whenever I want them there."

She closed her eyes and her mouth snapped shut. Her breathing out of her nose was loud.

"What do you think about with me—for when we're married, I mean."

Her eyes opened. "You mean you want me to share a fantasy of mine?"

He smiled. "Mmhmm," he hummed.

"If I share with you my dirty thoughts, which I'm sure your family wouldn't find just deviant, but downright damnable, you'd be scared. They're not normal, the things I want to do. I'll follow your lead once we're married." Her body jerked a bit as his fingers continued to sample the little panties she wore.

"Tell me. I want to hear it. No matter how bad you think it is, I'll like it, because I like everything about you, even the things you think I won't." He pulled a little on the stretchy cotton fabric.

She swallowed and her eyes grew heavy.

"I don't know . . . I guess I think a lot about having my mouth on you. Some girls don't like that, and I didn't before, but with _you_ . . . I don't know. I really wanna give you head. I think about how your gorgeous face would look when I suck you off." She waited for his reaction.

"Wow . . . I . . . That sounds better than dirty. That sounds like something I want right now." He took his hand out of her pants and adjusted himself.

It was stiffer than he thought possible.

"And what else? I want to know more," he urged.

She placed her hand on his cheek and left it there. "Go to sleep, love. It's late. We need to prove to your dad we can handle this."

.

.

Bella woke up in Edward's bed, feeling completely rested for once.

It had nothing to do with the cushy mattress, but everything to do with Edward.

His presence was so comforting, she never worried about having nightmares.

She'd be indebted to Carlisle 'til the day she died for him giving her that one gratifying night of rest.

The curtains were pushed open and his room was really bright.

She glanced around and got a really good look at it.

He had rows of bookshelves on his walls stacked with tons of science and math textbooks and a few music books as well.

Had he read all these? Her mouth hung open when she saw the small stack of books on his bedside table—all about how to have sex, make a woman orgasm more than once, how to find her G-spot, and even one on the art of oral.

Was he studying these?

"Knock, knock," Alice's voice came through hallway, followed up by an actual rap at his door that was supposed to remain opened.

Had he closed it to give Bella some privacy or some quiet as she continued to sleep?

Where was he?

She grabbed his books next to her, leaned over and shoved them under his bed.

"Come in," she said, sitting up and straightening herself up.

Alice poked her head in with a look of relief that Edward was gone and Bella was dressed.

"Morning," Alice said, chipper.

"Yeah, morning," Bella said, rubbing her eyes then running her hands through her hair.

"Sleep okay?"

"You don't really expect me to answer that, do you?" Bella gave her a look saying she needed to back off.

"Sorry . . . No, I guess I don't. That was rude, but I wanted to talk to you real quick before Edward finishes showering and gets back in here. He's always with you, so I never get to talk to you alone, and since we don't text or email each other anymore . . ." Alice drifted off. She stepped further into the room and stood at the foot of the bed. "Do you love him?"

"Yeah, Alice, I do. I can't say I've ever knew what love really was until I met him."

"I . . ." Alice looked troubled, shifting her eyes away. "Did you know he couldn't take chemistry because he can't be near a Bunsen burner? Open flames and Edward . . . Well, yeah . . . He likes to burn stuff," Alice rambled.

"No, I didn't know. I mean, I knew he was kind of a pyro, but I—"

"Yeah, he really doesn't belong in biology with you, but physics is so beneath him, it was really his only option. He got in trouble at our last school because he knew more than the teacher did about physics and he kept correcting her. She got irate and sent home a lot of nasty letters about him." Alice looked up at the row of physics books on the wall next to her.

"Calculus is a joke for him too. He's too smart for that class. This whole education he's putting himself through is ridiculous."

"What do you want, Alice, really? Why are you in here telling me all this?"

Alice continued as if the question hadn't been asked, "He's so talented it's downright sickening. He's ambidextrous, you know?" She nodded as if having a conversation with herself. "It's one of the reasons he's so amazing at baseball. He can bat and throw almost flawlessly with both hands. Pitchers hate him because they don't know until he comes up to bat which hand he's gonna use."

"Is there a point to all this?" Bella grabbed the pillow behind her and shoved it in her lap. She needed something to grab onto and dig her fingers into. Alice was making her insides near ready to explode.

Alice's gaze flicked over to Bella, and there was this viciousness about her look, making Bella scoot back a little on the bed.

"You're not good enough for him. And I'm not even talking about all the mistakes you've made. Even if you'd lived a church-girl life—you'd still pale in comparison to him. He's like an angel, and there's no way anybody other than me is ever going to get that. Mom didn't, Dad and Emmett don't. So stop jerking him around. Leave already—stop pretending you plan to be in his future."

"I already told you I love him, and I've been there for him. What do I have to do to prove to you he means the world to me, and I'll do anything I can to protect him and help him continue to grow?"

Alice growled low in her chest. Her teeth were bared. "Stop it! Walk away! You might be helping him now, but what about a year from now? Two? This can't last. You're giving him sugar, you're—"

"Alice?" Edward asked, stepping into the room fully clothed for school; hair wet and tousled.

"I was just chatting. I never get to talk to Bella anymore." Alice shifted from one foot to the other and gave a small smile.

"Well, she lives here now, so you can talk to her more. Just don't do it in my room. I don't want anybody in my room anymore other than Bella." Edward stepped away from the door and stood still, watching Alice like he was waiting for her leave immediately.

Alice squared her shoulders, gave half a wave to Bella and left.

Once she was gone, he asked, "What did she say?"

"Not much. She still doesn't like me," Bella said.

"Some people are blind, and they miss out on great people like you. I'll never do that." He smiled and sat on the bed next to her. She tucked into his side automatically.

"I guess one of three people in your family being okay with me, is decent odds." She nuzzled her head into his bicep. He smelled unearthly: oak, light musk, and something so Edward that was completely edible.

Her mouth watered.

"Two of four," he corrected her. "And I think Dad's on your side now, so it's probably three out of four."

She waited for him to tell her more statistics, but he stroked her hair and kept quiet.

This reflective, tender Edward was her favorite. She felt safer than ever when he was like this.

She wrapped her arms around his ribs and hugged him tight.

"I love you."

"I love you, too." He sighed.

"She wants me to leave, but I won't."

"Good, because I'd cry and chase after you."

"Okay." She sniffed back the tears as her heart swelled with so many feelings for him. "Breakfast?"

"Shower first, I think," he said.

"Not happening. I want to smell like you all day." She placed a peck on his chest, rolled over him, out of the bed and waited for him to join her so they could walk downstairs and eat something.

He kept his arm around her all morning, intuitively.

And she needed it.

.

.

Halloween was next week. Bella wanted to dress as a weeping angel. Edward wanted to know what that was, so without telling her, he went to retrieve her DVDs of Torchwood and Dr. Who from her mom's place.

He couldn't wait to surprise Bella with them.

_Rap, rap, rap, rap . . ._

He hovered in the doorway, hoping to shake Rene's hand right away to prove he was there for friendly reasons.

The door opened, and he grabbed her hand right away. "Ma'am, I am here for cordial reasons, nothing negative." He shook it heartily.

She groaned. "Is this a joke? Did Bella send you here to mock me?"

"No. She'd never do that."

"Oh, yeah? Because she hates me and never wants to see me again?"

He let go of her hand and took a step back. His tongue felt twisted. "Uh . . . No, she doesn't talk about you at all. But I think once she's done with her time-out with you," he shook his head, that sounded wrong, "I mean, when she's had some time to feel better about you, she'll probably want to see you again. Like maybe at the wedding?" His voice lifted at the end of his sentence.

Why was he here again, facing her? He'd never talked to her mom one-on-one like this, and she was kind of scary with the way she looked at him like she wanted to destroy him.

_Get the DVDs! Do it now before you say something wrong and make her mad!_

"Uh, sorry, but I . . . Uh, ma'am, Bella left her DVDs of Torchwood and Dr. Who. I came to get them for her."

"Ugh! Not those stupid shows again. I figured you were here to get her bike." She rolled her eyes.

"_Bike_?" He had no idea what she was talking about. Did Bella have a motorcycle?

"I forgot about those stupid geeky shows of hers. Come get 'em," she said, stepping aside and waving him in.

She left him alone to fend for himself.

Fortunately, he remembered seeing where she put the DVDs when he had watched one of the shows with her when he'd only known her for a few short days.

He found them quickly, but there were more than he'd remembered.

Without asking, since he was unaware of where Rene had gone, he went into the kitchen and found a plastic grocery bag.

He walked as quietly as he could, snapped up all her shows and plunked them in the bag.

Before leaving, he called out, "Thank you, my future mother-in-law. I hope you'll like me some day. I'm a nice guy, and I'm good to Bella. Thanks for letting me in. Bye now!"

He opened the door, manipulated the handle on the door to lock it so she'd be safe in her home and he left.

On the drive home, there was so much music in his head he was singing as loud as he could.

This was going to be fun!

He parked as swiftly as he could, his hands shaking with joy.

As soon as he got inside, into the kitchen where Emmett and Bella were, he wore a lopsided smile and pushed his dangling bangs out of his eyes.

Emmett saw him and grinned.

"How'd it go?" Emmett asked.

"How did what go?" Bella asked, her brow slanted.

Edward looked at him with a little bit of apprehension and ignored her question. "Treacherous . . ."

"Why do I feel like you're talking about your anatomy again?" Emmett laughed. "The words you use . . ." He smirked and dropped his head, shaking it a little.

"You could talk this way too, if you wanted," Edward said. He grabbed a drink of water and chugged it down.

"I wish." Emmett looked at Bella and leaned against the counter. "You should hear him and Dad go off. When they start talking about medical and science stuff, I have no idea what they're talking about."

"I'd love to see that," Bella said. She stepped up to Edward, kissed his cheek then rubbed it away with the pad of her thumb. As he took another sip of his drink, she nudged him with her shoulder and snickered as a little bit of it sloshed out and dripped down his chin and neck.

"You know what we're talking about." Edward rolled his eyes at his brother. "You're smart."

"Yeah, that's why I had to repeat my senior year and be in the same grade as you and the nugget." Emmett tensed up, his forearms flexing.

"That's not why," Edward said. He set his drink down. "You get distracted; that's all." He half-shrugged.

"Yeah, by anything wearing a skirt." Emmett snorted, went to the pantry and grabbed a bag of pretzels then started munching.

"Men wear skirts too. They're called kilts," Edward said, staring at him like he already knew this everyday fact.

"Well, thank God kilts are not the normal every day wear at school for dudes. The day one of them shows up in one, sounds like you'll have to chain me to my desk to keep me away." Emmett popped a handful of snacks into his mouth while he fought off a huge smile.

Bella busted out laughing.

"Oh, before I forget," Edward said. He went and grabbed the plastic grocery bag he'd left by the door. The bag made a crinkly noise as he handed it to Bella with a huge grin plastered on his face.

"You really got them? You mean she hadn't burned them or urinated on them?" Bella's eyes glowed with pleasure as she pulled out her Dr. Who and Torchwood DVDs.

"_Urinated_?" Emmett guffawed. "You've been hanging out with him way too much. You sound like a doctor."

Bella smirked. "Well, I'd rather _that_ be the case than Edward sounding like me. He's already cussing way more than he used to."

"No way!" Emmett smacked his leg. "Show me, big brother. Use a few nasty words."

"No." Edward's face heated and his heart rate picked up. "Dad's rules—no profanities."

"Ah, c'mon!" Emmett whined. "He's not here; he's still at work. And Alice is gone too. It's just the three of us."

"I have no reason to say bad words right now," Edward said. He turned to the fridge and rummaged for a snack.

"I had a donut today," Emmett said.

Edward's head popped up and he closed the fridge. "You did?" His voice shook and his fingers flexed then fisted.

"Yeah. A Boston cream, and I swear they put more cream in it than usual. That was my breakfast. For lunch I had a slice of chocolate cake and a Dr. Pepper." Emmett rubbed his tummy. "I wish I could've shared it with you, but, you know, you're not allowed since sugar makes you insane."

"It does not!" Edward's volume escalated. He stood to his full height now and his chest puffed out.

"Does too. Alice says—"

"I don't give a damn what Alice says! And why the hell wouldn't you save me some of your cake? With all the shit I do for you; helping you with your homework, tutoring you!" Edward glared.

Emmett's lips twitched, then he busted into a roaring laugh. "That was awesome!"

"Emmett, give him a break. Don't provoke him. He's not really proud of it," she said, grabbing Edward's hand and tucking it into her side like he used to do.

"You did that on _purpose_?" Edward's arms shook and his eyes were green fire.

"Yeah; I didn't have any sugar at all today. Bella's teaching me to eat healthier so I can lose some weight. I want more definition in my abs. Rose has an amazing bod! She deserves to like what she sees too when we're both—"

"We don't want to hear it," Edward said, ripping his hand out of Bella's and covering his ears. Ever since Emmett met that blonde woman, Rose, at that Pearl Jam concert, all his brother did was talk about how hot his new girlfriend was.

"Fine. See if I give you any more sex books to read." Emmett put the pretzels away. He looked at Bella. "I guess that wasn't the smartest snack, huh?"

"Not really, but it's okay. We all have setbacks." She smiled. "I probably should've stopped you from riling him up like that, but I like watching your family interact. I've noticed how Edward talks in more simple terms when he's upset, or he's dealing with too many overwhelming emotions. It's like his innocence and inexperience with life comes through. But when he's at home, he's so comfortable, he's well-spoken. He comes across sounding like a lawyer or a polished politician. I love it!"

Edward's chest felt like it was caving in. He still struggled with how Bella was good friends with his brother. And he didn't like it when they talked about him like he wasn't here.

"He's done being with us. I want you alone." Edward strung her along behind him out of the room with no choice from her and no discussion about it at all. He needed his lips on her.


	28. Chapter 28

**Chapter 26: Calls**

Edward fidgeted and beamed at her. She was spraying all his hair gray and had already painted his face that color as well. They matched.

They looked almost exactly the same—both angels, but scary ones.

"I love that Dr. Who episode with the Weeping Angels," he said.

"Me too," she said, acting giddy. She sprayed one more time at his bangs, set the can down and then stood right in front of him, spiking up his hair.

He was seated in a terrific spot.

Her breasts were . . . _right there_.

He reached out and cupped them without asking.

She smacked his hands away and laughed. "Stop it. You're gonna get that makeup from your hands all over my boobs."

"So? Your clothes are the same color," he said. "And your nipples are hard. They're saying hi to me. It would be rude to ignore them and not answer back."

He leaned forward with his mouth to capture one.

She giggled once and scooted back in a sort of jumpy way but stretched her arms forward so she could keep working on him.

"You look hot, Edward. This really isn't fair." She stepped back, apparently all done with his hair. Her eyes assessed her work.

"Not as hot as you. Are angels supposed to make me wanna be bad?" He smirked, and his eyes were ablaze, sharing exactly how sore he was for her right now.

She waved for him to get up off his chair and come to her.

"You almost ready to go?" she asked.

"Yeah, you?"

She nodded and smiled so wide as she looked him up and down.

"Seriously . . . It's not right—all this sexiness in one man? What was God thinking? The angels are jealous, I know they are."

He gave a crooked grin. "Do you really think so?"

"I know so." She was close enough to touch, but she seemed kind of rigid.

He leaned in for a kiss, but she shook her head. "We'll mess up our makeup." She took his hand and smiled. "Let's get to the party, mingle a little bit and then we can kiss all we want, 'kay?"

He nodded, but his insides felt a little sad.

"I like that you're wearing a kind of toga so I can stick my hands inside and touch your—"

She smacked his chest and gave a mock scowl. "We can't do that at Angela's party."

"Why not? I want to," he said.

She began walking and taking him right along with her.

"Well, if you can figure out a way we can do it discreetly or in private, then . . . we'll see."

His insides glowed the way a real angel's would. He was gonna touch her. She said he could.

It would be good to be hard in this outfit because it was kind of loose and flowy—not restrictive like jeans. He was constantly having to shift himself when he wore those around Bella. Too painful otherwise.

She handed him the Volvo keys, and they said goodbye to the rest of his family.

Everyone in his family was attending a different party.

Except Dad—he was staying home to pass out candy to the little kids that stopped by. That was always Edward's job in the post. He liked seeing their costumes and happy smiles when he gave them really big handfuls of candy that he wasn't allowed to eat.

Tonight he'd have something sweet in his mouth, his tummy and in his hands. Bella's body was really sweet and he loved the way she tasted on his tongue every time she let him take parts of her into his mouth.

She was letting him do more and more when they were supposed to be sleeping in his bed. His whole body jerked and tightened when she made those little gasping whimpers when he licked her in certain ways he knew she liked.

He'd kept it a secret—hadn't told a soul about their secret activities late at night.

The hardest part was when she'd shush his moaning in the times she'd touch him back, and he'd feel almost worse, keeping that back, than he did when he fought away the numbers. This was more difficult because it was in his penis, trying to push out from his thighs, hips and buttocks. He couldn't seem to control his body at all—keep it from rubbing and moving all over her. But he had no interest in changing anything. He'd be damned if he'd go back to sleeping alone.

He shifted his weight as he thought about those tiny grunting sounds she made last night with her neck tipped back, her hands grasping the sheets, and how it had only made him moan and move more.

The minute they stepped inside Angela's, Bella's hand intertwined with his, and he was immediately looking for a good, secluded spot to take Bella to, so he could do more of that. Only this would be better because there was loud music playing so nobody would hear the sounds his body made him release. He didn't have to be as quiet as at home.

He got harder thinking about it—the freedom. The _groping_.

"Hi, Bella!" Angela called out. She walked quickly toward them and gave her a hug and then turned to him. "I'm so glad you came, Edward. Let me know if the music's too loud, okay? I know you're kind of sensitive to loud noises." She smiled, and it was warm and genuine.

"No, it's great. In fact, louder would be better." Edward grinned.

Bella looked at him like he was nuts.

"Need any help in the kitchen?" Bella asked her.

"Nah! You two have fun—hang out. We're gonna play some games in a little bit." Angela made her way back the way she came.

"I like how she's always so nice to you," Edward told Bella, close to her ear so she could hear him.

"I was thinking the same thing about how she is to you," Bella answered.

They roamed around a little. There were thirty-four people in the room, so it was kind of crowded. Edward counted the bodies twice.

A few people tried to shake his hand, but he declined. Bella kept his hand in hers, tied to her hip.

He liked having his hand there, because the pleat to get inside her outfit was about an inch away.

Every now and then, he'd extend his long fingers and play with that part. His eyes would grow heavy as he'd stare at that slit, and he'd burn inside his legs and belly, to get inside there.

"What are you wearing?" Mike's voice came from behind.

"Oh, God, does he really have to be here?" Bella groaned and rolled her eyes.

Edward stepped closer to her.

Mike yanked on Edward's wings and made them crooked.

Edward turned as if on a hinge and glared. "We're angels."

Mike's head leaned back and he made a face like they were monsters. "Looks more like hideous demons."

"That's the point," Bella said. "Weeping angels are really creepy."

"Well, he sure got that part down." Mike's eyes went up and down Edward, his nose scrunching up. "Wearing a dress? Damn, man! That's low—it's not gonna score you some pus-"

"Shut up, Mike, nobody asked you." Bella tugged on Edward's hand to get away from Mike.

"Hey, I'm sorry . . . I was just shocked to see you here, that's all." He kept after them. "Bella, stop. I'm trying to _apologize_."

She turned so far her angel's wing slipped off her shoulder that was closest to Edward.

"We don't care what you think." Her eyes blazed and she'd never looked hotter. Edward had a hard time not smiling. He knew it was wrong to do that when she was mad and Mike was kind of making fun of them. "My Lord! How many times do I have to tell you to keep away from us? I can't stand you . . . Any of you." She licked her lips, looked over her shoulder for a second then turned back to him. "If you speak to us again tonight, you're gonna be doing it with your ass on the ground, 'cause I'll have kicked the ever-loving shit outta you!"

He adjusted himself like Edward usually did.

Edward growled. Mike was hard down there.

"Where's _your _costume?" Edward asked him, unsure of what else to do.

He was dressed in his football uniform.

"This is my costume, you idiot. I'm a zombie football player," Mike huffed.

"_Oh_." Edward shrugged. Mike had on some weird makeup, some red splotches, but Edward thought maybe he got hurt playing sports or something. For a while, Mike had a broken finger and twisted ankle, making him sit out a few games. Mike rolled his eyes, but Edward continued, "I thought that was just your face."

"Shut up, you fag!" Mike pushed Edward's shoulder hard.

"_Fag_?" Edward rubbed at his shoulder. "Why would you say that?"

_Sllllllaaaaaaarrrrrck!_

Bella had punched Mike in the helmet, her fist glancing off the shiny plastic.

Instead of holding her fist and howling in pain, she did it again with the other hand on the other side.

_Slaaarck, slaaarck, slaaarck, slaaarck!_

Several pounds to the helmet, and suddenly Mike's arms caged around her at the elbows as he picked her up and her legs swung out wildly.

"Don't touch her!" Edward shrieked. Numbers pierced his vision, but he shoved them away with a song all night he'd been thinking had sounded similar to what Bella tasted like.

Edward yanked Mike's arms off her, freeing her and then shoving her out of the way.

"_Aaaaahhh_!" Edward groaned and launched himself at Mike, knocking him into a bookcase.

Books tumbled out onto both their heads. Mike's helmet made them glance off.

Edward hardly noticed as he pinned Mike to the ground.

"Say you're sorry for ever looking at her, ever touching her and ever wanting her!" Edward roared with one hand gripped around Mike's throat.

He swung at Edward's choking hold, but Edward was immovable.

"Say it!" Edward sucked in a tight breath.

Mike's face reddened. "Ssssssoooow-uhh-hhwwwwy," he choked out. He coughed and spluttered. His legs kicked feebly under Edward's weight.

"Edward, sweetie, you have to let go," Bella said. She was kneeling at his side, stroking the back of his neck and then her hand drifted down his arm. Her fingers gently unclapsed his fingers. "He's learned not to mess with us. He needs air."

It wasn't until she kissed Edward's cheek, he took a full breath and let go, so he could hold Bella.

She might be scared.

He grabbed her in a sweep and held her tight.

His eyes went back to Mike, grasping his neck and rolling around as he gagged some.

"She's my girlfriend! _Mine_! I love her, and she's going to marry me someday. Not _you_! It means you can't ever touch her again!" Edward sniffed.

Mike kicked at Edward, but it was more of a twitch, and it resembled a man humiliated over being taken down so easily.

Edward got up; Bella kept pulling at him to stand.

When they turned, Angela stood there, pale and gawking.

"I'm sorry, Ang. Mike was provoking us. I didn't mean for it to get out of hand," Bella said. She motioned to Mike with her hand.

"I saw . . ." Angela turned her head over her shoulder, but kept her eyes on Mike. "Ben?" she called.

"Yeah?" Ben was a few steps behind her. His eyes went wide and he gasped.

"Will you please kick Mike out. It looks like he was stupid enough to show up to my party, high on something," Angela said.

Ben stepped forward, motioned to two of his buddies and they all hauled Mike out.

"Do you want us to leave too?" Bella asked her.

"No." Angela's face scrunched. "Stay. And don't worry about it. Last year Jessica was throwing stuff at Mike and screaming. She broke a few of my mom's favorite and very expensive picture frames. I figured if I didn't invite her this year, it would be fine." She sighed and shook her head, hands on her waist. "But I should've known it wasn't all her fault last year; looks like it was probably his."

Angela excused herself and went to check on Ben.

"Bella? Hold me?" Edward whimpered.

"I need that too," she said.

They both tripped on each other's feet since it was complicated to walk when their arms were tangled around each other.

"Let's go to one of the bedrooms," Bella suggested. "Angela trusts me. She knows I won't do anything too disgusting back there."

She took him to what he assumed was Angela's bedroom, because it had a lot of purple and lime green in it—very girly.

Bella told him to go sit on the bed, and she locked the door.

He slid his wings off. Right now all he wanted to do was lie down with Bella draped over him like a safe, warm blanket. His whole body sagged forward.

"I shouldn't have done that, huh? You're scared of me now because I'm vicious," he said. His insides felt made of stone like his costume was supposed to be.

She walked slowly over to him, pulled her wings off and laid them on the bed on top of his and then straddled his lap.

"Why would I be scared? I would've done it if you hadn't," she said. She cupped his face and tilted his head back so he was looking straight into her big, brown eyes.

Even with the gray makeup around them, he could see only goodness and love.

"Do your knuckles hurt?" He pulled both of her hands up to his mouth, cupped them with his hands and kissed them better.

"A little, but it was worth it."

"Do you like Mike at all?"

She shook her head and frowned. "Not even a smidge."

"But he's had his penis inside you, and I haven't. That seems wrong." The bridge of his nose felt tight as it furrowed. The makeup was drying, and it felt like it really was a thin layer of cement, cracking under the strain of his facial expression.

"It was so incredibly wrong." She brushed the back of her knuckles across his wrinkly forehead and watched her own hand as it continued down to his temple. "I didn't like it, and I barely remember it. Wanna know why?"

"I don't know," he said, his face felt saggy.

"I love how vulnerable you are with me." She kissed the corner of his mouth. "I won't hurt you— I promise, it's a good reason, and you'll like why I can't remember much."

"Okay, you can tell me if you promise it's good," he said softly.

Her hands were like feathers on his face, touching his eyebrows, the arch of his cheekbone and then along his jaw she'd shaved really well for him so there'd be no stubble at all, helping the makeup stay on better.

"It's because I've blocked it out. I don't want that memory. I only kept the facts so I could keep from repeating them." She rubbed her nose against his lightly. "But with you . . . I won't ever forget any detail. I'll remember it all, because when you're finally inside me . . . it'll be the first time I ever make love. And with a _real_ man this time."

He smiled and it was light and airy like her kisses she was now spreading carefully all along his face.

His hands went to her hips, and that slit in her robe gaped.

"Go ahead, touch me, love. I know you want to, and I want it too." She smiled and kind of tried to sit up higher so she was taller than him in this position. He liked where it placed her breasts.

His hands slipped inside the fabric, found their way inside her shirt and he moaned as loud as he had that day he took a shower with her and nobody was around.

"Is it always this soft? Your skin? It's like a . . . I don't know, but I like how it's always so smooth." His palms were right on her ribs, his fingertips slipping under her bra.

"I don't know. It's not like I pay attention to that stuff," she said.

He rolled her over so she was on the bed, right next to the wings.

"Well, I'll start keeping track, because I don't wanna forget each time I touch you, either." He hunched his neck down and used his teeth to open the upper part of her robe.

"Uuuuuuuummmmmrrrn," she groaned with a husky sound, and one of her legs rolled open.

He pushed the other one open wider with his other leg and then tugged at his robe's opening.

Bella let him get between her legs and move however big or small he wanted with his hips.

He touched, nipped, sucked, and when she finally said they needed to go, most of their makeup was smeared or missing.

But, boy, did he ever leave with a huge smile and feeling well taken care of in every way.

Bella loved him. She didn't even like Mike a smidge, and nobody interrupted as he did things that made him nothing more than a man, alone with the beautiful woman he loved.

Halloween was more than just about sugary candy. It was about feeling right at Bella's side, in a "dress" as Mike called it, and wings. He truly felt like he could fly better and higher than any angel ever had, because she was _his_.

.

.

A whole month passed, and Alice barely spoke to Bella.

If Bella entered a common room, Alice would either read something on her phone, talk to somebody else in the room, or she'd leave altogether.

Bella tried to engage her a few times, but after being snubbed so many times, she was too exhausted to try anymore.

Edward was sweet, as usual, and when he was in the room, he found a way to make it work, but when he wasn't there, Alice became a whole different person. She almost went from tinkling fairy to snarling dragon.

It would've been impressive how she could be so two-faced, if it wasn't so damn scary.

She hoped Alice would skip his baseball game today; it would make things more comfortable for Bella as she sat in the bleachers.

Bella was bouncing out of her seat so much, and her whole body was over-reacting to everything; she probably looked like she was on drugs.

This was a huge deal. Edward was given permission by his dad, Dr. Harkham, and the coach, to play baseball.

Emmett was on the team too and would watch out for him.

She couldn't imagine being more excited about anything else.

Edward couldn't stop kissing her last night and asking repeatedly, "You're gonna be there right? I'll be able to see you in the stands? You'll watch me all the time?"

She'd smile, giggle and wiggle her hips under his crushing weight, she loved so much.

"Yes, sweetie. I'll even bring binoculars," she'd told him in his bed.

"We don't have any," he'd said.

She'd laughed so hard her stomach almost ached, but she kept it quiet so his dad wouldn't wake up. "It was a joke. I'll be in the front row. I won't need them to see your gorgeous face."

He had kissed her again and asked the same thing all over.

It never bothered her. How could it? All that enthusiasm was infectious.

He came out onto the field, waving at her and smiling like a kid about to ride the best carnival ride ever.

Her heart fluttered. He looked sexy in that outfit, and her heart about burst when she saw Emmett and him put an arm around each other as they moved to the pit.

She never would've thought she'd "awwww" at something, but she did. They were adorable.

Her hand even went over her heart.

The other team went to their area, and a few players from each team went to the sidelines and warmed up with some catches and pitches.

Her eyes were so glued to Edward and Emmett, tossing it back and forth at high speeds, she failed to notice that Jessica wobbled to her side.

"Hi," she said and plopped down next to Bella.

Bella ignored her.

"Oh, I see . . . It's like that is it?"

Bella cringed. "Jess, you reek of beer!"

"So?'

"_So_? You're on school grounds."

"I don't care. It's a night gwwwame," she slurred.

Bella's left hand that had been on her heart, landed at her side on the edge of the bleacher so she could push away from Jessica.

Jessica's eyes flashed through the red, swollenness. Had she been crying?

"I thought I kept seeing a rock on your finger during class, but I thought my eyes were playing tricks on me!" Jessica scooped Bella's left hand up in hers and had the diamond two inches away from her eyes. "It's not fair!"

She flung Bella's hand away.

"You don't even like Edward, so why do you care?" Bella frowned.

"I do like him. It's not my fault he—"

"He _what_?" Bella snapped. "He's the sweetest man ever, and more talented than anybody I've ever known? Yeah, you would say that, wouldn't you? You're right—it's not your fault. It's not his either. Just, leave us alone!" She threw a look of disgust at Jessica.

"I can't," Jessica said. She suddenly went green, almost doubled over then quickly covered her mouth. Her cheeks puffed out as her lips pressed together.

Bella could see what was about to happen.

She wrapped an arm around Jess, hauled her up and ran her down the stairs.

The minute they were under the bleachers in the dirt, Jessica spewed everywhere.

On instinct, Bella held her hair out of the way and rubbed her back.

It wasn't until Jessica had complained in between bouts how much she hated vomiting, that Bella realized the significance of this.

Somebody was throwing up, and it didn't trigger Bella. Not. At. All.

Her whole face lit up and her chest filled with warmth. This was huge . . . Was she really getting better?

She hadn't smoked in weeks, and now this?

A lightheaded sensation overcame her in a heartbeat, and then she realized why.

She turned and Edward was right behind her, his hands on her.

"You okay?" he whispered.

Bella motioned to a bent over Jessica.

Edward's head jerked back in shock.

Bella only smiled at him. "She's throwing up, and I'm fine."

"Yes, you are." He nodded and was smiling bigger than she was.

"Oh my God!" Bella blurted. "What are you doing down here? You're supposed to be out there playing the game!"

"It's fine. Coach said he'd keep me benched for this round so I could find out where you went. He knew I wouldn't be able to play well and concentrate if I didn't take care of you first." He patted her back.

"Jess, you want me to take you home?" Bella asked.

"No! Just leave me alone. This is your fault anyway," she garbled through the mess oozing out of her mouth.

Edward grabbed Bella away like Jessica's words were a loaded weapon aimed at his girl.

"Find a way to get better. Hugs usually help," Edward said and took Bella by the waist. He almost carried her out of there, his legs walking faster than hers could go.

He sat her on the players' bench with him.

The coach gave them a strange look but kept quiet.

Edward held her hand until his name was called.

"I'm gonna go bat now. You watch me, okay?"

"I will—I love you!" she said.

He hugged her real quick, said he loved her too, and jogged out to his waiting spot.

His arms flexed and his body twisted in a flash as he gave a few practice swings in the air.

"Edward, you're up, buddy!" Emmett called after him.

Edward flashed her a mischievous grin over his shoulder then loped to his spot.

Her whole face trembled with emotion as she watched him decide to bat left handed.

He was showing off for her.

"Go, Edward!" she called with her hands cupped around her mouth.

The pitch was released, and . . . _swwwwaaaaaack_!

He hit that thing so hard she could barely see where it was going.

But if she thought his swing was powerful, it seemed like nothing compared to how fast that beast of a cheetah ran.

The person out in right field scrambled after it. They caught the ball but then dropped it.

Edward's speed seemed to double.

Emmett called out, "Home! Home! Home! _Now_!"

The outfielder whipped that ball toward home plate, and Bella could see a nasty collision about to take place.

She knew he'd plow with all his body weight and hurt them both badly.

Her knuckles went white and cracked as she gripped the edge of the metal bench she sat on. She leaned forward and cried, "Don't hurt him, Edward!"

In a last minute move, he slid into home, but she could see he'd slowed enough to pad the impact.

Her mouth dropped open at the way he gracefully controlled his fall, controlled the angle and avoided crashing into the dude that caught the ball.

"Safe!" the ump screamed the second the catcher swiped past Edward and missed.

"Yesss! Yes, yes, I love that man!" Bella whooped and stood up, bouncing around as she clapped and pounded her fists in the air.

As he dusted himself off and rounded the plate, she threw herself at the fence next to him, reached through and grabbed for him.

She managed to get ahold of his sleeve. "I love you, baby! That was incredible—_you're_ incredible!" She pressed her lips through one of the holes in the mesh wiring, and he obliged.

They gave a loud, _swack!_ Then he ran around the fence, his feet dragging and kicking up dirt as his head wobbled back and forth in a goofy, dramatic way. The guy had a bit of swagger, making her laugh.

He picked her up and swung her a little, in a tight hug.

"I'm good, huh?"

"The best!" She wrapped her arms around him and kissed him so hard, he stepped back and the fence made a clanging noise as they found themselves pushed up against it.

"Hey, _heyyyyy_," the catcher warned, pretending to glare at them when he was really teasing them.

She giggled through the kiss then broke away and grinned. "Worth it," she said as the team shooed her away.

Looked like she'd stayed past her welcome.

He pouted as she ran back to the bleachers with everybody else.

She could see most of it better from this vantage point anyway. It was easy to see the ball better when he'd throw it like it had a jet attached, hit it like a canon shot it out there, and then her eyes took in more of his crazy long legs, running like the devil was behind him, trying to get a piece of him.

Well, the devil was screwed—because she already had a piece of him, and she wasn't giving it back; any of it.

He was hers!

**A/N:**

**A million hugs to my beta, SunflowerFran and my pre-readers, Amandac3, Paxson Adkins and Dinia Steel.** **They've been such a vital part of telling this story in the best way possible.**

**Feel free to chat me up on Twitter, facebook, Goodreads or even on my blog. Links are all on my profile.**

**Scarlett**


	29. Chapter 29

**Chapter 27: Shifting Tides**

"Bella, you get prettier each time I see you," Edward said as soon as he saw her in the parking lot after school. Her cheeks tinged pink, she blinked and her head tipped down. She stared at her hands clasped together. "It makes it hard to memorize what you look like."

"You shouldn't say stuff like that," she said, so quiet he had to lean toward her to hear what she was saying.

"Why? Does it hurt your feelings?"

"No," she choked out. "But I'm still not used to it. I get kind of embarrassed."

"Well, you do get prettier every day. So, I'm gonna say it."

Her face heated. "You're the only one that thinks that, just so you know."

"That's not true. We both had to hurt Mike at Angela's Halloween party because he thinks it too much." He took her hand and they walked over to his car.

"Let's go eat," she said, not wanting to talk about this anymore. Lately, he'd been telling her more and more, how pretty he thought she was.

It never got easier to hear.

It was Friday. They still tried to go out to eat at least once a month before his baseball games at the Mediterranean restaurant she had taken him to on their first unofficial date.

When they stepped inside, she rolled her eyes. How had Jess and Lauren figured out this was where Edward and Bella went on these dates?

Bella gave the cursory nod, went alongside Edward to get their food, then took their seats.

As they began eating, the door opened and in walked Emmett and Alice.

"Oh, this is the best day ever," Bella intoned and blinked slowly.

She always looked forward to their dinner dates. It was one of the very few times, besides in bed, they were truly alone together.

Edward leaned back and looked over his shoulder. He smiled and waved at them.

"I thought you wanted both of them to keep their distance from me?"

"I didn't invite them, and I _did_ tell them that, but I'm so happy right now, I don't care what they do. They can watch." He shoved a piece of pita bread into his mouth and grinned while he chewed.

"If only I had your unbreakable spirit," she mused. Always so damn happy.

He smiled wider and shoved more food in his mouth.

Bella went and got their drinks, hoping when Alice and Emmett sat down, things would settle with her. This all seemed really off. What were the odds that Jessica, Lauren, Emmett and Alice all showed up around the same time to the informal restaurant Edward and Bella frequented monthly?

When she returned, his siblings were sitting at their booth. Emmett was next to Edward and it looked like Bella would be next to Alice.

_Nice_ little family reunion.

Jessica and Lauren moved seats and were now at the booth directly across from them.

"Hi, Edward," Jessica said.

"Hello." He kept his eyes on his food and took a smaller bite than Bella had ever seen from him before.

"So, you and Bella, huh?" Lauren said.

"Me and Bella _what_?" Edward asked.

"It's not like people don't know," Lauren said. She then used one hand to create a hole and pushed her other index finger in and out to simulate sex. "I just wanna hear it from you, Edward, to make sure it's not Bella spreading nasty rumors about you." She sped up the obscene gestures she was making and added in some tongue actions.

"Shut up," Emmett gritted.

"We don't have sex," Edward said. "We only _sleep_ together."

"It's not the first time she's lead someone along like this. She likes to pretend she's a self-righteous prude, but that's not who she really is," Lauren said, ignoring Emmett's warning.

Alice's eyes went wide. She gripped her cup and it sloshed a little because she was shaking.

"You want to know who she _really_ is? Ask Mike," Jessica said, smirking. "He knows everything there is to know about this sleazy ho."

"Whadaya mean? I already know who she is," Edward croaked. His mouth hung open and he looked devastated.

"Things most girls would never consider doing, Bella has no problem with, 'cause she has no soul. Of course we'd heard she was a huge drug addict the summer before she hit high school; she denied it of course. Then she started partying like crazy—getting high more than anybody else I've ever known. She didn't care about anything, and it was all because she killed her father."

Lauren and Jessica slurped their drinks obnoxiously.

"And only a real fruit of the loon would be with her. You've gotta have some seriously messed up balls to get with her," Jessica said.

"She's been with animals too," Lauren added.

Alice lowered her head and sat silent in the booth. Emmett was turning a shade of green like he was going to be sick.

"Shut up!" Bella pushed off the table to standing abruptly. "You bitches spew nothing but hate and lies, and this guy right here," she pointed at Edward as she spat at them, "he's actually decent. He's pure and wonderful, but you can't even see that!"

She stepped forward, slapped Lauren so hard she could hear the stupid girl's neck pop.

Jessica moved out of the booth, and in one swift move was past Bella and kissing Edward.

He screeched as she had her lips locked on his. Numbers flew out of his mouth and he tucked his head down, wrapping his arms around his head. Jessica hugged him.

Bella pulled the vile woman off him, kicked her out of the way and blocked both Lauren and Jessica from getting to him.

Edward was bawling now; Emmett managed to get Edward out of the booth. They found a waiting bench at the front of the restaurant by the front door. Alice joined her family. They huddled there with him in a protective way, whispering soothing things in his ear, quieting him down.

Bella's chest heaved as blood crashed in her ears. Sweat poured down her back. "Yes, you _would_ believe all the lies you've heard about me. Good for you—you've added gossiping to your repertoire so you can make bitch of the year status."

"We know it's true," Jessica said loud enough for Edward to hear. "You love shoving your fingers up every anus you come in contact with."

Well, Bella could be louder. She hollered, "I've never been with animals, and why don't you call my dad yourself and you can hear all about how untimely his death was?" She didn't bother to deny having her fingers inside of men, because that part was true.

"You did it on a dare! Mike told us—you were with his dog," Lauren said then barked a laugh.

Bella hauled off and slapped her again. "Shut up! I've had enough!"

"It's not our fault!" Jessica's shrill voice rang out.

She looked over her shoulder and Edward shook as his hand was reached out for her.

"You are going to leave him alone. He doesn't want either one of you." Bella could hear a manager panicking in the back, trying to figure out how to contain this fight.

Bella left those two hags in their seats and headed straight for Edward.

"Come with me," she told Edward, clasping his hand. She flipped her head to the side to motion for Emmett and Alice to either go deal with those two girls or to leave all together.

"Where are we going?" he asked, tears in his eyes.

"To the bathroom." She yanked him up, dragged him along with nothing but a steady pace.

She had to share the rest with him. No more letting other people scare him about who she used to be or abuse him because of her.

Bella opened the single bathroom for the ladies' room, pulled him inside and locked the door.

Her lips crashed down on his, she backed him up against the wall and was aggressive as possible.

She groped his ass until he whined with high pitched breaths.

He was panting so fast she worried he'd pass out. She had to be quick and get this over with.

She pulled back only enough so that her mouth was at the corner of his, and he'd hear her clearly.

"You don't really know me." She gripped him hard between the legs. He yelped and jumped. "You have no idea what kind of demon I am." Dread made her stomach turn to a block of ice, but this was for him. She had to protect him from herself.

"You're good—always good to me. I know all about you." His green eyes were so soft, it made her fingers go a little lax.

"Then you find out right now how awful I am, and you'll learn the rest of what you didn't know. You'll tell me to stop, you'll say it hurts, but I won't stop. And why wouldn't I do that?" she gritted through her teeth and tamped down that sickening feeling in her core.

"I . . . God, I don't know," he said, his head lolling back and forth. Every few seconds he'd look down at her hand stroking him and squeezing as hard as she could. He'd suck in some air, and look at her with so much desire and longing.

"Because I'm not good. You're gonna come so hard, and you'll have a hard time walking when I'm done with you. But you know . . . Nobody's gonna think you hurt yourself. They're gonna know I had you back here, that I did raunchy things to you, because I'm gonna gloat at those nasty bitches out there." She wished she didn't have to do this.

"But they . . . But you . . ." He licked his lips and looked down again. "Oh, God, it's so hard and sore! It's never been this big."

"I know. I know I made it this way, and it's gonna get a lot worse." She loosened her grip on him and instead of almost shredding her way through his jeans, she unfastened his fly, put her hand inside and tickled with insanely light touches.

"Nnnnghuhh!" he grunted, and grabbed her hand, pushing himself hard up against her. He thrust and whimpered and thrashed.

"You want this because you don't realize I'm deteriorating your soul." She clenched her jaw and spoke through her teeth once more, "They're right. I've been bad for you. But now I want you to know all of me so you'll be afraid of me like you should've been from the start. I'm gonna show you what I've done with all those other guys. Then you'll know how disgusting and diseased I am." She wished he could understand that his jealousy never made sense to her. The way she treated those guys, like they were nothing but meat? She never wanted to do that to Edward, because he was special. He was way more, and this right here, right now? It was shredding the fabric of her soul he'd been weaving back in place for her.

"No, you're not," he said, shaking his head forcefully. "Good for each other." He kept his hand on hers, keeping his erection in her possession.

"I'd kill those girls if I could. Even if I've never done it before, even if Megan's death wasn't my fault—" she shook her head and licked her lips as she took a breath "—I've got murder in my soul, and blood in my heart that shouldn't be there. You have to see this about me, Edward." She snapped her jaw at him, bit at the edge of his jaw with enough pressure to make him wince. If she didn't do this now, she'd go back to pretending everything was fine.

"That's not you!" he cried.

"How do you know? What do you really know about me? So, I didn't kill Megan, but what about the girls in rehab I didn't help, that committed suicide? What about my closest friend, Victoria, the homeless meth junkie? Did I help her? No!" She stretched her neck and dropped to her knees. "You know I want you—so damn much, but that doesn't matter. I don't really know how to take care of anybody but myself, and I don't even do that very well." She opened his pants all the way, dropped them to his knees and placed her index and middle finger in her mouth. After they were covered in saliva, she wound her fingers back to his puckered hole. This wasn't enough lube for her fingers, and she knew it, but it would make her point better this way. It would hurt, and he'd see he hadn't been missing anything at all.

He moaned right away when the tip of her finger hit that spot, but then he stiffened, and she couldn't do it.

She couldn't hurt him like that. There was no way she'd ever be able to live with herself if she scarred him with sex this way.

Instead, she opened her mouth, and did something she knew he'd been wanting for so long. She sucked him in, took care of his yearning for something wet and hot to touch him there.

"Ohhh, don't stop!" he groaned. "But I . . . It's too much! But I want more." His head shook from one side to the other with indecision.

She loosened her mouth some and tears spilled down her cheeks as she watched him climb toward his crest. What if she never saw this from him again? What if this was it, and she truly did scare him away for good?

Ahhhhhh!" he grunted; the tendons on his neck bulging as he tried to fight for control. "Oh my God, I . . . Can you breathe? I mean are you . . ." His neck tipped back, and he went incoherent. No numbers, but he was more out of control than she thought he'd be.

When she usually touched him with her hand down there, it took a lot longer to get him to this stage.

She groped his thighs, and dug her fingers in.

He muttered a few numbers in response. His hips pitched forward and it was all over with his loud feral yell.

She let go of him before he was ready, and a stuttered whine tumbled out of him as his torso spasmed and he recoiled a little due to sensitivity.

A moment later, he looked down at himself, hanging out and with a drugged-up smile springing up on his face, he said, "You . . . You gave me head. Like Mike and the others. I've had what they did." He sighed and his shoulders hit the wall like he might skid his way to the floor.

"It's not a good thing," she cried. " Why can't you see that? None of it's good, Edward."

He backed away from her, his left shoulder skimming the wall as he went. With a grimace, he tucked himself away and went to wash his hands and probably check to make sure he didn't get any bodily fluids on his pants.

"No, you don't get it. You're going to own what it means to be around me." She unlocked the door, yanked him by the hand out after him.

"But I—"

"You're gonna walk next to me while they all stare at us. I know you don't like it when people stare at you this way, but you've gotta see it's only worse when you're with me. No more lying and pretending I'm good. I especially want your family to see us so they'll protect you from me. They'll know what we did, and they'll tell your dad."

He blinked and his mouth moved, but no words came out.

His legs buckled, and he wouldn't move.

He stood there shaking. Her hand was held out for him, but then she dropped it. His refusal for them to face his family and let things end was the final breaking point for her.

"Look at me," she said, her hands falling lax to her side. "You want to be with someone that drags you down?"

She looked behind her. Jessica and Lauren were gone, his siblings talking to the manager at the front of the establishment.

She turned back to Edward. He stiffened, his legs pushed him up to his full height and out of nowhere he started shouting numbers.

This time, instead of curling into a ball like she'd seen him do in the past, he started grabbing chairs, throwing them across the room.

Cups were flying, napkins scattering, before she could stop it, Alice was in front of him, and she got the brunt of the next chair he whipped into the air.

Alice flew back, landed with a sickening crunch on the hard ground.

Bella dropped back out of the way, wondering if she should just leave, since she was the one that provokes this outburst.

He jumped on a table, bellowed formulas, then suddenly started being coherent.

"I've wanted you to put your mouth on me for so long . . . And you wouldn't. But now you do, and you were being mean, telling me it's not good. I want you to kiss me like that on my penis every night and have sex with me all the time. I have to wait. You talk to Emmett about your music, not to me. And I want you to. I can't see you? No! You can't see me if you think I can't handle this! Why can't you see all _that_? All the things I do?" He glared down at Bella with so much hatred, she knew—she finally did.

Bella Swan, the girl who killed others with neglect and her own selfishness, had finally broken him.

About time he saw her for what she was.

Hearing how badly she'd been hurting him all this time, made her stomach pitch forward, and she almost gagged on her tongue.

Emmett was able to calm him, get him down from his perch, and Alice ran off to talk to the manager once more.

All that was left was for her to disappear, so she did, hands and mouth dirtier than ever, heart bleeding black sludge, and tears now flowing so hard she couldn't see where she was going.

He knew it all.

Maybe she deserved to go back to her father in Forks.

Less people to damage there. Although, it didn't stop her before . . .

How much carnage could one overweight, teenage girl do? Well, now she was walking away—no more people bugging Edward because of her. He could graduate with no more drama. No more Mike, Jessica, or Lauren. No more of his sister being upset with him.

As she walked through the parking lot, she could hear Edward inside, howling in pain for her. That's when she bolted and kept herself from looking back.

**A/N:**

**Answer time. I was asked in the beginning of the story if this is a real condition Edward has. I'm sure you've all figured it out by now, but I'll finally tell you anyway: no, it's not. I made it up, but I'm glad it sounded real enough that people were questioning it. I also got asked how I came up with the name Harkham's Case. The answer is—I have no idea. It kind of popped into my head like other portions of this story did. Sorry I don't have any earth shattering insight on that one. Names will just come to me for characters at times when I'm writing, and I go with it if it fits them and feels right. I was also asked recently if I knew someone really well with a handicap since the emotions exhibited from Edward seem so real. I'm flattered anybody thinks that, so thank you. And the answer is yes, I do know autistic people, but not as well as you probably think. I actually know this man in his 50's with severe autism, and I think he's a lot of fun to be around. I visit their house once a month and sometimes bump into them here and there. He constantly amazes me with how loyal he is to his aging mother and how brilliant he is. Very thoughtful man. I'm not related to anybody handicapped in this fashion though, so I'm really just projecting myself into Edward and wondering what it might be like to be held back by others because they perceive him as weak or incapable. We've all felt those things at one point or another, and then I amplify it some to take it to a more marked level. Hope that makes sense. It's the best I can do to explain, I'm afraid.**

**Sorry if you're not into angst but we all knew things had to come to a head at some point with Jess and Lauren. Remember… Trust me—HEA! I promise. And we all know Edward. He'll find a way to get this back on track. The best relationships are the ones we fight for. When there's sacrifice and struggle, a tighter bond is formed, and that's what these 2 need for the long haul with all the things they might face…**

**My beta, SunflowerFran, gave great suggestions for this chapter. Thank you! My pre-readers are fabulous too, so don't think I've forgotten about them either… ****Amandac3, Paxson Adkins and Dinia Steel=wonderful ladies!**

**P.s. When I originally wrote this chapter before the story was completed, it was based off a dream I had. It was much more brutal than this initially, where she really did penetrate him with her fingers and did a few other cruel things to him I won't even bother telling you about, because I'd be too frightened you'd all call Alice to come after me with her knife and then tell her to go after Bella next. This chapter was hard to fix to make it fit the story better. I wish I could say it made me sweat when I did the rewrites, but since my house is cold right now, it sadly did not. :/ **

**Scarlett**


	30. Chapter 30

**Chapter 28: Shifting Earth**

Bella's entire body shook like an earthquake was going off inside of her. She wanted a cigarette so badly that she stopped a stranger on the street who was smoking and asked him if she could have one.

He gave her a cigarette, and she smacked her back into the closest brick wall and blanked her mind.

Or tried to.

It didn't work. Her mind replayed over and over the way Edward looked at her like she was the worst person in the world, and the way he chucked furniture around the place . . .

He physically destroyed stuff the way she destroyed other people mentally—the way she got under their skin and pissed them off repeatedly, until they could barely function. Look at her parents . . .

She sighed.

Where was she supposed to go? If she went to Angela's, she'd have to tell her what happened.

No, she couldn't do that.

But it was bone chilling cold today. Besides, Christmas was around the corner, and she wasn't going to inconvenience anybody when they were busy with the holidays.

She smoked the cigarette until it was done and knew what she had to do.

It was getting dark. She hopped a bus and wound up at her mom's place. She waited in the front yard until she was certain Mom had gone to bed.

That's when she pulled out her pocket knife and picked the door lock on the Jeep.

Her mom sometimes left a blanket in the trunk.

Bella got the door open, snuck into the backseat, found a ratty old blanket and curled into a ball.

She was already shivering, but it didn't matter, because her thoughts burned her from the inside out.

Her fingers shook as she set her alarm on her phone to wake her up before her mom would need to leave the next morning.

Bella's stomach ached so badly she was only able to get snippets of sleep here and there. But when she did zone out, she'd have nightmares of Edward dying, covered in blood and vomit, chanting numbers with blood-red eyes.

Her chest would pound, her throat would constrict and she'd gasp for breath as her body writhed.

_Please, be okay, Edward. Please, stay away . . ._

She choked on a sob and fought the screams so she wouldn't alert anybody she was here.

Tomorrow was Friday. Then she'd have the weekend to scramble and figure out what the hell to do and where she'd stay.

Why hadn't she gotten a job? She had all that time, kept saying she'd do it, but then she'd spend all her spare time with Edward, instead. She'd also blown through most of her savings from the money she'd earned over the last two summers.

Her stomach snarled.

"Shut up," she muttered and another tear leaked out.

.

.

Edward's back felt spineless, literally. He drooped, because after Dad showed up at the restaurant and took care of everything, he was up all night. There was no way he could sleep when he had no idea where she was. His pillow smelled like her, all her stuff was here in the house.

Where could she be?

Was she planning to be homeless again?

Did she hate him that much she'd rather eat food out of garbage cans?

He would never allow that. He'd bring her food on the streets everyday whether she wanted him to or not. She had to eat.

Edward packed his breakfast up for her. He would not eat until she did, and she had to show up at school today. She _had _to.

He went out to the Volvo and his fists clenched. There would be no Bella to hold his hand in the car this morning. Maybe not at school either.

The rest of his family busted out of the front door after him.

"Edward . . . Remember what I told you. Keep your distance from her. She needs space," Dad said. "And I want you kept safe. If you have an episode at school, that's it—it's your last chance. They could kick you out, or worse . . ."

"I know—mental institution," Edward said. His shoulders sagged. He unlocked the car door and opened it up.

"I'll drive," Emmett said and snagged the keys.

Alice gave a weak smile in Edward's direction and got in the backseat.

Dad hugged him and Edward got in the passenger's seat. Without thinking, he grabbed Emmett's hand and held it on the drive over.

What if Bella refused to talk to him today? What would he do?

"She's fine," Emmett said. "She's a survivor—you know this." Emmett's words made the knot tighten in Edward's hungry stomach.

He kept quiet.

"Just stay away from her, Edward. Keep quiet in her classes, and I'll come get you between each class," Alice said.

"Mmm," Edward grunted. He squeezed Emmett's hand, and Emmett squeezed back.

The rest of the drive was quiet and uncomfortable.

They parked, and once out of the car, Edward took Emmett's hand once more.

Alice tried to grab the other, but he said, "No. The only woman's hand I'll ever hold again is Bella's!"

"Don't be ridiculous," Alice said. "Emmett doesn't have any classes with you, but I do. You'll need me."

"I won't. I need Bella and no one else. Only Emmett right now to get me inside school, then I'll be fine." Edward's shoulders pulled back and his jaw stiffened. "I'm gonna be strong today. No numbers, no yelling, no episodes. I only want to see that she's all right."

"She's fine," Emmett said again.

"How do you know?" Alice asked.

"I know her." Emmett walked slowly inside.

Edward fidgeted, his muscles all tight and shaking with anticipation over seeing her.

There was no way to know if she was here or not, since she didn't have a car.

"Okay, first period," Alice said, pointing the direction they needed to go.

"No. I'm not going to Music Appreciation class. She has French. Take me there," he told Emmett.

"Dad said—" Alice began, but stopped when Edward let go of Emmett's hand and got right in her face.

"Get to class. This is none of your business!" Edward growled.

"It is my business. All of it! You're my brother, and I protect you more than anyone else you know," she said, her eyes torn.

"Not anymore. Leave me alone. Be my sister and nothing else." He grabbed Emmett's hand and started walking.

Emmett looked over his shoulder at her and said, "We'll see you after school. I'll help him today."

Edward's numbers were almost blinding him, but he could hear fine. He stopped in front of her first classroom and peered inside. She wasn't there.

"I'm waiting right here. You can go now," Edward said.

"You sure you don't want me to wait with you? I can move a ways off so you'll have privacy, but then I can walk you to your class after you see her," Emmett offered.

"No. I'll call you if I need you." Edward shooed him off.

Emmett gave him a hug and left.

Edward hummed to get rid of the numbers. They left with a bit of a fight, but he did it.

When she arrived, he'd be ready and in control of his mind.

The bell rang and a few stragglers ran into the classroom.

Still no Bella.

He banged the back of his head into the hallway wall. If a teacher saw him loitering out here, they'd make him get to his own class.

Just as his blood surged through him in a cold rush of acceptance that she wasn't coming, the hallway door opened, and there she was; head tucked down and looking freezing cold in her thin jacket.

"Bella," he breathed, and all that icy, sludgy blood inside him, went to his feet, holding him in place.

Her head tipped up. She grimaced and tried to walk past him, but his arm shot out and he gripped her wrist.

"Come here," he said, and pulled her into a bone shattering hug.

She grunted, then he heard the sobs as she collapsed into his chest.

"I'm sorry," he said. He loosened his hold and wrapped as much of his jacket around her as he could.

"For what? Being so damn perfect? For being too good for me?" She sniffed.

"Come with me to my car; we'll talk and get you warmed up," he suggested.

She nodded a tiny bit into his chest, but it was enough to give him the answer he wanted.

He held her tucked against him like that, and they walked quickly out of the building and back to the parking lot.

His body shivered too, but it was from his blood heating and pounding into his heart.

She was _here_, with _him_, and he was _holding_ her. She didn't hate him.

"Heaven," he murmured.

He got the car door opened and helped her inside, then set his backpack down behind his seat. Once he was in the driver's seat, he started the car up for heat, but then he had a better idea.

He drove until they were far away from school.

"Where're we going?" she finally asked, wiping tears off her drenched cheeks.

"We're gonna go where we belong," he said. "And I brought you some breakfast, just in case you haven't eaten this morning. It's in my backpack."

With one hand, he wished was holding hers, he gripped his backpack in the foot-well behind his seat. He unzipped it and pulled out the plastic shopping bag filled with enough breakfast to feed half the football team.

His hand held tight and he landed it in her lap.

"Thanks, but I'm not hungry," she said, setting it down by her feet.

"Bella . . ." he said in a parental tone, ". . . eat. It's not a request."

She picked the bag up, put it back on her lap and started pulling things out. The first thing she did was gulp down the water bottle. It was apparent she was slightly dehydrated.

"I love you, and I missed you. I was worried all night. Do you still like me at all?" he asked, blinking and glancing over at her as his eyes welled up.

"You can't ask me that; not now," she said. She gnawed on the piece of toast he'd brought her.

"Yes, I can. We're getting married," he answered.

"Was my abusing you yesterday and slaughtering what's left of your ego, too subtle a cue for you? We're not together anymore—we're not anything—not even friends," she said. The bag was shoved off her lap. "Let me out."

"No! We're not through. Nothing's changed for me. I still love you—you're everything to me," he said, the tears freely striping his cheeks.

"How can you? You're not obligated to do anything for me. We need to be apart," she said. She gripped the handle on the door.

He pulled up in front of his house. It was empty now. Dad considered working from home today, but he said he had to go in—too much going on with it being right before Christmas.

Edward turned the car off, grabbed her hand and said, "We're gonna talk. You'll be warm, you'll be fed, and you're gonna tell me everything that's in your heart. You owe me that much."

She nodded with her head down. He leaned over and kissed her cheek.

"Thank you," he said.

"Don't you dare thank me for anything ever again," she gritted.

He got out and ran around to her side, but she was out of the car on her own before he could stop her.

His hand gripped hers and he shut her door with his foot.

He walked at a brisk pace until they were inside. His grip on her only relaxed after he grabbed her something to eat and then had her up in his room.

"Sit down. You eat, and I'll talk. Then we take turns. I'll eat, and you'll talk," he said.

She sat down and peeled the orange he'd brought her.

He smiled at her as she chewed. The food would make her feel better, and so would he.

"I already told you I love you—and I do. I want to tell you what happened to me yesterday, why I blew up."

She shook her head. "No nee—"

"Quiet. I'm talking; you'll listen," he said.

She swallowed down her bite and was silent as she put another orange slice in her mouth.

"What bothers me most is you still feel like you're a monster. You're not, Bella."

She scrunched her eyes closed and her face contorted as she gripped her stomach and balled herself up.

"It hurt to hear those things you said to me, not because I didn't like you because of them, but because those choices hurt _you_. And I don't like it when you're in pain. Forget about those things. When you touch me in sexual ways, I don't want you to think it's dirty, or that it's like what you did with other boys. None of them matter to me anymore. You were a kid. Don't answer me with words—shake or nod—do you think I'm a bad person because when I was twelve I shoved my mom into a shattered piano I'd destroyed?"

She shook her head no.

"Do you think I'm bad because I try to have sex with you all the time?"

Same reaction.

"Do you think I'm bad because I've continued to physically hurt people and smash stuff when I have an episode?"

"No, Edward, I d—"

"Shut. Up," he hissed. His jaw clamped shut. "I'm not done. It's my turn still."

"When I beat up Mike and almost choked him to death, were you thinking I was damned to hell?" he continued.

She swallowed her food and shook her head again.

"Okay, then." He stood tall with his legs spread shoulder-width and nodded. "You know why I freaked out. I was taking all your hurt, and I hurled it out of me. I'm fine now. I didn't get in trouble. My dad paid for their inconvenience and the few glasses I broke, but there was no real damage. My family and I are banned from that restaurant, but they didn't even file a police report. So, I don't want you to worry about damage from yesterday to me or anybody else. Now, your turn. Tell me where you went, what you did, and mostly how you feel about me."

She set aside the orange and the dish it was in.

"I can't do this . . . I hurt too many people without trying—by simply being me," she said. Her arms were lax at her sides, her palms up, hands a little curled like she wanted him to put his hands in hers.

He flew across the room, knelt at the edge of the bed and put his hands there for her.

She interlaced their fingers and sighed several times in a row, her chest rising in a big way, then subsiding.

"Does it matter what I say?" She looked at him through her lashes. "I can see it in your eyes. You wanna be stuck with me no matter what, don't you?"

"I do." He nodded and smiled.

"No more tears?"

"Only if you say you love me too, and we're still marrying," he answered.

"I do love you, Edward. I could never stop. You're everything." A few tears leaked out.

"Okay, then. No more tears. We're marrying, and I know everything about your past, so no more of you not liking yourself. That's your dad, not you. He hates himself so he sits in his chair and slowly kills himself. My dad and I talked about it a lot last night, and how we can't help him, but we won't give up on you. We can help _you_, and I know you want us to."

She nodded and swallowed hard, her emotions surfacing again. "You're right."

"Kiss me."

She pulled him by his hands up onto the bed. He crawled over her with their hands still stuck together.

He leaned his head down and kissed her. She wrapped her legs around him, making him fall on top of her.

She giggled, but kept kissing.

He pushed their hands up onto the bed next to her head.

When he pulled away, he said, "Don't ever leave me again. You can't do that. We belong together, and you're mine."

"No, you're mine," she said and kissed the tip of his nose.

He sank down into her, nuzzled his lips into her neck and they lay intertwined, speaking soft words of adoration and love. When she fell asleep, he got up, locked the door and stripped down to nothing but his underwear.

He placed a blanket over them and spooned her from behind. He lifted the back of her shirt up so their skin was touching.

"My soft," kiss to the shoulder, "warm," kiss to the temple, "Bella," he whispered and kissed her neck. "No more bad dreams. You have safety, because I've got you."

"Edward . . . The baby," she mumbled in her sleep.

"Only us . . . No death, sweetie," he whispered and closed his eyes.

Edward woke later to find Dad unlocking and entering his room with his hair disheveled and his whole face tight and hard.

"What's going on?" Dad asked. "The school called me, saying you were both missing."

Bella remained still.

"I found her at school and took her home," Edward replied.

"I can see that. I thought you were going to stay away," Dad reminded him.

"I can't. And that was your plan, not mine," Edward said. His arm tightened around Bella's waist.

"And you're naked in bed together? You think I'm okay with this?" Dad ground through his teeth.

"I've got underwear on, and she's fully clothed. Nothing happened. I kissed her, but that's it. She's staying, Dad. Everything's back to normal," Edward told him. He inhaled her scent and it calmed him, making the small numbers drift away.

"_Normal_?" Dad took a few more steps deeper into the room.

"Yeah. We're marrying. We love each other. I know everything about her now, and I don't care what she did. She's my future wife and lover. I won't live without her." Edward kissed her shoulder.

Dad frowned. "Why do I even try to argue with you?" He waved his hand down and said, "Fine. Do what you want, but if you have a breakdown at school, and they take you away, I won't stop them. I can only do so much for you, and when you're making deliberate choices to sabotage your future, what do you expect me to—"

"I don't expect anything except for you to be happy for me. I won't have any more episodes. That was the absolute last one. I swear to you."

"Yeah, yeah," Dad mumbled. "Just use protection when you finally do have sex. Promise me that. I'm not ready to be a Grandpa, and with your condition—"

"I will."

"I'll go call the school and tell them you're both ill." Dad turned and dragged himself out the door, making sure to close it on his way out.

"Why do you keep me?" Bella whispered.

"I knew you were awake for all that," he said, smiling.

"Why? Tell me how it's worth it to you," she said above her previous soft tone.

"Because I'm worth it to you too. There's no why when there's love. It's not allowed. Now hush, turn around and touch me." He helped her flip over.

"You're so warm," she said and glued her cheek to his chest as she fiddled with his chest hairs.

"All because of you."

They cuddled, kissed and both finally climbed out of bed, went downstairs and thanked Dad for calling them in sick at school then got something to eat.

Bella smiled and laughed with him, and he knew things were fine.

Definitely back to normal.

.

.

It was so easy to fall back into his life.

They joked and laughed. Edward made popcorn and they watched movies all afternoon. He'd throw pieces at her and she'd catch them in her mouth. She didn't bother to tell him she used to catch stuff in her mouth Jake would throw at her after she'd blow a smoke ring.

She snuggled into him on the couch.

"I really wanna smoke again," she confessed after a few minutes of silence.

"You had one yesterday. I can smell it on you," he said.

"Sorry . . . I just needed some kind of relief," she said. "I don't have any on me though. I bummed one from a guy on the street."

"Just shower before dinner so Dad doesn't smell it," he told her.

His dad exited his office right then. "I'm gonna go get your brother and sister since they don't have a ride home."

"Okay—see ya," Edward said. He nuzzled his nose into Bella's hair.

"Sorry about this, sir," Bella said.

Carlisle turned and scowled. "I think Edward would like it if you called me Dad." He sucked in a gust of air. "And I would too."

Bella's face went cold. "Uh . . . S-sure," she said.

"Try it. Say, 'Goodbye, Dad, see you soon,'" Edward encouraged.

She swallowed but there was not a drop of moisture in her mouth. It felt filled with popcorn. "I . . . Uh . . . Yeah, I'll see you at dinner . . . Dad," she said, and her insides, instead of turning to ice, kind of warmed at the sound of calling him that. She smiled.

"Good. Yes, I'll see you both soon," her . . . uh, her new-sorta-dad said.

"Alice is gonna take a dump down my throat," Bella said after they were alone in the living room.

"That's gross," Edward chuckled, "and unlikely. Alice won't even fart in front of me. Stay with me the entire time, and she won't be able to do anything you don't like."

She smiled. "Good plan."

She stayed soldered into his side until twenty minutes later, Emmett and Alice came rushing through the front door.

Alice's face completely dropped, and she kept silent. She glared at Bella for a moment then left the room, sluggish and shoulders rounded forward.

"Bella!" Emmett said, smiling. "I knew you were smart and you'd work it out with this clown." He laughed and took a seat on the couch with them.

"Clowns live in the circus," Edward said.

"Yeah, and that's what this house is like, so it's perfect for Bella to stay with us," Emmett said. He hugged Bella real quick.

"Does this mean we're still friends?" she asked Emmett.

"Edward, you realize I'm not interested in her, and she's so in love with you, she went after Mike and kicked his ass. He's a big guy," Emmett said.

"I do, but when you two are around me, I don't wanna be ignored. Include me in your music talks, and I want to wrestle and push and play too. Deal?" Edward waited, staring at his brother.

"I'm down with that. Bella?" Emmett asked.

"Of course." She beamed at Edward. It was easy when he was so cute and his eyes sparkled with utter graciousness.

"Good. We're a good family." Edward got up, put on another movie and said, "Alice will make us dinner, and everything'll be perfect!"

"I wish," Bella muttered.

Emmett grabbed what was left of the bowl of popcorn and ate the rest in a flash.

"I'm starving. I'm gonna tell Alice to make it early tonight," Edward said.

He left the room but told Emmett to behave while he was gone.

Bella covered her mouth and stifled a giggle.

"Everything really all right?" Emmett asked her when it was only the two of them in the room.

"Great," she said.

"Okay. I'm here for both of you—honestly. I'm cool with all the stuff you've done. You had a crappy family life. I get it. My family has no idea the drugs I did after Mom left. I never told them, but I know you'll understand." Emmett offered a kind smile.

"I do get it, more than anybody. And I appreciate all your support. You're a terrific brother to him, and I can't wait to have you as my brother-in-law, too." She extended her hand to shake.

He pulled her into a tight hug and rocked her roughly side to side.

She laughed.

"Don't tell them I'm screwing my girlfriend, Rose, either, or I'll . . . Well, I don't know what I'll do, but you need me on your side." He let go and pretended to scowl as he looked her in the eye.

"I'm not one to blab about others. You know that," she said.

"'Kay, just so we're straight on that," he used a mocking, deep voice and shook a paternal finger at her.

She laughed. "You're such a dork."

"Who's a dork? Emmett?" Edward asked, rejoining them.

"You know it!" Emmett pounded his chest. "Is she gonna feed us, or what? I'm so hungry I could hunt and eat a bear."

"You _are_ a bear," Bella said, shoving his shoulder.

The next thing she knew, the three of them were tussling on the floor and laughing like maniacs.

She got up after a few minutes, trying to catch her breath.

Alice walked by, stepped into the kitchen and started slamming pots, pans and cabinet doors.

"I better go shower," Bella said, excusing herself.

"Yeah, you nasty ho—get that stank washed off!" Emmett called after her, snickering.

She heard Emmett and Edward go back at it, tackling each other and laughing hysterically.

Bella took her time in the shower, getting cleaned up.

She kept smiling and bursting into inexplicable fits of giggles.

This felt like a real home now—like she really belonged.

So much so, that she didn't wipe down the entire bathroom when she was done. Her shampoo bottle stayed in the shower along with her other toiletries. She even left her toothbrush and toothpaste in the medicine cabinet.

It was amazing how warm and gooey she felt inside. Each breath was filled with more peace.

Bella was humming as she finished dressing. She went back to the bathroom to grab her comb so she could go to dinner without a wet rat's nest for hair.

She looked up and gasped.

Alice stood before her, knife in hand, shaking from head to toe.

"You're not welcome here," she said through her bared teeth.

_Jaaaaabbbbb . . . Sliiiiiice!_

The chopping knife tore into Bella's right side and she was thrust on the floor, with Alice jumping on top of her. "You _will_ leave!"


	31. Chapter 31

**Chapter 29: Running Lines**

Edward's jaw dropped and his eyes were opened so wide they hurt.

"It's your fault!" Alice hissed and her hand flashed back behind her with a blade gripped in her fist, ready to rip Bella to shreds.

_No!_

Edward pounced, rammed his shoulder straight into Alice's side like he used to do when he played football with Emmett, but this time, he didn't close his eyes.

He watched exactly where he was going.

His fist pummeled into her at the same time as his shoulders, and the side of his head indented the dry wall.

Alice rolled away, sprang to her feet, gave him a look of absolute, mortified horror and ran straight through the bathroom and out of her bedroom door.

He considered chasing after her when he heard the downstairs front door slam and his car start up. Alice was gone before he could holler for Emmett or Dad to go after her.

Bella lay in a lump on the floor, blood all over her stomach.

"Bella! Bella! Are you okay?" He took her into his arms and put pressure where he could see it gushing out of her.

"It's not a big deal. Are you okay? You hit the wall," she said, breathy.

"Fine, fine. Don't worry about me."

Dad and Emmett barreled through the bathroom, stopping abruptly and out of breath.

"What the hell happened?" Dad yelled.

"Alice . . . She attacked Bella with a kitchen knife. She left," Edward said.

"Jesus, she needs stitches," Dad said. He was at her side already and examining her wound.

"I'll carry her to your car," Edward said. "Alice took mine."

"Why would she do this?" Emmett asked, shaking his head.

Edward grunted as he lifted Bella and Dad opened the door so he could carry her downstairs.

Edward stumbled a few times, trying to go as fast as he could.

Emmett's hands would brace him when that happened.

Dad told Emmett he needed to stay behind in case Alice came back.

Dad drove and Edward never stopped stroking her gently with his quivering fingers, kissing her face all over and cooing to her, "I love you. You'll be fine."

He rocked her in his lap.

At the hospital, he never left her side.

"Isabella Swan?" a nurse called out with a clipboard and file in hand.

Edward jumped up and helped her stand. "Here!" he answered for her.

The nurse motioned for them to follow her through the double doors.

Dad walked behind them. Once Bella was settled into a bed, Dad left to go fill out the insurance information for her.

Edward climbed right up into the bed with her and kissed her cheek. "How bad does it hurt?"

"Not so bad," she said, but her whole face was in a tight grimace.

"She needs pain medicine," he told the nurse bustling around the little area they were stuffed into.

"Sir, you need to get out of her bed. You're not allowed to be there," the nurse answered.

"No."

"Sir . . . I'm sorry but it's regulations." The nurse pointed to the ground.

"I don't care. I'm not leaving her," she said.

"You don't have to leave, but you can't be in the bed." She walked over to Bella and started inserting an IV needle.

"You're doing that wrong. You shouldn't have to search around for the vein like that. She has good veins. She used to do drugs, so it should be easy to insert it," he slipped out of the bed, raced over to the nurse and swatted her hand away from Bella's arm. "Here, let me . . . My dad showed me how to do this." He had that IV in before the nurse could blink.

The nurse's face went pale and she left the area in a rush.

"Edward," Bella reached out and stroked his cheek, "she's probably out there getting security to throw you out. You can't do stuff like that, sweetie. Not even your dad is allowed to do that, and he has a license to practice medicine."

"They won't throw me out."

Her eyes softened. "Please, be brave. Go wait out in the car. Your dad will take care of me. I don't want you to have an episode because of this stress. They'll give me some stitches and we'll be right out."

His lips trembled. "But I . . . I ca—"

"Go. We'll be snuggled up against each other very soon. I love you. Wait for me in the car," she said and stroked her hand down his cheek then landed her palm on his chest. "Now."

He kissed her, groaned and shuffled his feet in place, unable to leave.

But then he heard the nurse's agitated voice approaching their area, and she was talking to some men.

He ran out of there, straight back out into the ER waiting area and slowed when he finally hit the pavement.

Dad had the keys. He turned to go back inside when a flash of short, cropped, black hair crossed his peripheral vision.

His whole body went rigid.

Alice walked straight up to him, her hands shoved in her pockets.

"You're not gonna hurt her ever again!" he snarled.

"I know . . . I'm not here for her, I'm here for you."

His hands fisted.

"You try to hurt me, and you know I'll overpower you. You're little, Alice," he said. His heart was beating so hard, shoving numbers into his head.

He pictured Bella bleeding and Alice attacking her, and the numbers fell to the ground, gone out of his head.

"I wanted to explain what happened," she said softly, taking a few hesitant steps toward him.

"Explain why you hate her and you don't want us together?"

"Who always takes care of you, Edward? When Mom screwed up and gave you sodas, who was there? Me. When kids made fun of you or tricked you at school—it wasn't Emmett that rescued you, it was me. It was always me. When Dad's too old to take care of you, I'll be the one to do it." She pulled her hands out of her pockets and he flinched, his shoulders hunching up to his ears as he ducked.

There was nothing in her hands. She held her palms up like she was surrendering.

"You did nothing to help me or Bella when Lauren and Jessica were saying awful things to me at that restaurant. They told me—"

Her whole face went wide and flashed with fear. "I'm sorry, I had to pay them to harass her and you. I wanted Bella gone. She was hurting you, but you just couldn't see it."

He bit down on his tongue when his mouth slammed shut. "You _what_?" he ground out.

She backed up and her face paled. "I thought you . . . You said they told you—I thought you were saying you knew I told them to do that."

His teeth clashed together, grinding loud, and his whole face was on fire as his fists tightened. "You paid them to hurt us?"

"I had to!" she cried.

"And what about Mike? Was he being paid, too?"

"Yeah—he didn't want to do it, but I threatened him with a knife," she said. She moved to the side, getting a little closer to him in a sly way. He glared. "Bella would've have found ways to humiliate you at school, so I found out who her enemies were and exploited it. It would've been another girl in a bathroom all over again, taking nude pictures of you, and me beating the shit out of her, slicing her scalp open and threatening to gut her if she came near you. I figured this was less bloody and painful for you and her. If Bella just would've been scared and left you alone . . ."

"I _hate_ you!" he screamed, his chest puffed out, his fists and arms rigid behind his back as he leaned forward at the waist.

She flinched, jumped, and her whole face crumpled as tears rained from her eyes. "Don't say that!"

"If you don't leave now, I'm calling the police!"

She hesitated, but then suddenly bolted to the Volvo parked a few spaces down. He could see her crying hysterically as she sped out of the parking lot, leaving him behind.

He slumped onto the back of the trunk of Dad's car and covered his face with his hands as he sobbed.

"Alice . . . You're _bad_! You're _so_ bad!" he wailed, stomping his feet and falling over into a heap of tears and pain. "I can't like you."

He stayed there, racked with pain, until Dad and Bella finally came out and pulled him into the car to go home.

.

.

"Edward, I'm fine. It's all okay," she said, stroking his hair.

His head was in her lap and he kept crying, his entire body shuddering with each breath.

"He's scaring me," she told his dad. "He's not responding and his eyes are kind of . . . glassy."

"Keep talking to him. He'll snap out of it once we're home. You guys can go lie down, and Emmett and I will see if we can track down Alice."

"She has his phone. I called it when he was out in the parking lot. She answered it then hung up," she said.

"I'll be able to track her then."

Edward wrapped his arms around Bella's legs. She flinched when it made her stitches pull for a second, during his shifting movements.

It was gone a moment later, so she went back to stroking his hair and hummed for him. Maybe the numbers were crowding his head and he was unable to see or hear anything.

When they got home, Emmett ran out. He carried Edward inside. Bella went upstairs before Emmett and pulled down the covers in Edward's bed.

Emmett set him down and asked if she needed anything.

She said she was fine.

Bella kicked off her shoes and socks then slid into bed with him.

"Sweetie, tell me. Was it that scary for me to be in the hospital? Did something bad happen to you in a hospital once?"

He blinked and licked his dry lips. "No. I like hospitals. I used to want to be a doctor like my dad, but . . ."

She combed her fingers through the hair by his temple and ran her fingertips behind his ear. His eyes relaxed and closed slowly.

"Alice . . . She was in the parking lot."

Bella bit her lip and her muscles tightened, spasming a little from the pain to her side.

"She told me she . . ." He coughed and his hands went to his stomach. "She said," those hands fisted, "she sent Mike, Jessica and Lauren after us to split us apart. She thought you would hurt me, so she was protecting me. She paid them."

Bella's gut clamped down so hard, bile moved up her throat and she spit up in her mouth. She had to swallow it back down.

His eyes closed and his head lolled from side to side, as far as the pillow would let him go.

"I told her I hate her and to leave or I'd call the police," he said, his expression distant.

"It's okay, Edward. But I . . . I think we need to tell all of this to Dad."

He nodded and relaxed with an exhale into the bed.

Her phone rang in her pocket.

Bella pulled it out and didn't look at it before answering, "Yeah?"

"Tell him I'm so sorry. And tell him goodbye for me, and I love him," Alice said.

The phone line went dead, and Bella lobbed the phone across the room until it hit the wall and crashed to the floor.

"She's gone," she told him.

"Good."

They wrapped their arms around each other, stared into each other's eyes and every few breaths, kissed until all the sadness and pain lessened.

.

.

The next day at school they both felt off. It was strange wondering where Alice was, if she'd come back and what would she do once she reappeared? Would she attack again?

Edward found out Alice's boyfriend's name by hacking into her emails.

At lunch, he and Bella went looking for him.

"Do you think he'll tell us where she is if he even knows?" Bella asked him.

"I don't know, but I have to try," he said.

"We don't have a clue what he looks like," Bella reminded him.

She saw the back of Jessica's head, walked up to her and nudged her chair.

"Before you turn around and say something dumb, I just wanna say, I hope the money was worth it. Alice is gone," Bella said, close to her ear.

Jessica gasped and pushed away with her chair, the legs scraping the ground with a squeal.

"I'm so sorry, Bella. I . . . Mike told me she had a knife at his crotch, ready to castrate him. What was I supposed to do? I'm not some street fighter, and I was afraid of what she might do to me and my cousin." Jessica looked at Edward then averted her eyes.

"I don't wanna talk about that," Bella said. "I want to know if you know who Jasper Whitlock is?"

"Who doesn't? He's about as hot as they come . . . Well, you know, with the exception of Mike and these freak Cullen brothers."

"They're not freaks," Bella said.

Edward glared at Jessica.

Jessica rolled her eyes. "I'm not talking about his . . ." she paused and rubbed the back of her neck ". . . issues. I mean, the fact that all three of them were all in the same grade. That never happens."

"Doesn't matter; tell me what I need to know, or a knife will seem like a baby's rattle to you," Bella said.

"Yeah, uh . . ." Jessica looked around the cafeteria. "Over there. The tall one with the wavy blond hair. That's him." She pointed over by the corner window. Three girls and two guys sat at the table with him.

He was sitting there with a glum look on his face, leaving his food untouched.

"Thanks," Edward said and took Bella's hand, tucking it up against her hip. He liked having it there now.

Bella wondered if it was some kind of way to protect her wound.

That would be just like him to look out for her in that way.

"Does this make us even? You're okay with me, now, right?" Jessica asked.

"Not even close. Maybe if you paid Edward the money Alice gave you, stayed away from us indefinitely, then I'd say, yeah, we're good," Bella said.

Jessica swallowed and frowned.

Bella left without another word.

She led the way over to Jasper, ready to kick the hell out of him if he kept quiet as to where Alice was and what was going on with her.

Bella carefully sat herself down on a seat right next to Jasper.

"Excuse me, who're you?" one of the girls said at the table.

"I'm the bitch that's gonna tear his head off if he doesn't tell me where Alice Cullen is," Bella said.

Edward squeezed into the seat next to her.

"And why should I tell you that?" Jasper asked.

"Please . . . She's my sister. I only want to know if she's okay and has somewhere to stay with food and water," Edward broke in.

"She's fine. She stayed with me last night, but she left this morning. She said she was leaving the country to find her mom," Jasper replied. His eyes softened at Edward when he noticed how sad Edward became at this news.

"I've been looking for our mom; can't find her no matter how hard I try," Edward told him.

"She said she was pretty sure she knew where to find her." Jasper extended his hand. Edward didn't take it. "I'm sorry to hear you're mad at Alice, but it's nice to meet y—"

"_Mad_? Is that what she told you?" Bella lifted her shirt and showed him her stitches. "She did this. She attacked me with a knife, stole Edward's car and phone. Mad doesn't even touch what I am. She's psychotic; you need to turn her in if you know where she is." She put her shirt back down.

Jasper's eyes flew up and the girls at the table covered their mouths when they saw her wound.

"She did that to you?" Jasper gasped.

"Yeah. She tackled me then stabbed me once, really deep. Wanna know how close to some vital organs and bones she got?" Her lips twitched as she took a breath; the memory jabbing into her mind, hurting almost as much as the actual attack.

"If Alice hadn't stood up to try to slice her from throat to belly, then I probably wouldn't have been able to save Bella in time. We want to get her some help," Edward finished for her.

Jasper's eyes roamed to the table. "I don't know exactly where she is. She didn't really say, but she said she'd return for your wedding."

"She's not invited," Edward intoned.

"Yeah, I can see why." Jasper tapped his finger on the table. "Give me your phone number. When she calls, I'll let you know right away."

"We need more than that. You need to tell us where she is, and what she's doing after you talk to her again," Bella told him and stood up.

She reached for Edward's hand.

He took it.

"Thank you, Jasper. I can't really be friends with you, but maybe next time I see you, I'll shake your hand so you know we're not enemies. I hope I can trust you," Edward said.

Bella gave no goodbye, just left with Edward at her side when he was done talking.

"That was rude not to say goodbye," Edward told her.

"I know . . . I did it on purpose. I want him to dislike me, too. Then he'll tell her where I am; what _I'm_ doing instead. She'll come back for me, Edward. And when she does, we'll be ready for her."

She got in line to get her food; Edward did the same.

While they ate in silence, she stared at Jasper and gauged his reactions.

Yeah, he was shaking, uptight, while he talked to his friends.

He looked paranoid. He'd say something to Alice as soon as he could.

Something deep inside told her he knew exactly where she was. Did Alice have him memorize a script or something, on what to say if they contacted him? He was lying.

Bastard!

.

.

Bella was cooking dinner tonight. She was spooked; every sound making her jump.

Edward finally stood next to her and held her hand, slowing down the cooking process, but she was happy to have him nearby.

"Are you okay?" he asked her. He released his fingers, knotted in hers and set his hands on her shoulders.

"I don't know," she said. She put down the mixing spoon and turned to him. "How did you know yesterday where Alice was and that she as attacking me?"

He inhaled a stuttering breath. "I didn't know. It looked like dinner was done cooking, so I set the table. And when I went to ask Alice what to do next, she was gone. I went looking for her, and then I heard something fall in your room. I ran in through her bedroom door because it was wide open. I figured yours would be locked since you'd just showered. That's when I saw her and what she was doing."

A chill gathered around her spine like a cold fist was milking the icy fluids all the way down to her toes. She closed her eyes and dropped her head. It almost felt like a prayer—the way she was searching her thoughts for answers. "Edward, if you hadn't gotten there when you did . . ." She licked her lips; her tongue was cold too.

"I'm glad I did. When I saw that knife in her hands, and she pulled it back . . . God—I swear, I almost died. I thought about how I'd miss you at first if she managed to kill you before I hurt her, but then it was more than that. I had a moment when I realized—if you died, then I was already gone. Nothing would matter, and I would've let Alice kill me too."

Her eyes flashed wide, and in a sweeping rush, her intake of air jammed in her windpipe. She grabbed at her throat. "No . . ." she muttered under her breath. "You can't ever say th—"

_Rmmmmmmmmmmmnnnnuh . . ._

The sound of an engine cut off in the driveway.

Their heads snapped in that direction.

Before Bella could tell Edward to stay put, he ran through the house toward the front door.

Bella was right behind him, gaping at the Volvo parked in the driveway.

A blond head poked out of the driver's door, and Jasper got out.

He walked over to them and gave Edward the keys.

"She told me to tell you once again she's sorry and she loves you," Jasper said, his eyes apologetic.

"What other lies did she say?" Bella asked.

"None. I broke up with her. After I saw what she did to you . . . I knew she was leaving stuff out, but I had no idea. She told me to wait and bring the car back in a few days so you'd think she was still in town, but I wasn't about to let you be without your wheels because she . . . Well, never mind." Jasper put his hands in his pockets. "I'm sorry I was in the middle. I wish now I hadn't been. I really love her, ya know?"

"I'm glad you do. I hope she gets some help," Bella said. "There's something seriously wrong with her. She's really violent."

"I know. I told her the same thing. She said it was her mom's fault, not hers. Do _you_ know what that means?" he asked Edward.

Edward shrugged and shook his head. "I have no idea what she's talking about. Mom never lifted a finger against us, and she was always really nice; hardly ever yelled or anything."

Jasper sighed and his eyes drifted over to the house. "If I hear anything else from her, I'll tell you. Can I get your phone numbers this time? Forgot to follow-up and get it last time."

Bella passed him her phone since Edward's was with Alice.

Jasper typed his in. She called him and he immediately saved the number on his.

"Thanks," he jiggled his phone in his palm at them, "I appreciate it."

"Do you need a ride home?" Edward asked him.

"Nah. I've got a friend that's gonna pick me up in five minutes at the corner there." He pointed at the end of the street.

Bella's gut lifted. Who was this friend, and why not call them and cancel, get a ride from Edward? Was he lying again? Her eyes narrowed a little.

"Alice didn't happen to give you Edward's phone back, did she?" Bella asked before he walked away.

"No. She said he deserved it since he burned hers." Jasper turned to Edward smirking. "Is that true? Did you really do that?"

The left half of Edward's lips twisted into a goofy grin. "Yeah. It was fun."

Jasper chuckled. "I'm sure it was. She was _pii-iissed_ off about that one when it happened. I thought she'd accidentally flushed it and was embarrassed so she made up some silly story about you doing that. In the tub?" he checked with Edward.

"Yeah. My dad got mad about that. Next time, I'll do it in the grill in the backyard, but I didn't want her to catch me doing it. The bathroom has a good lock on it."

"Not good enough," Bella mumbled under her breath, recalling his surprising shower visit with her. She nudged Edward.

He blushed. "No, not good enough to keep me out."

Jasper's cheeks tinged pink, a little flustered, probably figuring out what they were talking about.

"I'll let you guys get back to dinner," Jasper said, waving bye.

He left, and Edward got inside the car to check it over.

Everything was exactly how he'd left it.

With the exception of the small note on the passenger's seat.

_I'll find Mom. Love, Alice_

Edward wadded it up, tossed it on the lawn on his way back inside the house and snorted with disbelief.

"Not if I find her first!" he growled.

**A/N:**

**Thank you to my beta and pre-readers. They're awesome. And I've added akjamma as a new pre-reader as well. Give them a clap on the back, toast them or whatever you want, because they're such a great help!**

**I have to say, real quick, most of the reviews for the last chapter said they did not expect that ending. I cannot tell you how pleased and surprised I was. My biggest worry was that it was too obvious and predictable, so I was glowing when I heard that repeatedly. A big sigh of relief for me. Thank you for continuing to read. I figured chapter 27 might've lost me a few readers, but I had to write the story true to the characters and listen to what they were telling me. I appreciate you sticking with it.**

**Scarlett**


	32. Chapter 32

**Chapter 30: Cards**

Edward's jaw flexed. "I _found_ you," he said to the screen.

It was Mom's brother, Peter. He lived in France.

Edward bounced out of his seat, found Bella in the living room, wrapping Christmas presents.

"Don't come in!" she hollered. "I'm wrapping your gift."

"I thought we said nothing big," he reminded her.

"It's not big, but I can still wrap it," she said.

He turned around and closed his eyes. "Tell me when it's safe to come in."

A few crinkles of paper, tape snapping and sealing the gift, then a mumbled, "'Kay. It's safe now."

He turned and smiled.

"I've got her," he said, beaming.

"Your mom?" she asked, pushing herself up to standing with some effort.

The stitches were probably pulling. He helped her up, hoping to relieve the pressure on her side.

"Thanks," she said, leaning in and giving him a kiss. "So, tell me where she is."

"I'm not really certain she's there, but I found her brother. His name's Peter Richards. No phone number. I've looked and looked, but I've got an address. I have a good feeling she's there."

She hugged him. "I'm sure she is. Why don't you write him a letter?"

"Will you help me? I don't want it to sound childish."

She smiled and patted his chest. "You're the brilliant one, not me, but, yeah, I'll help if you want. Let's do it tonight after dinner."

"We've gotta get our laundry done."

"Hey, I've been saying that for two days now. You're the one that keeps putting it off." She smacked his tush.

He smirked. It was always a treat when she did that. "I know, but I was looking for _her_."

She grabbed the wrapping paper, tape, scissors and Sharpie then went to put them away. "Hopefully the search is over," she said as he trailed behind her.

"Me too." He pushed his bangs out of his eyes.

"Hey, I'm home!" Dad said.

"Dad! Great news!" Edward yelled and loped after him to share the good news.

Dad's lips formed an O. "Wow, I'm . . . I thought so . . . I put a trace on your cell phone, Edward. Alice wasn't using it so it was doing me no good. But this morning I found out she used it last night, and she's in Paris. I contacted the police we've been talking to about this whole thing. They're gonna look into it as well."

Dad looked exhausted. He'd been dealing with a ton of stuff since Alice disappeared. He had to report her missing with the police, at school, and file reports on Bella's attack. His eyes were always red and sagging now.

"So, do you think Mom's there? Should we go there too? We need to find her? What if Alice—"

Dad's hand landed on Edward's shoulder and squeezed. "Slow down. I doubt she's gonna try to harm you mother. And Elizabeth made it quite clear she was done with this family. We stay here."

"Can I send a note to Uncle Peter?" Edward asked, his voice breaking.

"Sure. You can ask if she's there, and maybe we should go ahead and print up the wedding invitations Bella made on the computer; we can send that along too, just in case."

Edward nodded, grinning. His heart flooded with warmth. Once Bella was back home with him after his restaurant freak out, she was fully committed to him, and she proved it by designing their wedding invitations almost right away.

Dad hugged him, patted him on the back a few times and said, "I'm proud of you for persevering and finding out more than I ever did."

"Did you really try, Dad? Honestly?"

"Not as hard as I could've. I wasn't really sure if I wanted to know. After the divorce was final . . . I don't know. It was difficult. What if she'd already found somebody else and had remarried?" Dad's eyes clouded with pain and tears.

But . . . Dad never cried, ever. He was a big man and was tough. Nothing bothered him, not really.

"I love you, Dad. And I love her too, but I'll always be near you, not her. You stayed. You never quit on me."

Dad blinked. "Thank you, Son. It's good to hear you don't resent me for some of the tough choices I had to make for you. I love you too. And I can't tell you how happy I am that you and Bella seem to be doing well together and at school. You make me proud."

"I do?" Edward's voice rose quite a bit.

"Yes, and I know I should tell you that more." Dad stood still for a moment, gave one nod and left to his office.

"Wow . . ." Edward whispered to himself.

He had a great family. If only Alice could be okay again.

.

.

"Edward, I'm fine," Bella said the last day of school before winter break started.

"You're still healing," he replied, his arm tight around her, his hand on her hip.

"It's been over a week since I had the stitches put in." She shoved him playfully away. The contact broke. "I think you just want an excuse at school to be all over me."

"I don't need an excuse," he said, grabbing her ring finger and spinning the band around.

"You're too damn cute, you know that?"

He looked down at her and pretended to make a serious face. "Yes," he said, trying to be a baritone and failing.

"So dopey too," she said, snickering.

Her phone buzzed in her pocket. She pulled it out.

"Jake?"

"Hey . . . I've got some bad news for you," he responded.

"What? Lemme guess . . . You've decided to follow my advice and leave that arm-pit town? Phoenix's not ready for y—"

"Bella, your dad's . . . He's dead."

Her face froze, and her heart followed right after. "He died?"

Edward was practically on top of her, bending down to listen as closely to her phone as he could.

"I'm so sorry, hon'. As far as we can tell, he fell down the stairs while carrying some boxes up there and broke his neck," Jacob said. She could hear him crying.

"When?"

"Two days ago . . . We think."

"And I'm just now hearing this?" she asked, gripping the phone so tight it hurt her fingers.

"Nobody knew. He never leaves anymore. The mail man was the one that noticed he wasn't emptying out the mailbox. He peeked inside a window and saw him on the ground," he explained.

Tears fell down her cheeks. "O-kay, I . . . I . . . What am I supposed to do?"

"Talk to your mom. Funeral plans need to be ma—"

"I'd rather strike a match and cremate him along with all his stuff nobody wants," Bella cut him off.

"Bella, come on. Call your mom," Jacob pleaded. "There are people here that would like to say goodbye."

"I'll figure something out. Don't worry about it." Edward gave her a sympathetic look. She kissed him.

"Call me back when you do," he said. "Bella?"

"What?" she said a little curt.

"He was your dad, and he loved you. Don't do anything rash just because you parted on bad terms."

"Yeah, sage advice by the person that had to take my dad's loaded weapon out of my face," Bella said.

Edward gripped her arm and his fingers cinched down.

Oh great. She was freaking Edward out.

"Gotta go. I'm at school. Talk to you later." She hung up.

Edward whirled her straight into his arms.

"I'm fine," she said, unsure of how she felt, what she thought, and how to handle all this.

"You sure? I know he was kind of mean the last time you saw him, but . . ."

"Don't," she said. "Just don't. I don't even care how he treated me. I can't stand to even think about the last time I was there and the mean things I said to him." She kicked her foot behind her and crossed that ankle behind the other, keeping her eyes downcast.

"No, you don't. Bella, you don't get to be mean to yourself about this now and say you're a bad person." He hooked his index finger under her chin and lifted her gaze to him. "It's not your fault he made bad choices. And you told me all the things you said to him—they were all helpful, not hurtful."

"Yeah, right," she snorted and shook her head a little bit.

Once again, all she wanted was to go light up in the parking lot.

Why had she quit smoking? Nervous, electric energy radiated through her chest and out to her limbs, making her kind of jerky.

Oh, yeah, couldn't really afford it, wanted to be good for Edward and get on his dad's good side. She still really, really wanted one more than anything right now.

"God! I totally forgot about Christmas in less than a week! And now I've gotta go and deal with a funeral," she said. Her neck whipped back and she moaned as she stared at the ceiling. "I . . . I was actually looking forward to this stupid holiday for the first time in years because I was going to be spending it with you and your family. Now I'll be gone."

"We'll celebrate early." He brushed her hair over her shoulder and ran his hand down her back. "And I'll come with you. I like flying with you. You get real snuggly and kissy. It's nice." He smiled.

Her head fell back into place and kind of bounced at the bottom when she hit a level gaze.

"Kissy? That's a new one; I don't think I've ever been called that before." She chuckled silently, her abs moving.

She uncrossed her ankles, leaned forward and rested her forehead on his chest. "This is a mess. Seriously—what am I going to do? I can't afford a funeral, and I know my mom sure as hell can't."

"Maybe your dad prepared ahead for this type of thing and has some money set aside?" he offered, his voice going up at the end, letting on he really doubted what he was saying.

Instead of calling her mom right away, she finished out the day at school, taking the time to think this through.

Dad's house was a disaster, and the idea of emptying it out was beyond daunting. If it weren't for the fact there were some scrapbooks, mementos of when their family had been together, she really would have the place either bulldozed or burned to the foundation.

But who knew where any of those valuable memory items might be? They were lost in mounds of unimportant knickknacks and stuff nobody needed or wanted.

When the day that dragged on forever finally ended, she made some decisions.

Edward met her at his car and let her in, then pulled out of the parking lot like he was in a hurry to take her away from here.

"Edward, I want to talk to my mom in person. Can you drop me off there at her place, and I'll call you when I'm done and need a ride back home?"

"I'll go with you since I'm going back to Forks with you. I need to know the plan," he said.

"Okay, but be prepared for her to act like she can't stand me. I'm sure she'll say some pretty awful stuff."

He smiled and caressed her hand with his free one. "But it won't matter—because this time I know everything about your past, so I'll know when she's lying, and I'll know how to defend you," he said, smiling, his eyes bright.

He changed the course of the car so they were heading to her old house, instead of her new one with him.

"You don't have to do that," she said. The idea of him battling it out with her mom was nauseating.

"I can handle it," he said, pushing his chest out.

"I know you can. But she's not worth it; you can't reason with her. She won't listen." She kissed the corner of his mouth and then wiped it away with the pad of her thumb. After she had it dry, she kept rubbing her finger over that spot because that lip twitched into a lopsided smile. "Although, if you smile at her like that—I think she'll be too dazed to respond. Do you have any idea how absolutely gorgeous you are? With your amazing personality on top of it—she'll be defenseless."

"That's a good plan. I'll sit and be cute, and say nice things. She'll like us both that way."

She kissed that spot again and went through the rubbing it dry routine, once more. "That's a much better plan than what I had in mind."

"Which was?"

She blew out. "To tell her to keep out of it since she's the one that left him, and I'd take care of the whole thing. I figured maybe some of his old friends might want to have a small memorial, get-together kind of thing, and I'll have him cremated. While I'm there, I'll try to get those same people to help me empty out as much of the house as possible."

"Maybe we should take Emmett along—he's a big guy and lift lots of stuff," he suggested.

"I don't wanna make your dad be alone for Christmas," she argued.

"Let's bring it up at dinner tonight and see what they say. I'm sure they'll want to help as much as they can."

That thought was baffling to her. A family that helped each other out?

Why would they want to deal with mountain loads of crap that even she didn't want to face? She was related to the deceased collector of odd items, and she was dreading it.

"Trust us—we're your family now."

Her breath was trapped in her throat, but she was able to say, "I already love this family more the one I was born into."

"It is pretty great," he said.

The car stopped. They were already at her mom's.

"Now we wait," she said, exhaling with a feeling of defeat, weighing her down.

"Or not," he said.

Rene's Jeep pulled up next to them.

"Looks like she already knows," he said, pointing discreetly over at her crying mother.

"Perfect—emotional Mom is not good. She's even worse to talk to when she's sad. She makes almost no sense at all." She moved to open the car door, but stopped. "Edward, I know you want to stay, but this is going to be worse than I thought."

"I'm coming," he said and opened his car door, stepped out and was so quick, he was able to help Mom out of her car too.

Before Mom was standing completely erect, he wrapped her up in a hug.

She almost collapsed as she exploded in tears and incoherent words. Her hair clung in wet clumps to her skin, snot ran down her face and her eyes were wild as she clung to his jacket.

"And Charlie . . . What then? Huh, Edward? . . . What was I supposed to do then? . . . I had no shoes, no money, and I left . . . But he was . . . The greenery there was pretty but wet all the time! He wanted me to . . . But I couldn't live there," Mom babbled.

He scooped her up, carried her toward the house and motioned for Bella to get her mom's keys out and open the front door.

Bella was fast. Edward struggled under the weight of her mom, but there was nothing but smiles and understanding nods from him.

He set her down on the couch and sat right next to her, hugging her into his side.

"What can I do to help you?" he asked her.

"Nothing," she sobbed, her head on his shoulder. "I . . . Nothing."

"Well, I can love you, because you're my mother now. Mine's gone, and since Bella and I plan to get married, I'll take care of you the same way I do Bella. We're family. I told Bella that," he said.

A look of comfort came over her, and her erratic breathing evened out some.

Bella stood there gaping, while love for this man washed over her so completely, all she could think about was how it had to be an illusion; no man was this loving.

"I like that a lot. Do you like being in a family with Bella and me?" Edward asked Rene.

Bella took a sharp stuttering breath. Oh no. This was gonna be bad! She wanted to look away, to grab him and run before her mom said some obnoxious, cruel comment.

"I do. I miss her living here with me," Mom admitted.

Bella sank to the floor in front of them and could only watch his magic unfold in the room before her.

"That's great, because we miss you too. I know Bella really does a lot. It's not the same when a mom's gone." He paused and smiled like a warm memory was washing over him. "It's like our families were two puzzle pieces meant to come together. I needed Bella, she needed me. I had a dad, she had a mom. We make a good complete picture now, don't you think?"

"_I_ do," Bella chimed in.

Edward beamed at her.

"I suppose," Mom said.

"Bella and I will take care of anything you want for the funeral. We're gonna fly up and empty out the house too. Do you think there's anything in there you'd like to keep? We can bring the stuff you want back for you," he offered.

His tone was so warm and inviting, like a blanket, Bella wanted to climb into forever with him and never let go of. Her mom had the same serene look on her face that Bella was positive she was wearing herself.

"Okay," Mom said, her breath breaking as the tears finally slowed to almost nonexistent.

"What were you thinking about for a service?" he asked her.

"I wasn't. I can't do this . . . So . . ." She peered up at Edward's eyes with her head still on his shoulder. "Anything you want, Edward. I trust you—I can tell you'll do right by Bella and this family."

He smiled and petted her hair. "I will. I'll always think of this family first before anything else. And I'm so glad I got to meet Charlie even though it was briefly. I'll have a nice memory of him smiling at me and even being a little nice when I showed up and he wasn't expecting me. Bella said he never let anybody into his house, so I'm honored he let me in when I was a stranger."

"I can see why he did. You have a way of charming people until they're blinded by you," Mom said. She raised her head off him, wiped the last of the tears away, took a deep breath and straightened up her spine.

"You hungry, Mom? You want us to stay, and I can fix something for dinner?" Bella asked.

"I'm not in the mood for a salad with no sugar in the dressing," Mom said.

"I eat sugar now—so I'll make anything you want," Bella let her know.

Mom's eyes widened a bit then she looked at Edward. "My word—now I really trust you. You did _that_ with my daughter? You got her to stop fixating on every little morsel of food that passes those lips of hers and quit worrying about her weight?"

"No—I can't take credit. That was all Bella." He patted her knee, stood up then walked over to Bella and helped her up to standing.

"It was not. He made me see some issues I hadn't noticed before," Bella said. "So, how about it? _Dinner_?"

"Yeah. Mexican, like when we used to eat together. You can order out and I'll pay for it," Mom offered.

"Tamales?" Bella grinned.

"Tamales," Mom agreed. She got up, hugged them both and headed back to her bedroom, probably to have a little time alone.

Bella and Edward went about getting some food for their little family dinner, calling his dad to explain where they were and would be home later.

By the time they finished eating, Mom was smiling and laughing, recounting stories about their family when Bella was little.

Her dad had been quite the prankster, keeping Mom on her toes, often.

Bella was a daddy's girl—following him around the house anytime he was home. She even liked to shave with him, so her mom bought her an old fashioned shaver, took the razor out, and Charlie would foam up her face like his and they'd shave their chins, jaws and upper lips together, side by side.

"There's a picture of that somewhere in his piles. I'd love to have it," Mom said.

"I'll find it. I promise," Edward said.

Bella nudged his leg under the table and gave him a "be realistic!" look.

He only smiled back with confidence.

"All right, you two. You need to get home. Tell your dad I'm sorry for being such a pain in the ass. I won't cause any more headaches," Mom promised.

She hugged them both and walked them to the front door, asking them to please come visit her after the funeral.

Bella tried to convince her one last time to attend, but Mom refused, citing it would be too painful, and she had to stay here in Phoenix.

She'd have her own little vigil to honor him.

When they were in the car, driving home, Edward blurted, "I knew I loved your mom. I just needed to find her spirit first. She was hiding it."

"And you dug hers out, like you did to me. It's a talent no one else possesses except you."

"It's why you love me," he said, his smile radiating giddiness.

"It is, you crazy man. Let's get home, talk to your dad and brother and go to bed. I wanna cuddle with you all night long."

He tapped her leg and said, "Only if you leave the pajama bottoms off."

She chuckled. "I think that was a given when you hugged my mom and turned her into a human. I need to repay you somehow, and since I'm all out of donuts and sodas, physical pleasure it is."

"Yesss!" he exclaimed and drove a little faster, even going up to ten miles over the speed limit.

Oh, how she adored this man more than anything.


	33. Chapter 33

**Chapter 31: Digging**

"Merry Christmas!" Emmett cheered, handing Bella a small little wrapped box.

She had tears in her eyes since the moment she woke up to his dad's special triangle shaped pancakes that he swore were impressive Christmas tree shapes.

She pretended to agree they were exactly what Carlisle professed them to be. It was fine though because they tasted amazing. He made them from scratch and with whole wheat flour just for her, rather than the white flour ones he usually made each year.

The syrup was strawberry and homemade. He woke earlier than usual to make this little feast for them. It was heartwarming and belly filling—incredible way to start their fake Christmas day.

"Emmett . . . No gifts. I told you I could only afford to get something for Edward," she complained but smiled the whole time she said it.

He had to be the best brother in the world—so deeply caring.

"It's not a big deal," Emmett said. "Open it and you'll see."

She sucked her bottom lip in and braced herself. It was fun to rattle the box like a kid before flipping open the lid.

"C'mon already! You're killing me here—no more suspense," Emmett groaned and chuckled.

"Such a party pooper," she said and pushed the lid off. Inside was a thumb-drive. Her brows pressed together in confusion. "Uh . . . Thanks." She no longer owned a laptop. She shared Edward's.

"It's music. All the remixes Edward ever made me—I put those on there for you so you can put them on his laptop and then on your phone. Some of them will blow you away."

She leapt at him, tackling him with a hug. "Thank you! I love the songs he already shared with me. This is wonderful! I'll listen to them when we're cleaning my dad's house."

"You mean we'll all listen to them. You forget our whole family is coming?" Emmett reminded her.

"I think my brain hasn't quite accepted it yet," she said, glancing down at the simple but astounding gift he'd given her. It was more thoughtful than she could express.

"Me, now! Me!" Edward said, shoving his slightly smaller box at her.

"I thought we all took turns. Isn't it my turn to give a gift to you?" Bella asked.

"No! Me! Open mine!" He hopped around on his seat.

"I don't know how much more kindness I can take for a morning," she teased as she took her time opening this one.

"Let me help you . . . You've gotta rip it, Bella," he said, taking a big chunk of the paper off for her.

She thanked him, and they opened it the rest of the way.

A paper was neatly folded inside and her mouth popped open in surprise. "Is this what I think it is?" Musical notes dotted the lined paper.

"Uh huh," he said, beaming, his voice filled with its own kind of joyful music. "I'm gonna play it for you right now." He got up and ran out of the room. She looked over at Emmett and Dad with accusing eyes. They both smirked and looked away.

Edward returned with a little keyboard in his hands. "I wanted to practice more, so it's not as pretty as I'd like, but you can hear the melody and know what it means." He turned it on and set his hands in their starting spot. "I hope you like it."

She settled into her spot, her hands between her legs and stared with rapt attention.

The beginning was kind of loud and a bit clunky, but she recognized he'd taken one of her favorite Pearl Jam songs, actually it was one they both enjoyed, and he'd remixed it with some other song she'd heard him humming whenever he was trying to fight off the numbers.

By the end, it was all his own original tune, and _that_ part he played with more finesse and confidence.

He bobbed his head in time with the music, and when he played the last note, he released an, "Ahhhhh. Just. Like. That."

They all clapped and he took a mini bow when he stood up. He left to return the keyboard to wherever it came from.

When he rejoined them, he was instantly almost in her lap, whispering in her ear. "Did it make you smile?"

"It did. Didn't you see how my jaw broke because I was smiling so big?" she asked, rubbing his knee with her palm.

He nudged her with his shoulder and chuckled.

"Can I give you mine now?" she asked.

He nodded and held his hand out like an eager little puppy, waiting to be brushed and lavished with affection.

"It's not very good, but it . . . Well, open it—you'll see," she said.

Once it was in his possession, he opened her small box in less than a second. He grinned from ear-to-ear while he unrolled the little piece of paper.

"It's an idea, nothing more. If you don't like it—we'll get something else," she said.

"I . . . I, this is—" he cut himself off, flinging himself at her and engulfing her in a strangling hold.

"What is it?" his dad asked.

"A receipt with a drawing on it," Edward said.

"Uh, o-kay," Emmett said.

Edward let go and held it out to them. "She put some money down on a wedding ring for me, and she drew a picture of it so I could see what it looks like."

"I wanted to take a picture of it and stuff that in the box instead, but you were borrowing my phone that day, and I had to hurry up and get back here before you asked why I took so long to go buy an onion and some tomatoes for dinner."

"Look! I have a ring!" Edward said, bolting out of his seat and shoving her pitiful drawing in his dad and brother's faces.

"Cool," Emmett said. "Right on, little sister."

She ducked her head and hid her shy smile. "Thanks. I thought it looked like him."

It had some roman numerals in the band, but it was so subtle it looked similar to Celtic knots on an Irish wedding ring.

Edward plopped back down on the couch with her, his palm landing on her thigh. His fingers squeezed her inner leg and she squirmed, her heart knotting up at his touch.

Once they had all opened their gifts, Carlisle announced he had a gift for her as well.

"It's something you'll need," he said.

"But you already paid for the plane tickets for us to get back to Forks. I really shouldn't be accepting anything else from you," she said, whining a little.

"Will it make you happy to know I didn't spend any money on it?"

She smiled and her fingers shook. Edward's dad had thought to give her a gift?

She really was family now, and he didn't hate her like she originally thought he had when she first started living here.

She opened the book sized box, fully expecting a paperback, but it was a set of silver hair combs, with sapphires along the edges.

"They were my mother's, and Elizabeth wore them at our wedding. They're the 'something blue' part for your wedding. I figured you already borrowed your mom's wedding ring, so I wanted to contribute as well, to get you both started off right." He smiled so big she had no idea he possessed so many perfectly straight, blinding white teeth.

It was almost disarming.

"Thanks, Dad," she said. Heat flooded her chest. She'd said it for the first time naturally—without thinking or hesitating.

It should have felt odd, but it didn't.

"You're welcome, nugget."

Oh, that did it. She suppressed a laugh, but not the happy tears. That was what they all called Alice—nugget. And now she was one of their nuggets in a family full of nuts.

Her lips twitched and her tongue felt heavy as she began to spew words that made no sense in her head, but she had to get them out, "I love this family so much, and I apologize for any pain I ever caused any of you. I'll spend the rest of my life making all of you happy—especially Edward. I love him more than anything. Thank you for everything, and this was a terrific Christmas. The best I've ever had. And, oh, I still can't believe you're all coming with me to Forks to work on my dad's house. This family's—"

"Breathe," Edward told her, pinching her inner thigh.

She yelped and rubbed it, moving his hand out of the way.

"That was longer than the damned Gettysburg Address. What was in that pancake syrup, Dad?" Emmett asked.

She took a throw pillow off the couch and chucked it at his head with her lips pursed through a wry smile.

He caught it. Since he was sitting on the floor and had been passing out gifts that were under the tree, he now shoved it under his seat for some cushioning.

"Don't mention it, Bella. We're excited to see where you spent some of your formative years, over the summers with your father," Dad said, offering a gracious smile.

"What time is our flight?" Emmett asked.

"Three o'clock. We probably need to leave in about two hours," Dad answered.

"Come with me," Edward told her, standing and taking her with him. "I have one more surprise before we go."

He took her out into the backyard, a place she had barely set foot in since moving in.

"This is our grass. Remember when you talked about hating fake grass? Well, in honor of going to a green place with real green grass, we're going to sit on our lawn and watch the clouds blowing in the direction we might be flying today," he said.

She tagged along behind him; he found a spot he liked and told her to lie down.

They were both on their backs next to each other, pointing at clouds and laughing like children at their descriptions of what each cloud was shaped like.

Her favorite was the elephant wearing a wig and tap dancing shoes.

"You guys are so weird," Emmett said, stepping into the backyard and joining them.

"What? We're all packed and ready to go. She always wanted to sit on our grass with me, so I'm making sure it happens before we go to a place that has some sad memories for her," Edward explained.

"It won't be as hard as last time though—this time I have my family to back me up," she said. Her hand swung out to find Edward's. Their fingers intertwined right away and she almost melted into the grass.

Good idea. Then she'd never have to leave . . .

.

.

"They're already mad at me," Bella said, her arms wrapped around Edward's bicep.

She was having a hell of a difficult time relaxing on the flight, even though Dad got them all first class tickets.

"Maybe it's not like that. Maybe they're just—"

"I love you, but you're wrong. They're mad." She tapped her foot nervously. Her legs had been twitching around like this ever since they left home.

"It's gonna be fine. We can do it without their help," Edward said.

"I don't care about that," she paused, and her foot went even crazier, wiggling so much their seats were visibly shaking, "I mean I do—I could use their help, but . . . Never mind, I guess it doesn't matter."

"If it bothers you, then it does matter," he insisted.

"I should've waited I guess, but how long could I hold this off? Nobody had money for a funeral and burial. Cremation was the only way to do this," she said. "Jacob said I should have done it after I arrived, but why does that matter?"

"Maybe he thinks it's rude you weren't there to say bye to your dad's body first?" Edward guessed. He really had a hard time understanding her friendship with Jacob. It seemed to get stronger over the weeks. He was calling her more and more.

"Probably. It's not like I asked him to carry his whale-of-a-body to the facility himself," she complained. Her fingers picked at her pants. "I couldn't even understand half of what he was saying on the phone because his dad was screaming at me in the background about how my dad's soul was destroyed by me."

"He won't yell when we're there," he reassured her.

He pulled one of her arms away from his; extended it palm up on his leg.

"You need to relax—this used to help me sometimes," he said, grinning. His fingers feathered along her inner arm, making her arm transform into gooseflesh. He followed the path with his cool breath, blowing.

"That tickles," she said, wiggling her arm a little.

"Not really. If you really pay attention, it's not tickling—it's simply different. Our inner arms are really sensitive—kind of like you are right now." He chuckled when she squirmed, jiggling her hips.

"It's kind of turning me on," she whispered.

"Oh . . . It was supposed to help mellow you. My mom used to say doing this to me helped me mellow. I don't mellow you?" He used the most calming voice he could.

"You do. I have a lot on my mind right now, and it's hard to shut it off," she admitted.

"Close your eyes and pretend for a few minutes it's the two of us in our bed, nothing around us, no one interfering. It's dark and you're tired. My hands drift through your hair and down your back," he lilted. He moved his hand in longer strokes. "Would you like that, if I touched your hair to make the vision feel more real?"

"Yes," she mumbled, looking half-asleep. Her eyes were slow to blink; her breathing was calm and deep. He glanced at her foot—even that had stilled. "I like it when you touch anywhere at all."

"Good." He smiled. "Now close your eyes."

She did as he asked and she released a sigh with her lips pursed a little.

"Where's your favorite place I touch you?" he asked.

Her cheeks colored a little. "You know where."

"I was right," he said, smiling. "But I hoped I could trick you into saying it."

"I'm not that frazzled," she said. "Talk to me about your mom. Tell me something you miss about her."

"There're a lot of things. I think what I struggle with the most is she would let me crawl into bed with her every morning and she'd tell me what we were going to do the next day. It always made me feel safe. I always felt like I had a say in what we would or wouldn't do. She listened to me." His eyes followed his fingers as he combed through strands of long dark hair along her back. Touching her like this probably made him more relaxed than it did her.

"What did she like to do for fun?" she asked. Her back stretched a little and then she went right back to being curled into his side.

"I don't know. She mostly had to deal with me, so fun was missing a lot. I wonder if that's why she left? If she was sick of always worrying about me," he wondered out loud. "I think before she had me, she really loved kids. She was studying to be a pediatrician, but then she got pregnant with me, and I was a fussy baby, making it impossible for her to continue school."

"What about your biological father? What do you know about him?"

He drew lazy ovals on her back and she wiggled a little bit when he moved too close to her sides.

It was fun when she got ticklish. It rarely happened—only in moments like this when her guard was all the way down.

"He was a singer. I think he struggled to find work, so they were poor. When Mom found Carlisle after the divorce, I do remember her saying it felt weird to buy things new and shop without coupons and a calculator in her pocket." He played with her hair now, fiddling with the ends; twirling and making patterns that reminded him of when the numbers were comforting and good.

He tipped his head to the side to see another angle.

". . . want anymore kids?" he heard a faint voice that sounded far in the distance, say.

He pushed a few sections of hair in another direction. It kind of looked like a figure eight and—

"_Edward_? Did you hear me?"

"Sorry; what?" Her hair was mesmerizing. So many different hues of brown and red mixed together. He wished he could play with it all the time and stare at it this way whenever he wanted.

A few more pieces to the left and now he had a diamond pattern next to the figure eight. He smiled. They were good shapes, especially the diamond. He needed to find a ring for her soon. She found his, and it was gre—

The pattern was gone! She moved away.

"You okay? You're . . . Kind of freaking me out," she said, her eyes boring into his.

"Oh . . . Yeah, I . . . I really love your hair, Bella. Why can't you let me play with it more?" He sighed, and a lazy grin spread across his cheeks. His eyes were heavy hooded.

She chuckled and cupped his cheek before kissing the corner of his mouth. "If it means you're this happy and almost sedated—then play with it whenever you want." She leaned over, grabbed her carry-on and pulled out a small mirror. "I want you to see what you look like for a minute. No—don't change your expression."

She held it in front of his face. He almost didn't recognize that man.

"Who's he?" he teased.

"That's a naturally doped-up Edward; endorphins taking over. I want you to see that, because that's what I used to be like when I was getting high all the time. I looked and felt like that, but with me—it wasn't real." She handed him the mirror. "With you—it's real. There're no side-effects to this." She nudged him. "I'd be jealous, except you had already made me feel that way first. The only reason I realized you were out of it was because you mumbled something about diamonds and figure eights and rings. Were you dreaming about something in particular?"

"No," he squeaked. He wanted to surprise her with a ring as wonderful as the one she found for him. It had to be meaningful and special like her.

"Just checking." She readjusted her seatbelt and rested her head on his shoulder again. "You have the best shoulder dip. I could live here."

"It is nice, isn't it? I mean, you living there. It means I can visit you whenever I want." He rested his head on top of hers. "Do you think you could sleep there? Maybe you should practice right now?"

"'Kay, sweetie. Thank you for helping me stop freaking out. I'll probably need that again before I have to see Jacob."

"Why do you have to see him if you don't want to?" His insides squished a little at the thought of that guy being around her.

"He has something my dad left for me. Apparently Charlie had cancer and was dying already. He gave it to Jake's dad for safekeeping after I left this last time. He was worried I wouldn't want anything of him at all. He figured the Black family could keep it for a few years and then after everything settled, see if I wanted it." She scratched her nose and yawned.

"What does he have?"

"Dunno, and I'm undecided if I really care or not. It's more out of curiosity than anything else," she said. Another fat yawn exited her, and he could tell he was keeping her awake.

"I hope it's something you'll love and treasure."

"Mmm . . ." She grunted a little and her head felt heavier on his shoulder. Her breathing grew louder.

"Night, love," he said and kissed her crown then set his head back down on hers.

Hopefully she'd dream of happy things, like their future wedding, rather than houses with peeling paint, stacked full of boxes with unnamed valuables almost holding the walls up.

He sighed. Hopefully he would dream of good things too.

His nerves were short like her. That house kind of scared him when he'd been there.

If it hadn't been for Bella and her room, he probably would have had a number meltdown when he came to see her that night . . .


	34. Chapter 34

**Chapter 32: Boxing**

Edward's leg cramped up a little at the end of the flight, because he was supporting so much of Bella's weight. She slept on him for quite a long while before the plane jostled and woke her.

"Where are we?" she asked, bleary-eyed.

"We're almost there. We'll be landing in about thirty minutes," he told her.

In fact, the flight attendants were going through, telling people to prepare to land. They picked up trash and put trays away.

Dad and Emmett slept almost the entire flight. He wondered if they stayed up late the last few nights, scrambling to make their early Christmas a reality.

He smiled. His family made his chest warm with happy feelings. Bella deserved to be in their family and have lots of presents and love.

Bella was quiet and reflective during the landing, and even afterward at the baggage claim, she barely said a word.

He massaged her shoulders whenever they were standing around doing nothing.

Dad got the rental car and Bella gave him direction in a monotone voice.

Edward's eyes were on her the whole time. Was she okay? Did she wish he'd stayed behind so she could see Jacob and her old friends alone?

His gut twisted so hard, he finally blurted, "Do you not want us here?"

She looked at him and blinked, took his hand and said, "No, I'm glad you're all here. I just hate this place. I've never been happy here, and it's hard to be back, especially after the way things ended last time."

Bella had already told Dad and Emmett what happened on her last visit and how her dad had pulled a gun on her for touching his stuff and trying to get rid of some of it.

The car went really silent after she explained why she was acting so distant from all of them.

He wanted happy, Christmas-time, I-love-sharing-presents-Bella, back. This girl was ringed under the eyes with sadness and dark feelings.

Dad drove them to the house. It was the middle of the day, so every flaw was easy to see. Nails poked out of boards along the stairs leading up to the house. There was mismatched paint on two of the shutters—one a mint green, the other more like an aqua kind of color. Parts of the porch ceiling were sagging in spots and had water spots with peeling paint hanging like Spanish moss all over the place. Every window was dingy and covered with webs and grime.

The bushes around the walkway were overgrown and scraggly.

Neglect was a powerful word, but it certainly worked in describing this house.

The only thing that looked well-taken care of was his converted-over police cruiser.

They all stood at the foot of the porch, staring at the house with their mouths agape.

The house was bigger than he remembered. How on earth would they get through all of the contents in this place in three days' time? That's all they had—three, teeny, tiny days.

"This is gonna be hard," Edward said.

"Impossible is more like it." Emmett stared inside a window with boxes and junk leaning up against the pane.

Bella pulled out the keys, dragged her feet up the steps and unlocked the door.

Jacob was going to meet her here in an hour.

She pulled the door wide open and stood at the threshold, taking it all in; her head sweeping slowly from side to side.

Edward and his family moved up the steps and waited behind her.

"How did you live with him like this?" Emmett asked her over her shoulder.

"I didn't. I threw his crap out, and he got pissed. I refused to sleep with boxes and clutter all around me," she answered. She rested a hand on the door-jamb and her head fell forward, her shoulders hunched as she stared at her feet. "I never had friends over; he wouldn't allow it. Not like I would've done it anyway—I was too embarrassed. The minute my summer was up with him, each time, I ran out the door to get back home to Mom. I couldn't leave fast enough."

"Come on . . . Let's go inside and start formulating a plan on how to handle all of this," Dad suggested.

Bella stepped inside but only past the door. She waited for them all to move past her then shut it.

"Sorry if it smells. I got it presentable last time I was here, but . . . Who knows when the trash went out again after I left," she said, shrugging, but it was a tired-looking attempt.

"It's fine," Emmett commented softly, looking in shock as he continued to survey the place and all its contents.

"It's not fine," Edward said. "I can tell it bothers her. I think the first thing we'll need to do is remove the piles around the windows so we can open them and have good ventilation and air flow through here as we work."

"Definitely," Emmett agreed.

"Are the big trash bins here?" Bella asked.

"I received confirmation they're in the back of the house. Why don't we take a tour; see what we're up against, and after Jacob arrives and then leaves, we can get started," Carlisle said.

"Why don't you guys go check in at the hotel? I can stay here and deal with him. You can change into clothes you're okay to get filthy in, rest for an hour, and then come back," she said. She looked ready to fall over with fatigue.

"I'll stay with you," Edward said, moving to her side, afraid they might try to get him to leave with them.

"Okay," Dad said, looking at Bella with a worried glance, then he and Emmett left.

She took a few hesitant steps toward Edward. "You know, it's funny . . . For so many years now I was dying to clean out this house from top to bottom. And now when I'm faced with it, the idea of this task is . . ." She clenched her jaw and screamed through her teeth while her fists pounded into her thighs. "Why? Why did he care about all this—" she pointed around the room at random items "—more than me?"

"He was sick; it's a disease he couldn't control."

"I know, but he didn't even want to get better. Wasn't I worth it for him to seek help?" She kicked a box, and walnuts, paper-clips and a shiny silver nut cracker in the shape of a squirrel, came tumbling out as the box split on contact. "Now we've gotta deal with this—his solution to burying his problems."

Edward took two giant steps, careful not to trip on the nuts, and wrapped her up in a hug.

"What if before we start cleaning here, we go visit the cremation garden where his ashes are?" Edward kissed her forehead and pushed her hair back over her shoulders on both sides.

"I'd rather go later. Maybe after dinner. I'll need a break from this place by then, and visiting him will help me remember why I'm doing this instead of walking away."

They ambled around the place, taking in all the spaces, or lack of them.

Their final stop was to sit at the dinner table that was oddly still cleared. It looked like Dad hadn't touched it since she'd cleaned it off.

She propped her elbows up and rested her forehead in her hands.

"This is gonna take a lot w—" She stopped and her head pricked up.

_Rap, rap, rap, rap . . ._

She heard a dog yip.

"Bella, hey," Jacob said, letting himself in the front door. "You here?"

"In the kitchen," she said.

He stepped into the tiny space through the pathways between the piles. A Jack Russell Terrier was pulling at a red leash in his hands.

Bella's eyes landed on the dog. "Is he here to ferret out rodents that might be hidden in all this junk?"

"No, he's what your dad left for you. What I was talking about on the phone," Jake said, sheepishly. His shoulders were up around his ears, probably protecting himself in case she was ready to slap his head off.

"You said he g-gave it to you after I left," she stammered.

"Well, technically that's true. He bought the dog a few months before you visited. He wanted to use it as a hunting dog—you know, to help your dad have a reason to get out and exercise. But the dog was getting into his stuff and had a lot of energy. He officially gave it to us after you left because he was having trouble taking care of her. He also didn't think you'd approve of him having it, so right before you arrived for your last visit, I came and got her, took her home and then picked you up at the airport."

She wrinkled her nose.

"What? You didn't notice the wet dog smell that night?" He chuckled like the thought of that particular memory was hilarious.

"No. I was too angry to breathe any air you were using." She stared at the dog.

Edward crouched down and called the dog over.

Jacob let go of the leash and Edward had that dog scooped up in his arms. He was cradling it like a baby, cooing and giggling as the dog licked his chin.

"What's his name?"

"_Her_ name's Choppy. Charlie said she moved all choppy like a robot when he first saw her. I think she was a little skittish—he got her at a rescue shelter," Jacob said, smiling.

"You were going to keep her for a few years and then see if I wanted her? This is crazy!" She threw her arms up and the dog startled. "Sorry," she murmured to Choppy.

She rolled her eyes.

"Can we keep her?" Edward asked.

"We don't have a choice. This isn't Jake's responsibility," she replied. She reached over and patted the cute dog's head. She had big chocolate eyes with patches of tan around them, extending out to the ears. The tale had some tan in it too, but the rest of her body was white.

"The whole tribe's annoyed with you, but we would've taken care of Choppy if you didn't want her," Jacob said. "It wouldn't put anybody out, you know."

Her arms crossed over her chest. "Why is the tribe so upset with me?"

"We believe when a body is burned, the soul flies away with the smoke. You made him leave. They probably won't ever forgive you, but since you're kind of like family, they're still here for you," Jacob said. He peeked in a box then smiled.

"Here for me? How?" She wrinkled her brow.

"They're all gonna be here in the next little bit to get this place cleared out. Charlie would've wanted it this way. If you don't mind, it's kind of a rule of ours, if we're gonna do this, we get some kind of payment. I told them if they found anything of value, they could keep it."

One of her brows rose and her lips pursed.

"You know you don't want any of this crap; admit it. You wanted to torch the house down without removing one single box," Jacob said.

"I will as soon as you admit you're gay, and you tell me what you're still doing here in this landfill town," she challenged.

"I am. Not. Gay!"

"What do _you_ call it? Think about it," she inhaled sharply, "all those times we were in bed together, you always made sure there was another guy there. You barely touched me. I was an excuse for you to be able to do what you really wanted."

Jacob's left eye fluttered and his nostrils flared. His fists bunched. "Fine, I'll admit it."

"And what are you going to do about it?" She shifted her weight to her right foot. He looked kinda pissed. He might swing at her, and she needed to be ready.

"I'm actually here, because I want to go back with you guys to Phoenix. I _am_ done with this place. There's nothing here for me," he said.

She exhaled in a rush. "You mean . . . There's no one for you here, right? You've had them all, and none of them worked out."

He nodded and his eyes softened. "You said you wanted to help me. If I do this, my dad's gonna disown me. He's gonna want to kill me when I tell him I'm never gonna marry a woman and give him grandsons to someday be chief of the tribe."

Edward stiffened. "You don't want kids?"

Bella stifled a laugh. She thought for sure Edward was going to ask him how he could be gay and not want to get in Bella's pants, or any other woman's for that matter.

"I love you," she told Edward.

"Why? What did I do?" he asked, smiling, his eye shining at her.

"Everything, nothing, and all the bits in between. That's all you ever do, and I love you for it." She kissed his shoulder and petted the dog still clutched in his hands.

"Okay. It's settled. I'm leaving with you when you go back?" Jacob checked.

"Sure." Bella smiled and motioned for him to come get a hug.

Edward held his breath and was motionless as Jacob approached her.

Oh, man, she probably shouldn't have offered to hug him, but it slipped out.

After Jacob's admission at being interested in the opposite sex from her, she thought it would've calmed Edward's insecurities and jealousies.

"Will you stop jerking this poor guy, already, and let him between your legs," Jacob said glancing over at Edward, chuckling, and then he tackled her into a big hug.

She laughed as he swung her around, careful to keep from knocking stuff over in the confined area they were stuck in.

He let go, and landed a paw on Edward's shoulder then squeezed. "She's a great friend to have. You're a lucky guy. If I found her attractive at all, I might fight you for her." Jacob winked.

Edward's eyes narrowed. "I try not to fight anybody for anything. Violence only adds to problems."

"Well, it's a good thing Bella retired her boxing gloves. She was never one to back down on a fight when she'd stay here." Jacob stepped back. "Okay . . ." He squared his shoulders and took a deep breath. "What're we waiting for? Let's get started. I've got some bandannas, construction masks and gloves in the car. I'll go get 'em."

Jacob ran out the door.

Edward said something about bringing the dog outside to tie her up so she'd be out of the way while they worked.

She retrieved a large garbage sack from under the kitchen sink and picked a spot to begin.

She started sifting through a box by the first window next to the front door.

It was filled with holiday socks. Few of them had matches.

" . . . and you shouldn't touch her. She's mine," she heard the tail end of Edward's rant. "I don't touch your things. I only touched Choppy after you said she was ours."

Her head picked up. When had Edward left the room? Did he mention taking the dog outside to her?

"No you didn't," Jacob argued. "And are you comparing Bella to a dog?" Ironically, he barked out a laugh. "Oh, she'll love that!"

"She _will_ love it, because I said it, and she loves _me_," Edward huffed.

Bella stood still and concentrated on what they were saying. The conversation shifted, and Edward started drilling him with questions.

"Where do you think you're going to stay in Phoenix, because we don't have room for you," Edward said.

"I have a cousin there. He said I could crash on his couch."

"And do you have a job ready for you?"

Jacob gave a raspberry back. "_Yeah_? You think you're my daddy now?"

"No, but your father should have asked you these things."

"He did!" Jacob hit the car—the smack of the metal, making Bella run out the door.

"Hey! What's going on out here?" She stared at them in turn, waiting for somebody to explain the testosterone being flung around like mud.

"He started it," Jacob muttered. He opened the car door; grabbed the things he'd gone to the car for in the first place. "Tell him to stop being a jealous prick."

"I'm not a prick. I'm a gentleman." Edward's chest heaved and his eyes were a raging storm.

"Enough of this. It's not like I'm here to choose sides. There's not a choice, never was. Jacob's my friend; Edward's the love of my life. Be friends you too, or I may have to lock you both out here with the dog."

"Oooh scary," Jacob said, mocking her by shaking his head and flashing jazz hands at her.

"Shut up," she said, chuckling. "You're such a dork."

"A cute dork," Jacob corrected.

Several loud, muffler-less cars roared down the path toward them.

"Be nice to the help," Jacob said, shoving her.

She gave a dramatic, silly lean to the side and pretended she was going to fall.

Edward glared at Jacob. "Only Emmett and I get to shove you," he said to her under his breath.

Bella smiled. "Stop being so jealous—it's too sexy and distracting," she said, shoving Edward the same way Jake did her.

Edward smirked and pinched her behind as she walked past to greet the tribe members, parking and getting out of their vehicles.

"Hey, Sam," Bella said.

He waved but looked grim.

Quil bound after her, slinging her into his arms like she was made of rubber.

Edward loped over and got a hug too.

She introduced Edward to all of them. They were a stoic bunch, definitely on edge in regards to Bella.

"Look, everybody, I'm sorry I've offended you—honestly, I didn't realize those were your beliefs. But I had to do what worked for my mom and me. I hope you can someday forgive me. For now—thank you so much for being here and helping out. This is gonna be a massive undertaking. There's years' worth of collections inside there." She pointed with her thumb over her shoulder at the house. "But . . ." She sighed. "I'm hoping we won't find anything too disgusting or scary."

"We won't. Charlie was a good man," Quil said. He patted her on the back and sauntered up to the house like she'd said enough and he was sick of waiting.

Before she knew it, they were hauling stuff out the back, trashing things, but making sure to run it past her if anything looked like it might be important.

Nobody worked harder than Edward. She could tell he was worried about Choppy, and wanted to get back to that dog. It was evident he was already hooked to the little pooch.

They were going to be inseparable. An odd pang of envy caught in her chest like it was snagged on a hook.

Bizarre. She was already wary of a dog she met less than an hour ago.

She stepped outside to take a breather. The mask was suffocating.

Emmett and Carlisle drove up, breaking her out of her funky thoughts.

"Hey, what's goin' on?" Emmett hollered as he was getting out of the rental car.

"We got help. Jacob asked the tribe to lend a hand, and they all came." She shrugged and her face lit up.

Emmett went straight inside, and she could imagine him easing some of Edward's tension over being the only one in there unfamiliar with this group of people.

She was trying to be at his side as much as possible, but he seemed fine without her touch. It was amazing how independent he was being. She was so proud of him.

"How're ya holding up?" Dad asked her.

She smiled. He really was her dad now. A warm sensation ran through her chest.

"I'm okay. It's crazy to see what kind of stuff my dad held on to. We found an old air conditioning unit with a bird's nest in it."

He pulled a face of disbelief and grunted a "Hmmm?"

"Yeah. No birds there, but still . . . Why did he have that? So strange." A desire to hug him and make sure he really was her father, hit her. She lurched at him and his reflexes kicked in.

He hugged her so tight and hummed for a second. "You're so brave, Bella. I admire your tenacity and spirit. This has to be harder than I can even imagine. When my parents pass away . . ."

"You mean, they're still alive?" She pulled away.

"Yeah. Edward's never told you about his grandparents?" His blue eyes were filled with hope and excitement at being the one to tell her she now had unofficially, adopted grandparents.

"We'll have to call them or contact them somehow when we get back to our home," he said.

Her chest burst at him saying, "our home," and she cried like a baby.

A moment later, she was back in his arms, and he patted her hair.

"I don't know why I'm crying," she said, feeling ridiculous. She smiled while making fun of herself and managed to stay in the hug but swipe away her tears.

"You feel up to going back in? You really don't have to. You can stay out here, and I'll go make sure things are moving along nicely," he offered.

"No, it's okay. It's my job to do it," she said and smiled with watery eyes.

"You just let me know if it gets to be too much," he said. He pinched lightly at her chin with his thumb and forefinger.

She stepped out of the hug. The way he looked in her eyes like he had faith in her, gave her the will to go on.

When they stepped inside the living room, it was already halfway cleared out.

"Wow, this is a big room," he commented.

"Dad! Look how much we got done!" Edward said from his spot at the window, he was now sliding open.

"Wow, you guys have been working hard," Dad said, almost tripping over a dog toy.

"Careful, Dad, don't step on that. It's Choppy's," Edward told him.

"Choppy?" Dad's eyebrows rose along with his voice.

"Yeah, our dog. Bella's dad loved her so much he gave us his dog," Edward said, beaming as he spoke. "Bella said we could keep it, so we've got man's best friend to bring home with us." He jogged over to the toy and put it in his pocket. "Wanna see him?"

Carlisle nodded woodenly, and Edward led him outside and over to the side of the house.

Bella coughed when a dusty box she took down shifted its weight away from her and crashed at her feet.

Inside were trophies and metals. Some of them were stupid things like her little league soccer ribbons from, when she was a kid, and her mom was worried her daughter was getting to be a little too porky.

At the bottom were a few pictures. She wiped them clean on her shirt since they were covered with a thin film of dust.

The first one was of her dad in his thinner, younger days, holding up a huge fish he'd caught. There was a thumb covering the corner. It was probably her mom taking the photo—she was notorious for having a finger in the way of the lens.

The second picture was one of Bella in a sleeping bag on one of their few camping trips. She was probably five in that one. She smiled at how her hair looked like a nest made of tooth picks. It was all poky, scraggly and she could almost smell the campfire scent lingering there.

She shuffled through a few more, depicting some of their fun outdoor activities they had experienced together. There were also a lot of beach pictures of Bella and Jacob, making sandcastles.

"What did you find?" Edward asked, dropping his chin on her shoulder from behind.

She jumped. Her mind was so absorbed, she'd blocked all noise out.

"Some old pictures," she answered, trying to calm her heart back down after that surge of adrenaline.

"Is the shaving one in there?" he asked.

"I haven't found it yet, but these are pretty cool. I was thinking maybe Mom might want these," she said. She handed them to him.

"You should keep some too," he suggested.

She shook her head. "I'm not sure that's a good idea."

"Why not? He loved you, and you loved him. It wasn't all bad, and these are pictures of the good memories. Keep them." He shoved them back into her hand and his motion wound up pushing the pictures, and her palm, up against her heart.

"Okay . . ." She looked down at them. "You're right. I need to focus on the positive things."

"And you're so good at that—like with me. You only seem to see the nice parts of me. I love that about you." He kissed her nose. When he turned to get back to work, he tripped over a toilet plunger on the ground with the tags still on it. He ignored it and started looking through another box.

She let her hand drift down so she could look at the pictures once more. Her finger traced a smile on her dad's face and she knew Edward was right. The good was there—it was buried, and now they unearthed it. She was glad to have it back.

When most of the guys were at a point where they could barely stand, she announced she was going to go visit the cremation garden where Charlie's ashes were spread. She figured none of the tribe would want to go with her to visit.

"Is this it? Your idea of a service—just to go visit him?" Jacob asked.

"Well, yeah, I . . . I guess so. I wasn't planning anything formal. It's not like I had a great relationship with him. And I don't have time to organize anything while I'm here since I'll be working on emptying the house the entire time, so it can be put up for sale." She shrugged and her heart plummeted. She sucked as a daughter, and she had no idea what she would say anyway if she did hold some kind of memorial.

"All right—you all hate what happened to his body," Jake yelled to the bunch, "but this is it. This is all you're gonna get. So if you want to say bye to Charlie, then you need to follow Bella and me over."

He clapped Edward on the back, kicked his right leg out in a goofy way, and smiled like he was delirious. Jake opened the car door on the rabbit to let Bella in.

"Sorry, but I'm going with my family," she said, taking Edward's hand and leading him over to his dad's rental.

Jake followed them over, uninvited, and got in the backseat with Bella and Edward. It was squished and awkward being sandwiched between these two guys. They smelled horrible.

"I shoulda hosed everybody down before getting in this car. It smells awful in here!" Emmett said from the front seat.

Dad started the car up. "Not to mention I'm probably going to be required to pay a cleaning fee now," he mumbled.

"I can pay for it," Bella said, gripping the back of his seat so she could talk to him about it. She pulled herself forward.

Edward grabbed her by the shoulder, bringing her back to the seat. "That's not safe."

"Speaking of not safe—if you'd hosed everybody down, it woulda been a wet tee shirt contest. Imagine what kind of problems we'd have on the road when the drivers in the cars couldn't keep their eyes on the road.," Jacob said, and laughed like the thought was hysterical.

"Jacob," Dad groaned. "Manners are for everybody."

"Not me." Jacob was still grinning stupidly. "Got no use for them. I'd rather tell it like it is."

"Well, in my presence, in my car, I'd ask you be a little more considerate," Dad replied.

"Yeah, whatever." Jacob's smile faded. He turned to Bella. "Got any idea what you're gonna say to your old man—or to his ashes anyway?"

"I have no idea." Bella stared straight ahead, expression blank.

"Me either. He never said a whole lot to me, but he and my dad talked all the time," Jacob said.

"About what?" Emmett asked.

"How the hell should I know? Hunting, beer and reminiscing about the sixties when they were getting laid?" Jacob snorted and chuckled quietly.

"Jacob—you're going to have to get a ride back with somebody else if you don't watch it," Dad growled.

"Sure, sure—I'll watch it." Jacob stared at Bella's body, acting like he was interested.

She shoved him. "Cut it out, Jake."

He smiled and rubbed the spot. "So many orders around here. How do you remember them all?"

"We don't," Emmett said, smirking.

The car went quiet as they approached the parking lot for the cremation garden.

Bella shoved Jacob out when the car was stopped, and she was the first one to approach the gate, open it and walk in.

She found a nice bench in a corner and took a seat. The garden was serene with a lot of white, soft yellow and purple flowers. It was an unseasonably warm day—no snow on the ground even though it was mid-winter.

No one brought a jacket, since they were all so hot from hauling garbage out of Dad's house.

Within a few minutes, they were all milling about the garden.

"Where do you think they put his ashes?" Jake asked her.

She shrugged and glanced around the garden. "Don't know if I want to know either. I prefer to think his presence is kind of everywhere in here." She smiled while deep in thought.

People filtered into the area, and when everyone was there, Jacob straightened his back and cleared his throat.

"Okay, you people—listen up! Bella's gonna share some thoughts on Charlie," Jacob said. He hauled her up to standing.

She glared at him, coughed a little, and not a single thought popped into her head.

Edward took her hand and leaned into her a little bit. "Charlie was a private man, but I learned a lot about him today while helping to go through his things," he began.

"I said _Bella_ was gonna share, not her _boyfriend_," Jake said, annoyed.

"You don't like it—tough," she told him.

He rolled his eyes and picked at the leaves on the bush next to him, whistling like they weren't there.

"I found out he worshiped this woman standing next to me. Though he had a hard time sharing his feelings with her, he never stopped thinking about her. He had little mementos and reminders of her all over the place. I think he had a hard time facing the fact she was close to all grown-up now. He wanted her to remain his little girl. But . . ." He paused and looked at her. "He found ways to appreciate her for who she is now." He smiled. "He had a few magazine articles about bands Bella liked, close to his recliner. He also had clippings about things that were going on in Phoenix, and a few letters from her that had coffee stains on them, suggesting he read them multiple times. I love Charlie, because, well, he's my dad now too. I only met him that once, but I'll never forget him. And I'll forever be thankful he brought Bella into the world to be with me."

Bella beamed at him and found her words: "My dad and I never really saw things in the same light, but he taught me some things that helped me to figure out what it means to be a good person."

"Me too," Quill said, seconding her sentiments.

She smiled at him and looked away. It was still a little awkward to look at him. "He taught me to cook a little, how to clean—" she snickered a little "—though you wouldn't guess it now, to look at his place, but when I was little, he was the one that had me put my things away. He also loved to read, and he'd tuck me in at night then read me stories."

"He had a lot of books in that place," Edward said.

She nodded. "He did. He loved learning on his own. Dad got frustrated at the end, I think because he felt useless. He always liked helping people and being reliable. That's the biggest thing he taught me—to be there for the people that need me. If he hadn't taught me that—well, I probably wouldn't have given Edward a moment of my time, and never would've found the man I'm destined to spend the rest of eternity with in happiness." She sucked in some air, puffed out her cheeks and let it go. "So . . . That's it. That's all I have to say." She shifted about in her spot, her eyes darting away from the people standing before her. What else was she supposed to do?

The tribe came to stand in front of her one by one. They each said a few words, shared a memory of him and then told her they forgave her for burning his body and soul.

They in turn, grabbed a leaf from one of the surrounding flowers or bushes and pocketed it. She did the opposite, pulling out of her pocket one of the faded pictures Charlie had of her where she was tucked in that sleeping bag. Her legs protested as she crouched down. She found a sharp rock nearby and dug a little pocket in the soil below a rosebush. She put the picture in the spot and covered it with the loose dirt.

_For you, Dad. Sleep well, and have peace; that's what I want for you . . ._

She received a few hugs before the tribe members left. Quil was the final goodbye.

She was crying so hard after they were gone, swallowed up in so many emotions, that Edward practically had to carry her out.

Once back in the car, she collapsed into his chest and he feathered his fingers through her dusty hair.

"That was better than I could've ever planned or hoped for," she whispered, her entire being sapped of strength.

"That's because you can't plan to love somebody or say goodbye to them when they're gone. You just do—and it works out. Your heart told you what it meant 'to do,' and you followed it. That's always the right thing. That's why you and I work." A round of chills hit her as he walked his fingers down her spine.

"I love you—thank you for sharing those touching words about my father," she whispered.

"You're welcome. I'll miss him too."

The car was silent again, filled only with the sound of breathing and a few, near-silent tears.


	35. Chapter 35

**Chapter 33: Landing**

It was a grueling three days emptying out Charlie's house, but they succeeded.

There were nothing but smiles and sweat coating everybody's face. Well, grime and dust too, but nobody complained. She even felt like maybe she was on good terms again with the tribe.

Jacob packed his stuff, gave a brief but vague reason to his dad about where he was going and why.

His dad was exceedingly calm, considering his only son that lived with him and practically did everything for him, was moving out with nothing but a big duffel bag filled with his clothes and shoes.

Jacob was bubbly and really talkative with both Emmett and Carlisle while they waited in the terminal to leave.

"I don't like him," Edward whispered in her ear as Emmett sat on an opposing bench.

"Why?" Bella asked.

"He likes to tell people what they want to hear. He's trying to be funny. I don't think he's funny. He annoys me," Edward answered.

Bella tapped her toe on the ground, trying to figure out how to make this easier for him.

He reached down and slipped two fingers into the dog kennel. They were still waiting for the airport to check the dog in and put him wherever the heck he needed to be on the flight. She could see how the anxiety of the impending separation with Choppy, was dissolving his patience.

"You'll get used to him. He's not being fake—he's just the life of the party. You'll probably find him funny someday," she said, encouraging him to give himself some time.

"He's not coming to my party when I have one. I'm going to be the life of my own party," he huffed.

She patted Edward's knee. "Easy, sweetie. He's not out to make you look bad. He's stressed too. He just walked away from his entire tribe. That's a big deal."

"I know . . . But when he's around, he takes a lot of your attention. Emmett makes sure to include me now when he's around. He," he motioned with his chin to Jake, "doesn't. I don't want him around you. He touches you a lot."

She gave him an understanding look. "We already discussed how he's not interested in women. If nothing else, you should probably worry he's flirting with your brother."

Edward's face paled and his eyes slowly rose higher and higher like blinds being lifted. "He . . . You mean, he . . . Emmett won't want that. He's got Ro—"

"I was just teasing. He's not his type. Too pasty white," Bella said, laughing low in her belly. "He likes 'em tall, dark and handsome. Besides, Emmett's too much like me."

Edward's body suddenly twisted so he was staring straight at her, worry filling his features. "What do you mean?"

"Breathe, blink, and let your hand relax on my leg, and then I'll tell you." She gently peeled his fingers off her leg.

"Oh, sorry . . ." He took his hand and ran it down his face like he was trying to wake from a nightmare.

"It's fine." She was still kind of laughing a little. She couldn't help it; he was so damn cute when he got this way—all uptight and jealous over inconsequential things and people. "I only meant Emmett wants to talk about music all the time."

"Not all the time; sometimes he talks about sports and boobs. He likes boobs a lot, like me." Edward's cheeks flushed. "I mean, just yours, but you know that."

She nodded and laughed hard. "So adorable—you know that?" She kissed his cheek then stroked that spot dry with the back of her knuckles.

"I like it when you say that." He beamed and rocked a little in his chair.

"Good, 'cause I'm never gonna stop saying it. It's impossible with all this cuteness in front of me." She grinned and bared her teeth like she was gonna bite him.

"Dad says when you do that, you're being feisty with me. It's fun," he remarked. He lifted her other hand and nipped at the knuckles while looking through his lashes at her. His mischievous grin was killer.

"Seriously? How am I supposed to make it through another flight without making-out with you? This is the worst idea ever. Dry humping, hand-jobs, those should all be expected when I'm with you any length of time and you're being this gorgeous."

He bit her pinky knuckle then sucked at it, observing her for a reaction.

"Someday I'll join the mile-high club, and it'll be better than any ground sex I've ever had because it'll be with you," she said, gripping his chin and then rubbing their noses together.

"Really? The best ever?"

"Yep."

He glanced over at Jacob, smirked and then broke away from her to relax into his seat. His arms crossed over his chest and he looked like he'd just pissed all over Jake's shoes and knew there'd be no consequence to it.

Bella chuckled and continued to wish they could be home in bed together. Being in a hotel room sucked plumber's crack. They were cramped and both so exhausted, they barely touched each other at all.

An airport employee approached them and checked in the dog. Edward buried his face in Bella's shoulder as they took Choppy away.

She hugged him, kissed his hair and told him Choppy would be fine. She'd probably sleep from the vibrations of the plane.

Edward kissed her sleeve and told her in a fiercely, loyal tone, "She's family, like you. And I'll die to protect my family. Always . . ."

She gulped, ignored her blurred vision from saltwater accumulating in her eyes and helped him calm back down by running her fingers down his inner arm like he'd done for her on the trip up here.

_Family._

She was cemented to them now and had a real, caring one. Nothing would change that. _Nothing_.

Because she'd die to protect what she'd gained as well.

.

.

Jacob was gone—dropped off at his cousin's. Dad and Emmett were in their rooms, and Edward's eyes went from Choppy to Bella.

Dad said the dog wasn't allowed to sleep in the house, but how could he put her outside? It was cold out there.

They didn't have a doghouse for her, food or a bed. All they had was a leash.

"Edward, ya comin'?" Bella motioned with her head to the stairs.

He opened the back door, squatted down and gave Choppy a good scratch behind the ears.

"I hope you like it here. I'll find you first thing in the morning after I give Bella a kiss." He kissed his new pet's head, looked at her with longing, and then stepped back inside.

His hands shook as he shut the door.

Dad wasn't a dog person. He wasn't a pet person for that matter. They never had animals in their home before. Edward really liked it a lot.

Warm hands ran down both his arms as Bella settled in behind him.

"It's hard to let go and trust our friends to take care of themselves, isn't it?" she asked.

He nodded and could feel his bottom lip protruding. "I want to be there for her. What if she gets scared? This is a new place to her. She's not even used to being in the desert. What if she figures out a way to escape so she can go back to her old home?"

She turned him around. "Jacob wouldn't do that," she teased.

"I'm talking about Choppy!"

"I know—bad joke; sorry. I'm worried about Jake the way you're worried about Choppy, but at least Choppy we can check on more often. She's right outside our back door. And we can make sure she's eating well and has a good place to sleep. She'll be really happy here." She rubbed his arms with her palms.

"If she cries, do you think I'll be able to hear it?" he asked, his heart heavy.

"I don't know, but I hope so." She smiled.

He brushed a kiss slowly across her lips. Maybe if she loved him a whole lot tonight, it would hurt less to leave Choppy out in the cold.

"Come on. I missed snuggling with you and getting ahold of that skin of yours," Bella said, her eyebrows dancing.

That caught his attention. He took her hand and she strung him along behind her.

They closed the door and changed in front of each other; breaking rules.

As soon as they were under the covers, Bella's hands were all over him, along with her mouth.

For a time, he was able to focus only on her soft, comforting warmth and how wonderful it was to be home again where everything made sense.

The numbers were his constant companion on that trip, and several times he thought he'd erupt in a fit with them, breaking things as he went.

If it hadn't been for Bella and Choppy's attentiveness to him, he probably would've failed in making it out of there without embarrassing her.

He came away victorious in more way than one—he found that picture Rene wanted, and not even Bella knew he had it.

He was getting good at keeping sneaky, fun secrets.

Giggles rippled out of him.

_Pop!_

Her mouth opened. "Edward, if you tell me my mouth being on you is making you laugh, I may have to bite you."

She sat up and pushed the covers aside.

"I wasn't laughing at you. I was just thinking about something that happened on the trip," he said, grinning.

She lay down next to him. "Sounds like you're not in the mood. Maybe we should just go to slee—"

"No! No! I _want_ to. Believe me I do. I'll concentrate and behave. You'll see. Get back down there," he said, shoving her shoulder where he wanted her to go.

"I'm not your dog you get to order around," she teased, nipping at his side.

"Oh, sorry. I already have one bitch."

"Ex-_cuse_ me?"

"Emmett told me a female dog is a bitch. I never liked that word before, but if it's the proper term then I should probably use it," he said.

She grabbed his face and pulled it to hers. Their noses almost touched. "Emmett's being a . . ." She rolled her eyes. "Never mind what he's being—ignore him this time. You don't want to call your dog that. It's a derogatory term, and nobody actually uses it on their pet."

"Oh. Okay," he agreed. "I won't do that then."

"Good boy."

"Hey, I'm not your dog," he quipped.

"Then how come I can get you to _heel_?"

"Oh, you've done it now! I get to show you who's the master and who's the pet!" He tickled her until she was giggling uncontrollably then rolled her onto her back as he settled himself between her thighs. He rubbed himself all over her, sighing each time she bucked her hips up or tried to break her hands out of his hold.

"I'm paying attention now," he growled.

"I can see that. It looks like I'm your prisoner. What do you intend to do with me?"

"Break lots and lots of rules," he said, peeling her pajama pants off with one hand.

His fingertips whispered along her silky thigh, garnering a long, quiet moan from her.

He did it over and over until he could feel the bumps and ridges from her gooseflesh there.

His fingers touched firmer and firmer until he was almost digging into her flesh.

She told him repeatedly how sexy he was, how much she wanted him and how good it would be when they married.

It kept him from begging—her little reminders of what they were waiting for.

Eventually, they both got enough satisfaction to give in to sleep.

Only . . . He slept poorly, waking with every tiny sound.

If Bella's mouth smacked together, he startled, thinking it was Choppy begging him to help her.

If the walls creaked and popped, his eyes flew open.

The tiny increments of sleep he got were worthless.

A few hours in, Bella sat up and got out of bed.

"What are you doing?" he whispered.

"You're keeping me up with how alert you are. You've been tossing and turning all night." She stepped toward the door with her pajama bottoms in hand. They were slipped back on and she left.

Was she sick of sleeping with him? Did the couch seem a better option?

She wouldn't possibly go back to her bed or Alice's, would she?

He pulled the covers up to his chin, sniffing away the impending tears.

She left.

_Go after her!_

His tummy rumbled and shook as he got up and looked for his own missing pajama bottoms.

When he found them, he was fumbling and falling, losing his balance, his nerves so high.

Numbers floated in his mind, but then he heard footsteps on the stairs and an animal whimper.

Choppy!

Bella stepped back in with his good friend in her arms. "Shhh . . . We're breaking almost every rule tonight. We have to put her back outside before Dad wakes up."

"Thank you, thank you, thank you!" he whispered in a loud cheer.

She put one finger up to her lips to silence him.

He drew both lips inside his mouth and pressed them together.

She shut the door quietly and he reached for Choppy so fast, she knocked into him a little.

"Come here," he said in a soft, happy voice.

Choppy wagged her tail and yipped.

"You have to be quiet, or we'll get caught," he said.

Bella climbed into bed with a smile on her lips and in her eyes.

He wore it in his heart.

He loved both these two so much he could probably fly with the wings he was given.

Very carefully, he climbed into bed too. He was respectful of Bella, leaving Choppy on top of the covers, settled on top of his legs.

Bella yawned, said good night and closed her eyes.

Edward stroked Choppy with his left hand, Bella with his right, and his soul was stroked for over an hour as he felt nothing but softness in his hands and love in his heart.

.

.

Edward and Bella giggled all during breakfast. They'd pulled it off.

Choppy slept with them, and once Edward settled in, he slept great.

He ate his breakfast as quick as he could and went out to greet his backyard buddy.

Edward gave her some water in a metal dish then pulled out some cold, leftover chicken from the fridge. He had to make due with what they had, and he watched her gobble it all down, his heart glowing with satisfaction.

_Good Choppy._ He smiled.

Bella tapped on the back door and pointed to her wrist, though it was absent of a watch, to say they needed to leave soon.

Oh yeah . . . school.

Ugh. Choppy would be lonely.

"I'm gonna go away for a little bit, but I'll be back soon," he said, waving.

Choppy ignored him and sniffed at the bushes off the back porch.

He locked the back door and found Bella waiting next to the front door with his backpack set at her feet.

"Sorry you had to carry that," he mumbled, ashamed he had her do it.

"It was awful! What do you have in there? Bricks and mortar? 'Cause I swear I thought my arm was gonna break." She kissed her bicep as she flexed it.

He shoved her playfully.

"I'm not a little girl," she mocked and shoved him with the heel of her palm on his bicep, making a smacking noise.

Something came over him—like a beast was woken up.

He slammed her into the wall, pinned her with his thighs and kissed her so hard his lips hurt.

Her hands gripped into his hair and she wound her left leg around his.

A feral moan tore at his throat and he gasped when she grabbed his backside—_hard_!

"Hey, you two, didn't you get that all out of your system last night? All I heard was you two groaning."

"It was Choppy you heard. Bella didn't make a peep," Edward said. "The dog snores and makes a lot of noise, but I didn't mind though."

Emmett laughed. "That's lame—I thought you were finally gettin' some."

"Not yet," Edward grumbled, "but soon . . . I hope."

"Only four and a half more months," she trilled.

"That might as well be seven years from now," Edward said, picking up both their backpacks.

"What, are you comparing your timelines to dog years now?" Emmett snickered.

Emmett opened the front door and when Edward stepped through . . . _Clink!_

His foot knocked into something, and glass cracked into the sidewalk.

Edward's eyes focused on flowers strewn about on the threshold.

"What's that?" Emmett asked.

"Flowers." A note lay to the side and somehow avoided getting wet. He opened the little envelope and saw Bella's name on it. It read:

_Sorry for your loss. Hope you can forgive me._

There was no name from the sender.

"They're for you. Sorry I knocked them over," Edward told her, handing her the note.

"Wonder who they're from?" Emmett said.

"I don't recognize the handwriting." Bella studied it.

She ran the flowers back inside.

"I think they're probably from her mom. We need to go visit her tonight so we can tell her about the trip." Edward went to the Volvo, popped the trunk and tossed the backpacks in.

"Want me to drive?" Emmett offered.

"No, it's okay." Edward waited for Bella to return.

When she took longer than he expected, he started to go back to the house to find her.

"Hey, I know that handwriting. I looked at it closer," she said, suddenly appearing at the front door and locking the house back up.

"Whose is it?" He followed her back over to the car and helped her in the passenger's side.

"I don't know, but I know I've seen it a lot of times," she said.

On the drive to school, she kept guessing at names then answering herself, saying she was wrong and that it would eventually come to her.

It drove her nuts most of the day, and him too, because he was starting to think he'd seen that handwriting somewhere before as well.

.

.

After school, they went and bought all the dog food and accessories they'd need to make Choppy the happiest female dog—not a bitch, because that was a rude word—on the block.

Edward played with Choppy while Bella called her mom to see if they could stop by tonight and have dinner again. Rene said yes.

Edward was excited to see Rene and surprise her with his gift, but still a little sick in the gut over leaving Choppy behind.

Couldn't she come along? It would be more fun to take her with them.

Bella was on the phone when he came inside to get something to snack on.

"Shut up! You're such an idiot. He did not!" she said, laughing.

He grabbed a glass of water and leaned against the counter, smiling simply because she was so lit up.

"You showed him that move, huh? And he didn't fall for it? That's sick!" Bella roared with laughter, gripping the counter for support. "Well, you were always good at that. Jake, he likes you. I swear he does. Based on the things you're telling me . . . Just kiss him—he won't be able to resist. Nobody can resist those lips of yours."

Edward's entire chest and face inflamed, and his teeth ground together. Was that how he got her to have sex with him? Was Edward a bad kisser? Was that the real reason she wouldn't have sex with him?

He glared at her.

Her head snapped up and she looked at him, a rainbow of colorful emotions crossed her face and she abruptly ended her call.

"Oh God, I just realized how that sounded." She padded her way over to him, set her phone down on the counter behind him and gripped his hips. "I'm sorry. I didn't mean it like that. I was talking about his appeal on other men, not on me. I never really thought he was that good of a kisser."

"Then you shouldn't have said that. It could give him hope." He settled his forehead on hers.

"Hope of what? That I'll grow a penis and somehow find him charming?" she scoffed. "I don't think so." When she shook her head, it made their noses kiss.

"I feel deep in my heart he wants you the way I do, but since he can't have you, he's giving up."

"God, don't say that to him. It sounds like some anti-homosexual campaign." She smacked the side of his thigh and stepped away. "You ready to go see my mom? She should be home in about ten minutes."

"Yeah. Let me go get my shoes and we can go." He smiled, knowing he had that picture tucked in his jacket pocket.

Bella was waiting for him at the bottom of the stairs when he came down. She hugged him, kissed him and pulled his hair for fun.

He tossed her on his back and ran to the door.

She laughed until he opened the front door and . . . _Clink!_

Not again!

He groaned. Another flowery mess was on the doorstep.

Bella wiggled off his back and grabbed the note.

Similar message with no name, but different handwriting.

"What the hell is going on?" she said in that tone that told him she was speaking to herself.

"Somebody's playing tricks?"

She shook her head, biting her lip. "It doesn't really feel that way. This seems sincere, but then I thought Alice was . . ."

"Don't," he said.

He refused to talk about her anymore, unless Dad brought it up to say where she was possibly spotted last.

As far as he was concerned, she was an invisible torpedo aimed directly at Bella, and it was his job to deflect it and make sure nobody else got hurt when it erupted.

Bella set the flowers inside on the kitchen table next to the other one, and they left without another word.

She stared out the window on the drive to Mom's, motionless and silent.

He, on the other hand, was dancing in his seat with excess energy. If Alice had been here, she would have accused him of having a soda.

Well, he hadn't had one, and he would have told her she was not the boss of him anymore!

He tightened his hold on the steering wheel. The sound of Alice's voice, counting, was in his head, making his teeth grind.

Where was she? What was she doing?

His knuckles popped and there was an almost gritty, chalk scraping sound in the car.

"Sweetie? You alright? You're gonna pulverize your teeth and tear the steering column off." Bella's hand ran down his knuckles and to his wrist on his right hand.

"Oh, I, uh . . . It's nothing," he drifted off.

"You sure? If you don't want to see Mom we can turn around and I'll drop you back off at home."

"No, I want to see her. I'm excited about it," he said.

"Then what is it? The mysterious flowers?" Her hand rested on his forearm.

"No."

"Then what? You're worrying me that you're going to have a number attack. You've been mumbling numbers the last few minutes, but it sounded creepy—like you were mimicking a woman's voice."

"Alice."

"Alice? What's happened? Did she contact you and you forgot to tell me?" Her voice was urgent, tying a slip-knot around his stomach and then choking it off.

"I think I want to kill her."

**A/N:**

**Lovely ladies: My beta, SunflowerFran, and my pre-readers, ****Amandac3, Paxson Adkins, ****akjamma** **and Dinia Steel. Thank you for your help!**

**Scarlett**


	36. Chapter 36

**Chapter 34: Reflections**

Rene just about tore the door off the hinges to get at them, when she answered their knock. She hugged Edward first but gave a thrilled hug to Bella, so it was all good.

Mom sat them down at the table and fed them some Mexican food she'd brought home for dinner.

They ate and chatted about what kind of bizarre stuff her dad had kept in the house.

Rene snorted when Bella told her about the brightly painted, neon-orange hub caps at the foot of Dad's bed.

She cackled when Edward told her about some odd chair that looked like it was made out of chicken wire in the laundry room. It was misshapen in places, but probably would be okay as a garden seat somewhere if a cushion covered it.

When they were done sharing all the eccentricities and odd finds they'd thrown out, Edward shoved his hand in his pocket.

"Bella found some great photos in the bottom of a box. If you don't mind, we'd like to keep them for ourselves," he said.

Rene nodded and wiped a residual happy tear away. She was still smiling about the crazy chair.

"I have something for you though," Edward said and revealed it by sliding it across the table, setting it before her.

"Oh my gosh!" Rene covered her mouth and Bella's hand slapped at Edward's arm then her claws dug in.

"I can't believe you found that!" Bella exclaimed.

He was all teeth, his smile was so wide. "It was in the safest place I could think of."

"_Where_?" Bella gripped him harder and sat on the edge of her seat.

He grinned and drew out the silence. She kicked his foot under the table.

His leg wobbled, but he kept smiling.

"You have to guess," Edward said.

"His car?" Bella guess.

"Nope."

"His closet?" Rene tried.

"Nope."

"In his laptop case?" Bella went for a second one.

"Better . . . I found it in his old police jacket; inside pocket. It means he carried it with him everywhere." Edward pulled out another picture. "He had this one in there too; it's of you, Rene."

She was dressed in her wedding gown, her hair pulled back with flowers pinned all around, and she had a serene smile as she leaned against a tree.

"He had that on him all those times he was on duty?" Rene gasped.

"I think so. They look to me like he touched them a lot, because they're pretty crinkled at the corners." Edward pointed at one of them.

Both ladies gaped, and their breaths caught.

"I thought it was good to know he had you with him as much as he could." Edward set his hands in his lap.

The room stayed silent and Rene's eyes watered.

He got up, went over to her and pulled her into a grand hug.

Bella was next.

He held them both as they cried quietly and kept staring at those old pictures that proved they once had happy times and lots of love.

.

.

The next morning, Bella checked the door step while Edward was occupied with the dog. He seemed edgy about it the second time it happened.

She trapped her breath in her chest at the sight of a new one.

Her head swung around wildly, to see if she was being watched.

She picked it up, quickly pulled it inside then locked the door and checked the card.

This one read:

_I can never make up for what I've done, but I can apologize. This is me saying I'm deeply sorry. I hope you're doing okay after the loss of your parent._

That was it. Nothing else. Different writing once again, but still recognizable.

It was driving her batty she couldn't place any of the cards to an owner.

She sighed, tilted her head to stretch her neck and then put the flowers on the table in line with the other two.

He'd probably be upset when he saw it, but he'd see them if she trashed them, so she might as well be transparent about it.

Edward ran in the house, smiling and gripped her. In a flurry, he had her in the backyard.

"Watch this!" he said. He patted his chest and Choppy jumped up high and barked.

"Cool, huh? She's so smart!" he said.

She stood back and watched how engrossed he was with his buddy.

Why hadn't his parents thought to do this before?

Had Dr. Harkham spoken against it?

That reminded her—they had an appointment this weekend.

She watched him for several minutes, and then excused herself back inside.

The novelty of having a dog had already worn off for her. Having Choppy on her bed was when it dissipated completely. Romance was less inviting with a pooch trapping his legs.

Bella was packing up their lunch for school, when there was a knock at the front door.

Without thinking, she opened it up.

"Uh, hi, Bella," Lauren said, barely looking her in the eye.

"What are you doing here?" Bella's spine immediately curled away from this ho.

"I know I'm the last person you want at your house, but here." She shoved a wad of cash into Bella's hand.

"What's this? Mike's drug money? I don't want it," Bella said, trying to give it back.

Lauren backed away and there was a look of pity in her eyes. "It was Jessica's idea. When we heard about your dad and what you had to do at his house, we felt awful. We wanted to say sorry for the things we did."

"Why you? Where are they?" Bella let her gaze roam around, searching.

"We agreed it was my turn. You beat them both to a pulp, and I got off without a dent in the fender. It was my turn." She tilted her head to the side a little and tucked her shaking hands in the long sleeves of her sweater. "So, there. I'm sorry. We're all sorry. We won't bother you again."

Bella's eyes went to slits. "How do I know you're telling the truth?"

"Have we said a word to you or Edward at school? Have you gotten our flowers?"

Bella opened her mouth to say something but nothing came out.

"We hate that we listened to his sister. It was stupid. Mike and Jessica have decided to keep away from each other too. They're through. They realized they're bad for each other—using somebody for sex isn't something they can—"

"Thank you," Bella cut her off. "This means a lot to me." She set the money down, right inside the door. It looked like a substantial sum.

"And Jessica said to tell you she's sorry for all the times she copied your homework." Lauren smiled with kindness in her eyes. "Can I ask you why you ever allowed her to do that?"

Edward crept up behind her and spooned her, wrapping his arms around her waist. Bella leaned her head back onto his chest.

"I wanted to watch her flounder when the tests came. I figured she'd fail, and I could laugh my ass off at graduation. Now I wish I hadn't. I don't want her to be miserable like I used to be." Bella's hands landed on Edwards and she ran her fingers over his.

"You two really are happy, aren't you? This is for real? You're not faking it?" Lauren's voice got a little choked up.

"It's as real as it gets. We love each other and we're marrying the day after graduation." Bella sighed. Her heart was fluttering—there was something amazing about telling her past enemy, and what she perceived as a threat to taking Edward's affection away from her, that they were honestly in love.

"Well, good luck to you both. I won't expect a wedding invitation, but I'll make sure to keep anybody else from bothering you. I'd love to see you graduate, Edward. I know it'll mean a lot to you."

"It will." He smiled.

"Okay—I'll go now. See you at school, but from afar of course."

"What about the money?" Bella asked.

"Keep it. We want you to have Alice's blood money. We couldn't keep it in good conscience." Lauren waved and left.

Bella leaned over and picked it up.

She counted it through. Holy hell.

"How did Alice have this kind of money?" Her voice shook.

"How much is it?"

"Fifteen-hundred."

His jaw dropped, and she stood there, stewing. If she'd had this a week ago, she could've done some things differently on that trip.

.

.

"Bella, please, come in," Esme said, welcoming her into the office.

Edward bounced out the door and kissed Bella real quick before taking his spot in the waiting area.

"Thanks," Bella said.

She took one last glance at the room. It sure was homey for a doctor's office.

"You too, Garrett," Esme said, waving in a kid about ten years old, to join them.

Bella stood to the side. She was unsure where to stand and what to do. Should she sit in the seat where she was last time? Or was he going to occupy that spot?

The boy smiled at Bella as he made his way in and plopped right down into the seat she had stayed away from.

Esme shut the door.

"Dr. Harkham, I'm hungry," Garrett said.

"I've got an apple I'll give you in five minutes. I want you to talk to my good friend, Bella, here, for a minute. Can you do that for me?" Esme asked.

"I guess. Is she nice?" Garrett eyed Bella.

Bella waved.

"She's very nice. She's going to marry case number one." Esme turned back to Bella. "Bella, meet case number three."

Bella's mind immediately wondered where case number two was.

"He's too far away—number two moved across country," Esme said, answering her unspoken question. "Plus he was kind of antisocial. You would have had a hard time talking to him."

Bella turned her focus back to Garrett.

Esme went behind her desk and came back with a plastic container full of metal pieces.

She handed it to Garrett. He set it in his lap and clapped.

The lid flew off and he began working with some of the different, odd, metal shapes.

"Garrett loves talking to people, but he has to keep his hands busy while he's doing it or he can get too aggressive. He's been known to bite and pull hair if he feels he's not receiving their full undivided attention. Sometimes he has . . . misunderstandings. So, he knows when he comes here, I'll have a new set of metal ring brain teaser puzzles for him," Esme explained.

"But you said he was only going to be in here with us for five minutes," Bella pointed out.

"Oh, he'll be done way before that," Esme said, "so you better talk quick. Anything you want to ask him that you think might be pertinent to your situation with Edward would be good."

"Where do I start? He's a little kid; Edward's a man." Bella watched in fascination as he solved each one systematically, and within a matter of seconds.

"Maybe ask him how his family deals with him; what he hopes his future will be like?" Esme suggested.

Bella took a few cautious steps forward. "Hi, Garrett, I'm Bella. I'm planning to marry Dr. Harkham's case number one. He's wonderful, and he surprises me all the time with how loving he is." Bella's hand reached out and she ran her hand across his head.

He looked up at her and smiled for a fraction of a second with a look of trust in his eyes and then went back to his metal puzzle in his hands.

"He's nice. I've met Edward before. He likes it when I talk to him about my trains." Garrett flipped his head back a few times in a row. It was clear he had a little tick.

"I'd love to hear about your trains sometime. Can you tell me right now though, what happens when you get upset?" she asked, her voice gentle.

"I don't know, I can't ever remember. It's like I'm nothing." He grabbed greedily at the next puzzle and shifted it around. It was entirely too easy for him because with a few flips of his fingers, it was solved. "My mom says I ram my head into stuff and she has to hold me down. One time I threw myself into a pool, and I almost drowned."

"Do you see or hear numbers in your head?" she asked, petting his hair. It seemed wrong to not to touch him.

"No. I hear and see dinosaur sounds. I like trains and dinosaurs. I study them. Ask me anything about the Utahraptor, or the—"

"You're brilliant," Bella said in awe.

"Don't interrupt me. I won't like you if you do it again," he said, his fingers flexing then curling. He set the box down. "Can you finish your questions fast, because I'm done with the puzzles?"

"Will you stay and talk to me some more if I hold your hand?" she asked.

"No. But I can do that if I can sit in your lap and snuggle with you," he offered.

She nodded. He hopped up out of the chair. As soon as she sat down, he was on her lap, purring like a little kitten.

He rubbed his finger repeatedly on the bottom button of her shirt.

"What's the best thing your mom ever did to calm you down when you've gotten upset?" she asked.

"She kissed me. It was small, on my forehead, but it made the roaring animals stop. It was like she told them to leave and they listened."

Bella's eyes grew wide. "That's it?"

He nodded, tugged at the button and grunted like he was upset it was sticking to her shirt.

"Did she get hurt when she did it?" Her voice was like a cloud passing through—innocuous and a bit of fluffy stuff.

"Yeah; I hit her on accident, but she said it was worth it because I calmed down right away and it didn't take her hours to talk me out of where I was," he said. "Is there anything else you want to know?"

"Yeah, sometime I'd like to come over and have some ice cream with you, if you're allowed to have sugar."

"I'm not allowed, but on my birthday, my mom makes me ice cream with agave nectar. It's really good." He slipped off her lap, stared at the button once more.

She popped it off, handed it to him and resisted mussing his hair. He was nearly as adorable as Edward.

"I'm going to glue this to my favorite train. It'll help me remember you." He smiled and kept his eyes on the new treasure in his palm.

"Why is it important to remember me? You barely met me." Bella stared at him in wonder.

"Because," he shrugged with his left shoulder, "Edward told me one day I'd find a girl I'd want to marry and she'd love me how I am. He found you, and it helps me remember I'll find my own Bella."

He went to the door, opened it without saying goodbye to Esme, but blew Bella a kiss before disappearing.

"My Lord," Bella sighed.

"I know. See why I love my job so much?" Esme replied.

Bella understood completely. How much room was there left in her heart? It seemed Edward had taken it over, but little Garrett squeezed his way in and demanded to have a corner as well.

It was exhausting but so worth it.

"Now . . . Tell me your wedding plans," Dr. Harkham began their private session.

.

.

The months moved steadily by. Graduation was looming, and Edward kept trying to contact his mother.

There was never a reply. He grew kind of whiny and petulant a few days before.

Progress in finding Alice was just as bad.

Jasper contacted them a few times about her, but nothing ever resulted from the information he gave them. Alice never showed up.

Bella worried he'd have a number episode with all this stress, but he never did.

He kept Choppy at his side all the time when he was home, until it was time for bed.

Bella actually welcomed him being distracted with his pet. She was making wedding plans like mad, even though it was going to be a really simple affair in their backyard.

Carlisle grumbled about how the dog kept ripping out plants in the backyard he'd put in for the wedding.

Bella laughed and said it was fine. She really didn't care if there were flowers or not. Edward was the only thing that mattered.

She'd picked up his ring yesterday, and he said he'd had hers for two weeks now. He refused to even describe what it looked like.

Last night they broke down and cut off her mom's ring. That thing had practically become one with her skin. It refused to come off no matter what they did.

Mom cried when Bella told her what had to be done, but Carlisle swore he'd bring it to a jeweler and have it repaired and returned to her.

It seemed Mom was almost pining away for Dad ever since he passed away. Bella would've never expected that.

"Jacob's at the door," Emmett hollered. "Should I shove him on his ass and tell him we already have a slobbering dog?"

"No. Let him in," Bella said, laughing.

"Okay, stop me if you've heard this one," Jacob said, barreling into the room. "Wait . . . You haven't heard it, that's right." He rubbed his chin like he was deeply pondering something. "Because you guys suck when it comes to thinking anything's funny."

"Nice to see you too, Jacob," Edward intoned. He stroked his hand down Choppy's back.

"And how's _Chompy_ today?" Jake teased.

Edward glared at Jake. "That's not her name," he hissed.

"It sure is. She told me when she lived with me. Her eyes are big and round like the holes in the middle, and those tan rings around her eyes are the bagels."

"I still don't get it," Emmett said, joining them.

Jake managed to trip him on purpose. He laughed as Emmett stumbled and knocked into Bella.

"Douche," Emmett mumbled.

"The best douches are made of—" Jake began.

"Ewwww! Shut it, Jake. Nobody wants to hear that. No vagina jokes either. Those are really sick," Bella said.

She shoved the laptop aside. Still missing a wedding dress—she was never gonna find one. She was too damn picky.

"Fine, but this was good information. Don't blame me when you get a yeast infection because you don't know how to take care of your girly bits," Jake said. He sat down next to Edward and got in the dog's face, riling her up.

"Who's a Chompie's Bagel? _Huh_? Who?" Jake used a cartoonish voice. "Tell him your real name. Educate this dummy, and then I'll take him out to get one so he'll quit acting like he's never seen them before."

Edward rolled his eyes. "I swear, there's no place around here by that name."

"There is too; there's one over by ASU. Look it up, smart ass," Jacob said. He smacked at the dog's ears, laughing when Choppy would nip at his hands after the fact.

"If you don't stop getting her wound up, I'm gonna make you take her home and sleep with her tonight," Edward said. "She's restless afterward when you do that to her."

"I know. I keep telling Bella I'll take _her_ back into my bed, but she always turns me down." Jacob angled himself back and threw a wolfish grin Bella's direction.

"Is there a reason your here, besides boredom?" Bella asked.

"Yeah, you're not the only one in love. I've found the guy I'm gonna spend the rest of my life with," Jake said.

"_Finally_. I can't stand hearing about your one-night-stands anymore," Bella groaned.

"Bitch, you've been jealous for months now." Jake clicked his tongue and bobbed his head like he was jamming to a beat inside his head.

"Whatever." She got up and fished out a snack.

"I came to hang out because at the end of June, he's moving back east. I'm going with him. You'll have to kiss this handsome face goodbye."

"Goodbye," Emmett said, teasing.

"I'll miss you, and so will Bella," Edward blurted.

Jacob's eyes went wide and he was speechless for all of thirty-seconds; a first for him. "Thanks."

"I'm serious. We like you, but you do have a big mouth, so it'll be quieter around here," Edward added.

Jacob laughed, snatched the dog away and tossed it to the floor then commenced to chase it around the room and make it howl.

"Can I persuade him to move at the end of May instead?" Emmett said, jumping up and smacking Jake in the back of the head then wrestling him to the ground.

Before long, Edward was involved, and managed to hurt them both within minutes.

Bella got them all ice packs and went to bed.

Boys!

.

.

Bella fiddled with her butt-ugly purple robe. It was like a dyed garbage sack.

There was no shape to it.

She sat with her ankles crossed and sighed. At least she was breaking in her wedding shoes for tomorrow. Heels were a joke. No woman enjoyed wearing them.

She felt foolish hobbling around in them, leaving divots in the grass as she roamed out onto the football field.

Watching her feet seemed awkward, until she tripped from an uneven spot.

A strong hand caught her behind the elbow and helped her back up to standing.

"You okay?" Jasper asked.

She immediately was uncomfortable and created some space between the two of them.

"Yeah, I'm fine." Her eyes flew to the ground.

"I was just chatting with your mom," he said.

Oh nooooo . . . That meant. Uuungh! Her mom was giving out Bella's extra wedding invitations tonight to anybody she thought was her daughter's friend.

Fabulous! Jasper was now most likely going to be at the wedding, and that was going to be unnerving. She still didn't trust him.

There was a nagging feeling inside, telling her he was hiding something.

"Ladies and gentlemen, please find your seat . . ." the moderator announced.

Jasper gave her a little wave and took his seat a few chairs down from her.

The seat was warm from the sun, and Jessica ignored her, even though she had to sit in the seat right next to her.

"I wanted to say thank you, Jess, for apologizing and giving us the money back. I'm using it for the wedding," Bella whispered.

"You're welcome. Is Edward okay? Does he hate me?"

"He's fine. He doesn't hate anybody . . ." _Except Alice. _She kept trying to bring up what he'd said about how he thought he wanted to kill his sister, but he always deflected, changing the subject and would get extremely tense. She'd drop it. He had enough stress right now. They could discuss it more later.

The speaker at the podium droned on and on.

Sweat was in every crack and crevice of Bella's body. The heat was obnoxious tonight.

But she was overheated more because her thoughts were revolving on tomorrow.

It was the day she'd cease to be a Swan. She'd officially be a Cullen and finally make love to Edward.

They were called up to the stage, going row by row, and Bella smiled and watched with tear-filled eyes as Edward and Emmett, several rows before her, ascended the stairs to where the podium was. Hand-in-hand the brothers accepted the little leather folder their diplomas would go in, once they arrived in the mail. When it was her turn, she waved to Carlisle, Mom and Jake in the audience, went through the motions and took her seat.

Her mind replayed the look of triumph on Edward's face as he took what they offered. The Cullen brothers both shined and were confident on that stage. She was so honored to know them, and loved how Emmett took care of Edward, making sure he'd succeed and this would be a memorable occasion for him.

Three times was the charm for her Edward. He'd finally done it—graduated and felt like he had proved he was normal. And he didn't need Alice to get through it. In fact, he did better after she was gone and no one meddled with him.

Now it was time to move on. Her chest expanded with a great gush of air.

She was beyond glad to get out of here. High school was a heinous chore until Edward came along. Thankfully he picked her out of all of the other kids here, to be his friend; the one he could rely on.

And thank God she had invited him to sit next to her in biology.

They announced the graduation ceremony was complete. Caps flew in the air and she left hers on the field. She didn't want the stupid thing. They looked ridiculous on everybody.

Mom and Jake found her first, hugging and telling her she was the prettiest one on the stage.

She smiled and her cheeks heated. Pretty? Not her.

"Bella!" Edward called and ran up to her.

She was jerked into an embrace and he quickly cried with relief, "I did it! I can't believe I finally got through. It's all because of—" he cleared his throat and yelled really loud "—Bella Swan, the woman I love!"

She shushed him, tucked her face into his chest as he hugged her once more.

He pressed his lips repeatedly into her head.

"Bella Swan?" a familiar voice asked. "Is it really you?"

Bella froze.

Couldn't be!


	37. Chapter 37

**Chapter 35: Revolving Doors**

Bella swallowed what felt like cotton, and it had somehow lodged itself inside her throat. How had her mouth gone so bone-dry?

"Victoria?" Bella strangled on the words.

"Bella Swan! I can't believe it's you!" Victoria stared at her like she was star-struck.

"What are you doing here?" Bella swore she was looking at somebody else. This woman was clean, presentable and really pretty. Her teeth were still a little marred, but she was more than skin and bones. And her pregnant belly?

Bella gasped when she saw the shy little guy tucked back behind her legs.

"Is this your child?" Bella asked, bending over to wave at him.

"Yeah, this is my little James. He goes by J. J." Victoria beamed and fluffed her hair a little. Her red hair looked glorious in the low lighting—almost like a smoldering flame.

Her son's hair was more a strawberry blond, but it was striking too.

"Hi, J. J. Your mom here is the one that introduced me to rock music. Do you know what her favorite band is?" Bella asked him.

"Pearl Jam," he replied than cowered even more.

Victoria swung behind her and swooped him up. She held him tight to her chest.

"How old are you?" Bella motioned to Victoria for permission to touch him.

She nodded her consent.

Bella scratched his back a little.

He held up three fingers without looking back at her.

"Wow," Bella mouthed.

"Is this your family?" Victoria asked, looking around at the small gathering around her friend from another lifetime.

"Oh—yeah. Jeez, I'm sorry." Bella introduced everybody and when she finished, her mom stood still and gaped.

"Is this the girl you were in rehab with? The meth-head that got you to run away?" Mom's fists were at her sides with her arms rigid.

"That was three years ago, and I . . . Well, things are different now." Victoria dropped her chin onto her son's head and she cupped the back of his neck with one hand, protectively.

"You said her name was Tori," Mom said.

"Yeah, she went by Tori then." Bella gave Victoria apologetic eyes.

"I'm sorry, I didn't mean to barge in and mess things up, but Dr. Harkham told me about—" Victoria started.

"Dr. Harkham? You know her?" Edward asked, stepping forward.

"Yeah. Are you Edward?" Victoria asked.

His eyes widened. "Yes, and I'm uncomfortable with you knowing who I am when I barely met you."

"Oh, yeah . . ." She palmed her forehead like she was stupid, forgetting her manners. Bella smiled. Tori used to head-bop herself all the time. "Man, I'm so scattered. You're case number one for her, right?"

He gave a slight head tilt, his whole body unbending.

"Meet number five. He's her newest case. I asked her about the first four, and she told me you were about to marry a woman named Bella Swan. I about fell out of my chair!" Victoria stared at him. "It couldn't be. Bella disappeared off the streets, and I looked everywhere for her. Nobody knew where she went, so I thought she was killed. I learned later she went back to be with her dad for the rest of the summer. But during that time, I was so scared I was going to die too if I kept going the direction I was headed. Plus, I was going to have a baby soon. I got help. A battered woman's shelter took me in. I went through rehab again, this time sticking it out until the end. I had a pretty good delivery and birth. But by the time J. J. was a year and a half, I could see there were some differences from other kids his age." Victoria's eyes teared up. "A case worker I was frequently in contact with told me about Dr. Harkham. We just love her."

"Well, you look . . . amazing," Bella said, looking her up and down. "I'm so proud of you that you got your life back in order."

"It was hard, after being abused for years by my dad and a string of worthless boyfriends," Victoria said. She rocked her son back and forth who was humming with a loud buzzing noise that was bordering on shrill. "Shhh . . . Baby, we're almost through. I just want to thank the lady that saved us both."

"Saved you? I didn't do anything," Bella said, her brow a deep V. "You're the one that got off the streets."

"No, Bella, it was you. I thought about what you would've done. I thought back on how horrified you looked when you saw me on the street with my bulging belly. After you left, I was almost crippled by that memory. I remember you said the music I introduced you to helped you. You helped me too." Victoria shook her hand, but Bella tugged her arm and turned it into a hug that was loose enough it would hopefully be fine with J. J.

"This means we'll be seeing you around. We see Dr. Harkham once a month—so I'm sure our paths will cross." Bella was hit with sadness at the thought of maybe not ever seeing her again. She jumped. "Mom! You have the extra wedding invitations in your purse, right?" She gave her mom the evil eye. Mom was giving out invites to random people at work and wanted to do it tonight too. Bella told her she'd use a pick ax on her mom's kneecaps if she asked any other strangers to come.

"You said to keep them in my purse, so I did," Mom huffed.

"Give me one, you old bag," Bella joked, shouldering her mom.

Rene was slow about digging one out. Bella handed it to Victoria right away.

"I know it's last minute notice, but I'd love to have you come to our wedding tomorrow," Bella said.

"Two o'clock? I have somewhere to be then, but maybe I can make it for the reception after?" Victoria smiled and her eyes were hesitant but hopeful.

"You'll be there," Edward said. "I can tell you need a good friend, and Bella's the best friend ever."

"I know. She's the only good friend I ever had. That's why I look up to her so much." Victoria said her quick goodbye because J. J. was covering his ears and the buzzing sound was louder now.

Bella leaned into Edward's side for support.

"That was really unexpected. I can't believe she found me," Bella said. "I never thought I'd see her again. She was so important to me. It was the music she gave me an appreciation for that made me feel less lonely. It made me feel like I could overcome my addictions."

"She's lonely now too, I can see it in her eyes, but she has a precious little boy to help her out," Edward observed.

Bella kissed his cheek and told the group she really wanted to leave because her heals were about to turn her into Satan's sister.

On the way out to the car, she took them off and carried them in her hand.

"Do you think Alice was here tonight?" Edward whispered in her ear.

"If she was, she knew better than to try anything with all those people around," she answered.

He nodded, but she could tell he was unconvinced.

Alice was smarter than that.

Bella hoped she was intelligent enough to stay away so nobody would get hurt.

.

.

Edward and Bella skipped the graduation after-parties. Neither of them wanted a repeat of what had happened at Angela's Halloween party, and they needed things as calm as possible before their even-more important day tomorrow—wedding day.

Oddly, Edward was calmer than ever. He'd never been so happy and so comfortable with himself and his life.

Edward and Bella had decided the night before they married they'd sleep in separate rooms.

Even though he wished now they hadn't made this plan, he did have some things to do for tomorrow. Money was tight and the decorations were going to be minimal for this event.

He pulled out the bag he'd been hiding in the closet with the two dozen black Chinese paper lanterns, toothpicks, an ice pick, and his template for the designs he wanted to make.

It would hopefully make her smile when he'd explain to her why he'd done this.

His tongue poked out right away as he sat crossed legged on his bed and assembled the lanterns then began poking the holes through the template. It took him two hours, his eyes were sore and they were having a hard time staying opened, but he would finish. It would be one of his few contributions, other than his moving tables and chairs earlier this morning.

He did of course have a say on everything, like the colors and who was invited.

As soon as he was done, he snuck out back with the paper lanterns and an ice pick in case he missed any spots on the lanterns. His hands were steady as he strung them up along the crisscrossing twinkle lights Emmett had put up for them. He made corrections to the designs here and there until he got it exactly right.

Choppy whimpered inside her dog house; she'd been chained up the whole day.

Edward set down his tools on the nearest chair then crept over to her, freed her and cooed at her to keep her quiet as he brought her up to his room. There was no way he could sleep without Bella unless he had Choppy to keep him company.

He smiled and his whole chest warmed. After tonight, he'd never sleep alone again.

"I love you, Bella," he said into the night air.

He drifted off with warmth curled around his legs.

His dreams were of stars hidden behind Bella's hair as she floated and hovered above him—blocking out anything else he might've seen. It made him smile, because he didn't want to see anything else.

She apologized over and over, and the only way he could make her stop was to smile then kiss her.

"Off!" he heard, stirring him awake.

A soft warm body snuggled up to him in his bed.

"Sorry, sweetie. Go back to sleep," she said in his ear.

His hands instinctually grabbed at her and he draped his body over her.

"You were in my dream," he said, his voice thick with sleep.

"Naked I hope," she teased.

"No. But you were with the stars, where you belong." He yawned long and hard. The bed moved with it a little.

"Now I really know you're tired. You definitely need to go back to sleep." One of her hands found his and her fingers fanned out at the center of his palm then drifted along the length of each finger. Chills raced up his wrist.

Her fingers coiled back to the center and did it again.

"I love these hands," she said.

"Why _do_ you?" He turned his head toward her even though it was hard to make out any definition in her face. A smile was there and he could tell her eyes were heavy, but not with sleep.

"When they touch me—I swear, the earth could be falling away under me, and I wouldn't know it."

"What else?" he asked, breathless, captivated.

"I love these arms too," she said, her fingertips now ghosting up his forearm and heading to his bicep.

"I want to know why," he said, his mouth going dry from the way he was panting already. He was glad she banished Choppy to the floor—his dog might think he was broken with the way he was almost gasping for enough air.

"When they hold me—I feel okay inside, like I'm a different version of me," she said, shaking her head a little. "I can't explain that one very well, but they transport my mind to better places."

He wanted to speak, but nothing came out. It was probably better this way—his thoughts were completely incoherent.

Next her fingers drifted up his shoulders, moved across his neck and then she stroked his parted lips.

"And when I think I couldn't love anything more than your hands and your arms, you kiss me, and you obliterate what they've done to me. Because . . ." She exhaled with a slow, whooshing sound. "When they kiss me, I have no idea who I am anymore. I've died; I'm in Heaven. You've put me on your back and transported me there, even if I don't belong."

"Bella . . . I . . ."

Her index finger forced his mouth to close.

"No talking. Just feel me. I want you to feel what you do to me—what Heaven can be like," she said. She pulled his shirt off and her warm hands roamed all over his chest, his neck and his arms. When it seemed like he couldn't take it anymore, she leaned over, her hair tickling his body, she peppered him with warm, wet kisses and made these incredible moaning sounds he thought would kill him.

She rubbed her body all over him, eventually removing most of her clothing along with more of his.

"Tomorrow—_tomorrow_ I get more," he said, but it sounded like a question, and his voice wavered so much she probably couldn't understand what he said.

She inhaled sharply. "Tomorrow you get everything you want from me that I can give. I won't hold back—all you have to do is say what you need."

"I need you. All of you—every last bit. Oh, God, Bella . . . I wish you could give it all to me now," he whimpered.

His fingers threaded into her hair and she leaned her head back and arched her back. The way she straddled him and moved, it made him sorer than ever.

"You want it now?" she taunted, wiggling her hips back and forth.

"But the rules . . . You said." He swallowed and his hands went to her hips to still her so he wouldn't make a mess with his fluids bursting out of him.

"Fuck the rules," she growled. "Rules were made to be broken."

His insides burned, and his hips lifted into her. She cursed. He could count how many times she'd said bad words to him on one hand. This was . . . Different somehow. He could barely breathe—it was so hot. He was hot. It was hard to think straight when she talked like that and sounded that way.

"Say that again . . ." His voice was hoarse like he needed water more than anything.

"I said . . ." She leaned over, her lips at his ears. "Rules can fuck themselves. We're marrying tomorrow. You're mine!"

Suddenly, he had her pinned below him. He bit her ear and rasped, "I won't make it, Bella. You've undone me. I'm not polite anymore—I can't be. Not now."

He stripped her little panties off, touched her there until she was so loud he thought for sure his dad would come in and intervene.

But when she was thrashing around, telling him she loved him more than anything and would kill anybody that would try to take him away from her, he was suddenly and inexplicably content.

She moved out from under him when her breathing calmed.

"No," he said.

"No, what?"

"No—we wait. We're gonna follow the rules," he said.

Her hand reached out to touch him and he circled her wrist then flattened her palm to his chest.

"But I . . . But you," she said, her voice going up. She was all tense.

"No. We're gonna wait. Tomorrow will be perfect. You can't step in the backyard though until it's time to get married. You'll be more beautiful than any angel, I'll be so happy to see you, and everybody will know we love each other for who we are. That we don't care about our past mistakes, the things we do wrong all the time. Those things don't matter. We don't have to prove anything to anybody, and right now, we're going to go to sleep so we don't ruin our perfect day by being too tired because of our impatience."

"How did you get to be so brilliant and perfect?" She kissed his left pec and then settled her head there.

"I don't know. How did you get to be so beautiful and loving?"

"I used to think I was none of those things," she mused.

"I want to say the same about me, but I'm tired. I stayed up late to create a surprise for you."

Her head almost bounced off his chest. "A surprise?"

"Yep. Sleep now," he said. "It's good but not good enough to lose sleep over." He kissed her head in an almost brotherly fashion.

She chuckled, caressed his chest and before long, she was asleep, covering half his body.

Tomorrow night she'd cover the whole thing, and he would be damned if he'd stop her.

He drifted off with a huge smile on his face.

.

.

The whole day was spent with him walking around in a daze. It was almost time.

He stepped outside to check on Choppy and make sure the black and white satin bows around her neck were still in place. They were.

When he backed up, he bumped into a chair, and something fell off.

It was the tools from last night. He'd forgotten he'd put them there.

He picked up the mini ice-pick and shoved it in his pocket along with the tiny screw driver. He'd put them away as soon as he went inside.

"Edward—there you are. The Justice of the Peace is here. He wants to talk to you," Emmett said.

The next thing Edward new, he was standing in the spot with Mr. Roberts, practicing what he'd say.

It was easy—the lines were simple. Good, less chance of messing them up.

He went over the words a few times in his mind; close to memorizing them.

When he stopped enough to look up, he saw several people walking through the side gate.

It was time, already.

He beamed as he welcomed them, shaking their hands forcefully and helping them find a seat in the few rows they had set up at the back corner of the yard.

Once he had them situated, several more walked through. They were only expecting about forty or so, but it felt like he was greeting hundreds of people; he could scarcely take it all in.

"Hi, Edward. This looks great. I like the black, white and red theme. It's striking," Jasper said.

Edward's face dropped a tad. He didn't recall them discussing Jasper being invited.

Then he remembered Bella arguing with her mom last night over handing out invitations without discussing it with them first.

Jasper must have been one of them.

"Thank you. The black is evil, the white is good, and the red is blood," Edward explained.

Jasper grimaced. "Do I want to know what blood has to do with a wedding?"

"No, probably not." Edward grinned. The blood was his virginity. He knew he wasn't going to bleed, but he kind of wished he could. The symbol of giving her his blood with his virginity was something he kind of liked.

Bella thought it was morbid, but said she really liked it that it was kind of twisted—like them.

Edward made sure that on each table, inside the glass bowls with all the floating candles on top of the water, there was a red rose floating between them. His virginity was always between them.

Tonight that would end in their hotel room where they'd be staying.

"Have you heard from Alice recently?" Edward asked as he showed Jasper to a nearby seat.

"Yeah. She said to wish you well and she's sorry she can't be here herself." Jasper's right eye twitched when he smiled in a stiff way. "Can I ask you something real quick?"

Edward's head snapped to the gate. Another uninvited person showed up . . . _Jessica_.

"Sure," Edward said, keeping his eyes on her.

"Do you miss her?"

"No. I don't really like Jessica," Edward blurted.

"_Who_?" Jasper's head turned to follow Edward's gaze. "_Her_?"

"Yeah—she hurt Bella's feelings too many times. Even though she said sorry, I still don't really like her," he answered.

Jasper shook his head and placed a hand on Edward's shoulder. "Not her—Alice."

"Sometimes, but she's kind of the same as Jessica, isn't she? But worse, because Alice stabbed her and wanted to kill her. I'm not okay with that. Sometimes I can forgive her for hurting people to protect me, but this wasn't about protection." Edward turned away from Jessica. There wasn't anything he could do now. She could stay as long as she didn't cause trouble. He stared at Jasper. What did he want to hear? Why were they talking about this painful subject?

"According to Alice, it was _all_ about protection. She said Bella was destroying you," Jasper replied.

"Then she's blinder than I thought. She can't see me at all, because I'm so happy I can barely keep from smiling every minute of the day," Edward said, standing up straight.

After a brief pause to stare at Jasper and convey to him he wasn't going to fight about this, he left and welcomed a few more people, including Jessica, who barely said a word. She mostly looked frightened.

Choppy was getting restless. He took her out of her dog house and held her at the front, where he was supposed to stand and get married very soon.

"You don't get to wear red," he told Choppy into her fur. She was really soft. He washed her yesterday before graduation. "Red's bloody and messy—and you're nice and clean." He ran his incredibly calm hands down her back then set her down, tying her nearby so she could see when Edward tied himself to the one person that mattered.

His dad sat down at the piano that Edward would play later. Dad never played the piano at home, but he'd made an exception for this event.

The music started and Edward stood a little taller, smiled a little wider and his heart pounded harder.

He could make out Emmett standing right inside the back, French doors and somebody in white—_his_ somebody in white—was standing behind his brother.

The Justice of the Peace took his place and the door opened.

Music filled the space of the backyard, but not as much as she did as she walked toward Edward.

Her eyes glanced around the place quickly and she blushed when she saw the lanterns he'd created with big and small star patterns scattered along them.

She blushed? She almost never did that—or at least he couldn't recall her doing it this way, all red from her forehead down. Not as long as he'd known her these past eight months. Nothing embarrassed her.

Why did black paper lanterns make her turn that shade?

He held his hand out to her even though she was several feet away. His leg bounced, itching to run to her and swallow her up in his arms—the arms she said she loved last night.

Rene was sitting in the front, tears in her eyes and swallowing hard. Dr. Harkham sat to her right.

It was nice to have the two women he kind of considered his moms now, right where he could see them easily.

When Bella was close enough, he leaned forward and ripped her hand off Emmett's arm.

"She's mine now," Edward said.

Emmett backed up, his palms in front of his chest. "Yeah, I get it," he said, chuckling quietly.

Emmett sat down next to Rene and was now laughing at how Edward took Bella's hand and placed it over his heart. "She's mine," Edward repeated.

Emmett glanced around at the small gathering. "I love this guy!" he said.

The crowd laughed.

Bella cupped Edward cheek with her other hand. "Sweetie—they know who I belong to." She smiled.

Tears flooded his eyes, but he ignored them.

He had wanted her to carry flowers like a traditional bride, but Bella refused. She'd said they'd get in the way, just like a veil would. So, instead, to compromise, she wore red roses scattered in her hair that were pinned up with the hair combs Dad had given her for Christmas. He'd never seen her with her hair up. It was pretty, but he liked it down better so he could touch it and grab it and smell it when he wanted.

"You look beautiful, and your hair is pretty," he said.

Bella smiled and whispered her thank you then said he looked more gorgeous than should be allowed.

The Justice of the Peace cleared his throat and he chuckled. "If you're both ready, we can begin."

They both nodded and the talking stopped.

All they did was stare at one another and the officiator blabbed about stuff they didn't care about.

He said things about commitment, family, and what it meant to take this step in their lives.

All Edward cared about was saying what he was supposed to at the right moment, hearing Bella repeat it as well, and then he was going to kiss her so hard he would forget how to stand up straight.

"Edward, repeat after me," the Justice began.

"I know my lines," Edward huffed. He spouted them off before the Justice could say them first.

"Well, um . . . It's not supposed to be done quite that way, but I suppose that'll work," Mr. Roberts said, flustered.

Bella grinned and before the Justice could say another word, she said her lines too.

"Uh, yeah . . . I, uh," the Justice rambled, pulling at his collar a little.

"Give me the damn ring, Edward," Bella said, pulling her hand off his chest and fluttering her ring finger.

"If you ever take this off, I'll cry," Edward warned her.

"Oh, it's glued on permanently," she answered, tears leaking at the corners of her eyes.

"But I didn't say," the Justice began.

"Shut up. We know what we're doing," Bella said, laughing.

Edward shoved the ring on her finger. He couldn't get it on there fast enough. Once it was secured in place, his shoulders shrank about four inches and he sighed deep and heavy. "I like having that there."

"Me too," she said, and she put his ring on just as quickly.

The Justice's head whipped back and forth like he was watching a tennis match.

"Why am I here?" he mused.

"To make it legal—nothing more," Bella answered.

Edward grabbed her in his arms, turned his head to Mr. Roberts and said, "Tell me I can kiss my wife so we can be done."

"Uh, okay . . ." He looked at the snickering audience, and one howling Emmett, whose face was turning red from laughter, and said, "I present to you Mr. And Mrs. Edward Cullen." He looked at Edward dubiously. "You may now kiss . . ."

But Edward didn't wait. He was already kissing her and had her so tight in his arms, he could hear her struggling to breathe.

When he broke away he said, "You really are mine now, and that means I want you to always be touching me and at my side."

"No, that's my line," she said, and smacked his backside with a wicked glint in her eyes.

She smirked as they walked around and chatted with their witnesses.

As it grew dark, Emmett lit up the Chinese paper lanterns Edward had made.

Choppy followed the happy couple around. People were looking like they were ready to leave after most of the food was gone, so Edward sat down, unannounced and played his song for Bella on the piano.

Choppy jumped up on the bench and sat next to him, resting her little paw on his thigh. Bella leaned against the back of the piano and people gathered around behind her.

When he was done, Bella was crying.

People clapped.

"I wrote this for Bella, because when all I could see was numbers, she made them scatter and she replaced them with a song of worship for her in my heart. I'll never forget how she did that to me—how she saved me," he said.

Jessica put a hand over her heart and made an almost pouty face.

He looked away. She still made him uncomfortable.

A few people praised him for his song and said he played it really well.

He got up and turned on the stereo they had put outside. Bella was surprised when he cajoled her into dancing with him on the basketball court as about half of their guests made their polite exit.

"I've never danced before," Bella said as they swayed together.

"Not ever? What about when you were little? Didn't your dad put you on his feet and hold your hands?" His eyes were wide.

"No. He hated dancing—he said he was born with bear feet and that's why he had to hunt them down—to punish them for doing that to him." She snorted and covered her nose to bury her laugh.

"He was funny sometimes, wasn't he?"

"Yeah. He was actually pretty damn hysterical now that I think about it," she said.

She leaned her head back and sighed. "Thank you for all of this, Edward. I love what you did to make your finishing touches. The lanterns made it exactly right," she said.

He cupped the back of her head, fingering one of the roses a little and then kissed her neck. "Anything for you, my sweetheart."

"Almost everyone's gone. Is it okay if I start putting away chairs and tables?" Emmett asked, interrupting their intimate moment.

Edward broke away from her tasty neck. "Sure."

"Don't eat her up on the dance floor. You need to enjoy your honeymoon first before you do that," Dad said, reaching out and squeezing Edward's shoulder.

Edward smiled big. "I can do whatever I like since I'm her _husband_," he said, pretending to be snooty.

Dad smiled with a patient look in his eyes and without word, went about helping Emmett clean up.

The last few remaining people, Rene, Jasper and Jessica started helping a little too. Jessica kept watching Jasper in a creepy way.

Eventually Jasper left out the side gate, and Jessica was gone a few seconds later.

He was glad they were out of his life.

Edward had ignored them while they here as much as he could.

He kissed his wife some more and couldn't stop roaming his hands all over her back. "I'm picturing you naked," he admitted.

"I'm sure you are," Bella said, chuckling.

"No, really, really naked, like where I can see all of you in bright lights. Not in the dark in my bedroom or in a shower, but in the full light. You'll let me do that, right?" His voice wavered as his breath caught. What if she didn't let him do that? He really wanted to.

The gate opened, but he didn't bother to look. It was probably Victoria. She said she'd be late, and she was—very late.

It was nice of her to show up though. He knew it would mean a lot to Bella.

"So? Can I? See you?" he asked, pressing for an answer.

"Yes, sweetie, I'll let you do any damn thing you wa—"

"It was a nice wedding—Alice would be proud," Jasper said, interrupting them, his hands in his pockets.

Edward startled, not realizing he was standing right next to them. Why did he return?

Edward thought he saw some movement back by the gate. What was going on?

"Thank you," Bella said, her lips stiff as they moved.

"Only one thing would make her prouder," he said, and in a blinding flash, he had a gun pointed at Bella.

"No! You can't hurt her!" Edward growled and launched himself at Jasper.

The gun went off, and all he could think about was tearing Jasper's arms off and swallowing the gun down so it wouldn't be a threat to his darling wife.

"Move, Edward! I don't want to hurt you!" Bella yelled, shoving him off.

She somehow removed him and had her hands ripping into Jasper's throat. He still had the gun, but she had his arms pinned down with her knees.

He bucked, and his hand was now trying to aim at Edward, off to the side.

Suddenly, Edward yowled like a dying animal. Choppy barked hysterically behind him.

Then he remembered with his next heartbeat those moments last night before he'd stolen his pet back into the house.

The ice-pick!

He ripped it out of his pants and _whiiiiiiiiiipphh_!

His hand flew up and then down, landing straight into Jasper's wrist, the one holding the gun. He barely missed Bella's leg and her beautiful white dress.

But then blood spurted out as Jasper screamed. "I hate you! You destroyed Alice—the one woman I loved!"

"What the hell is g—" Dad's voice cut off. He flew to Edward and ripped Bella off Jasper.

Emmett grabbed Jasper into a choke hold, had him standing up now.

It sounded like Rene was on her cell, talking to 911 officials.

Jessica was the most surprising; she raced right up to Jasper, and kneed him in the groin. "You asshole! This was supposed to be their perfect day!" She slapped him right after she spit in his face.

Emmett laughed, and Edward could have sworn his brother leaned back with his arms interlocked around Jasper's arms he had behind him. It made Jasper's body round toward Jessica so she could take another cheap shot at him.

"I never liked you, you freak!" Jessica continued berating Jasper. "I knew you weren't supposed to be here. That's why I was following you around and why I stayed until you left."

Bella gasped almost inaudibly, but it was there.

"I hope they put you in prison just like your messed up, weirdo girlfriend!" Jessica said, pointing in his chest.

"She what?" Edward choked on his words.

"Yeah, I've been watching out for her for you guys. I have a cousin who actually found her in France. Alice is in jail for attacking your mom," Jessica said, her eyes apologetic.

"Why didn't you tell me?" Edward asked, his hands shaking inside of Bella's. He hadn't even realized he was holding her hands. They were wet.

He looked at them for a moment and cringed at the blood on both their fingers. It was on her dress too.

Well, he wanted the red roses to symbolize blood.

"I'll kill you both!" Jasper hissed. "You deserve to die!"

Dad was suddenly in front of Jasper, looming over him. "Say one more word, and I'll finish you off with my son's ice-pick!"

"You too! I'll kill all of you! That's what I was going to do anyway. After everybody left—I was going to make sure every last stinking Cullen that ever hurt Alice, would pay!" Jasper groaned and it turned into what sounded like a ferocious war cry.

Edward dragged Bella behind him until they were inside the house.

"We can't leave them out there with that maniac," she said, pulling away from him.

"I know—but we don't have to listen to his shit," he said.

Her eyes flew open at his curse word.

"I'm gonna shut him up," he said.

He went to the laundry room, found the duct tape and went straight back out there.

Instead of just taping his mouth shut, because that was too nice, he wrapped it all the way around his head. That way, when the police removed it, it would rip out gobs of hair.

Yes, he was a genius.

And the cops told him that later, before hauling off a crying, broken Jasper.

They even congratulated Edward, on the sly, about having an ice-pick in his pocket to defend himself and his bride on his wedding day.

Edward watched them drive away with Bella's bloody hand tucked up under his arm, against his ribs. He could feel his heart pounding there. He almost lost her on the day she finally became his.

"Let's leave before somebody else tries to off me," she teased.

"Yeah, let's. I'm gonna lock you away forever in a room with me so nobody can reach you."

"Not if I do it first," she said and took his hand, pulled him over to the car and all but shoved him in.

It was her wedding day too, and the woman had plans it would seem.

He would never stop her from fulfilling them.

**A/N:**

**These wonderful people help make this story shinier and brighter: my beta, SunflowerFran, and my pre-readers, ****Amandac3, Paxson Adkins, ****akjamma** **and Dinia Steel. Thank you for your help!**

**Scarlett**


	38. Chapter 38

**Chapter 36: Stars and Moons**

Bella drove fast. He liked that.

"I'm in a hurry, too," he said, smiling at her.

"Not in as a big of a hurry as I am," she said. "I'm dying to have you."

His tummy jerked at the expression on her face, along with other parts of his body.

Why not get started now? His fingers started pulling the roses out of her hair one by one, and pulling out pins as well.

Before long, her chocolate hair was overlapping the white dress. The contrast was beautiful.

"I love you," he said.

"I love you, too," she responded.

Bella had them at the hotel and out of the car before he could say those three little words again.

She took care of valet, even though the man in him said he should be doing those things. It was evident she didn't care about convention or tradition, and his heart was swollen, watching her take care of things efficiently so they could get to the best part of all—_sex_! And lots of it.

He tripped a few times after they had their card key and were almost running to their room.

A few people looked at them in a horrified way. Probably because of the blood on their clothes, but he only smirked at them.

One lady muttered, "What in the world?"

"I'm married now. I get to have sex," he told her over his shoulder as he passed by.

She gasped, and a big ol' goofy smile broke out on his face.

"It's gonna be great!" he called after her as Bella doubled their pace.

They stopped in front of a door, and as Bella shoved the key in, he wound his hands around her and fondled her chest.

"Oh, I love these firm, wonderful breasts," he cooed, rubbing his cheek along her upper back. "They're perfect, and they make me really hard."

"Get in here," she said, yanking the door open and then him next. She thrust him inside, slammed the door shut with her foot.

He backed up toward the bed, all the while she was ripping his clothes off and kissing him with frantic lips.

Her fingernails scraped at his chest.

"Ow! Slow down, you're hurting me," he said.

"It's gonna hurt good," she growled.

Goose bumps broke out on his chest where she was still clawing at him.

But this was supposed to be tender.

He pulled her hands off him, turned her around so he could unbutton her dress.

"Just rip the damn thing off!" she cried.

"No. We're gonna preserve this dress. I love it, and I want to keep it. We'll get it cleaned up and we'll—"

She tore at the sleeves, so he hurried faster, his fingers fumbling. "I want it off now!"

"I'm trying," he said, his voice higher than hers.

As soon as he had her freed, she tried to toss him on the bed, but he wasn't having that.

He rolled her onto her back and pinned her in place. "Slow. Down. _Please_."

"Slow down? Are you kidding me? I've been about ready to stab my eyes out for months because it hurt looking at you—I wanted you so much. I'm not going to _slow down_." She nipped at his neck like she really was out for his blood. "Don't you feel uncontrollable? Don't you want me so much you worry you might break my bones?"

She groaned, but it wasn't a sex-induced lusty one. It was more like a, you-just-killed-the-mood, sound.

Her body slumped into the bed and her muscles went lax.

A second later, she was sobbing. "That bastard almost killed you! I wasn't going to let him do that. You . . . He can't! . . . Nobody can take you away from me—_nobody_! I worked . . . worked so hard to be here with you, and to deserve you . . . And to have you . . ." She struggled to talk, her diaphragm spasming as her face grew wetter with tears and snot dripped down her face. "I'm a mess without you, Edward . . . I couldn't survive anymore if you d-didn't exist." She rubbed her face clean. "Tell me no one can become between us—that we won't allow that to happen. I need to feel you inside me to know that's true."

He smiled at her with adoration and kissed her cheek. "There's no reason to be frantic and alarmed. No one can ever do that. We can't be separated. Not when there's breath in our bodies." With slow, measured movements, to help stabilize her and keep her calm, he drifted down her body, placing gentle, sugary kisses along her burning skin.

Her crying stopped and it was replaced with low moans.

His lips drifted from one hip to the other, and somehow he managed to get all his clothes off between kisses.

He dragged himself down to her feet, kissing each of her toes.

Her skin pinked wherever he went, and he'd run his hands over the color to watch it move along with his touch. It was like his hands commanded where the blood pooled under her skin. He'd never seen anything more mesmerizing.

His mouth watered, so he used that moisture to taste his way up her right leg. She panted as he spread her open and licked at the dip between her leg and her most delicate places. When he sucked there at the tendons, her lower back would bow off the bed, and she'd emit this low, guttural sound that made his eyes slide up in his head.

He had to tip his head back a few times to get some fresh air, because the scent there was overpowering.

"You taste better than a donut," he said, walking his mouth over to her pubic bone. He had already been massaging that spot while he tasted her inner thigh.

"I doubt that," she said so quiet he barely heard it.

He ran his nose across the padding over that pubic bone then pressed it harder with the tip. "You do. So _yummy_." His tongue poked out and he tasted her there too. "Boston . . ." He sucked hard and let go. "Cream."

"Oh, God!" she gritted.

A whine came out of him as her hips thrust up.

He used his fingers to make sure she was ready. She really was a Boston cream—all wet and delicious on his fingers.

His tongue took a taste, and her hands came down on him, grabbing and guiding him where she wanted him to go.

"I'm gonna take that virginity now," she hissed, rubbing herself on him.

"No, you're not, 'cause I'm gonna give it to you myself," he said, and slowly, with trembling arms that were barely able to prop himself up, he did it. He was encased with slippery, gooey warmth, and his entire body flamed from the feeling.

"Oh . . . God, I'm there . . . I'm really there," he said, his whole body straining as he stayed in one spot, pressed as deep as he could go.

"Move! Please, sweetie, I can't take it—you're too still," she said, her voice gravelly.

She grabbed his butt, and it lit a fire down the backs of his legs, making him suddenly pull out and drive back into her.

"Sorry . . . I want to be gentle, I don't want to hurt you," he said.

"Hurt me, goddammit, or I'll never forgive you," she said, gripping his backside harder. "Hurt me so bad I can't feel my body!"

"No. You have to feel all of it—everything we do," he said.

She sucked in a tight breath and her fingers dug into him so hard he winced.

"Okay, sweetie, you have to stop hurting me—I don't like it that way," he said. He grabbed her hands and moved them into his hair. She could pull all she wanted there. He actually liked that.

She chuckled for a second then her breathing went low, deep in her belly. "God, this feels better than anything I've ever felt. I don't think I'm gonna survive this." Her head lolled from side to side. "How did I resist having sex with you?" She tried to nip at his hand on the pillow next to her head.

He wanted to ask, "It _does_? Better than the other guys you've been with?" but he couldn't. She was right. He was . . . Oh . . . Tightening, down his thighs, in his belly, at his pubic bone and spreading behind it. Everything was on fire and waging a war to continue. He could feel it about to erupt and end, and he wanted to keep going—keep having this mind-blowing feeling.

"Oh, Edward . . . I'm gonna . . . Already, but I don't want to. But you got me going so much with all your teasing beforehand . . ." She exhaled in a rush. "I wanna come at the same time as you," she said, biting her lip. Then her mouth was on his, her tongue plunging into his.

She was touching herself between her legs. Her grunting went deeper, was raspy while he whimpered with a high pitched shrieking noise. She suddenly kissed him hard, and that's when it all exploded out of him.

He screamed into her mouth in a muffled, dying way.

Her tone went from husky to so high he almost wanted to cover his ears, but then she tightened all around him, making him thrust harder even though his body really wanted to slow down. He had orgasmed right before she did, but with that sound, and the way she was gripping into him, he continued on until he absolutely couldn't anymore.

Her body rocked; not with love anymore, but with laugher.

"Holy hell, baby, you're gonna kill me if you keep doing that. I mean, I couldn't even last five minutes for our first time," she said, pushing on his shoulders.

He bit his lip and tried harder to get things going again, but he couldn't. Things weren't working properly down there anymore, making his heart drop into his spleen. "I can do this—I can keep going . . . For you," he said.

"Please, stop . . . We're both exhausted. And we're both done." She smiled.

"But you . . . But we were gonna," he protested.

She rolled over, out from under him and stared at him with soft, warm, caramel eyes. A kiss landed on his lips as she stretched her neck forward. "I'm too sensitive right now anyway. The tissues need time to rest after a climax that hard. Damn, sweetie. I thought I was gonna fall apart, you were that perfect inside of me."

"I _was_? And you were . . . Oh, God, I _did_ die. I was seeing light and stars and the moon. It was amazing," he said, almost jumping out of his skin. Or he would if he had the energy.

She sighed big and loud, her chest rounding, making him want to taste all of her again.

"You taste really good, Bella. _Really_ good. I want you to know that. Emmett told me some girls don't really want guys to go down on them, but I really loved that." His eyes shined at the memory of what he did and what his tongue got to have.

"I never used to like it, so I probably wouldn't have agreed if you'd told me that yesterday, but that was . . . Jesus, there aren't words."

"I know . . . 'Cause I feel that way too." He smiled and his eyes drifted closed because her hands were feathering through his hair.

"So beautiful—so strong. How did I ever wind up with you loving me?" she breathed.

"You wound up with me because I made you have me. That's what I did," he said.

"And I never thanked you properly. Let me catch my breath, and my mouth will taste you back, but this time I'll do it the way I should've the first time," she said, her hand resting on his flaccid penis. He still couldn't call it what Emmett said was the better, and proper name for it.

"I don't think I'll taste as good as you do, but I—"

She covered his mouth. "No more talking. Only loving."

He nodded and pulled her into a hug.

They could do this all night, and he'd keep his words to himself. _That_ he could do.

.

.

The flight to Europe was long. Edward was giddy as they backpacked across most of the country over the next two weeks.

He called his dad every day to thank him for paying for their wonderful honeymoon and to ask how Choppy was doing.

Bella liked roughing it. It was better than hotels, in her opinion. They got to see more of the people and the land.

The major drawback was less privacy, but they'd made due. If Edward really wanted sex, he got it, and he found a way to keep them both quiet—pinching her inner thigh would make her gasp, and swallow up her imminent screams of pleasure.

And the bastard would grow harder when she'd react to his fingers doing such an un-Edward like thing.

She had yet to see him go absolutely nuts on her—she craved to see him go cave-man and nail her into tomorrow or even the next week. He was holding back, and it kind of pissed her off a little. Why wouldn't he be rough?

It made her insides raw to think she could barely control herself at all—that she would bite, scrape and want to dig her way inside him, and he'd grab her wrists, slam them onto the pillow and keep them there as he took his time with his sweet, slow seduction.

She felt guilty every time afterward, for being an animal with him. It was useless; she couldn't hold back. It was like all those months of strict repression had finally snapped her, and she was uncaged now. And she wasn't used to this sweet, tender stuff with light teasing touches and whispered kisses. It had always been raw and dirty in her past, and she was lucky if she didn't limp away.

Wasn't that what all men wanted? To skip through as much foreplay as possible, and get down to the grind and the meat?

The lighter and more careful she was, the more she had to have him, and have him _now_! It fueled her raging fire inside for him.

"Five-hundred forty-five, minus—"

"Try to hum instead. It usually works better for you," she reminded him.

He was holding onto the seam of his pants on his right and had his left hand crushing hers into his other side.

She fought back the urge to pound on him. He was so alluring like this—his lips trembling and his eyes wide with anticipation.

She nibbled her lip instead.

The cab rolled to a stop.

"Uncle Peter's house," she informed him since his eyes were shut now.

He needed answers, she was gonna get them for him if he was too nervous to enter this home.

She stroked his knee with her free hand. "You coming?"

"I don't know," he whimpered.

"You don't have to. You can stay here, and I'll—"

"No!" he exclaimed, and he shoved the cab door open, bolting through it.

She paid the driver and thanked him for being so quick. This had been a split decision to come here.

They were in the Louvre when Edward saw a painting and his face drained of all color.

It looked like his mom, he'd said. And that was all it took. He wanted to find her while they were in France.

A two hour drive later, they were staring at his uncle's door.

_Rap, rap, rap, rap, rap . . ._

She knocked for him. His gaze was on his shoes. She could see him mouthing the numbers once more, but he was silent.

The door opened eventually, after what felt like an eternity of Edward now holding his breath and turning a slight shade of blue.

"Peter Richards?" she asked the tall, graying man in front of her.

"Yeah, who's asking," he said with a hint of a French accent.

"I'm Bella. Bella Masen, and this Edward, Elizabeth's son," she answered.

"Wow, I, uh . . ." He stepped back and ran a hand over his face. "Come in, please." He opened the door wider and welcomed them in.

Edward had yet to look at his uncle.

They took a seat in his comfortable living room.

"This room looks like my mom," Edward commented. His eyes moved up slowly, and he found his uncle's face. "Can you please give me some answers? I need to know where she is."

"She'll be back in about ten minutes. I wish I could tell you where she is, but I don't think she'd like that," Peter said with a doleful look. "Can I get you something to drink while you wait?"

Her mouth was dry, and she figured Edward's was too, so she answered for both of them, "Yes, please. Water would be great."

Peter left. Bella rubbed circles on Edward's back as he leaned forward, threatening to form himself into a tight ball. She hummed his song he made for her.

"What if she doesn't want to see me?" he whispered.

"She will. And if she doesn't," she shrugged a little, "then we'll leave, and we won't ever come back here. But at least you'll know you tried."

"I tried? But . . . But I want answers, not just _tried_," he said, his eyes anguished.

"We can't control what she does, but think about it—if she really didn't welcome us, would your uncle have let us in? I'm sure he would respect her wishes, and if she said not to let us in if we ever showed up, he would have left us outside, staring at his door."

Peter came back with two glasses of water, and set them down on the coffee table in front of them. "You look an awful lot like your dad, you know that?"

Edward gave a hint of a glare. "How would you know?"

"He stops by here all the time. If you want to know what I think—that man's still crazy in love with Lizzy, but she can't stop thinking about her last ex: Carlisle." Peter leaned against the couch across from the one they were sitting on.

"Then why'd she leave?" Edward asked, hissing it through his teeth.

"She had to. She was a wreck when she got here. I had to help her get through—"

"It's not like somebody had a gun pointed at her head," Edward interrupted.

Peter's face went whiter than the walls.

He pushed himself off the couch. "Look, I'm not the one that should be giving you answers. She can do that when she gets here. If you'll excuse me—I'm gonna get back to work in my office, and you two can sit here. Holler if you need something," Peter said, then left the room.

Edward curled his body around Bella's and his tight embrace turned into a manic need. His kisses grew urgent, and almost indecent.

"I need you!" he cried.

"Edward, we can't do that here," she said. "Uuuuunnnngh." Why now? Why here? The feral beast inside him was choosing _now_ to rear its head?

She wanted to punch herself in the gut for turning him down, but his mother walking in on him doing obscene things to her, was _not_ how she wanted to meet his mom.

"Pete! I'm back. She was doing much better today," a feminine voice called from the kitchen. A door slammed shut.

They could hear Peter run to her and whisper a few things.

There was an audible gasp. Edward's hand clutched Bella's into his side.

"It's gonna be fine," Bella reassured him.

"How? She hates me. I hurt her, and she left," he said, his voice low and quiet.

"Nobody hates you."

He was about to protest, but a petite, dark haired woman entered the room and her piercing green eyes tore right through Edward as he lurched off the couch and tackled his mother into a hug.

"Mommy!" he sobbed right away.

She cried too and rocked him as she petted the back of his head. "I've missed you so much!"

"Me too. You should've never gone," he said.

"I had to."

He pulled away. "Why? I want to know why!"

"Okay, I'll tell you, but maybe you should introduce me to your lovely wife first," his mom said, turning her attention to Bella.

Bella had never felt more exposed than now. Facing Carlisle was easy compared to this.

There was this purity in her look that Edward had as well, but hers was filled with wisdom and a palpable sadness Bella could almost reach out and hold in her hands.

"This is Bella Masen—used to be Swan—and I always liked that name, because she's really pretty like a graceful swan, don't you think?" Edward rambled.

He took his mom's hand then took his Bella's in his other. He put the two women's hands together.

What was Bella supposed to do? Shake it? Hold it?

She bowed her head and had to look away. There was a blazing fire of goodness in this tiny woman.

"Nice to meet you, ma'am," Bella said.

"Well, you are an amazing woman, I can see that already." She let go of Bella's hand and hugged her. "You love my son, and that makes you a goddess in my book."

"How can I not? He's incredibly easy to love and be with—well, when I'm not thinking about how I can never quite measure up to his level of perfection," Bella spilled. There was this overwhelming feeling like she had to tell her everything. "He loves me even though I've been such an awful person most of my life."

"You found your way to him, and back into the light, and that's what matters," his mom said—no _sang_. Her voice filled the air like beautiful music.

Edward wrangled them both into a group hug.

When they broke away, Edward sat down and pulled Bella onto his lap.

It was . . . new and odd, but she figured if that was what he needed, she'd go along.

He nuzzled into her hair.

"Can you tell us what happened? Why'd you leave?" Bella asked. It was embarrassing prying like this, but they didn't have days to flush this information out.

"It was Alice. She had a knife, and she . . ." His mom shook her head and wetted her bottom lip. "She cut me—sliced open wounds that had been stitched up from the piano incident."

Edward winced. "I'm sorry I did th—"

"Don't apologize. You did nothing wrong," his mom said. "I didn't blame you then, and I don't blame you now. Alice said I was ruining her life and yours."

"Why didn't you turn her in for that?" Bella asked. She gripped her thighs.

"I tried. Nobody believed me. Alice wasn't going to bully me; I figured she would never really harm me—just wanted to scare me. But then she drained my private bank account, the one Carlisle didn't even know about, and anytime I tried to be there for Edward over the next few weeks, she'd threaten to harm other members of the family. She scared me to death. I knew if I left, it would stop. She said not to say a word—to simply go. So I did."

"But things eventually got worse," Bella said. She told his mother about the girl she attacked that had tried to take nudey pictures of Edward in the girls' bathroom at a previous high school.

His mother's shoulder's drooped and she slid into the opposing couch.

Bella went on, talked about what Alice did to herself, Mike, Jessica and Lauren.

Then Edward took over and told her what Jasper did at their wedding and how he was in jail.

"I knew about that—she told me," Elizabeth admitted.

"She did? You talk to her?" Edward's voice broke.

"Yeah, I just returned from seeing her," she answered. "She's in a mental institution here. She came after me—tried to kill me and herself, but Peter managed to stop her before she could do either one. She had a knife in my ribs—barely missed my heart." His mom rubbed the spot where it must've happened. "She slit her wrists but it was more of a skin wound—not deep enough to do anything but make a mess."

"Are they . . . Is she okay there?" Edward asked. His hands were on Bella's waist, shaking her with his trembling.

"She has some rough days. When she heard about Jasper and him being locked away, she went nuts that day. It was pretty bad," his mom said, her eyes tearing up.

"Can we see her?" Edward asked, moving Bella off his lap. He took her hand.

"Let me make some phone calls. I think I can get you in, but prepare yourself—she looks different, and she sounds . . . Well, I guess you'll see for yourself."

Elizabeth got up and made some phone calls. A half hour later, she had it all settled. They were going to see his little sister.

"Mom?" Edward asked before they were about to leave.

"Yes?" Her eyes were soft and a little wary.

"How come you didn't come to my graduation or wedding? Didn't you like me then?" His eyes searched hers.

Her face lifted into a gentle smile. She cupped his cheek and kissed it. "Oh, honey, I never stopped loving you. I couldn't leave Alice. She was struggling. They actually had to put her in a straightjacket on those two days. She was screaming non-stop about how she needed to see you and save you from your demon whore."

Bella flinched.

"Sorry—but you should know, that's what she calls you. She'll probably scream it in your face," Elizabeth warned.

"I can handle it. I've been called much worse than that." And with her final statement, they left to see Alice with his mom, putting their trust in her and getting in her car.

**A/N:**

**These wonderful people help make this story shinier and brighter: my beta, SunflowerFran, and my pre-readers, ****Amandac3, Paxson Adkins, ****akjamma** **and Dinia Steel. Thank you for your help!**

**Thank you for your lovely reviews as well. I didn't get to answer one single review this last week, I was so busy. I'm hoping this week is better. I do read them all though, and I got some pretty mixed ones on the last chapter. Some people were not happy with that wedding, and a few people wanted to point out the flaws. It's fiction. I don't take this story seriously. I wrote it for fun. I do try to make as much of it realistic as possible, but the whole point for me is blowing things up out of proportion to make it more exciting to take me out of my everyday life. I do like that many of you are invested in these characters though. That's what I always aim for. ;D**

**Scarlett**


	39. Chapter 39

**Chapter 37: Padding**

Getting in to see Alice was a never-ending series of more phone calls and waiting. They signed papers and had to visit with her therapist first.

They were told how to behave, which subjects to avoid, and most of all what to do if Alice became unhinged.

Edward was going to ignore all of that. He was here to find out what the hell Alice had been thinking and if she had been the one to sic Jasper after them.

At the last minute, before being admitted into the visiting area with Alice, they were told only two people could be with her at a time. Bella opted to stay behind, saying he should be with his mom as much as possible while they were here in town.

He took his mom's hand and gave her a weak smile.

She smiled back in such a way that it filled him with hope.

They were brought out into a nice, big yard area with shade trees, a few scattered benches and other various seating areas surrounding tables.

Alice sat turned away from them, under a really large tree, wearing a hat.

A cold tremor ran down his spine as he thought about how she looked the last time he'd seen her and how she'd left his Bella lying in a pool of blood.

"Can you ask her questions? I don't know if I can. She hurt Bella really bad—cut her like she did to you," Edward said.

His mom nodded and cupped her hand on top of their conjoined ones.

"Alice," Mom called out.

Alice turned around, ripped off the hat and Edward gasped.

Her hair had been hacked all over the place with pink streaks in some random spots. She always spent a lot of time on her appearance, and this looked scary.

Her clothes had rips all over. He was unsure if she put those in herself or if she fought with somebody and they did it.

Alice waved, but her face was frowning and looked set that way. Her nails were short and painted black.

"Edward," Alice squeaked.

"Hi." He wanted to turn away. This was _not_ his sister. He squinted, hoping the view would change, but it remained the same. "What happened to you?"

"_You_ happened to me," she responded.

"I want you to know, Edward asked me to talk to you for him," his mom informed her.

"No; I changed my mind. I want to say it all myself," Edward said.

"I'll give you some space then," Mom said and wandered a few feet away.

"What do you mean 'I happened to you?'" His brow wrinkled. "That doesn't make sense. You've known me all your life. I didn't just _happen_ to you."

"Edward—listen to me, and try to understand from my point of view." Alice sighed and looked away like she wanted out of here. "Who always dealt with you and the fall-out when you'd have an episode? _Me_."

"I know that," he said.

"And who do you think is going to take care of you after you leave Dad's place or he can't take it anymore?" Her eyes narrowed and she gripped her fingers into the tree bark behind her as she leaned her back into it.

"Bella."

"_Ehhhhh_; wrong!" Her voice was shrill. "_Me_. Bella's not committed to this. She's known you less than a year. She doesn't know what to do when you get ahold of sugar and are bouncing off the walls. She has no idea what to do about a full-grown, exceptionally strong man with uncontrollable ADHD."

"She knows how to do all those things, and she does it better than you!" He leaned forward and his fists clenched.

"Who cares? I'm telling you—she'll walk out like Mom did," she said. "And I was not about to let her ruin my life by giving you donuts and soda and other crap that turns you into a psycho. I gave you stability. You'll have a decent life with me—able to enjoy being an uncle when Jasper and I get married and take care of you in our home."

"Alice," he shook his head, "I'm never gonna live with you."

"Then _who_? Emmett?" She snorted. "Get real. He's almost as indulgent and stupid as Bella in regards to helping you function at the best level possible."

His teeth ground together and his insides were shaking with rage. "Alice! Mom left because you threatened her. You hurt her! You belong in this place if you think that's okay and the way to handle things. People don't play with knives and pull them on other people. I used to think you collected them because it made you seem tough—like a Tomboy or something, since you lived in a house with all males. But that's not it—you really _are_ sick."

"Says the man with a seriously, debilitating disability."

He frowned and his heart plummeted. Every nerve in his body was urging him to slap her, but he refused. That was her way, only with sharp blades. "Alice—Jasper's not right for you, and if you think he is, then you're the one that's deluded."

"Big words, huh? Yeah—go ahead. I've seen you pull them out when you're debating intellectual issues with Dad. This isn't something you can think through, though. It's real life; it's feelings, it's raw, and it's brutal. Life. Is. Brutal. Edward. And I protected you from it," she said, her fingernails really digging into the tree trunk. Veins stuck out in her neck as her nostrils flared.

"I know," he said, his voice soft. "It's all about feelings, and Bella and I are married now. We love each other more than life itself. And your idea of protection is what surrounded me with violence. I mean—my wedding day, my bride had blood on her dress, because of you." He shoved his fists into his pockets so he wouldn't punch her.

"Jasper wasn't supposed to use a gun," she said, like that explained it all and made it okay.

"Fuck you, Alice. You can rot here. You're lucky Mom forgives you and wants anything to do with you, because I sure don't." He turned and left her there, clinging to the tree.

It was the only roots she had now, because he was convinced Mom would have to leave her behind eventually too.

Alice was deranged, violent and beyond help.

He grabbed his mother's hand on the way out and refused to look back at his sister.

No longer his little nugget; just a stranger, with a heart blacker than her nails and hair.

.

.

Edward woke Bella up several times that night. He'd whimper and his arms would lash out wildly. He'd clutch her to him and then almost lay on top of her before he could get back to sleep. And that smothering he did to her, for some stupid reason, turned him on.

She let him seduce her three times during the night. Each time he was more frantic than the last—speaking to her in a low, possessive way like he was willing her to never leave him.

Her touch reassured him more than her words did.

It was morning now, and she lay there combing her fingers through the back of his hair. There was some dampness from his night-terrors and sweating.

"Bella? I think I wanna go home to our new place. I'm done with Europe," he said softly.

"You sure? What about your mom? I figured we could spend the rest of the week here then we'd move on to Spai—"

"No. I can't be here anymore. There's too much sadness. I feel guilty, like I should be with Alice since she says this is all my fault—that she did it all for me," he explained. His fingers twitched on the pillow and he stared at her with the saddest eyes imaginable. He couldn't help it. There were parts of him inside that felt broken because of his sister.

"She has no idea what she's talking about. She chose to handle things this way; not you. Ignore her. She shouldn't be able to spoil you reconnecting with your mom," Bella said. "Screw her!"

"I wish I could think that way, but Mom's not sure what to do about me. She didn't invite me; didn't have time to prepare, and I think she wants me to see my biological father, Anthony."

"You don't want to see him?"

"No. He's not my dad; Carlisle is." He reached out and stroked along her cheek bone and it drifted back into her hair at the temple.

"Okay. We can head back. Our apartment's a mess anyway; it needs a lot of work." She snorted a little.

"What? It's not that bad."

"After dealing with my dad's place, you're right—it's not a big deal, but for some reason it feels daunting."

"If we have a bed we can use for sex, then I don't care how messy our house ever is," he said, smiling, his eyes tired.

"Never say that to the daughter of a hoarder," she teased. Her hand yanked at the roots of his hair. It was silly how their arms were both crossing and in each other's hair, but this was them.

"I'm not worried about it—you don't have any more clutter than anybody else," he said.

He kissed her, and before they got up and started packing and making arrangements to get back to the states, he pulled her under him.

It would be a long flight, and he needed her more than ever.

His fingers were careless, gripping into her so hard he would probably leave marks, but he needed more—deeper, harder, faster.

He breathed harsher than he ever did at the gym. In fact, he sounded like a motor was pushing him further, making him power into her.

Bella moaned, gripped him like she wanted more.

When he finished, his heart dropped into his stomach. "I'm so sorry," he said, propped up to the side and inspecting her for wounds. "I didn't mean to . . . I don't know why I did that."

"Shut up," she said, smiling, and her eyes dazed. "That was . . . God, I hope you do that again."

"But it wasn't loving. How could you like that?" His voice went up in pitch. "It was mean."

"It was not. It was you—basic, unhindered Edward, with power and beauty, and God . . . I really want a cigarette after that. Then my bones really would be a pile of Jell-O." She cupped his jaw then her hand slid down his neck with a lack of energy and her palm smacked down onto his sweaty chest.

He stared at her, mouth agape, speechless.

"Are you okay, sweetie? Did you hurt yourself or see numbers?" she asked, still grinning.

"Mmm . . . Not that I can remember. I feel really . . . good right now, too." His eyes went wide and he breathed slow and easy. "I feel like I'm not supposed to, but is it okay if I liked that a lot?"

"Yes, God, yes!" she shouted. She chuckled and leaned forward, kissing him. Her arm wrapped around his head, keeping him there.

"Okay—then I'll . . . Well, I won't plan to do it, but if I act like an animal again, and if you say it's all right, then I won't worry. Does that sound good?"

"More than good." She slid one of her legs between his. Her skin was slick with what was probably his sweat, since he basically ran a marathon inside her body without stopping for air or water.

"I love you; and you're so sexy, I can barely breathe most of the time. It's good to know you feel that way about me sometimes too." She rubbed her foot along his leg.

It made the hairs tingle. "I do, but I don't want to hurt you."

"Sweetie, you could never hurt me—ever. Not possible." She sighed and her hand ran down his side then gripped his hip. "It's not in you to do that."

"Oh . . . I . . . Thanks?" What was he supposed to say?

"Welcome. Now, let's go home. We need to break in your bed as a married couple."

"I wish it was bigger," he said.

"It's big enough. And I like that it keeps us close together."

It was his same full-sized bed from his bedroom at his dad's house. They didn't have the money to get a new bed—they had already spent money on other essential furniture. It wasn't an option to ask Dad for help. He'd already paid for their expensive honeymoon.

A few kisses later and they rolled out of bed then packed up.

He arranged the flight home, and the rest of the day he wished Alice and Mom well.

Anthony Masen was a person he couldn't deal with right now. His biological father would have to wait.

.

.

Edward tapped his pencil on his desk. Online classes were fine, but he wished he had more classes with Bella. Not possible to have more than a few basics since they were going in different directions.

Today he'd be with her in English 101.

He put Choppy's leash on. Returning to his math when he got back would be fine. It wasn't hard, but his mind kept wandering to Bella—naked and in his grip.

"Time to go," he told his other best friend. Well, best friend after Emmett and Jacob, though Jacob sometimes still made him tense in the neck and shoulders, and would have him smashing Bella's hand up to his ribs so she stayed with him and away from the playful, boastful Jake.

Choppy hopped and wagged her tail. He petted her and smiled as they headed for the door.

"Bella's waiting for us," he said.

He locked the door and could barely believe they'd only been in this place for a month. Bella made sure all the boxes were emptied and everything was put away. She had it done within two days of them being home.

It felt like they'd always lived here, and like they'd always had friends.

When he arrived on campus, Bella was sitting outside the library waiting for him, but she was talking to a really big guy wearing a ball-cap backwards. Edward could only see the backside of the man, but he was huge!

Bella was laughing and her hand swung out and she smacked the guy playfully in the arm.

"Bella!" Edward called out and ran straight to her, pulling Choppy along.

His neck was ready to explode from the blood boiling in his heart and head, pumping between the two like a fire-hose moved it through.

It took a few seconds before the big guy moved over. She saw her husband and waved with a big smile.

His stride never slowed. He couldn't reach her fast enough and let this guy see the ring on both their fingers.

"Have you heard from that controlling bitch?" Bella asked the guy.

Edward almost bumped into the guy as he wound his way around him to get to her.

"Man, Edward, you act like I'm trying to steal your woman," Emmett's familiar voice said.

"Hey," Edward said, the pressure in his head lessening.

"Did I make you see numbers?" Emmett clapped him on the shoulder. "Because you hauled ass like they were shooting equations out of your eyes."

"No they didn't. I haven't seen numbers since before our wedding. Bella keeps me calm," Edward said, his shoulders squared.

Emmett grinned. "Yeah, I'll bet. _Calm_ . . . That's code for constantly getting laid."

Bella smacked his brother in the arm again. "One of the perks of being married." She smirked.

They promised they'd quit hassling him to ask Rose. He didn't want to hear married talk anymore.

Rose was . . . _picky_. Very hard to please, and half the time she drove him insane.

"And to answer your question—no, we have not heard from the demented Keebler elf," Bella answered. That was Bella's other nickname for her.

"Oh, shame . . ." Emmett's wolfish grin earned another smack by Bella.

"What's going on? You have to be here with news or else you wouldn't be here," Edward accused.

"Okay, fine. Mom and your dad, Anthony—they've remarried. I've been told Alice went berserk and tried to stab herself in the neck with a fork. They won't let her use any utensils anymore at all. Not even chopsticks," Emmett said. His eyes dropped. "Sorry, man. I should've prepared you for this news, not just dropped it on you like that."

Edward's breath was stuck in his throat.

"How's our dad taking it?" Bella asked after Carlisle.

"He's okay, I guess. I visited him last weekend. He's been dating somebody—but he won't say who. He seems sad about Mom, but kind of okay at the same time. It's a little confusing, actually." Emmett shrugged.

"Well, as long as he's happy," Edward said. He set his backpack down and picked up Choppy. He'd keep her close by today. He got a letter from Dr. Harkham for the school, stating he needed to have this dog as his constant companion while here. It was only supposed to be in the classes he had without Bella, but he was taking advantage and bringing Choppy to each class on campus now.

It really settled him down. One stroke of her fur and he was able to focus really well.

"Tell me again why you're taking on a double major?" Emmett asked, staring at the dog. "I mean, if it means you have to bring your pet with you to class—don't you think that's a signal you're taking on too much?"

"Okay, _Alice_," Bella mocked Emmett, calling him by his sister's name. "He can take care of himself. Don't need to be overprotective."

Emmett's palm flew up to shoulder height. "All right, all right . . . Sheesh! Why do I care? The last time he went into a classroom and freaked out, he found you. The next time he might find a celebrity that will write him into their living will, and he'll inherit their billions." He retreated back a few steps. "Hey, I gotta go. Rose is waiting for me. I promised her we'd go to lunch today. But you might want to call Mom. She wants to talk to you." He waved and left.

Edward pulled out his phone right away and texted his mom two words: **I'm listening**.

That was the best he could do. He still didn't really want to meet his biological dad. It was hard to imagine they'd have anything in common at all. Not even music.

Dad was a jazz singer he was told.

Yuck! Edward disliked most jazz. Too chaotic and jumbled, like the numbers, and those had caused him so many problems over the years, jazz seemed like nothing but another headache for him.

.

.

Edward waited for two days before he heard back from his mom. Finally, she sent him a text, saying she wanted him to wait. She wasn't ready to discuss details, and then she mentioned being in the middle of dealing with some craziness with Alice.

His tongue poked out as his eyes tightened on what he was doing.

"Hey, sweetie, I'm home," Bella hollered as she stepped in the door.

"Hi." He kept his eyes down on the sink.

"You still wanna go on that date tomorrow night? I mean, it might be really weird to go on a double with your dad," she checked with him.

He nodded. "Yeah—it's fine. Just fixing something for it."

Dad had called him that night after Emmett told him about his mom's new marriage.

"Dammit, come on!" he murmured, dunking the cloth in deeper and kind of squishing it around.

"What are you doing over there? We have a working laundry facility here in the complex," she said, peering over his shoulder. She was up on her toes, leaning into him some.

"You said the last time we did laundry that my favorite shirt was probably ruined." He turned the shirt in the liquid. He pointed at a spot on a sleeve. "This one happened when I was eating a cheeseburger, and I turned my head to kiss you."

"Mmhm, I remember that, but why is your shirt soaking in a vat of oil?"

"Olive oil," he corrected her.

"Okay, olive oil. Why are you doing that?" Her lashes fluttered at him in a silly way like she was flirting with him.

"Because—you said I'd never get the oil stains out." He moved the shirt to another angle. "These two grease spots are on the stomach. Those happened while I was kissing you and holding my burger, ready to bite it again in an instant. It dripped in two spots."

"I see . . . So you figure if you can't beat them, join them up with all their long lost family?"

"Exactly! I knew you'd get it!" he said, his eyes lit up.

"This is insane enough it might just work, and when it does, I'm posting pictures and a testimonial on Facebook. You'll make tons of money marketing your formula for oil stain removal."

He smiled in a patronizing way. "Oh, love, it's not a formula—not like when I cooked Alice's phone. It's only plain old olive oil. The good kind though—extra virgin."

She rested her hand on his lower back. "Well, that means we can charge more, 'cause that type of oil is more expensive." She leaned forward, kissed his cheek and moved off him.

"I can't sell this in good conscience, and isn't that illegal to market something without changing it at all?"

She blinked. "Yeah, sweetie, I was joking."

"I know!" He busted up laughing. "I was joking too. I'm getting good at fooling you like that, aren't I?"

"Too good," she said, chuckling. "I'm glad you've gotten your sense of humor back after Alice had sucked it out of you for years."

"I don't wanna talk about her." He pulled the shirt up, inspected it in the light that he wished was stronger, but at least it wasn't CFL's. He still hated those. That never got better or went away.

They had skylights in their apartment, so that was good. He insisted on setting the table by the sliding door to get as much natural light as possible while eating. His feet were always bare too. He was certain that feet shouldn't be that unnatural glowing white his brother had. Feet needed light and air like anything else on his body.

His toes scrunched right now at the memory of how good it felt to have free feet.

"Well? Did it turn out?" she asked, heading toward the fridge.

His gaze was now on her backside. Bella had gained some weight since their wedding. He was guessing about ten pounds. It made her rounder, more supple in his mouth and hands, and he loved it. She was curvy like a number eight, and that had always been his lucky number.

Twelve was unlucky, but eight . . . Oh, yes. That was how old Alice was in the year his mother left. That was what set him on the path to meet Bella. If Mom hadn't left, and Alice hadn't tried to take Elizabeth's place, he never would have gone to school and met his wife.

"Everything turned out fine," he said, smiling with a pride, filling his gut. His shirt looked darker in color but good as new. "It always does when you're around."

He drained the sink and rinsed the shirt out while humming.

A new song had been forming lately. He needed to write it down tonight.


	40. Chapter 40

**Chapter 38: Trains and Tracks**

Edward waited with Bella inside the restaurant. "We can't afford this place, can we?" Edward asked her.

"Not really, but it's fine. It's a one-time deal. I'm sure we can find something reasonably priced on the menu," she said. She held his hand like she was more nervous than he was.

"Has your dad told you anything more about this woman he's dating?" she asked. She bit her thumb nail. He'd never seen her do that before.

"No. I've barely talked to him. Been busy with school and having a real life." He wore a cheesy grin on purpose—making it seem like it was not a big deal to be here with her.

"Edward!" Dad called out, waved up high in the air and wound his way through the entrance to the bar where they were sitting.

Edward drank down what was left of his soda, and Bella drank down her lemon water. It was silly to be at the bar when neither of them was drinking alcohol, but at least there were less people over here than in the lobby area by the seating hostess.

He needed the quiet.

The numbers were near—he could feel it.

"Bella, hi!" Dad said, hugging her then Edward in turn. "Thanks for coming."

"We're nervous to be here, but glad as well—for you, I mean," Edward clarified.

"Good. And I'm not sure how you'll receive my date, but I'm hoping you'll be open-minded," Dad said, smiling but his lips shook a little.

Was he nervous too?

"I like the sound of this already," Bella said and then sipped her drink through a smirk at Dad.

"I like the sound of Dad being happy. Is she nice?" he asked his father.

"She's incredibly nice and wonderful. The thing is . . ."

"Carlisle," a soft voice came from behind as footdsteps approached.

Edward turned and gawked. "Dr. Harkham? What are you doing here?"

"I uh . . ." Dr. Harkham blushed and her eyes shifted over to Dad.

"She's my date—the reason I need you to be open-minded," he said, grinning sheepishly.

"Oh, you're," Edward gulped though his throat was dry, "his date. That's nice." He blinked slowly in confusion. Was he dreaming?

"Wow. Esme? I kind of thought you . . ." Bella trailed off, smiling with so many teeth showing, he thought she was going to bite him.

"Let's go get seated, shall we?" Dad said, placing his hand on the middle of Bella's back and guiding her to the area he wanted them to be.

He spoke to the hostess and they were seated directly after.

Once in place, Bella asked, "So when did this start?"

"A while ago, but we . . . Well, I was trying to make sure my kids were taken care of before I focused on my needs," Dad replied.

Esme looked at Edward. "You seem really uncomfortable. I'm sure it's because of my presence. Don't think of me as your doctor while I'm here, Edward. Maybe try thinking of me as your dad's closest friend, because that's what he is to me."

"Isn't he more than a friend if you're dating?" Edward asked, his gaze piercing and his voice clear.

"Well, yes, but you don't have to worry about that. We're taking things at a leisurely pace," Dad answered for himself and Esme.

"So leisurely you wanted me to see what was going on? That seems serious to me," Edward said. He was surprised at how mature and calm he sounded. Usually his tongue twisted up and he had to speak in simple terms, but this was important. He had to understand what was happening here. "Just tell me without anything hidden—how serious is this? _Really_?" Edward pressed himself forward so he could see their eyes well.

"We don't know, Son." Dad took Esme hands. "If you want to know how I feel about her, then I'll tell you this—I love her—I do. I'm not sure either of us is ready to marry though."

"Tell him," Esme urged, nudging him.

"That's too much," Carlisle hissed back at her.

"If you're going to cover things up and lie, then what's the point of us being here?" Edward asked.

Bella gripped his thigh under the table.

The waiter came and ordered drinks quickly then left.

"So? What's going on?" Edward went back to his last statement to his father.

"We're living together. Esme's moved in with me. And I wanted you to know so the next time you come over, you won't be shocked or have an episode." Dad's lips twitched and his jaw kind of sagged. He looked worn-out.

"Does Emmett know?" Edward asked.

"I think he suspects, but last time he came over, I hid the evidence. We wanted you to know first. But don't say anything. I'll be seeing him tomorrow." Dad ran his other hand over Esme's arm while keeping their hands joined.

She smiled. "I know this is a lot to take in, but we've been growing close over the years. I wanted to thank you, Edward, for bring him into my life."

"Wasn't that my mom's doing?" Edward asked. It came out sounding more accusatory than he had meant it to. "I mean, not that it's a problem, but I was wondering. I thought mom found you."

"She did, and I moved to Arizona because Elizabeth kind of sensed I had feelings for Carlisle. Once she left, well, you guys moved here, and everything changed," Esme explained. Her tone was soft and patient.

"Oh."

"Sweetie?" Bella called out to him.

His eyes were closed, his head hung low and he was whispering to himself, not numbers, but saying, "Love is good. Love is good. I have Bella. Give Dad somebody too."

"You don't have to accept this right away," Esme said, "but we're happy to talk to you about it whenever you're up to it. And I'm ready with a referral for you with another doctor since I now have a very clear conflict of interest."

Edward shoved off the table to standing, his eyes blazing at her. "No! You're my doctor! I don't care if you marry Alice, Emmett or Dad. I need your help; you can't give up on me!"

"Okay, Edward . . . We'll figure out how to make this work." Esme held a hand up, signaling for him to calm down.

Bella stroked his arm and somehow coaxed him back down into his seat.

"Maybe we can stop meeting formally at the office, and simply do it at your dad's home," Esme suggested.

"You mean _your_ home," Edward corrected her.

"Yes, I . . . I mean . . . Uh, my home," she agreed.

"Okay, but I . . . I will always have both Bella and Choppy with me. I need them there," Edward outlined his plan.

"I wouldn't have it any other way. Good thinking," Esme agreed and winked.

He smiled and it seemed to spread around the table.

Everybody was grinning, looking at the person across from them and the rest of the dinner was spent talking about how well school and married life was going for the young couple.

He kind of wished he could throw Bella down on the table and relieve all this with a good sexual pounding.

Worked for him on the nights he had a lot of schoolwork to get through.

Instead, he kissed her ear, told her he wanted her, and let her deal with his sneaky hands under the table.

.

.

Edward grabbed the first cart he found, without bothering to check if it wobbled or squeaked.

Bella figured he'd be the one pushing it anyway, so she let it go.

Their first school year was over; she was less stressed, and so was he. She was fine with him letting go more and experimenting more in public with seeing where his limits were in terms of his tolerance for stress-induced number-episodes. He had them so infrequently she worried she was getting careless.

It was time to celebrate though. School was out. And though it was hot, they'd celebrated their one year anniversary last month and now needed to give him the big celebration he deserved.

They had a lot to buy—it was his birthday dinner party this weekend. Dad would be coming, and Esme would be with him. Of course Dad denied the ring they'd seen on his girlfriend's finger was anything more than jewelry. But Bella knew right away after their double-date several months ago, that it was pretty serious. They'd be married soon—she was sure of it.

Emmett was having the opposite reaction when it came to who he was bringing. He'd changed his mind, and now seemed to talk about marriage all the time around Rose. It was like he figured if he pushed hard enough, she'd stop being so high-maintenance and would relent. He swore he was the one that wore the pants in that relationship, and he was in charge.

Bella laughed last week when he came over and teased him relentlessly, saying Rose on Dr. Who would kick all the men's asses, and _his_ Rose could do the same to him.

Emmett talked Bella into leg wresting him and he lost as usual. Edward went next, and he figured out a trick where he could roll his hip out and put more torque into it, pinning her down in seconds.

My God, was he powerful, and she was so turned on she made up a lame excuse to get rid of Emmett early that night, even though Friday night was pizza night at their place, which Emmett always attended whether he was invited or not. Not that she could blame him. She learned how to cook a few more things over the last year, and pizza dough from scratch was one of them.

It took her a few times to get it down and to ignore the guilt over eating so much white flour, but watching how happy Edward was eating it, well, it was worth every gluttonous calorie.

"Is there going to be soda?" Edward asked her as they walked through the grocery store.

She patted her doughy midsection. Ten pounds seemed like a lot to gain in a year, but Edward told her mercilessly, how beautiful she was to him and how much he loved her curves.

"Tons of soda, and donuts for dessert instead of cake, as you requested." She pulled out her lengthy list.

"Good. And I want a lot of butter on my hot wings. I like butter," he reminded her.

"I do too. Paula Dean says everything's better with butter—I agree. Load it on," Bella said with a smile almost as exuberant as his.

Emmett was a part of the planning of the meal, so it had shifted from lasagna with salad, to Superbowl party food: hot wings, potato skins, veggie platter with spinach dip, chips, those big soft pretzels, hot dogs and cheeseburgers. It was a ridiculous amount of food, but then Edward wanted to invite practically every person he knew.

And Emmett had given up on trying to lose weight a long time ago, so he could get more definition in his abs. So that meant there was no limit in terms of how unhealthy this food would be.

Bella was going to add some salad and a fruit platter so they didn't have to watch as their guests' arteries clogged directly before their eyes while they waddled out to their cars afterward. She'd never forgive herself if they had a coronary on the way home.

"Are you going to tell me what movie Emmett's bringing for this birthday celebration?" Bella asked.

"Nope!" He popped his P and grinned. He pushed the cart ahead.

_Ehhhhhh, ehhhhh, ehhhhhh._

She stopped. "Can we please switch out this shopping cart? It sounds like we've got a wounded baby seal tucked away at the bottom," she said.

"No way! It sounds like a train. Chuggah, chuggah, choo choo!" Edward pushed harder and faster, making her chase after him.

"Can't you hear it? It's cool," he said, looking like he was having the best time ever.

She directed him over to the produce section and while she was picking out the best fruits for her part of the meal, she lost track of where he was and what he was doing.

Sometimes he'd wander and sniff at the vegetables and make adorable wrinkled noses in distaste. There were a few vegetables he'd learned to tolerate because of her insistence he eat more balanced meals, but they still were something he viewed as a sort of nemesis.

"Listen . . . Do you hear it?" she heard him say.

She tucked the cantaloupe in her arm—an unplanned purchase she couldn't resist—and found him talking to a little girl, sitting in a cart a few feet away. She was in one of those car ones.

"Sounds like an engine," the little five-year-old girl said, turning the driving wheel in her fake car.

"Like a train, huh?" He smiled with pride.

She giggled and Bella laughed. The little girl was flirting with him.

"Choo, choo!" He fisted and pulled his arm down in the air, pretending to blow a train conductor's whistle.

She leaned out the side of her car and listened hard. "I do hear it!" she cried with joy.

Her mom was perusing the grapes, oblivious to her little girl.

The little nugget got out of the car, ran over to him, and he picked her up and put her in _his_ cart then gave her a ride. He zoomed it around in a zig-zag pattern, careful to keep from knocking into anything.

He wore the happiest smile ever, and his whole body was vibrating with tenderness and joy.

Bella's whole chest squeezed then exploded, filling her up with so much love and a sudden, deep desire to have his baby, flooded her. Her womb tugged at her heart, begging for a chance to do what it was meant to—have this man's children.

Bella's eyes welled up, and she was riveted at this new, lighthearted laugh he was emitting.

It was the most wonderful thing she'd ever seen.

The little girl squealed with laughter, alerting her mom who blanched, gasped, then flew at him.

"Katie!" the mom screamed. "Let go of my daughter!"

She flung herself at him, pushed Edward back and ripped her daughter out of the cart.

"I was going on a train ride," the little girl said, frowning.

Bella raced over there and said, "I'm so sorry; he didn't mean any harm. He's with me. This is my husband, and we—"

"Tell your husband I'm gonna report him as a pedophile that goes after little kids in grocery stores!" the woman said, pointing in Bella's face.

"If he was a pedophile, he wouldn't have made sure to keep her near you and in plain sight. Be reasonable." Bella sighed and her shoulders fell. "He was only playing with her. This is the most innocent man you'll ever meet. He wouldn't hurt anyone, least of all a young child."

"I want to have kids of my own, but I can't. I have problems—kind of like autism, but different. I think it's better, because I want people to touch me and—"

The woman's eyes grew bigger than the cantaloupe Bella was still holding. She made an absolutely horrified face and pushed her daughter behind her.

"You-y-you stay away from us," the woman said, terrified.

"Oh, God, no! He didn't mean it like that. He means he has to hold hands with me, and he likes being affectionate with his family—not strangers. He didn't touch your daughter besides putting her in the cart," Bella explained, waving her one hand in front of her, palms out so the woman would understand they were both harmless.

"I think I've heard enough!" The woman put her daughter in the seat directly in the cart instead of the pretend car portion, and took off.

"I just . . . I love kids," he said, his eyes so filled with sadness they were killing her.

"I know . . . I do, too," she said, covering him with her arms and with a few kisses. "I think we better get our stuff fast and go before that woman causes us a problem."

"What did I do wrong? The little girl was happy. I was being nice," he said, pouting.

Bella held his hand and they pushed the cart together, walking much slower than she wanted to, but he was really hurt by what had happened.

"The mom doesn't know us, so it scared her. There are tons of sick people out in this world that will kidnap children and do disgusting things to them," she said.

"I know what a pedophile is. She thought I was one?" He blinked and tears were thick in his eyes. His lips quivered with emotion. "I would protect her from mean people, not hurt Katie. I was her friend."

"I know, sweetie. I know you would do all those things, but think if that was our little girl? How scared would you be if a strange man you'd never met suddenly took her and put her in their cart?" she asked.

He bit his lip that was shaking along with his chin. "I don't wanna talk about this anymore . . ."

They got what they needed without any issues from that hysterical mother, went home and put their purchased items away. That night he didn't eat much at dinner and went to bed early.

Bella wrapped his birthday gifts and then sat, hanging over her knees. Her elbows dug into her thighs, but she ignored the uncomfortable pressure. With every breath, her head hurt almost as much as her heart.

_You can't do this. You can't have kids. What if they have a disability that's . . . No! Don't you even think it! You don't think of him as disabled. His needs are a blessing, _not _a curse. You would love that child more than anything, even if it came out with a missing arm and was blind._

She lowered herself down onto her side and curled up in the fetal position on the couch.

How could she want this even for herself?

_And how could you think for a second Edward's disabled? You've never thought of him that way before. You're disgusting—taking your own insecurities and issues and hiding them by blaming you're unwillingness to have children on him! If you're that low, then you don't deserve the honor of carrying his child!_

Tears moistened the corners of her eyes.

Even after knowing baby Megan's death wasn't completely her fault, she was still hung up on it.

What if it had been her own baby that died? It would destroy her—no question. If Megan's death had her that self-destructive, then she knew without a doubt, her own baby passing away would turn her into a psychopath, destroying everything in her path, possibly including Edward.

It kept her stuck—failing to move forward and letting her family of two be as blissfully happy as possible.

She closed her eyes, water slipped out of them, and she hummed one of Edward's piano songs he'd been practicing religiously. He wanted to play it for everyone at his party.

Her mind relaxed some, regardless of how tense her body remained with her fists curled under her chin and her arms glued to her chest. Sleep managed to take hold quickly.

"_Congratulations, momma, you have a girl!" the doctor said, handing Bella the chubby, bright-eyed gift that just left her body._

_Bella touched the infant's bloody cheek, but didn't dare hold her._

"_What are you going to name her?" the doctor asked._

"_Shara," Bella blurted, taking no thought to ask Edward his opinion._

_He was sure to have one._

_She looked around the room containing a few of their friends and some family, but he was gone._

_The baby was forgotten._

"_Do you want something to eat?" her friend, Lisa, from school, asked._

_Bella nodded._

_A moment later she was eating her Friday night pizza, drinking soda and laughing with her friends._

_The baby was being held by someone in the room, but Bella didn't care. She paid no attention. This was fun. Everybody was here to see her. They fawned over her, hugged her, congratulated her and talked about the music she was passionate about._

_An hour or more passed. At some point, she held the baby out in front of her and smiled. She was cute with round cheeks and dimples, but Bella couldn't remember what she'd named her for the life of her._

"_What's her name again?" she asked Emmett._

"_I don't know. I was talking to Rose when you said it." He shrugged._

_She handed him the baby like it was poisoned. "Here, you hold her."_

_Emmett rocked her, smiled at her and seemed happy to be an uncle._

_The baby grabbed anything he got near that she could hold onto. She started shoving her fists into her mouth, making little grunting noises. A few little whimpers came out of her._

_He handed her a pen with a cap on and the baby sucked on it greedily, her tight fists looking mottled._

"_Is she cold?" Edward asked, entering the room. "I got her a blanket."_

_Bella's face dropped. What kind of a mother was she? She hadn't even cleaned the blood off her baby. She was dirty and cold. A diaper was put on her by somebody, but who did it? Bella was unsure of who had touched her, what they'd done to her. She was too busy being the star of the show._

_Bella's entire body went ice cold, and she shook herself into a small, rounded lump. Tears kept away, but inside, she was a waterfall of regrets already._

You're a horrible mother! Your baby hates you and loves Edward. He loves her without thinking, and you? You set her aside like your meal—ignoring her needs, she thought.

_Her body convulsed and her lungs hiccuped several times with silent sobs._

_Could she disappear now?_

_Nobody needed her. Not even this baby._

"_Sweetie, she needs to eat, and only you can do that," Edward said, coaxing her to sit up._

_Tears stained Bella's cheeks, and she knew it would be permanent. Every person that ever came across her would see the red track marks on her face—proof of her hideous nature. She was an unnatural woman, awkward and broken—unable to be a mom without Edward telling her how to do it._

_He helped Bella lift her shirt and he placed the chubby baby in her arms._

"_I weighed her. She's a fat one. Ten pounds, one ounce," he said, his eyes gleaming with utter pride._

No! I don't want her to be fat like me!

_The little nugget attached right onto the breast and sucked with gusto. Bella's eyes grew wide and her heart grew as big as this baby, resting on her torso._

"_She likes me? She likes my milk I make for her? It's not poison?" she gasped._

"_She loves you and your beautiful milk. You're doing it, Bella. You're being the best mom ever," he said, glowing._

"_But I . . . I was . . . I can't even remember her name," she said, racking her mind. She shook her head and a tiny little fist kneaded into her sore stomach muscles. Bella dipped her head down, took her daughter's top fist in her hand, nuzzled and kissed it. The moment her lips met her child's, it hit her. "Shara . . ."_

"_Shara . . . Our perfect baby," Edward exclaimed to the room._

_Everyone turned toward them and bowed down._

_Bella's insides froze. This was wrong._ Don't worship me!

"_She's beautiful," Bella whispered, "but I don't deserve her, you, or this." She motioned to the people around them, still on their knees, not daring to look at them._

"Bella?"

Her shoulder shook, rattling her awake.

"Yeah?" She bolted upright, her brow sweaty.

There was a blanket in his hand.

"Why are you sleeping out here?" Edward asked, staring down at her. "Are you mad at me? I thought you might want a blanket at least if you don't want to sleep with me." His eyes were soft and filled with concern.

"No, I . . . Shara . . . God, that was a . . ." She licked her lips, her mouth was dry, but it was easy to ignore. Her head went from foggy to clear when she realized her fears were unfounded. That was not who she was anymore—irresponsible and self-centered.

She cared about Edward more than anything—thought of his needs before her own most of the time.

"We had a baby girl in my dream—Shara," she began, looking up at him through her lashes. "And I think . . . I think I want to have your baby, if you want one too."

"Really?" he squeaked, dropping to his knees before her. "You want my baby inside you?"

"I do; more than anything," she whispered.

She leaned in to kiss him, but he dragged her off the couch, into his lap; kissed, cradled and rocked her.

"A baby of our own? A baby we can love and share together? _Shara_?" His shoulders rose.

"Yeah, that name . . ." She gazed in his eyes, gauging his reaction. "It's strange. I don't know if we—"

"No! I love it. It's beautiful, and Share-ah. It means we both share her—love her together. It's perfect, like you." He kissed her deeply.

When they broke, she said, "But it was just a dream. We don't know if we'd have a girl or not. You used to say you knew we'd have a boy. I'm sure this dream was a reflection and direct result of that little girl, Katie, we met at the grocery store. It doesn't mean we have to—"

He cut her off again. "We do too. We're gonna have a girl first, then later a boy. I can feel it. In here—" he put her palm on his hammering heart "—and you feel it too. I know you do. I can see it in your eyes, behind the fear."

"I'm not afr—well, okay, I'm petrified," she admitted when he gave her a no-nonsense look. "But I'll have you to help me, so you'll make sure I love this kid and don't screw up like my parents did."

Ten year old, Garrett, Dr. Harkham's case number three, drifted into her mind, solidifying her decision. She wanted a child just like Edward and Garrett.

She stared at Edward with reverential awe.

"And I'll never leave this child like my mom did, even if Alice comes at me with a knife," he teased.

She moved like a cat on the prowl, pushed him gently down onto his back, started pulling his clothes off, and she got straight to work on making this baby. No birth control. No control at all.

Just a man and his woman, making love on the living room floor of their small apartment.

It was the second time she cried tears of joy, and this time, her face was wet for reasons she loved.

**A/N:**

**It was so strange. I knew I was going to write this chapter soon, had it planned out several days ago, but this dream hit me the other night, and I knew I had to put it in this chapter. Normally, I wouldn't have written this chapter until the previous ones were completed, but this couldn't wait. I wrote it right away.**

**I dreamed all night I gave birth to a chubby baby girl I called Shara and then couldn't remember her name for the life of me. In fact, that morning after I had the dream, as I was driving my kids to school, I was searching my brain relentlessly for that name of the baby girl. It took a while, but it finally resurfaced. I was so flighty and disconnected in this dream; so not like me after a birth. Though in the dream I was a little flustered and out of it, I woke up that morning feeling kind of disturbed that I would treat this easy-going baby like they were as inconsequential as the food I'd finished eating and set aside. Very strange.**

**I figured it played directly into her fears than mine. Mine were the opposite though. I'm done having kids, and though I would've loved to have had another girl, it's not a reason for me to ever consider having more. I've got my hands full with 4, and if I did have another one, yes, I'd probably be a frightening, negligent parent, although never at that level of this dream. Good thing I'm done!**

**Sheesh! Heavy stuff.**

**These wonderful people help make this story shinier and brighter: my beta, SunflowerFran, and my pre-readers, ****Amandac3, Paxson Adkins, ****akjamma** **and Dinia Steel. Thank you for your help!**

**Thanks to all of you as well, for reading and as always, sharing your thoughts and encouragements through your reviews.**

**Scarlett (dream happened 11/13/12. That's when I wrote this chapter and most of this a/n, just an FYI)**


	41. Chapter 41

**Chapter 39: Balloons**

Edward ate whatever he wanted at his party. Nobody cared.

Bella would bring it to him, and she looked pretty with her hair up in a messy bun.

It made it easy to kiss her neck from behind.

Emmett slugged him a few times for doing that, but he was allowed. She was his wife, and sex was good. _Really_ good.

She was finally talking about having a baby with him. It made his hands touch her every chance they got.

"That's my wife. Isn't she beautiful? I really love her, and she's so sexy to me," Edward told Jacob's boyfriend, Seth.

"Yeah, I guess for a woman, she is pretty hot," Seth replied, disinterested.

He stared at Jacob all the time.

Edward handed him the plate of chicken wings. The guy ate a lot; not as much as Jake, but close.

Jacob was always coming over and eating their food. And now with Jake and Seth moving in a week, he seemed to be stocking up. How many times had Edward explained to him they lived on student loans and Bella's part time job as a waitress? So many, Edward almost lost track of those numbers.

He had been slowly losing his enslavement to formulas and numbers.

It was like they knew Bella and Choppy were permanent in his life and would always be—so they left him alone.

Edward roamed around the room, saying hi to Esme, talking to Dad about his work, and smiling at how his dad laughed more now than he'd ever heard in his life.

"Attention—if you don't like piano music, now would be the time to take a bathroom break," Edward announced. "I wrote a new song for my loving wife, and I wanted her to hear it today on my special day I'm celebrating with all of you." He grinned at her.

Her mouth formed an oval, and she stopped what she was doing, standing still like a statue.

He sat at the piano and said, "It's called On Angel Wings." His fingers glanced over the keys, and he counted off in his head like a metronome. The beat was constant in his ears as he caressed the keys and poured each quiet sigh they shared in their bed together, the kisses and sweet touches, into the song. It was their loving nights of warmth laid out in a haunting melody.

His body swayed on the bench, his eyes were heavy, his breathing quick—he _was_ each note.

_I love you—this is how I kiss you._

The song shifted into a more melodic flow where the notes hung longer.

_I have to be inside you and see your face when you fall apart underneath me._

The song morphed again, and there was a more consistent punishing rhythm. It reminded him of the flapping of angel wings, taking off into the sky; joining with the stars.

_This is how I hold you tight and think I'll die unless you say you love me while I make love to you._

The music chimed like a wind-up clock with bells and then died on a whisper of a breath.

Bella was crying by the time he was done, and the final note seemed to hang in the air like a promise of many more nights of euphoria.

The room was a void of noise. Bella's cheeks were shiny with water streaks.

She held herself—arms wrapped around her middle and she smiled at him like he was the biggest surprise of all.

"Did you like it?" he asked her and nobody else, remaining seated on his bench.

"I loved it more than a donut," she whispered then covered her smiling mouth.

Dad clapped and everybody else followed.

Edward stood up, bowed like a dork, and thanked everybody.

He joined the crowd and after a while, and once the party died down, Emmett broke out a deck of cards with the last remaining stragglers.

"Anybody for strip poker?" Emmett's eyebrows danced up and down.

"Not tonight," Bella said, cleaning up a few empty platters that had been covered with chicken wings on them an hour ago.

"Oh, come on!" Jacob groaned.

"I'm a married woman. I only take it off for one man, and it does not require gambling," she said, flipping her hair over her shoulder, pretending to be a snob.

Edward joined her in cleaning a few things. Their apartment had been packed pretty full, but now it seemed almost empty with only three couples left behind.

_Baf, baf, baf, baf._

There was a timid knock at the door.

"No way! You cheat!" Emmett bleated at Rose.

He then removed his shirt and flexed his pecs at her.

"I know I do—and damn good at it," Rose said, laughing.

"I don't need my man to cheat for me to take it off," Jacob said, and he disrobed quicker than Emmett had. He flexed his muscles as well.

It was like an all-male review in their living room!

Edward shot a questioning gaze at his wife. She shouldered past him, and said, "Now you're getting a glimpse of what my life used to be like, but with drugs and a lot more skin."

He stopped and his Adam's apple bobbed, trying to swallow, but nothing was happening.

"Get the door, will ya? We're playing a game here," Emmett yelled.

Was someone still waiting at the door? Edward hadn't even heard the knock the second time.

Bella squeezed around Edward to go answer it.

He brought out a few sodas to his guests.

". . . yeah, but is he here?" the soft voice of his mother carried through the hallway and the small opening in the door.

"Mom?" He walked over and opened the door wide to stare, not at her green eyes, but a darker shade of green in a man, standing next to her. His brown hair was tousled and had some bronze in it.

"Who's this?" Edward's voice broke, and his knees locked. He set his hand on Bella's shoulder and forced her to take a few steps backward.

"I think . . ." Bella turned her head slowly in his direction. "Edward—this is your father, Anthony." She puffed her cheeks, blew her bangs out of her face and stopped breathing.

He'd never seen her look so uncertain.

Edward scrutinized every detail on this man as if there would be some further proof of his DNA matching his own.

"He can't be—he's too short. My dad's really tall. I remember that." Edward yanked Bella back behind him. "Why are you bringing a stranger to my door, Mom, and why are _you_ here? I thought you lived in France."

"We moved back. Alice . . . She wants us to stay away, so there was no reason to remain there, and Anthony has a new job here as a lead vocalist in a band cal—"

Edward held up his hand. "I don't believe you." He tipped his chin at this strange man with the same exact jaw line and chiseled cheek bones. "Prove it. I play the piano—you sing. Come inside and show me who you are. I remember two things about my dad: his height, and his singing voice." He pushed the door the rest of the way open, and when they stepped through, Emmett's face paled instantly.

"Anthony?" Emmett whispered.

"I'm so sorry to intrude, I realized you had guests about five seconds after I knocked, and then, well, we came all this way from Vegas, so we . . ." Mom stumbled on her words.

"It's fine. We're just celebrating my birthday." Edward sniffed. Why were his eyes watering? He pointed to one of their four bookshelves and waved this maybe-Anthony over. "Pick your music." Edward looked at his mom impassively then switched over to the man in front of the shelf.

The man went straight for one of the few jazz booklets Edward had. He rolled his eyes.

That was incredibly easy music for him. This was one of the first books he learned when he started back up with piano lessons. And he still disliked jazz.

The Anthony guy leafed through it, found what he wanted and went to give it to Edward, but he stopped him.

"You keep it for the lyrics; I've got them all memorized. Just tell me which song you want," Edward told him.

The man's right eyebrow popped up like he was impressed. "How about _Unforgettable, _by Nat King Cole."

Edward almost tossed himself onto the seat. This was going to be like playing chopsticks.

And that song wasn't really jazz. His real dad never would've sung a song like this.

Too romantic and mushy.

Edward adjusted himself on the bench and began playing without any warning.

The man came in right on cue as if he had it memorized too.

Edward's eyes glazed over when he really listened to the crackling embers of this man's voice. It was that unmistakable warm, Sunday morning sound he used to hear, tucked in a blanket on Mom's lap. This was the sound that consumed him and took away the numbers.

Suddenly, his mother sang along, and the duet was like a stab to his chest and a jolt to his brain . . .

"_I like that one," Edward said, clapping under the blanket._

_Dad's voice put bumpies on his arms and legs. It was like his skin was sand when mom joined Dad like she just had._

"_Thank you! I've been practicing for an audition. Do you think I should use this one?" Dad asked him, smiling._

"_Yeah. It's really good," Edward said._

"_Look at this kid, Lizzie. He's a genius. I mean, he's already got you running scared with how many numbers he recognized. He's barely two and a half, and he practically talks like an adult." He waved Edward to come over and join him. "I bet he's musically gifted. I can tell he's got an ear for it."_

_Dad set Edward on his piano bench. "Oh, I don't know, Tony. I think that's probably a bad idea. He could fall and get hurt. Look high up that seat is for a little guy like him," she said, eyes glued on Edward._

"_He's fine." He placed Edward's hands on the keys._

"_I's fine," Edward said, his language slipping, but Dad said he was, so he was._

"_You move a little closer, and I'll show you a few keys," Dad said then slipped one of those little white candies into his mouth. At the end, it tasted poopy, so he swallowed it fast._

_It was daddy's secret with him—one he couldn't tell Mommy._

_His little bum inched closer, but he still couldn't reach the keys very well and his feet were dangling so high up above those golden pedals._

"_Tony! He's gonna fall!" Mom repeated._

"_Is not! He's my son, and I want him to go into music. It's never too soon to start."_

_Edward banged on the keys and smiled. His fingers slipped, so he stood up to get closer, but when he bent over to touch the shiny white-powdered donut keys, he slipped, and his head smashed right into the piano, then he tipped forward more and tumbled, smacking the front of his head once more on those pedals then his body flew back, and he hit the back of his neck on the bar below the bench._

_His eyes were seeing only black—he was scared of the dark. All he could hear was his mother's voice earlier in the morning, praising him for reciting numbers he'd learned yesterday._

"_One plus one, is two. Two plus two, is four," he mumbled, because that was what he saw. When he ran out of reciting the additions he knew, he went into subtraction._

"_Oh, my God, call an ambulance!" Mom's voice echoed in the distance._

_Warm hands were touching his head all over._

"_There's no bump! He might have a concussion. Multiple ones!" Mom said._

_Dad's was there too, and he yelled louder, but Edward could only hear the numbers now._

_They kept him company when everything was so dark and scary._

"_He's seizing! Do something!" Mom screeched._

_Edward's body floated above a bumpy road. His tongue hurt, and he heard something bump next to him._

Five take away three is . . .

"_No, no, no! Edward, no!" he heard in the back of his head._

Dad?

_Edward's arms were loose like noodles, and his legs were the opposite, tight like being tucked into bed by Dad._

"_Hold his legs tighter," somebody said._

_His shoulders flopped like his Ragged Andy doll. That's who Mom said he looked like with his red hair and skin coloring._

Hot! Too hot!

_His hand burned, and his neck was sticky on the ground._

"_Nooooo!" somebody cried._

"_How long is this going to last?"_

"_Ccccuuuuuh!" Edward heard rumbling in his ears. His stomach jumped and pushed stuff into his mouth. He couched and gagged on the lumpy fluid in his mouth that tasted like sour grapes and bitter salad. Blick!_

"_Oh, God, that's gross," Dad said._

"_I don't care! Put him on his side. He could choke on his vomit," Mom replied._

_Why were they shaking him this way? It hurt his tummy._

"_Ahhhhh cuuuuh-cuuuh!" he coughed and his stomach threw that lumpy soupy stuff back into his mouth again._

Eight take away four is four. Seven take away four is three . . .

_His eyes were seeing light for a second but then it was dark again._

"_Do something!" Mom howled._

"_What the hell am I supposed to do, I'm not a doctor!" Dad cried._

"_Forget it—move out of the way." Something smashed and there was a scraping sound. He was flying . . . It was bright in his eyes like white fluffy clouds._

"_I've got you, baby. I'm taking you to the hospital right now," Mom said. Something scratchy moved across his cheek._

_Engines . . . Loud cranking noises and stomach jumping more, with numbers in his head, his mouth with that yucky soup coming out of him._

"_M-mommy!" he cried._

"_It's okay, we're gonna be there soon."_

_There were ropes around his body, holding him down. His arms flailed as he scratched to move them off._

"_Stop, Edward! You're hurting yourself!"_

Six take away three is three. Five take away three is two . . .

_The engine went quiet, metal crashed and he was flying again with whitey white clouds in his eyes. The black was gone, but these clouds liked numbers too._

"_You have to hurry! He fell and he's . . . He was convulsing and projectile vomiting. Please, help my boy!" Mom said so fast it made him shake._

"_It's okay—I'm Dr. Cullen; I'll take care of him," a soft blanket, hot cocoa voice said._

"_Don't drop him! That's . . . He fell—that's how this happened," Mom said._

"_You're safe now, little man. I've got you," the man's voice said, and the numbers ran after him, stealing the white clouds away, dunking him under dark water where he couldn't hear anything at all anymore . . ._

Edward's fingers were moving over piano keys on their own. Those voices were in his head.

He stopped right where he was.

"Get out," Edward said, his eyes barely registering their faces.

"What?" Mom asked, eyes wide and green like a never-ending forest.

"You knew how this happened to me. You let Dad give me some kind of medicine or drugs all the time when I was a toddler. And then he put me on a piano bench when I was too little. I fell and got hurt really bad, and Dad left because it was his fault. Now you've taken him back. I just realized how stupid I was in France when I saw you. You said Alice drained your secret bank account? You were stealing money from Carlisle, and sending it to this man to support his drug habit!" He pointed at Anthony. "There's no room for you in my life or in my head. You have to leave now. Both of you!" Edward jumped to his feet, knocking the bench over, startling them.

He moved fast, gripped them both behind the elbow and barreled straight for the door.

"You're not my father—not anymore. You were a long time ago, but that kid you broke is gone. I'm not your son. Find another one," Edward said, his teeth colder than his speech.

"Edward, stop this!" Mom said, yanking her arm away.

"No! You never told me what Alice did to you all those years ago—you chose to leave instead. And when I demanded you tell me when I visited you, and you shared it, I forgave. I let it go that you left me, but this—" he pointed at his father again "—this is _wrong_! He didn't even take me to the hospital when I was having seizures and vomiting. What kind of a father does that?"

Bella was behind Edward, her hand on his back.

"A father's who's not sure what to d—"

"Get the fuck out of my house. Now! Never. Come. Back!" Edward yelled.

They both jumped and Bella swung around from behind him, to show them out, but before she could get the job done, both Emmett and Jacob took one parent each and shoved them hard out the door.

Bella shut the door and locked it.

Edward stared at the door, seeing nothing.

It was different from black and white and numbers and music. It wasn't even Bella he saw, but a Raggedy Edward doll lying on the floor broken and needing help.

"That man is the reason I'm Dr. Harkham's Case number one." He tipped his head back and gulped in some air.

"I think we need to tell Dad," Emmett said.

"Yeah," was all Edward could say.

"And I think we need to tell Esme too," Bella added.

He let his head fall forward. He nodded, and covered his face as the tears began to pool in his hands.

Birthdays were for smiles and kisses, not this.

But this was . . . He knew something he hadn't before.

He could have children without this disability. They could be normal.

And for some reason, that made him sob harder.

.

.

"I talked to Victoria—she finally admitted that she was giving her baby some illegal substance right after he was born because he was exhibiting signs of withdrawal. And guess what else I discovered from her?" Esme said, eyes round and bright.

"What?" Edward was at the edge of the couch.

Bella rubbed his back.

"She had dropped him off the counter while changing his diaper. He had to be rushed to the hospital. He had a really bad concussion—same things happened to him that happened to you—the profuse vomiting, seizures and non-responsive for a while afterward." Esme paused to take a quick breath. "It's not what we thought at all."

"So, I really am brain damaged?" Edward asked.

"No—oh God. Please, don't think of it that way," Esme pleaded. "It's not anything that makes you less than anybody else. It gave you some unique challenges, but you are one of the brightest young men I know." She smiled.

"I like one thing, though—" Edward began.

"What's that?" Esme rested her chin on her fist.

"It means I have good sperm that can make normal babies. Bella doesn't have to worry about them turning out like me. We can have kids safely." He beamed. It was happy news now. When he had time to think about it more, it stopped feeling like a part of him was missing.

"I . . . I don't know what to say when he tells me this," Bella admitted. "A part of me that has already agreed I do want kids, can't stand the thought of not having a mini-Edward around. He's perfection to me—all I wish I could be. And to think that can't happ—"

"But those are personality traits," Esme cut her off. "I understand some of it was enhanced and amplified from the issues that arose from what happened to him, but I'm telling you, the sweetness of this man, his heart—that's all him. My case number two—the one that moved? He's nothing like Edward, in fact, he's the exact opposite. He's surly and mean, hits people if they don't hold him the exact way he wants. He calls them names and bullies them into touching him. It's pretty frightening."

"Oh, I . . . Wow," Bella whispered.

"Yeah. I should have you watch some of the video footage some time. You'd realize pretty darn quick that Edward's this way because he's got a good heart, a better soul than most and was raised by a very caring father." Esme smiled at Edward, her eyes shimmering with dew drops inside.

"My dad's the best. I won't ever let him forget that," Edward said. He stood. They were done—he had a baby to go make with his wife.

She had the IUD removed two days after his birthday party.

Edward all but dragged Bella out of his dad's house.

"Whoa! What's going on?" she asked, dragging against his pull.

"I need to have sex now," he said, striding straight to the Volvo.

"What; in the car?"

"Sure. I like having it in there. The seats are cushiony, and I can hear you really loud. You sound like a piano playing in my heart—and I try to memorize it."

"Oh, God . . . There goes my will power," she teased.

He propped her up in the back, shut the door, and she laughed hysterically when he battled her to get her clothes off.

"Take me home—baby-making requires a bed," she said, swatting his hands away harder.

"Not my baby. It's gonna be shaken in the car like a can of soda. _Whooooosh_!" he said, his hand floating in the air, mimicking the way a soda can explodes under pressure when the cap is removed.

"If you try to name our baby Pepper after Dr. Pepper, I'll never speak to you again," she said. His hand stopped hassling with the buttons and slipped under her shirt instead.

"I like that name. I was thinking it was good because of Iron Man," he said, wiggling his eyebrows at her and half of his mouth twisting into a lopsided smirk.

"Pepper Potts Cullen? That's worse than what I could've come up with if I was high." She let her body go limp, allowing him to touch her however he wished. "If you're really going to do this in here then I get to name the baby."

"Deal."

"Yeah?"

"Yeah. I won't care as long as the baby's ours." He kissed her.

**A/N:**

**Now we know where his condition came from. Of course you can plainly see now this has nothing to do with autism at all, and since I'm not an expert, I won't even begin to try to explain how autism happens.**

**What did you think of his biological father? Carlisle almost seems a saint now, doesn't he? Does this explain more of Carlisle's earlier over-protectiveness? He knew Edward's biological father was a junkie, and to watch his son dating a former drug addict? Well, that scared him to death, along with Edward's interest in music. Carlisle despised all that Anthony Masen was.**

**Okay, one more chapter, then that's it. No plans currently to write a sequel even though I know there are certain questions unanswered, but that's kind of how life is at times, and I never say a sequel won't happen at all. I'd consider writing more outtakes in the future if anybody wanted to see any particular scene not included in the story. Just tell me in your review or in a PM or an email what you'd like to see, and I'll think about it.**

**A million hugs to my beta, SunflowerFran and my pre-readers, akjamma, Amandac3, Paxson Adkins and Dinia Steel.** **They've been such a vital part of telling this story in the best way possible.**

**Scarlett**


	42. Chapter 42

**Chapter 40: Epilogue**

_Two years later . . ._

"Edward, piano latte," he heard.

His eyes flew open.

"I hate how spongy my head feels after you hypnotize me," he complained.

"You'll be glad we had another one of these sessions when I tell you what I learned this time," Esme said. She rubbed her hands together like they were cold.

"Tell me before I fall over," he said, his tone short. His head throbbed.

"Okay, but I know your dad wants to see you before you go," she replied.

He rubbed at his temples. It usually helped to relieve some of the pressure.

"So, here's what you said—I had to go really deep into your memories," she said. "Your sweet tooth?"

He nodded, ready to hear more.

"It developed because your dad put a lot of the drugs he gave you to mellow you out in soda so you couldn't taste it. And your mom bribed you to be good with donuts, cookies and candy bars. Alice—I think she could tell something wasn't right because when you had the sweets your mom was giving you, it trigged a reaction from when you were a kid. Instead of calming down, you became really hyper. You also said it was the only time your mom would let you sit on her lap and she'd hold you for a long time to quiet you down and get you to stop being so energetic."

He groaned and rubbed harder at the sides of his head. "So sugar wasn't making me have ADHD like Alice thought?"

"No. It was only when your mom gave it to you. You talked about how you've had all of those things since you've met Bella, and when she gave it to you, it was fine." Esme smiled. Her hands linked together.

He sighed. "I feel really drained, but this is good to know," Edward said, standing up and dragging his way over to her for a hug.

Esme held him tight, told him she was proud of him for being so open today, but he felt silly.

He never felt like he could control it, but Esme said it was similar to how some people could control their own dreams.

It was amazing to think people could do that—in fact he was married to somebody that could.

Esme taught Bella the principles so she could get rid of the nightmares.

It worked seventy percent of the time.

"Thanks, Esme," he said and she walked him out of her make-shift office.

When was Dad going to finish converting it for her?

And when where they going to get married?

He hadn't even asked her yet.

It was unfair in some ways—Edward knew they were having sex without being married—but Dad had forbid him to do that with Bella three years ago.

Well, those days were over.

He had sex every day unless she was sick. They both needed the constant touch.

Choppy had a little dog cushion at the foot of their bed.

"Your dad's in the garage, working on his BMW," she told him, leaving him at the door.

"Okay, great," Edward said.

He opened the door, leaving Esme behind. Knowing her, she'd have sandwiches, chips and drinks ready for all of them.

"Hey, little one, time to go inside," Dad said to the little girl in the car with curly auburn hair.

"She being your helper?" Edward asked. Dad shut the hood of the car, grabbed some hand cleaner then wiped his hands on the towel he had nearby.

The little girl bumped along on her diapered bottom to Dad. "Bopbop, up, up!" she said.

Dad picked her up, kissed the top of her head and she grabbed at his goatie.

Esme made him grow it out because she was tired of whisker burn.

"Is Mopmop making us lunch?" Dad asked, his voice higher than usual.

"I'm sure she is. She didn't say for sure," Edward answered. "She told me I had to see you before I leave. What's going on?"

"Oh, not much. There's an opening in my office is all. I know you're not nearly done with your studies, but I told them you—"

"No thanks, Dad. I'm not going to do that to Bella. I need to focus only on school and home-life so I can get done as soon as possible. She's gonna start her student teaching soon." Edward watched the little girl pat Bopbop's cheeks.

"Won't Mopmop get mad if you get car oil on the princess's outfit? I'm sure she bought it at some boutique." Edward chuckled and settled his hands on his hips. It was fun watching them together.

"She won't notice. When this little one's around, it's like nothing else exists," Dad replied.

"If you say so." Edward opened the door to the house and waited for Dad and the little one to go through first.

"Oh, you two. Always expecting me to feed you," Esme said when they walked into the kitchen. Dad passed her the little handful, and he headed over to the sink and washed his hands.

"Carlisle, she's filthy. I just got her this outfit," she complained.

"Yeah, and probably two others in different colors exactly like it," he said, smirking.

She smacked his arm and laughed. "Yeah—yellow and green. So what?"

"So? It's not your job to spoil her worse than anybody else," Dad bickered.

He rinsed and dried his hands and took the little girl back in his arms.

"How's Bella doing?"

"Good. She's sick of school and feeling so yucky, but it'll be over soon."

"Well, it's your fault. You never give her a break. Pace yourself, Edward, pace," Dad said, bending his knees and bouncing a little.

The little girl smiled and her face lit up from the movement.

"It has nothing to do with pacing and all with good genes," Edward said.

He took the sandwich and ate it as fast as he could so he wouldn't have to share his food with the little curly haired girl. She was an eighteen-month-old bottomless pit. Bella said it was a miracle there was enough food in any one house to keep her happy.

He agreed.

"Is it almost naptime?" Dad asked. The little one yawned and rubbed her eyes with her fists.

"Yeah, it is," Esme said.

"Okay, I'll hurry up and go," Edward said.

She yawned again, this time really loud.

He shoved a few chips in his mouth, drank them down fast with a Sprite.

"Bye, sweet one," Edward said, hugging the little girl and kissing her forehead. "I'll see you soon, okay?"

The little girl was half out of it, so she barely whimpered and blinked.

"Bye," Dad whispered and rocked her the rest of the way to sleep.

Edward snuck out the door, careful to keep quiet so she wouldn't wake up.

.

.

Edward stepped into his favorite class of all—the one he didn't really need, but refused to give up.

World literature was interesting, and it broadened his horizons—or so he was told that was what it would do.

A brilliant smile flashed at him as a hand patted his seat.

"How was she?" Bella's voice sweet voice asked.

Kisses first, answers later.

He pulled her into his arms as close as he could get.

"She was great. No tears this time," he said.

"When did you say you'd pick her up?" She pulled out her phone and checked it. This was a nervous habit she'd developed over the last several months.

"I didn't, but they know we'll back for dinner," he answered.

He pulled her phone out of her hand, set it on the desk in front of them and held her hand. "She'll be fine. She was good last time."

"Yeah, but the time before that it took me an hour to calm her down after we got home. I can't keep doing that to our baby." Bella rubbed her bulging belly. "And when this one comes, she's going to flip out. Megan can't even stand it when I hold Emmett's little nugget."

Edward winced. He never called his niece or his daughter that. It was best to avoid all things related to Alice.

"That's because she's not around her all the time," he said. He caressed the outside of her hand with his thumb.

"I worry about her all the time when we're here." Bella sighed and sat stiff in her chair.

"You know I'll go straight back there after class if you want me to." He smiled at Bella.

"Yeah, that would be . . . Thank you," she said, relaxing into her chair.

He squeezed her hand. "Sure. She missed me too, you know."

"I know she does, but you get to do most of your classes online and be home with her most of the day. I'm jealous—I wanna be with Megan all day too." She fanned herself with her free hand. Bella was always hot now.

"When this one comes, you'll be done with student teaching and you'll get to be the one to stay home with them." He hesitated to share this with her. "My dad offered me a job in his office today."

"He did?" Her voice went up with her eyes.

"Yeah, but I turned him down. I need to be there for you and Meg. The timing's all wrong," he answered. A pit settled in his gut. They needed the money really bad. Their one-bedroom apartment was cramped. It was time they moved into a bigger place, but they lacked the funds.

"Oh, okay," she said, eyes half-closed like she was tired of all of this.

"But if you want me to, then I will—I'll tell him I've changed my mind," he offered.

"Well, is it part-time?" she asked.

"I didn't ask."

She exhaled slow and her chest puffed out. "You know what—never mind. You've gotta get done with school."

"I shoulda never taken on a double major—music and medicine don't mix well." He tried to look away from her face, but she was still so damn beautiful, even when she was exhausted like today.

"They mix well when you're brilliant." She crossed an ankle over her other leg.

He placed a hand on her belly, and received a kick in return. "Was he keeping you up all night with his kicking?"

"He's got music in his veins. I think he's a drummer," she mused.

He rubbed her belly and kissed it.

The professor began the lecture, but Edward ignored it. He kissed his wife on the neck, let go of her hand and ran his fingers up her thigh.

Choppy wagged her tail from under Bella's seat. Edward had been rude, ignoring his pal.

But Bella sounded unwell this morning.

"What's really going on, sweetie?" he whispered in her ear. "Why are you so sad?"

"Tomorrow's our annual visit to their graves," she said, swiping a tear out of her right eye.

"You don't have to go. I'll take Choppy with me," he said. "Besides, Dad will be with me."

"It's just so sad, you know? Why'd they do it? Why'd they commit suicide?"

He shook his head. "Maybe they thought things would be easier and they could find a way to be together? It didn't seem to work much for them here."

"Yeah . . . You're right," she said.

"I know I am." He gave her a brilliant smile, because he was feeling particularly numberlicious today. That's what she called it when he was particularly smart without the numbers.

He hadn't seen the numbers since Megan got really sick once and he lost it when she was unresponsive. It looked like she'd lost her soul—it scared him to death.

Other than that, he never worried about it anymore.

Oh, yeah, and at their funeral last year—he saw the numbers then but it was minor and they didn't take over.

"Decide tomorrow, 'kay? You'll know better tomorrow if you can handle it or not," he said.

She gripped his hand and laid it in her lap. "Just don't let go—not right now."

"I won't—_ever_."

It was easy to promise, because he rarely did, even when he was holding their little one.

.

.

"She's sleeping, let's be fast," Bella whispered in the car.

Edward nodded. "I'll stay inside the car with her. You don't need me," Emmett said.

They both nodded and left."

The cemetery seemed almost completely empty.

"Do you think we'll ever see them again?" Bella asked.

"I don't know—and I don't know if I'd want to even if I could," he answered. "I was glad when they left, but sometimes I wish maybe things could've been different."

Dad and Esme exited their car.

"The only thing I understood about them was that they knew they were soul-mates. I know that feeling." Bella rested her head on his shoulder as they walked quickly.

"It's family day," Dad said. "You're coming over after, right? Esme prepared a huge dinner."

"Because Emmett's coming, not because of—" Edward stopped talking abruptly.

"Stop joking about how much I eat," Bella teased, chuckling.

"I wasn't talking about you, I was talking about how we need to have a lot of choices for their picky grandkids," Edward answered.

"Let's get this over with," Edward said, halting in front of the first gravestone.

"Little nugget," Dad said.

"Yeah." Edward's eyes watered.

"Tell me again, do you think we'll ever see your parents again?" Bella asked.

"I doubt it. After I hit him at the funeral last year, he probably understands I'm really done with them in every way." Edward swung his foot and kicked at the grass below him.

"Not even with us having their grandkids?" Bella asked.

"Why? I already feel like I have too many parents between your mom and Esme, and . . . My head hurts," he said; sun seemed really bright today.

"If I had my dad back, I might have found a way to have him in my life in a limited way. I never thought I'd ever think that, but with children of our own, it kind of hurts to not have that option." Her left hand rested on top of her belly.

He inhaled and tucked that air into his diaphragm. Breathing was painful when his heart hurt like this.

She was always right. He needed to think about this carefully.

They all said a few words next to Alice's headstone then walked over a few markers to find Jasper's.

"I have no idea how they found the money to pay somebody in jail and in that institution to kill them at the same exact moment," Bella whispered, leaning into Edward.

"Who knows. She seemed to find ways to get money when she needed it." He swung his arm around her back and held her tight to his side.

Dad said a few things through unshed tears, and they all left quieter than they came.

They were relieved Megan was still asleep when they left.

"You didn't have anything to say to your sister?" Bella asked Emmett quietly.

"No. Nothing's changed. Some things are unforgivable, and I can't even think about what she did to you guys," Emmett answered. He had his hand resting on Megan's center, suggesting she probably woke up at some point and he had to comfort her until he could persuade her to go back to sleep.

Their daughter was a light sleeper, unlike Emmett's who could sleep through a tornado.

Or Emmett's snoring, which was worse.

.

.

Dinner ended, and Edward ran his finger over his phone.

"If I do this, you've gotta promise me you'll help me deal with an episode, because I'm pretty sure one will be triggered if I spend any kind of time with them," he said. His eyes dug deep into her.

"Is that what's really been stopping you? They're the ones that brought the numbers on so you're worried they'll bring them back in full force."

"Well, yeah, I . . . Hell, I don't know." He chugged his soda down.

Bella stroked his thigh.

"I can't believe they live so close to us. Don't you think that's a good sign like they were holding out hope to be a part of your life again?" Bella's eyes were soft chocolate kissed.

"I don't know. Mom contacted Emmett but he ignored her." He shrugged and burped. The soda went down too fast.

She kissed him at the corner of his mouth, cupped his jaw and wiped away the moisture with the pad of her thumb.

There was a sort of humming sound.

It wasn't until she gave him a light nudge, he realized that sound was coming from him.

His tongue was numb, and his fingers ached from keeping them in a tight ball.

He stepped out of the car and walked slowly up to the front door of their small home.

"They might want to meet their grandchild," he told himself, quickening his pace.

_But they never really tried . . . Have they?_

He frowned and pounded on that door, making his hand sting.

The door opened and his mom stood there slack-jawed. "Edward, what's wrong?"

"Nothing, I came because . . . Well, Bella said I should, and she knows better. More than you or Alice or even my dad—my real dad—Carlisle. He's smart. I hope I can be a good doctor like him someday."

She grinned. "Come on in."

"No thanks. I'm comfortable here." Edward took a step to the side to see if he could glance down her hallway and take in more of her house.

"Lizzie, who's at the door?" Anthony called.

"It's . . . _Him_," she said in a breathy way.

"What?" Anthony came sliding down the hall in socks and wearing some kind of workout clothes. He was sweaty and his hair was darker with sweat.

"It's Edward," she said, holding the door open wider.

"I'm here because you're grandparents. Bella thought you might want to at least see your granddaughter. And Bella's due at the end of this semester. We're hoping she goes over so she can finish up her student teaching," he blurted. He dipped his head and bit his cheeks. It probably wouldn't help to keep him quiet.

His leg jerked a little with nerves.

"We'd love to meet her. Is she close by?" Anthony asked.

Edward's teeth clenched tight. "I'd rather have Mom see her first, and then if that goes well, then you can come out and see her. She's in the car with Bella, asleep in her car seat. She's a year and a half."

"I heard—your Dad told me," Mom said.

"You're talking to Carlisle?"

"Only because he wondered if I wanted to be there for your visit to the cemetery, but I didn't think you'd want me there," she admitted. "So we opted to stay home."

"It's not like she's gonna move, ya know? You can always see her anytime you want to," Edward said, sounding a little rude. He couldn't help it. It made him short-tempered to see her smiling like she was happy to see him after all they'd done to him.

"Can I say one thing?" Anthony asked.

"I guess if you make it quick," Edward groaned.

"I'm sorry for everything—you have no idea how much I regret with the way I raised you, and how little time we had together." Anthony tucked his chin into his chest and swallowed like a lump was blocking his air passage. He wheezed.

"Stop smoking. It's bad for you, and as a singer, you should know better," Edward said. He knew that whistling sound in his throat because Bella sounded like that when she used to smoke and was in desperate need of one.

"I'm trying," Anthony said.

"No—don't try. Do it. If you want to be around my kids, you're not smoking anywhere near them!" Edward huffed, his eyes felt swollen they hurt so much.

His heart expanded in his ribcage.

What had he offered him? A chance to make things better and be involved with Edward's own kids? Could he trust this man ever to be around his little ones?

His nostrils flared as he exhaled. He'd deal with that later and talk to Bella about it. She'd know what to do.

"Okay, Mom. Come see her," Edward said and stepped away from the door.

She had to jog after him because he kept a steady pace, and her legs were so short compared to his.

"Keep quiet. She's a light sleeper, and it takes a long time to get her down," Edward said.

When they got to the car, the windows were rolled down.

Mom's hands cupped over her mouth and tears burst out of her eyes. "She's so precious," she said, muffled. "Looks so much like you and your father."

He looked away. _Not like Dad. Only like me!_

"Hi, there, sweet girl," she cooed, and before he could stop her, that hand of hers was inside the window and she was stroking her cheek. "I'm your grandma, and I love you so much."

"You don't even know her," he said.

"I don't have to in order to lover her—she's flesh and blood," Mom answered and pulled her hand back.

Megan slept through it.

Bella waved at Mom and she did the same back.

"All right—you've seen her. Send him out before I change my mind and we drive off." Edward jerked his thumb over his shoulder. "But if he touches her, I'll shove a stick down his throat and destroy what's left of his vocal cords." Stupid cigarettes were already doing that job in a slow, methodical way.

Edward stretched his long arm through the passenger's window and grabbed Bella's hand.

"This is hard," he told her quietly.

"I know, sweetie, but you're handling it so well. It'll be worth it. You'll see . . ." Her eyes were filled with love and pride.

"For you—I'd do anything, including dealing with this man."

"Oh, wow . . . Thank you," Anthony said, sneaking up behind him, staring at Meg.

"Don't touch her. Look, but that's all." Edward's head followed his every move.

"I won't. I'll be good." Anthony smirked.

Edward was hit with deja vu. His dad said that to him on more than one occasion, and Edward's answer had always been he'd be good. He rarely succeeded.

"Yeah, right," Edward snorted and leaned up against the car, taking on a comfortable position and spot while he monitored him.

"She's got the fingers of a piano player," Anthony remarked.

"She's got the fingers of a girl with a mind of her own. I'm not going to push her to be anything she doesn't want to be."

"You've changed so much, Edward." Anthony stood tall.

Edward had a few inches over him, but not much.

"How would you know? You don't even know me anymore." Edward's eyes looked past him—over his head. This man was stupid if he thought he knew anything at all about his son from forever ago.

"I've listened to the things your mom has said and Carlisle. They said you used to sound almost immature when you talked—like an emotionally stunted boy. But you're not a boy in any way at all. You're a man—a man I'm proud to call my son."

"Don't say that," Edward gritted through his teeth. His jaw flexed.

"Then what should I say? That I regret every day how I hurt you, and how I lost years with my family I can never get back? That I killed a child, the only other person I've ever loved as much as Lizzie? And that somehow, against the odds, he became a much better man than I'll ever be, without my guidance or help? Do you know what it's like to kill a baby?"

_No! Because I'd never, ever do that. I'm not like you!_

Anthony grabbed his arm.

Edward hunched over, the numbers whipping through his mind. He covered his ears and tried to hum.

The hand released him.

"Stop it. You're hurting him," Bella said, and he heard her get out of the car.

Dad curled up next to Edward so he was right next to his ear. "Do you have any idea what it's like to kill a child and know you destroyed who they were? And all because I was such a junkie and such a piss-poor father I had no idea how to deal with you? I can't ever take that back. I drank until I couldn't remember any of my family's names. But I'm through with it. I'm sorry, and I love you."

"Edward, get in the car, sweetheart." Bella's hands were guiding his shoulders toward the car. The door opened and he somehow was flung inside.

She had a few words with Anthony outside the car and then he was driving away, the numbers eating his brain raw until Megan woke up and said, "Da!"

Then he could see his own world again—the one he'd created for himself without that man back there.

.

.

Bella was really quiet all night long, and she turned away from him when he reached out to stroke her belly.

"What's wrong?" He nuzzled his nose into her damp hair. He loved it when she showered right before bed.

"Nothing," she said.

"Tell me," he insisted.

She heaved herself over so she was facing him. "One of the things I love about you is how honest you are."

"Yeah, I know." He stared without blinking. "Why are you telling me this."

"Because I feel like you somehow lied to your—to Anthony today."

He grimaced. "I never lied to that man."

"Edward—did you listen to anything he said at all?"

"Not really. I didn't want to hear his excuses. He was the reason I suffered," he said. He grabbed a piece of damp hair and twirled it in his fingers.

She pulled it away, cupped his jaw, forcing him to look at her. "He said he killed a baby, meaning you. He was a junkie."

"Yeah? So?"

Her eyes lifted then sunk low. "That doesn't sound familiar to you?"

"Not really." His chest tightened and he wondered if this was what it felt like to be a smoker for years on end—because no matter how hard he tried to drag air in, it was like it fought against his lungs.

She hooked her thumb into her chest. "That's me. He was describing all the horrible nightmares I went through. Only you forgave me."

"Yeah, because you didn't do all those rotten things to me."

"Oh, I see how it is . . . This is an exclusive club, where really I'm forgiven because you didn't know the person. What if I had killed Emmett's baby, Jill? What then?"

"I don't know . . . I have to th—"

"And what if I ran away because I could barely live with myself, and the drugs weren't enough to dull the pain. Not only would I have harmed a kid, but one of the parents, too. He loves your mom more than anything—that's plain to see. You won't even consider just listening to what else he has to say?" She licked her lips. "He loves you, that's plain to see too. He knew it might hurt you today, that you might have an episode, but he came out there anyway."

He grabbed her shoulder and shook it a little as he said, "Don't you see? That was him being selfish—he doesn't care about me at all."

"Then why come out there if he didn't care about you? If he didn't care about you, then it stands to reason he doesn't care about Meg either." She brushed his hand off her and turned back over with great difficulty.

"Your dad's an older version of me, but without the sex with tons of people so he could get ahold of the mind-numbing drugs he needed."

"Don't be like this," he pleaded, tugging at her shoulder.

She rolled her arm to get him off.

"Night," she said with a sniff.

He knew that sound. She was crying.

He snuggled up to her, kissed with lightness all over her back, shoulder, arm and the nape of her neck.

Somehow she let him make love to her at a slow, caring pace.

He told her over and over how he loved and adored her, and he would've forgiven her no matter who she harmed.

It was easy to say that because she hadn't actually harmed anybody.

_But at one point, you thought she had and it didn't matter to you . . ._

Bella slept soundly next to him, all worn-out from making love to him and from the emotional release that accompanied the physical one.

He swung his legs out of bed without making a sound, grabbed his phone and padded out into the living room.

Choppy was right behind him.

He dialed the number with shaking hands, and his breath in his curled up toes. His fingers were ice.

"Hi. Edward?" Anthony answered.

Two words he had given Mom, repeated in his head. "I'm listening. This time I'm really ready. So, tell me . . ."

"I can only begin to share a little of the pain, because it's so deep and never ending, that it will never go away. All I knew was that everyday, I was never good enough. Does that make sense?"

Edward smiled. It was small, but it was there. "I know exactly what that feels like, and it makes so much sense it makes it easier to hear you."

"This isn't gonna be pretty," Anthony warned.

Edward gripped his neck with his free hand. "I married somebody that means more to me than anything, and she knows exactly how you feel. She's strong and beautiful, and I think that's probably how Mom sees you, too. Share with me the why, and I'll share with you the hows on the way I can love and forgive . . ."

**THE END**


	43. Chapter 43

**Chapter 1**

_4 months later…_

Edward shifted in his seat, staring at the baby.

"How are we supposed to deal with this?" Bella asked him, staring out the window.

"I don't know." Edward shook his head and grabbed blindly for her hand.

His heart was in his throat.

"Maybe I should take the wheel." Her voice was soft.

He ran his hands across the top and then squeezed at the center. He closed his eyes and gulped in as much air as he could. His pulse was in his ears and he could barely . . .

_The square root of—_

"Edward . . . Just stop, honey. Let go. You're hurting yourself."

He barely heard her. The numbers swirled in black and white.

"Okay." But his breathing was ragged, and it wasn't okay.

The numbers grew bigger.

"Ahhhhhh! No! Stop!" He smacked his forehead and clenched his teeth tight.

Why was this happening? Not again!

It had been a year since he'd had an episode.

"Sweetheart, I'm getting out of the car now. I'm going over to your side, and I'm going to collect you out of the car, okay?"

"No!" He opened his eyes and they narrowed at her. "Shit! Shit, shit, shit! I'm a grown man. I can drive my own damn car!"

Soft smacking noises from the baby alerted him to his foul language.

He cringed. "Sorry, button."

That's what he called him, because he had a button nose.

Bella smiled. "Byron's fine."

"I can do this. I can do this," he chanted, squeezing the wheel tighter.

Cars whizzed past them.

"I'm calling Esme," she said, pulling out her phone.

He snatched it out of her hands and slammed it into the foot well behind his seat.

"No! I can't take it when she looks at me that way like she expected this. No one should expect me to endanger my family!"

"Edward, it's okay. She understands. She's not judging you." Her eyes softened. She stroked his arm.

"Call it what you want. She expects me to have relapses, and I don't do that. I can't do that. I'm your husband, and I'm a man." He turned his head to stare out the window.

Men drove by with their women riding in the passenger's seat. No one look terrified. Their wives or girlfriends weren't gripping the seat for dear life.

Bella trusted him, and he screwed up.

Why had he answered that stupid phone call?

"I hate him," Edward began, his nostrils flaring, chest heating.

"I know . . . Do you think he knows that?"

"No. He only sees what he wants."

"What can I do?" Her hand trailed up his arm to his shoulder.

"You know what to do when I get tense."

"You want one here?" Her hand trailed down toward his waist.

"Yes. I need it. I'm so angry, the only thing I can do is have your mouth on me and come, so I can drive normal again. Give me one now." He paused, and then remembered he should probably throw in some manners. "Please. I need you too. You always know when I hurt anywhere, and you always make it better."

She smiled but her eyes were hesitant.

"If we get caught . . ."

"We won't. And even if we do, I'll tell them I'm crazy, since clearly I am." He blinked and grabbed her hand, leading it down to his zipper.

"What should I say when the cop sees how happy you are and how flushed I am with suspicious moist lips?" She smirked.

"You tell them giving me a ticket because they're jealous is more than rude, it's just sad. Do it, Bella. I wanna get us back home in one piece. I need you to suck on me." He stroked her hand, settled on his lower abs.

"Okay, but don't make a habit of this unless we're parked in our garage."

He grinned so big his Adam's apple tugged up toward his chin. "I like the garage."

"Yes, you've told me before. A lot of your fantasies seem to happen in there ever since we bought our house and moved in two weeks ago."

"I'm a man in there. It's dark, and the kids don't go in there. It's quiet. I can hear you when you're breathing hard, and it makes me want you more." He released a tight moan. "I change the oil in the car. I own this car, and my house. That's what a man does. He owns stuff." He nodded.

She swallowed. "Yeah, you do. You own all of that, and you own me, too."

"I rotate tires."

"You do that really well, sweetheart."

His heart rate spiked as she glanced down at his lap with a heated look.

"I fix things you don't know how to." His fingers on his left hand drummed on the wheel.

"That's true."

He pushed her hand down further with his right until she was inching his zipper down.

"And most of all . . ." His words hung in the air.

"Most of all?"

"I imagine how many ways I can get you under me. How I can cram you into a seat and show you why I'm a man in my own car, in my dark garage."

_Ziiiiii-iiiiiip._

"You show me nightly and sometimes more." She sucked in her lower lip and her eyes went wide, sparkling with mischief.

"I don't have a condom, so you'll use your mouth."

She exhaled with a small puff of air like she was suffocating on his words.

"And you'll swallow, because there's nowhere to spit it out."

He turned to look at the baby. He was sleeping.

"Should I hurry since we need to get Meg?"

"No. She's fine. I need you to go slow. Let me feel all of it. No rushing. I don't like rushing, and if you do that, then I'll be even tenser and want another one when I get home." He gave her a somber look, his jaw tensing.

"Okay, sweetheart. For you, I'll go as slow as possible." His zipper was lowered the rest of the way and her hands were doing what he needed them to—pulling and tugging at fabric in the way.

"So slow . . ." Her voice was raspy and thick with desire, exactly the way he needed it to be.

And that's when he pushed the seat back, flattened it as best as he could, and he reminded himself, "I'm a man. My wife knows this. I'll get her and my baby home safe, then I'll murder that bastard. Or at least beat some sense into him."

**A/N:**

**Who could he possibly be mad at?**

**This is an excerpt of the upcoming sequel called Harkham's Corner.**

**I'm hoping to update at least once a week. Sorry, this one will be fade black, too. I have to on this account…**

**Scarlett**


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